“You would’ve wanted her away from me, not too long ago.”
“You want to go out with her, too?”
“You know what I meant.”
The truck picked up speed after they hit the highway. They’d made it this far last time. Her face tingled. Palms perspired.
Breathe in. Hold it. Breathe out.
Not working. “No, still can’t do it, Jess. You have to turn around.”
Why did this have to happen to her? So stupid. And unfair. Couldn’t she just sit in this metal box like a normal person and ride down a concrete strip? What was so hard about it?
Jess slowed. “Let’s go to one gas station farther than last time?”
Was it possible her own chest could squeeze her to death? She moved her bag into her lap, hugged it close, and tried to unwrap the self-induced boa constrictor. “Okay. But that’s all.”
“You can trust me.”
This was more about trusting herself and her physical reactions. A fear of being crazy since the accident. A fear of being crazy forever and stuck in this quaint prison.
When Jess turned into a service station, she let out the breath she’d held hostage. “This is so frustrating.”
He pulled over and put the truck in park. His hand moved behind her head and stroked her hair. “There’s no rush. You’re doing fine. Give yourself a break.”
She stared out her window. Why couldn’t she do this? And why did she love the fact that he was comforting her—and touching her hair? She couldn’t let herself... He deserved better.
His hand moved to her chin and turned her face toward him. “Look at me, Sarah Beth.”
If only she could stop her chin from quivering.
“We can keep trying as long as it takes.”
Those intense brown eyes. So kind and strong. Her gaze shifted to his lips. She swallowed hard. She needed to force her eyes away.
Soon.
Or in a minute.
“Thanks, Jess, you don’t know how much I appreciate your patience.”
“I am very patient, if I do say so myself.” A grin filled his face.
Radio. Now. She punched the button for the Christian music station and sang along. Trying to keep her eyes pointed anywhere but at Jess.
Back at her house, he walked her to the front door. “Are we working on clinic business tonight?”
“I’m beat from the sun and the water. Let’s start fresh tomorrow.”
Jess pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. “I always start fresh.”
And her face was tingling again. But in a different way. She pushed her hands to her hips. “Did the old flirty Jess just resurface?”
“See you tomorrow, Sarah Beth.”
She stifled a giggle as he sauntered to his truck. Her gaze followed him until he turned down the block and her phone rang. Jill. She’d totally forgotten about her.
“Can you come pick me up? Katie’s asleep and Nick can’t leave her alone. We didn’t think that one through.”
Sarah Beth snickered. “Not a problem. I just need to take a shower and change.” But she’d take her sweet time.
After a long hot shower, she drove to Nick’s, parked in front of his condo, and sent Jill a text. She didn’t want to wake Katie.
Jill came out and dropped in the passenger seat. “It took you long enough.”
“Sorry. Tell me everything.”
“You are not sorry, and you know it.”
“I’m a wee bit sorry.”
A smile tugged at Jill’s lips. “I guess I forgive you, but only because I had such a nice time. He’s dreamy. Inside and out. We got Katie cleaned up and dressed in her little pink nightgown. Then we took turns reading her stories. He sang ‘Jesus Loves Me.’ We both gave her a kiss goodnight. Of course, she got up and needed a glass of water and another kiss. He was so patient and loving.”
“Did y’all talk about anything besides Katie?”
“All kinds of things—his past, my past. I even told him about my stupid mistake on my birthday and how bad I felt about doing something so reckless.”
Sarah Beth’s eyes widened. “You told him about Dylan Conner?”
“I didn’t tell him who it was, just that I’d made a mistake. I want him to know what he’s getting into—if he is interested. You know, I hadn’t been with anyone since I left my ex-boyfriend, Hunter, years ago. One weak moment. Anyway, he was very understanding. He told me that God can make me new. I can see how faith sustained you and Nick through tough times. And Juan. I’m just not sure I can make that kind of commitment. Yet. But I’m going to study a few articles he’s emailing.”
“I’m glad that you’re giving the Lord some thought—and Nick.”
Jill blinked. “What a shocker.”
“I know I’ve pushed Nick on you, but if nothing else, he’s a great influence and friend. You were right to be honest. Jess was honest with me about some things in his past, and I didn’t hold it against him.”
“Let’s talk about you and Jess. What’s with that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to get romantically involved with anyone. I’m still working on getting myself better.”
“But you have feelings for him, right?”
“He’s been kind. He’s attractive. I...care about him. It’s just not the right timing.”
Jill laughed. “I know I’m not the one to say this, but I’ve heard it come out of your mouth. Are we talking about your timing, or God’s timing?”
Chapter 35
Why did three weeks have to pass so quickly? Sarah Beth crossed the front porch and gave Jill one last hug then went inside. But she couldn’t help peeking out the window, could she? On her knees with her nose on the windowsill, she found the perfect vantage point. Gingie copied her, the dog’s foul breath fogging the window. Doggie breath mints on the shopping list.
Nick had already made such an impact on Jill. And Sarah Beth had given her a small Bible to read on the flight home. She smiled when Nick’s hand rested on Jill’s back as they strolled down the sidewalk, then he held her in a long embrace.
Sarah Beth stifled a squeal. Yes. This was perfect.
He lifted his hands to hold her face. Sarah Beth gasped as she watched his lips moving. What was he saying? Wait. He was leaning in. A kiss. And a longish kiss. That was almost too easy.
~~~
Jess threw Bryan’s duffle bag on the back seat of his truck. Bryan nestled the guitar in the truck himself as if it was his baby. Jess could hardly blame him. Music for Bryan was like football for him. A part of him for as long as he could remember. What would he have been without it? Would he be the same man? And where would he be if the injury had never occurred?
Sarah Beth seemed pleased when he’d recruited Bryan to sing an opening and closing song at their fundraising presentations. And he liked pleasing her. Too much.
She’d labored to find the perfect songs, worked and reworked their presentation on her computer, made four copies in case they lost one, then emailed everything. Again. She was thorough and passionate about her work. They had that in common, too.
Jess parked in front of her house on the way to pick up Juan at the Memphis airport. He and Bryan laughed as Sarah Beth jogged down the sidewalk, papers in hand.
Beside the truck, Bryan pushed his hand up. “Halt. We have the copies of the presentation, the flyers, the music, two guitars, nice clothes and shoes. And razors.”
Bits of sunlight danced off her dark hair. Those ebony eyes were thoughtful.
Jess laughed at her furrowed brows. “I studied the list you repeatedly sent each of us. We’re ready.” He saluted. “Thanks to you.”
“If you lose anything, even a guitar, buy another one. I’ll pay for it. Oh, and call or text me after each event and let me know how it went.”
Jess nodded. He’d call her. Every day. Just to hear her voice.
Bryan came alongside. “Don’t worry, Ms. Professor. We’ve got this. Now give us a hug, and we’ll be off to Me
mphis to pick up our new friend Juan.”
Jess shot Sarah Beth a look as she gave Bryan a side-hug.
She moved to give Jess a similar one.
Not happening. None of that. He folded her into his arms and gave her his routine kiss on the top of her head. He’d rather have kissed those pink lips.
Someday.
When she was ready.
Would she ever be ready?
He liked that she stood there looking dazed as they turned to leave.
She caught his arm. “Wait. We forgot the most important thing.”
Jess turned back. “What in the world could we have forgotten?”
“We didn’t pray. Who wants to lead?”
Bryan motioned to her. “You must have something on your heart, so why don’t you?”
Sarah Beth put her hands on their backs with the lightest touch. “Lord, please protect Jess, Bryan, and Juan. Let their words and actions be pleasing in Your sight. Lord, open and move hearts for Honduras if it’s part of Your plan. Not our will, but Your will be done. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Jess added, “Amen.” He hated to leave her again. She worried so. But he was going where he felt God leading.
~~~
Jess called Sarah Beth after every fundraiser. So funny. She insisted each guy get on the line and provide her with their own versions of the evening.
The night of the Nashville event, Bryan called her first—on speaker. “Ms. Professor, did you forget to tell me something important? Like that you sent a talent scout to hear me?”
“Oh, I did forget. Sorry. But it sounds like it turned out well. He wouldn’t have talked to you if he didn’t think you were good.”
Bryan glowed. “You think?”
“I wouldn’t have called him if I didn’t think you had what it takes. You have a God-given gift.”
“He gave me his card, and he said he might even drive down to the meeting in Atlanta tomorrow night with a producer.”
“See. I’ll be praying for you.”
Bryan’s voice quivered. “Thank you so much. I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough.”
“Thank God. He gave you the voice. I just made a phone call.”
~~~
Jess watched for his exit off Interstate Eighty-five, north of Atlanta. The fundraising had gone well in Memphis and Nashville. This last night would be with Mark’s congregation in Atlanta.
Mark. Sarah Beth’s brother had become a close friend. He’d be great to have as a brother. But would it ever happen? How would things turn out? Sarah Beth and her anxiety, the mission in Honduras, all of it? Nothing had weighed on his whole being like this woman. Not even football.
Juan and Bryan both had impressive faith. Two men so different from himself, now brothers in Christ. Christianity was like a team. Different strengths and abilities, called to the same purpose, watching each other’s backs—all with the perfect Coach.
Late Sunday afternoon, Jess, Juan, and Bryan climbed in his truck and headed back to Oxford after three days away. A light rain pitter-pattered on the windshield as Juan and Bryan bantered about their successful trip to the rhythm of the wipers. The previous night, they’d finished up in Atlanta at Mark’s church.
Sarah Beth must’ve been waiting on the porch because she sprinted down the sidewalk toward his truck. Maybe she had missed him. Good.
Wait. Why’d she run to Juan’s side?
She threw her arms around the short man, nearly knocking him down. “You’re here.”
Juan laughed. “Whoa. Remember, you are the Amazon. I am the small man.”
“I’m not an Amazon, and you are not now, and never will be, a small man. It’s so good to see you. Come on in, and tell me everything.”
Jess joined them and gave her a sideways glance. “Where’s my hug?”
Her arm slid around his back. For way too short a time. “Tell me everything.”
“What else is there to tell? You’ve grilled us every night.”
“I’m sure there’s more. Let me catch Gingie first.”
On cue, a crash and a howl sounded from the house.
Juan stopped. “What is Gingie?”
Jess smirked. “That’s the beast she calls a dog. You think Sarah Beth’s an Amazon, wait until you see this animal.”
Juan didn’t move. “Maybe we should stay outside.”
Jess patted him on the back. “You should be safe. The creature is a good judge of character.”
The door opened, and the dog struggled loose, bounding toward an ashen-faced Juan. When Gingie reached him, she lay on the ground and rolled over. He bent down to pet her belly. “You are not a beast. You are a good dog, aren’t you?” At his praise, she sprung up and licked his cheek, knocking him to the sidewalk.
Jess chuckled. “They’ve both greeted you. It should be safe now. Let’s get ready for our last presentation at the CSU. I’ve got home-field advantage here.”
~~~
The day after the CSU fundraising presentation, Sara Beth circled the patio of the pool as Juan tallied the gifts and pledges they’d collected for the Honduras church. Would they have enough? They’d worked so hard. Surely the Lord would bless Juan with this ministry. But she had to be patient.
Juan lay his tablet on the glass table. “We are very close to our goal, but still short. We may not meet our target before the Honduran rainy season sets in.” He handed her the spreadsheet.
The distant bellow of a train whistle wailed as if to signal her disappointment. A breeze rustled the leaves of the oak that hung over the fence. She bit her lip. There was one more thing she could do. It made perfect sense. She handed him back the numbers. “I could sell my condo in Malibu. It’s worth more than we need to finish our goal. I could even see if Dylan wants to buy it back. He was sentimental about the place.”
Juan’s tan forehead wrinkled. “Give God time to answer our prayers. Giving provides the heart and soul of the giver a great blessing. Maybe it’s His will that someone else provide the money.”
“You’re right, of course, but I may see if Dylan is interested.”
“You never plan to move back?”
The thought of the place sent a sour taste to her tongue and a jittery feeling down to her toes. “I can’t see myself back in that world.” And maybe Dylan needed the blessing of giving.
Juan sank back into the lawn chair and folded his hands behind his head. “God knows the plans he has for you. Plans for peace and not evil.”
She finished for him. “...plans for hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11. I know you’re right.”
~~~
It was all Sarah Beth could do to nod at Juan as he hefted his suitcase into the car. Another goodbye. She hated them. If only he and Jill could work here.
He smiled. “I talk to you on the phone many times a day. Why are you crying?”
A hiccup escaped her lips. “I miss how the three of us worked together.”
Juan laid his hands on her shoulders. “Our lives must change. We must grow. Growing hurts, but we can look back afterward and see that the change was worth the pain.”
She wiped at her eyes. “I know you’re right, but I’m tired of growing so much.”
Chapter 36
The next morning, Sarah Beth touched the contact on her phone while she sat at her desk.
Dylan answered on the first ring. “I thought you’d never call. Are you finally ready to admit your true feelings for me?”
She let out a long sigh. “Dylan, Dylan, you know you only want what you can’t have.”
“Until I get it.” He spoke in his usual flirtatious tone.
“Then you wouldn’t want it.”
“Things would be different with you.”
She tapped one finger at a time on her desk, over and over. “I called to give you first shot at buying back your condo.”
“Don’t tell me you’re never moving back.”
“I don’t see it happening. Besides, we need it for the Honduras church.”
“But I want to sell the condo anyway.”
“I’ll buy it back and save it for when you finally come to your senses.”
Why wouldn’t he listen? “Dylan, I’m not coming back.”
“That’s what you say today, but you don’t know the future.” His voice became low and sultry. “Of course, you could stay at my mansion if you come back.”
“Dylan.”
He sucked in a long breath. “Fine. Maybe I’ll hide from Sophia there. She keeps showing up at my house. Someone should’ve warned me about that one.”
Sarah Beth winced. “You didn’t give anyone time to warn you. If you don’t like her, why are you still seeing her?”
“What do you care?”
“I’d like to see you with a nice girl.”
“But not you, right?” Dylan’s voice cooled. “How about the hottie in your office? She’s nice.”
Now he was ticking her off. “Stay away from Jill.”
“I think I struck a nerve. Is someone jealous?”
Her ribcage constricted. “Do you want to buy the condo or not? I’m putting it on the market tomorrow.”
Dylan exhaled loudly. “I’ll buy it. Is that fellow Juan still handling your business in L.A?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll follow up with him in the morning.”
“Thanks.” That settled, she fought the urge to hurl the phone against the wall. Be nice.
The line was silent.
Dylan spoke at last. “I’m sorry, Sarah Beth. I’m a jerk sometimes. You know it. I know it. Will you still talk to me?” He cleared his throat. “Pretty please?”
Her ribcage loosened, and the adrenaline seeped away. Poor Dylan. Everyone knew his face, but he didn’t seem to have many real friends. “I forgive you.” How could she not?
“You are the most complicated woman I’ve ever come across.”
She had to laugh. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
~~~
Sarah Beth glanced at her chirping phone as she chewed the last sour gummy worm from her stash. Juan was up early. “Hello.”
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