by Susan Lewis
He was swaying slightly in his seat, and knew he wasn’t capable of really making his point, whatever his point was. ‘Her parents … Her parents gave us that flat when we got married,’ he said weakly.
Tessa smiled. ‘Which makes it half yours, silly,’ she reminded him. ‘So we’ll buy the other half and make it all yours. After all, I deserve a nice place to live in, don’t I?’
‘Yes, but … There are thousands of nice places. I don’t see why it has to be that one.’
‘I thought it was what you wanted. You said you were happy there, and you know how much I want you to be happy. And if you’re worried about Allyson … Well, just remember that it’s because of her that you can’t get to your money, and if you’re right about her putting a word in with the editors and producers, not to give you any work …’
A dark flush spread over Bob’s face. Had he said that? He couldn’t remember, but it seemed likely.
‘Can you believe it?’ Tessa said with a fond incredulity to Julian. ‘There’s his wife doing everything she can to totally screw up his life and now he’s too squeamish to go and buy her out of a flat that’s already half his. You are a silly, Bob,’ she told him.
‘Get me another drink,’ Bob suddenly slurred. ‘And you don’t have the money yet, so before you start thinking you can afford even a quarter of a flat on Cheyne Walk …’ He lost his train of thought, and blinked in the direction of the bar.
Tessa laid her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m making you angry,’ she said. ‘Please don’t be angry. If you don’t want us to buy the flat, we won’t.’
His head was spinning now, and she was feeling heavy on his lap. ‘OK, then we won’t,’ he mumbled.
Her eyes drifted across to Julian and she winked.
‘Hi,’ Shelley said. ‘How are you?’
‘Pretty good,’ Mark responded, sliding into the other side of the banquette. ‘Did I keep you waiting?’
‘I was early,’ she told him. Though her smile was warm, waves of unease were threatening to trespass on her cherished serenity. This was the first time she’d seen him since Thursday. It was now Sunday lunch time. They’d spoken a couple of times on the phone, calls she had made, neither of which had elicited a desire on his part to see her again. So she’d invited him to her flat for Sunday lunch, which he’d accepted, but suggested they ate out.
So now, here they were, and though he appeared relaxed enough about being there, she couldn’t help wondering where the chemistry had gone.
‘Have you been here before?’ he asked, looking round.
‘A few times.’
‘Nice place.’
She nodded. They were so formal when all she wanted to discuss was their night together, and how ready she was for it to happen again. Surely to God he was too. ‘I’m getting a team together for Tessa,’ she said. ‘They start work on Tuesday.’
His eyebrows went up. ‘You’ve already spoken to her?’ he said.
‘Yes.’
For some reason he didn’t seem thrilled.
‘Is there a problem?’ she asked.
He smiled. ‘No,’ he answered. ‘I presume, if you’ve spoken to Tessa, that Allyson’s decided about the Night Cap.’
‘She’s letting me know tomorrow.’
They took the menus from a waitress and listened as she recounted the specials. After making a selection they ordered drinks. Shelley chose wine. She felt she needed something stronger than water.
Mark ordered a vodka. He too felt the need for something stronger than water. He’d given a lot of thought to what had happened between him and Shelley on Thursday night, then to the meeting he’d had with Allyson the following day, and he was furious with himself now for having allowed himself to get involved in personal matters, when he’d only just taken over the damned company. Shelley was one of his employees for God’s sake, the producer of a programme he might ultimately axe, so how the hell was he going to do that if they were literally in bed together? God knew he’d had a bad enough time dealing with Allyson, feeling like the biggest shit of the century, and he wasn’t even involved with her. She’d certainly got to him, though, as he’d hardly been able to stop thinking about her since. But regardless of the decisions he might make there, or maybe because of them, there was no doubt in his mind that this thing with Shelley had to be stopped now before it went any further.
‘Did Allyson tell you she came to see me?’ he said.
Shelley’s surprise showed. ‘No. When?’
‘Friday. She tried to talk me out of using Tessa for the Happy Hour.’
Shelley took a moment to digest this. ‘Is that why you didn’t seem overjoyed to hear I’d put your plans in motion? You’ve had a change of heart.’
‘No. The show still needs a younger image, and Tessa’s the answer if we want to turn it around fast. If we decided to audition we’d have to delay the change until the start of next season. I don’t want to do that.’
‘So?’
‘So nothing. I was merely wondering what Allyson had decided.’
Shelley got the feeling there was more, but for some reason she didn’t want to ask. Instead, she moistened her lips and fixed her eyes on his mouth. ‘It’s Sunday,’ she said, ‘why don’t we forget about work and talk about … Other things.’
Their drinks arrived, then the food, and despite all her attempts to bait him he stubbornly refused to move from the general to the personal.
In the end, embarrassed and angry, she said, ‘I’m sorry, but am I supposed to be pretending that Thursday never happened?’
His eyes went down, but she saw his discomfort.
She laughed bitterly. ‘Oh, I see … You got what you wanted …’
‘Shelley, listen,’ he said. ‘What happened on Thursday, well, it was something else. The best. I don’t know anything, anyone who can compare.’
‘But.’ Her heart was pounding.
‘I don’t think it should happen again.’
She felt her face drain. She didn’t want to believe what she’d just heard. At last she’d found a man she could call her equal, a man she already knew she wanted to share her life with, and he was telling her he didn’t want her. It didn’t make any sense. They’d been more intimate than most couples ever got. How could he not want it to happen again?
‘Is there someone else?’ she said.
He glanced up as their coffee was delivered. ‘Shelley, you’re an exceptionally beautiful and desirable woman,’ he said. ‘I’ve got great respect and admiration for you, but if we’re going to have a relationship that works, it should remain professional.’
‘Even though we’ve already got as personal as it’s possible to get?’
Again he looked awkward. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
‘Sorry that it happened, or sorry that you’re a bastard who led me to believe you felt the same way I did?’
‘I don’t recall us discussing feelings,’ he countered.
‘Oh,’ she laughed angrily, ‘so you think I put out like that for every man I meet?’
‘Frankly, I don’t know,’ he responded. ‘All I know is that you blew my mind, and I’m not sorry it happened. You’re a unique and beautiful woman, but as for anything else, well I’m afraid that’s as far as it goes.’
She was so stunned she was unable to make herself think. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see the regret in his eyes. This was the man she had decided to love. The man who could match her intellectually, physically, sexually. How could she let him go? She couldn’t. She had to find a way to talk him round, and being hostile wasn’t going to do it. So she managed to smile, winsomely, seductively, as she said, ‘Why don’t we go back to my place and talk this over?’
He smiled. ‘If we went back to your place the last thing we’d do is talk.’
She laughed. So he did still want her. ‘We could be really good together, can’t you see that?’ she said.
‘We already were,’ he responded. ‘But it’s not all about
sex.’
‘I wasn’t just talking about sex.’
He glanced at his watch. ‘I’ve got to go,’ he said and signalled for the bill.
It was like a slap. A slap that reverberated right the way through her.
Their departure was so swift she could barely remember getting into her car. And later, when she got back to her flat, she didn’t want to think about how she’d sat there pleading with him, trying to cajole and seduce him, had almost even bared her breasts to remind him … Thank God she hadn’t done that, but the humiliation of the way she’d behaved anyway was still so great it burned her all over.
As Allyson walked down the stairs of the farmhouse, she was remembering the hot summer’s day when she and Bob had first found it, and how thrilled they had been to discover their dream home in such idyllic surroundings, despite its neglected and dilapidated state. Then had come the long and arduous task of restoring it, followed by the weekend-long party they’d thrown when they’d finally been able to move in. There wasn’t a single cushion or rug, painting or book they hadn’t chosen together, all found in local antique shops, country fairs and community sales. Like their flat in Chelsea, this house was a part of them too, something they had lovingly created together, and taken such pride in whenever their friends came to stay. And the villagers who’d been popping in all weekend with cakes, or wine, or tickets for the Christmas raffle, were almost like family. She had grown so fond of them all, and could hardly bear the thought of never seeing them again.
She’d filled two suitcases with her personal belongings. Bob’s were still there. She’d considered packing his too, but in the end had been unable to do it. Maybe he wanted them to stay here. Maybe he was planning to move Tessa in and make this a home for their baby.
Over her dead body.
Her mother was waiting outside by the car. Her father was in the front passenger seat, staring blankly down over the hillside. A few meagre Christmas lights twinkled over the church spire, thin columns of smoke rose from the old brick chimneys. It was a grey and cheerless day. The sky was low and oppressive, the cold was biting. After locking the front door she put her cases in the boot, then got into the driver’s seat. She didn’t look back as she drove away. Nor did she look down at the village. She simply kept her eyes on the road and tried not to feel what was going on in her heart.
The drive back to London took less than two hours. She went to her parents’ house first to drop them off, and ended up going in for a cup of tea. She didn’t stay long, though. She needed to be alone, in her own bed and asleep, away from this horrible day.
‘Thanks for coming with me,’ she said, kissing her mother goodbye at the front door.
‘Will you be all right?’ her mother asked.
Allyson nodded and smoothed her fingers over the soft, papery skin of her mother’s face. Peggy’s eyes were red and swollen from crying, the trip to Wiltshire had been almost as difficult for her as it had for Allyson.
‘I wish you’d stay,’ Peggy said.
Allyson hugged her again and was about to walk away when Peggy started crying again.
‘I’m sorry,’ she sobbed. ‘I just can’t bear seeing you hurt like this. I wish Daddy understood. We’re a bit lost without him, aren’t we?’
Allyson smiled. They’d just left her father in the cellar, taking refuge from a bomb attack. Driving down to Wiltshire had been hard for him too, in his own way. He hadn’t known who they were, or where they were taking him.
‘Poor Mummy,’ she said.
‘Call me when you get to the flat?’
‘Of course.’
Allyson was almost at the gate when her mother said, ‘You’re not old, darling. And that girl, she won’t be nearly as good as you.’
‘No,’ Allyson said quietly, ‘I don’t expect she will. But sadly, that’s not the point any more.’
Shelley was the only one who knew why Tessa wasn’t in the studio today. The team of hand-picked gurus who were coaching Tessa in camera technique and interviewing subtleties had been given the day off, they thought, because Tessa needed a break. It was a plausible enough excuse, for they’d been hard at it this past week.
At the moment Shelley was in a screening room viewing videotapes of the results of Tessa’s training so far. They were even more impressive than she’d expected, for the girl looked so fresh she might burst, and seemed so strikingly unfazed by the celebrity guests Shelley had talked into rehearsing with her, that she could have been at this for years. She even had a certain style of wit, which, though immature, was not wholly unbeguiling, and the way she oozed fascination was allowing even the biggest of bores to come off well. But that wasn’t all, for the camera so magically enhanced the radiance of her smile, and the plump fleshiness of her body, that Shelley could be in no doubt that her appeal was going to be huge.
She’d wanted to come straight back to work after the abortion, but Shelley had insisted she take the day off. Obviously getting rid of a human life was no big deal to her, though Shelley couldn’t help wondering if she’d told Bob what she was doing today. Not that it was any concern of Shelley’s, nor did she much care. However, she did care about Allyson, which was why she was in two minds whether or not to tell her about the abortion.
On the one hand it could help Allyson considerably to find out that Tessa was no longer pregnant. But on the other, if Tessa hadn’t told Bob, and Allyson decided she would, well, the last thing Shelley wanted was Bob creating some kind of scene that might get into the press. If it did there was a very good chance the story would be twisted to make it look as though Shelley, and probably Allyson too, had coerced the girl into giving up her baby for the sake of saving their show. Public outrage would be so great that Shelley would be forced to resign and the programme would inevitably be cancelled. A week ago Shelley might have gone for that, just to spite Mark Reiner, but it hadn’t taken her long to realize that it made no odds to him what happened to the programme, he’d simply set up another to take its place. Besides, she wasn’t so angry with him now. In fact, after taking some time to get things into perspective, she was starting to feel quite warm towards him again.
Obviously she’d been upset when he’d begun to back off, which was why she hadn’t understood the problem sooner. But now she was pretty certain she did, and if she was right then she couldn’t really blame him for being so concerned about the intensity of their attraction. After all, he’d only just taken over the company, so it was hardly going to create a good impression were it to get out, and being who they were it almost certainly would. So, for the time being at least, it seemed he had decided to concentrate his energies on turning the company around. And she was OK with that. Were they destined to be just a small-time, hole-in-the-wall affair, it might be different, but something this big could easily run out of control. So, considering what was at stake, the only sensible course to take was a slow and cautious one. It was probably hard for him to articulate that, which again she understood, for not many men would find it easy.
Ordinarily she’d have talked this over with Allyson, as they generally discussed everything, but Shelley was very well aware of how that had changed lately, which was really no surprise considering her failure to stand by Allyson during all these changes. But it was a disappointment, and certainly a great loss, for Shelley was missing the closeness she and Allyson had always shared. She was also, behind all the guilt and concern, slightly upset with Allyson, as it wasn’t like her not to mention something as significant as going to see Mark last Friday, and though there was obviously a great deal on Allyson’s mind these days there had been plenty of time to bring it up since, but Allyson still hadn’t.
Someone knocked on the door and Shelley looked up as a shaft of light from the corridor outside cut across the darkened viewing room.
‘Have you got a minute?’ Allyson said.
Shelley hit the VCR’s pause button. ‘I was just thinking about you,’ she said.
Allyson glanced at the screen.
Realizing the frozen image was of Tessa, Shelley turned the monitor off and switched on the reading lamp behind her. ‘Come in,’ she said.
Allyson let the door swing closed, but stayed where she was. ‘I just wanted you to know that I’ve decided to continue with the Night Cap,’ she said.
Shelley’s expression only partially relaxed. ‘I’m so pleased,’ she said.
Though Allyson’s smile was weak Shelley couldn’t help noticing that there was more colour in her cheeks than of late, and her hair looked newly cut and styled. She was still painfully underweight though, and she hadn’t been big to start with.
‘When it came down to it,’ Allyson said, ‘it was that or nothing. I don’t think I could handle nothing, even if it means having to remain in the same vicinity as Tessa Dukes. And I suppose in some sad, sick way being around her keeps me connected to Bob.’
Shelley removed the files on the chair next to her. ‘Come and sit down,’ she said.
‘I can’t. I’ve got to go up to town. Mark Reiner’s invited me for lunch.’
Shelley’s smile drained, and her body felt suddenly stiff.
‘Do you know anything about it?’ Allyson asked.
‘No.’ Shelley’s voice was harsh.
Allyson attempted a shrug. ‘He called after the recording yesterday and asked me to meet him at one today. I thought you might know what it was about.’
Shelley attempted to sound casual, as she glanced down at the files. ‘No idea,’ she said, realizing that Allyson was probably scared half to death that she was about to be fired altogether, and was waiting for some reassurance from Shelley. But how could Shelley possibly give it, when she didn’t have the first idea why Mark Reiner would want to see Allyson, especially not for lunch.
‘Then let’s hope it’s not to rescind the offer of the Night Cap,’ Allyson ventured.
‘No, let’s hope not,’ Shelley responded, still seeming distracted.
Allyson was almost out of the door before she turned back and said, ‘Can I ask? How are things working out for you two?’
Frustration and anger dug into Shelley’s heart as she playfully rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, you know, still early days,’ she said.