by Susan Lewis
They ate smoked salmon and three different types of caviare, followed by roast duck and the most delicious mustard- and honey-flavoured sauce. A tenor from the English National Opera joined the orchestra, then another band took over and soon people started to dance. The time was slipping by, heading fast towards midnight. Allyson barely noticed, she was having such a good time. She’d stopped thinking about Bob somewhere between the baked alaska and her fourth glass of champagne, and was feeling so alive she could probably dance until dawn. Then, before she knew it, the countdown to midnight had begun and suddenly she was thinking about Bob in a way that seemed to be stifling her. She wanted so desperately to be with him she could hardly bear it. It had come over her so unexpectedly that despite her efforts to hide it by cheering in the New Year along with everyone else, she could feel herself reeling off into the black depths of despair.
Sensing her distress Mark pressed his lips to her forehead and hugged her gently. ‘Happy New Year,’ he whispered.
‘You too,’ she said, embarrassed for him to see the tears in her eyes.
He smiled. ‘I’ll get your coat.’
*
As Bob pushed his way through a loud, smoky pub in South London he had no clear idea of where he was going, nor even of where he was, he just knew that he didn’t want to be there any more, and wasn’t even sure why he’d come. Tessa was on the stage with Julian and his band, helping them bring in an extremely rowdy New Year, and though Bob had had far too much to drink, it wasn’t enough to stop him feeling ridiculous. With the exception of the landlord, everyone there was at least half his age and though some recognized him, they didn’t seem any more impressed by him being there than he was.
He couldn’t help wondering which party Allyson had gone to and though he desperately wished he could be with her, he felt sick inside at the way all his old friends were probably laughing now, as they pictured the pathetic farce of his life, and assured Allyson she was better off without him.
As he stumbled out of the door the freezing night air hit him, sobering him a little, but not so much that he couldn’t stand it. Spotting a taxi he hailed it and got in the back. All he had in his pocket was half a bottle of gin and a twenty-pound note. It would be enough to get him home, and something to blot out the misery once he got there.
It seemed like a long time later that the driver finally came to a stop. For a moment Bob was confused. Though his surroundings were unquestionably familiar, this wasn’t the street of Fifties terraced houses that Tessa lived on, this was the Embankment, between Albert and Battersea Bridges.
He blinked at the driver, who was watching him in the rear-view mirror.
‘You OK mate?’ the driver asked.
Bob turned to look up at the darkened windows of his and Allyson’s flat. It seemed that in his drunken state he had given Allyson’s address instead of Tessa’s.
‘That’ll be seventeen fifty,’ the driver told him.
Bob mumbled something, and started digging in his pocket for the twenty-pound note.
‘Got to get out to pay,’ the driver said.
Bob did as he was told, staggering slightly as he hunted again for the money. At last he found it, and was just handing it over when he saw a flash black Aston Martin turn off the Embankment into the slip road that was Cheyne Walk.
‘Come on mate, I haven’t got all night,’ the driver grumbled.
Bob gave him the money. The driver offered him some change, but Bob wasn’t looking. So the driver pulled away into the night, leaving Bob swaying on the edge of the pavement as he watched Allyson and another man getting out of the Aston Martin.
‘Would you like to come up?’ Allyson was saying, as Mark opened the door for her to get out.
‘No,’ he said, knowing it was the answer she’d hoped for.
She looked up at him. ‘I had a lovely time. Thank you.’
Though he didn’t smile, his eyes were on hers. ‘The photographers upset you as we were leaving,’ he said.
She nodded. She’d been thinking about them all the way back. ‘We’ll probably find ourselves in the papers tomorrow.’
‘Probably.’
‘So what do I tell Shelley? She’s going to wonder why you invited me instead of her.’
‘That’s an answer I should give Shelley,’ he said.
‘But it’ll be me she asks.’
‘Then tell her why you accepted.’
Allyson’s eyes were large and confused. ‘I’m not sure I know,’ she said softly.
Still he didn’t smile. ‘I’m sure you can work it out,’ he said.
He walked her to the front door, hugged her goodnight then turned back to the car. She stood watching him drive away, then taking out her key she let herself into the building. Right now it was hard to know why she’d gone, or even how she felt about going. Certainly she’d had a good time, even though she was embarrassed by the way they’d left early. But she had to ask herself, had it really been worth it for all the problems this was going to create with Shelley?
However, if she’d done it to let Bob and Tessa know what a great time she was having, then considering how many press were at the door when they’d left the hotel, she’d probably succeeded. She wasn’t even sure how good that made her feel. But then, when she got inside and saw the pale lilac and white orchid pinned to her dress in the mirror, she smiled, and felt her heart fill up with gratitude. For the moment at least, this evening needn’t be about anything or anyone but the man who had gone out of his way to make her feel special for those few short, but deeply significant hours as one year blended into the next – which was a whole lot more than Bob had managed, because not one of the messages she replayed before even taking off her coat was from him.
Across the street Bob was trying to focus on the light at the window. He was feeling nauseous and helpless, and angered by the fact that he was standing out here while she was inside.
He wiped a hand across his face, staggered, then looked up at the window again. She had their flat to live in, and a private income that didn’t touch their joint accounts. And now she had some rich bloke taking her out on New Year’s Eve, while he stood in the street outside, like some tramp with nothing in his trolley. Her life was going on as normal, as if he’d never been a part of it.
After a while he slumped back against the wall and pulled his coat more tightly around him. It was freezing out here. He could go back to Tessa’s, but he didn’t have the money to get there. Then he remembered he had the keys to his and Allyson’s flat in his pocket.
Thrusting himself away from the wall he started across the pavement, heading towards the blinding lights of the traffic. He rolled back a few paces, then pushed forward again. Someone honked their horn, and he shouted some unintelligible abuse. Then he attempted to cross the road again.
The last thing he remembered was hearing himself grunt as he hit the ground. No pain, no anything, except the grunt and a few circling stars before the blackness.
When he awoke the next morning he was fully dressed, stinking and dry-mouthed on the hard wooden bench of a police cell.
Though New Year’s Day was a bank holiday there was a transmission that night, which was to include Tessa’s debut as the Happy Hour presenter. This meant that the whole team was in the office early for the morning meeting that filled everyone in on who the guests were, which film insert was being included and the endless other minutiae that went into making up the studio day. Also on the agenda today was a preliminary discussion on the first of the European-based programmes, which was pencilled for transmission at the end of the month. Probably because it was a novelty it engendered some lively debate and excellent input, which Allyson and her two researchers, Justine and Zac, were thrilled about – after all, it was a little like having your new image admired, and even enhanced.
Finally they moved on to the content of Allyson’s Night Cap slots, which were scheduled for bulk recordings in order to keep her reasonably free for all the travelling she
was now going to be doing. That took some time to go through, and for a meeting that should have been mainly about Tessa, Allyson couldn’t help being aware of how much she was dominating. However, Tessa hardly seemed to notice, and Allyson was pleased to see her showing some signs of nervousness at last. Until now it had all been playtime, but today’s studio recording would be the real thing. Had it been anyone else she might have offered some encouragement, as it was Tessa she simply willed her to die.
However, an even greater concern right now was Shelley, who was at an early meeting in town and not due into the office until eleven. It was a moment Allyson was dreading, for, as expected, one of the papers had announced Allyson’s ‘new love’ that morning, with a headline that was generous in spirit, if wrong in belief. ‘Happy New Year, Ally!’ it had shouted, above a triumphantly worded lead-in telling her that she deserved to be loved after the terrible time she had been through. She appreciated the sentiment, but not the inaccuracy, and wondered what Mark was making of his ludicrous new image as ‘Prince Charming’. There were more allusions to the fairy tale, obviously because they’d left at midnight, but they were all too corny and trivial to waste time on, or might have been were it not for how Shelley was taking it. Just thank God she hadn’t been there first thing, when the others had been ribbing Allyson about her ‘dashingly romantic millionaire prince’, who just happened to be their dynamic new boss. Tessa, Allyson had noticed with delight, had been somewhat confused, and possibly even put out about it. Of course there was no knowing exactly what Tessa was thinking, but the girl surely had the wit to realize that this new turn of events couldn’t fail to have an effect on Bob.
Shelley arrived as the meeting broke up and cut Allyson dead as she called that day’s production team into her office for a briefing. She then continued to go out of her way to avoid Allyson, while making a great fuss of Tessa, until just before the recording, when she walked into Allyson’s office and slammed the door shut behind her.
‘So,’ she said, tight-lipped and obviously livid, ‘I call your parents at midnight to wish you happy New Year and you’re not there. So I call your flat and you’re not there either. I, of course, think you’re in bed, hiding from the world, but no! Cinderella’s flaunting herself at some fancy ball, having a fabulous time in a Jasper Conran gown and the arms of her new love, who, as far as I knew, was just getting started on a relationship with me. So do you want to give me some explanation of what’s going on? I think you owe me one, don’t you?’
‘Probably,’ Allyson conceded.
‘Well, I’m waiting.’
‘Don’t condescend to me like that,’ Allyson snapped. ‘I’m not a child you’re reprimanding. I’m a grown woman and as far as I knew Mark Reiner was, is, getting started on a relationship with you.’
‘So how come you’re at a ball with him on New Year’s Eve?’ The bitterness of her tone was as cutting as the ice in her eyes.
Allyson had had some time to think about this, and was now pretty sure she knew the answer. ‘He invited me,’ she said, ‘in an effort to divert some of today’s press attention from the way I’m being pushed down the agenda on my own show, and having to suffer the humiliation of my husband’s junior mistress taking over the spotlight.’
Shelley ignored the dig. ‘But you still lied. You must have known you were going out with Mark when you told me . …’
‘OK, I’m sorry about that.’
‘So why didn’t you tell me? Why keep it a secret and let me find out in the paper?’
‘I don’t know why I didn’t tell you,’ Allyson cried. ‘I suppose because I knew you’d be upset.’
‘You’re damn right I am. You know how I feel about him. I told you everything that was happening between us, then you, who’s supposed to be my best friend, go out with him on one of the most romantic nights of the year. So let’s have the real truth, shall we? If you’re having an affair …’
‘We’re not having an affair!’
‘So why didn’t you tell me about going to his office? And what’s all the secrecy about the lunch you two had? What are you trying to hide?’
‘You’re making this sound like some kind of conspiracy, which it’s not! And I’m not getting into defending myself either. I’ve done nothing to hurt you, nor would I. OK, I should have told you about last night, but at the time I didn’t know what it was about myself. And to be frank, you’d pissed me off earlier in the day, when you said you’d really stuck your neck out to get me the producer’s job. For your information the job was my idea, which is what I went to see Mark about on the day you obviously think I went off to start some clandestine affair. It was also what he invited me to lunch to discuss while you were getting ready to shove Tessa into my limelight.’
Shelley’s face was white. It was clear she felt duped, and she was right, she had been, royally.
Allyson threw out her hands. ‘Look, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Can we try to forget this has happened? It was a one-off. I told you why he asked me, and as for the job, at the time I felt as though I was fighting for my life. I had to do something.’
‘So why didn’t you come to me?’
‘I did, but it wasn’t getting me anywhere. Oh God, I wish none of this was happening. Please, try to understand, when you go through something like this, losing your husband, getting pushed aside because you’re too old, having your life publicized and analysed in every detail by the press, well, it’s hard to keep things in perspective.’
Shelley showed no signs of backing down. Her dark eyes were glinting with rage, her mouth was pinched with frustration. She started to speak, but Allyson cut across her.
‘For God’s sake, we can’t fall out over a man,’ she cried. ‘A man who means nothing to me …’
‘But what about him? What do you mean to him?’
‘Nothing! He was just being kind.’
‘But why?’
‘I don’t know. For the reasons I told you.’
‘But why would he care about the way you feel? What’s it to him?’
Allyson’s eyes flashed. ‘Well, thanks for that,’ she snapped. ‘It’s just what I need, right now, to feel as though I’m not worth the effort.’
‘Oh, let’s make this all about you, shall we?’ Shelley cried, throwing up her hands. ‘You and your heartbreak. Why deal with your disloyalty and lies, they don’t paint such a great picture, do they?’
‘Shelley, if you want answers about last night then I suggest you ask Mark.’
‘Oh, I’m sure I’m going to do that.’
Allyson was right on the brink of losing her own temper, but knowing that Shelley’s anger was much more justified, she simply glared back, giving herself some moments to calm down. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, finally. ‘What else can I say, except I’m sorry.’
Shelley’s breath was still shallow, but she too took a moment to get her temper back in control. ‘You should have told me,’ she said, ‘instead of letting me find out from the paper like that.’
‘I know. It was unforgivable, especially when I know how that feels.’
The malice in Shelley’s eyes started to fade. ‘If it is you,’ she said, her voice barely emerging through the tightness in her throat, ‘if he’s decided he’d rather have you than me …’
‘He hasn’t.’
Shelley stopped and dashed a hand through her hair. Then forcing a smile she said, ‘I’d want to kill you if he had. It’s been so long for me, and this time it feels so right …’
‘I know. And do you really think after what’s just happened to me I’d walk off with the man you’re crazy about? Besides, I’m so far from being ready for anything new it makes me feel sick even to think of it.’
‘But that’s you, not him.’
‘Shelley, I’ve yet to meet the man who can resist you. And believe you me, he’s no exception.’
Shelley despised the weakness in her that so desperately wanted to believe that. Except why shouldn’t she? She only had to reme
mber what had happened in Mark’s office just before Christmas to realize that there was a good chance Allyson was right. He hadn’t been able to resist her then, so why was she doubting herself now? Probably, she thought bitterly, because Allyson’s belief in her irresistible charms was nothing like the truth painted by history. And no matter what spin Allyson put on the reasons he’d taken her out last night, he’d still chosen Allyson over her. Did Allyson have any idea how much that hurt? Did she know how much hope Shelley had invested in that man? OK, she was foolish to do it, but in her heart she just couldn’t stop herself believing that he was the one who was going to make some sense of all the waiting and rejection, all the confusion and trying that until now had never brought her anything but pain.
In the end all she said was, ‘I hope you’re right.’
‘I am,’ Allyson assured her. Getting to her feet, she walked round her desk and put her hands on Shelley’s shoulders. ‘I don’t know if there’s a man in the world who’s worth all the grief they cause,’ she said, ‘but I suppose we have to believe there is. And in the meantime, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve now got the overwhelming joy of watching Tessa Dukes make her glittering debut on what was always my programme, before she no doubt goes off somewhere to celebrate with the man who was, correction, still is, my husband.’