He pulled his hands back and I reached up to feel his work. Perfect, as always. I turned, leaned forward and kissed him for his troubles. “Who cares? If they did, they would likely come ask me, since everyone knows you are always stalking me.”
He laughed and grabbed my face so I couldn’t pull away.
“I wouldn’t if you weren’t so beautiful.”
I kissed him again, smiling before pulling back and putting on my boots.
“We are going to be late for the meeting. Put your shoes on, Phillip.”
He nodded, put them on, and then stood by the door, looking at me in the oddest manner. It was like I had morphed into someone else right before his eyes.
“What? Why are you looking at me like you don’t recognize me?”
“I never got to ask last night.”
I waited for him to finish but he seemed afraid to. When had Phillip ever been shy about saying what was on his mind?
“About what?”
“How you feel about me. And Nick.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have kissed you to shut you up if I didn’t have feelings for you, nut head.”
“You slept with him.”
I stood and hugged Phillip. He had listened at the door as I told Nick the truth but still he questioned. “Look, Nick and I had unfinished business. It never really ended properly because we went on to separate lives before ending it. When I thought about going out to shoot up the planets, and how the general might have me killed, I think for the first time I feared death. Nick was already there and had feelings for me, and we needed the closure. We both always wondered what we would do with a second chance. Thing is, neither of us would choose to do anything different.
“But, the day after, when you and I were in that plane about to die, I thought ‘this is how I should go out, with Phillip beside me’. I realized then that it wasn’t really death I feared so much as dying alone, and I had let that, and our need for closure, suck me into something I shouldn’t have. It was nothing more than fear driving me.”
He hugged me back.
“What was us about?”
I looked up at him and put both hands on his cheeks so he couldn’t look away.
“Phillip, when I do go, when it’s my time to die, I want to be right next to you. I want to be next to you until that point also. I told you before, I'm not Celeste anymore, and I mean it now if I didn’t then. I’m Helen, and Helen is in love with Phillip and has been, but was too afraid to admit that emotions don’t always make you weaker.”
He leaned down, kissing me and crushing me against him. I kissed him back as my door opened and a throat cleared from the doorway. We looked up to see Gabe smiling.
“You sure are getting around a lot lately, Helen.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed while Phillip looked ready to punch him.
“You two are late for a very important meeting. I promise not to tell everyone why, if I get details later. I want to know what my little brother thinks he’s doing with someone so dangerous.”
“None of your business, Gabe.”
I rolled my eyes. They fought like brothers for sure. “He finally told me he wasn’t joking about being madly in love with me, and promises to never flirt with any other girls since I love him back.”
Gabe made a gagging sound,
“One girl for the rest of your life. That’s just sad.”
“She’s the one I want.”
He laughed and waved us out.
“Oh, I know. You say her name in your sleep when you haven’t worked together in a while.”
Phillip actually blushed and I felt the need to profusely thank Gabe, I even gave him a hug for providing me with ammo that good.
“You don’t need to be happy enough to hug him, you know.”
Poor Phillip was so insecure, so I grabbed his hand and we entered the meeting that was already in progress together. Gabe took his seat, smiling, and motioned for us to take the two chairs next to him. Everyone stopped to stare but we didn’t miss a beat. Phillip pulled out my chair, I sat, thanking him with a smile, Gabe cleared his throat so we wouldn’t get mushy, and the meeting continued.
"So let's start this meeting…"
I stood and interrupted the general. Phillip was going to kill me for what I was about to do, but I couldn’t sit by. "What we should start this meeting with is the fact that you and your daughter Missy know that Earth is about to be blown up by the alien fleet, while our fleet is currently at the colonies. While we are on our way to their home world, fighting over the colonies for survival. Oh, and the fact that you didn’t want to tell us, because you and the galaxy general have decided the people on Earth are worth losing, to get the alien home planet."
Phillip sighed, Missy gasped and everyone turned whiter than a sheet. Except the general. He glared. I had never seen anyone turn that color red before.
"Soldier…"
"Do not ‘soldier’ me. I deal in information, General. Did you really think you could hide all this from me?"
"Helen, could we not have talked about this in private, before or after the meeting?"
Phillip actually looked ready to laugh. The general had to know me better than that by now.
"Or, we could talk about stopping the ship, and turning around to try to save our home world. I have a vacation planned in Paris after this mission. I would like Paris to still exist."
Gabe snickered and was doing something on a computer. Phillip was, likewise, occupied.
"We are not stopping. Regardless of what you found out."
That caused panic, anger and endless amounts of shouting. I nodded; Phillip, Gabe and I snuck out.
"Time for plan E guys."
"Are we only on plan E?"
I smacked Gabe lightly and walked to my room, packing up what little I had. The guys did as well.
"How long can we hide on this ship until we are caught and shot?"
"Oh Gabe, that’s a very dumb question. Helen has been trained on these battle cruisers. She can hide us for months even if everyone agrees with the general, but honestly, I expect we will only have to spy long enough to figure out who sides with us and who sides with the general. I don’t think many of them will side with him. Most have family on Earth, if not they came from there. No one is going to think this is an acceptable loss."
"So, is that blonde chick really his daughter? I mean, he's so old and I have never heard of him being married."
Oh, silly Gabe. That was his issue. If it wasn’t part of his revenge plan, he knew nothing about it. Phillip had better self-preservation and traded info with me. "No, he has never been married, but he did get a one night stand pregnant once. I never bothered learning the child's name or gender, but I did know she existed. It being Missy is of little surprise, though. She works intelligence, which is how he got his start."
I jumped up, pushing up a ventilation grate. "Up, Phillip. Lead Gabe, I will take the rear."
Phillip nodded; I had shown him the hidden room that they had for dignitaries and such. There was only one entrance; anyone coming in would have crawl and wouldn’t be able to shoot until after us. We had more guns than everyone here put together, and we could take over the whole damn ship, if need be. This would allow us some down time to formulate a plan and give us control of the ventilation.
"No noise while going through, we can plan once in the room, it's soundproof."
We crawled silently and I thanked God Phillip hadn't talked about how I shouldn’t bring up the rear. I would be most vulnerable, could get shot and never see it coming. He trusted me to drop, roll to my back and blow the face off anyone that tried to get the jump on me up here. I was still strong and still me. We were both broken but we somehow fixed each other.
"What is our next move?"
"Well, I vote we kill everyone on board…"
"Phillip."
He sighed, obviously thinking that’s what we should do.
"We need a real plan, little brother."
"Agreed. Do we storm the ship, disable everyone and steal a jet to get home, hoping they are okay enough to blow up the planet at the end? Do we fight to destroy the home world? Or do we hope everyone agrees that we should head back to Earth?"
"I hate crossroads. I am so much better at the killing everyone and to hell with everything else."
I laughed. Ya, that was Phillip in a nutshell. I liked to plan, he liked to kill.
"We need to find out what's happening outside of this hidey hole. Helen?"
I nodded at Gabe. "I am small enough to fit in the ventilation. Gabe, keep Phillip here. I will try to get some food while I am out. Don’t get worried unless I am not back in twenty-four hours."
I climbed back up and crawled out of the hidey space. Dropped silently onto the balls of my feet and crept along. There was complete chaos on the ship. I heard fighting, physical and verbal. That would mean everyone was too distracted to realize I was getting some supplies. They likely wouldn’t even notice some food gone.
I heard the general yelling for calm and to listen to their orders. This was an unofficial mission. A suicide mission. No one wanted to know that they were dying for nothing. It would put us at the same stale mate as now, fighting over the colonies, but we would have way less people for the mission and all our families back home would be dead. Well, most people had families on Earth still.
I made my way to the kitchen, deciding I would steal some supplies first. I managed to fill an empty pack with as much as I could and still get it through the crawl space. I was creeping back and listening to the arguments, trying to see which side was winning, while hurrying with the supplies. I could focus better once I knew the boys were prepared to hold out for a bit.
"You terrible, rotten bitch. Why would you tell everyone that?"
I dropped the pack and pulled the knife from the sheath attached to my forearm. I wouldn’t underestimate her. She was smart, clever even, and I knew she was a survivor. I knew because I was the same.
"They had the right to know. They are here accepting that they will die to save their families. Then look at that, their lives are wasted."
Missy snorted.
"Since when has lives lost mattered to you?"
"I did what I had to do to survive."
"And you have never let anyone die for a greater good?"
She started circling. I stood as still as possible, but stood ready. She could tire herself out while I practiced the art of minimal movement.
"How is it for the greater good if they wipe out ninety percent of our population, while we are off destroying what they left behind?"
She flicked out her knife as well. Wasn’t that a nice little blade? Three inches of serrated blade. Hmmm.
She leaped at me and took a swipe. I dodged and caught her forearm with mine shoving her back. I dropped, swung and sliced her leg. She stabbed downwards, almost getting me in the back. I was on the floor, flipping onto my back and stabbing upward towards her thigh. She back flipped out of the way and rushed me. But I had already propelled myself up and back.
"I cannot believe I didn’t kill you the second I found out you existed."
She snorted.
"Like you could have."
I laughed. "In my sleep, you worthless blonde bimbo."
I had mastered the art of hitting just the buttons that people didn’t want pushed. Secrets exposed; weaknesses, and vital points. I made sure to know them all, and I knew hers.
"What the hell is going on here?"
Really? Nick had to show up now?
"Back away, Nick. This is not your fight."
That was his only warning.
"Of course it is! We have a limited amount of people to man this ship and destroy the alien home world. The chaos will likely lead to more death. Is that what you wanted, Celeste?"
Of all the nerve. He knew my buttons. It distracted me when it should have; Missy sliced across my midriff, taking part of my shirt and skin with it.
"That is enough of that."
I rushed her; our blades crashed over and over. Nick came up behind me and grabbed me. So, this was how it was going to go. Instead of going down easy, I turned my knife in my hand, running across his arm. He yelled and let go of me. I sprung forward towards Missy. I heard a gun cock and thought of the irony that Nick would be the cause of my second death. He had already inadvertently killed me once. He was just plain bad luck.
"Stop right there. No one brings guns to a knife fight."
Of course Phillip and Gabe hadn't listened. Nick turned to see Phillip with a gun. I turned my attention back to a shocked Missy. Taking advantage of her distraction, I dove at her, with the knife tearing into her gut. I pushed, twisted and wrenched it sideways as I pulled the knife out so I would destroy as much as possible. Of course blood sprayed all over me, and soaked me from shoulders to knees. Oh gross, I would never feel clean again.
Phillip looked impressed while Nick looked shocked… and a little like vomiting.
"I haven't seen that move in a while, Helen."
I shrugged. She managed to open her mouth, gurgle, and drop over dead, leaking bodily fluids everywhere.
"She had it coming. She called me a rotten bitch."
Phillip laughed. Gabe, who had grabbed the pack I had put together, snorted. Nick did turn and vomit. How the hell did they expect soldiers to survive the enemy if this nauseated them?
"See what I mean, Phillip? She's too dangerous for you."
It was Phillip’s turn to snort at his brother. Boys.
"So, what do we do with this one?"
I debated. We could leave him alive, but well, dead men didn’t tell tales and I didn’t need anyone interfering right now. This day had already gone to hell. He could push us from the fire pan and into the fire. If we weren't already all dead. I couldn’t imagine the general would be pleased that I had gutted his daughter.
"Let's vote. Gabe?"
"Kill. We don’t need the hassle."
Phillip nodded, turning to look at me. I had to know something before I answered.
"And you, Phillip?"
"Whatever you say, I will respect."
I shrugged. "Kill him. Like Gabe said, we don’t need the hassle."
Phillip stared me in the eyes for a moment before speaking.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded, throwing my knife to hit Nick in the hand that was holding his gun, which he was raising towards Phillip while he was paying attention to me, instead of the enemy.
"Kill him or I will."
Phillip didn’t hesitate again and put a bullet between Nick's eyes. I expected to feel sorrow, or regret, or anything really, but I was devoid of emotion. I had been through too much, hated him for too long, and grieved for him too often to feel anything else. All my emotions had been poured out. I had nothing left to give him, not even grief over his death.
"Let's go. I am pretty sure this ship will have no one left on it alive by the time it gets to the alien home."
"So, we are all going to die?"
"No, we are going to stop the ship. You two are going to use your mad skills to implement a virus that makes it stay on the trajectory to the homeland, and doesn’t stop until it crashes through it. I don’t want this crack-able, so make it hardcore. We will separate two jets from the system first. I am going to take one, Phillip the other. We are going home. The fleet has to be stopped. We might not get there for the start of the battle, but we can make it for the end. And I will be damned if the end is really the end for us."
Chapter Fifteen (Helen)
I marched off towards the hanger with the jets while Phillip led the way to the main controls. I doubted anyone would notice the damn ship stop. There was too much chaos with everyone fighting. Half of everyone I saw was almost as bloody as me. The whole thing was not as cut and dry as it seemed. I could understand what they were thinking. We had been locked in this fight for so long, and the home world was dying. Not the people, but the world. We weren't losing, but we weren't
winning the war either. Something had to break the stalemate. But I had seen and caused too much suffering to let this be the end of our species.
I couldn’t really atone for the people I had killed and the things I had done. I tried to take out only the evil, but I had learned long ago evil is in the eye of the beholder. Some people called me evil because I killed; others called me damaged because I had been through so much, I had been broken. Broken and reformed into something strong. Something that wouldn’t fail. Something that could survive this world. Did that make me evil? I couldn’t answer that question.
I had been programmed to not ask or answer questions. It was a hard thing to overcome. I couldn't do it for one person. But I could for the planet. If the people on this ship were going to kill each other anyway - trying to decide with violence if they would fight or return home - I would make sure they all died for something. Furthermore, I would hurry home to try to save their families. Because evil or not, I did not want all those innocents to die. That didn’t make me good. I knew it didn’t, but I guess it didn’t make me evil either.
There was no evil. There was just survival. Survival of the fittest. It had been a popular thought for so long, we had forgotten if there were any other ways to think. Never in my lifetime, that was for sure. I guess we were all what circumstances made us. Was circumstance evil? Or was it just there?
No answers came along in the dark while I reprogrammed a couple of jets, and wondered if I would survive to find the answers. Deities and Gods were things of the past and that was good. No one would believe in a merciful God, having survived the way we did today.
Our lives were about death. We survived off of the deaths of others. Everyone. Those on Earth who ate were starving others to do so. Those who got clean air left others with disease eating at their bodies. No life, only death. The war had made me. Now I would end it. So no one else would become like me. That much good was left in me, at least.
I took off towards the control room, knife at the ready, moving as silent as an assassin. I had done it before, though never in combat boots. I made it to the control room in one piece.
No Life, Only Death Page 28