“Seventy-nine to sixty-five, Kings.”
When his arm didn’t automatically rest on her shoulder, she leaned closer into him. Still nothing. Desperate for some type of affection, she exhaled loudly and took his hand in hers.
”Staci, did you want something?”
She finally had his attention, but before she could answer, Marcus and Brian came into the den and booted her out.
“Why don’t you run along into kitchen with the womenfolk?” Brian teased.
“That’s right. A woman’s place is in the kitchen during basketball season,” Marcus added.
“And football and baseball seasons,” Brian tagged on.
“Fine!” Staci rolled her eyes at Derrick. “There’s nothing cooking out here anyway.”
Now of all times, Derrick decided to say something. He always agreed with whatever Marcus and Brian said, like he didn’t have a mind of his own. Staci hated that.
“All right, little woman, run along before I bend you over my knee and tame you,” Derrick warned.
“Please do,” Staci purred, before she went into the kitchen.
Derrick grinned, but she hoped he didn’t miss her real meaning. Staci was becoming more frustrated and irritated with his lack of consistency. If he thought after the other night she understood enough to tolerate his distant behavior, he was sorely mistaken. She loved him, but at the moment, she didn’t like him very much.
Chapter 7
Sunday morning Staci found herself on the second row of True Worship Ministries, alone. Derrick opted to go golfing instead of attending church service. Staci prayed all the way to church for Derrick. It was not like him to miss five Sundays in a row for no apparent reason. When she questioned him about it, he brushed off her concerns.
“I don’t have to go to church every Sunday to be saved,” is what he told her.
“I know that, but you don’t even pray or read your Bible anymore,” she countered.
“I may not pray as much, but I do pray. Unlike you, God understands my heart.”
Derrick’s put-down struck a nerve. “If you would share your heart with me, maybe I would understand! But you won’t talk to me!”
Derrick slammed the refrigerator door shut and left her standing alone in the kitchen.
Now, in the midst of praise and worship, she regretted losing her temper. Derrick needed to be in church. When his spiritual life was on track, he was a different person. He was still introverted, but not nearly as withdrawn. Every major mistake he’d made in his life was committed after he’d slacked up in his walk with God. Including the time when he and Staci were weak and convinced themselves it was all right for them to have premarital sex.
Hurriedly, she wiped the corners of her eyes and hoped no one, especially her family, would ask her about Derrick’s absence. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t fully enjoy praise and worship. She was too worried about the future of her marriage.
Today, Pastor Reggie, who was also her uncle, took his text from Numbers 23:19.
“Don’t abort what God has told you. Even when everything and everyone seems to be against you, hold on to what God has spoken to you.”
I know you told me Derrick is my ordained mate, Staci conversed with God.
“No matter how long it takes, don’t give up. God doesn’t make empty promises. He doesn’t play with our emotions. If He said it, it shall come to pass.”
When, God? How long, God?
“His Word is for an appointed time. Some of us move out of God’s time, then become frustrated when our plan doesn’t work. We then want God to quickly deliver us, when in the beginning, all we had to do was believe the words He told us and trust Him to bring them to pass in His time.”
Staci bowed her head and cried softly. She’d known she’d married Derrick too soon. Derrick was a loving and caring man, but he was controlled by his insecurities. There wasn’t anything she could do about it now other than suffer patiently and pray constantly.
Before service was over, Pastor Reggie sent word by an usher that he wanted to speak with her after service in his office. She prolonged the discussion she knew would be centered on Derrick’s absenteeism by chatting with fellow church members and her family. Sister Jones, the head of the education department, was trying to convince her to chair the annual scholarship banquet when the pastor and first lady beckoned for her.
“I’m sorry, Sister Jones, but I have to go.” Staci walked away so fast she nearly tripped over her feet. She wanted to chair the scholarship banquet about as much as she wanted to walk barefoot on a bed of nails. Chairing the event meant hours of solicitation and dealing with church members who were gifted to complain about everything.
“Hi, Auntie.” Staci hugged the first lady, Julia Simone-Pennington. Julia was her father’s sister and Lashay’s mother and also the owner of the development that housed MS Computers. Pastor Reggie invited her to have a seat, then sat behind his desk. Julia stood beside him.
“Staci, how are you?” Pastor Reggie began.
“I’m okay.”
“How’s Derrick? I haven’t seen him in a while, and he’s not returning my calls.”
Staci shifted in her seat. There wasn’t any need for her to put up a front, not to them. They would see right through it.
“Uncle, Derrick and I are having a hard time right now. He doesn’t communicate that much with me, so I don’t know what’s really bothering him. He spends most of his time at the office, even on the weekends. Today, he’s out golfing.”
Pastor Reggie leaned back and laced his fingers together. “I’ll be honest with you, Staci; I am worried about him. He’s been on my mind all week, and I was hoping to see him today. I’ll give him another call. I’ll even get on his dental appointment schedule, if I have to.”
“Thanks, but I don’t think it’ll help,” Staci said solemnly.
“Staci, you haven’t given up on him, have you?” Pastor Julia asked.
Staci took a moment to ponder her aunt’s question. She hadn’t given up, but she didn’t know how much more she could stand. She was tired of being in a marriage by herself.
“No, Auntie, I haven’t, but it’s getting difficult. Being married to Derrick is not what I expected.”
“Neither is life, but you can’t give up,” Pastor Julia pressed. “You’ve only been married a year.”
“I know, but it feels like forever.” Staci’s eyes watered. “I guess because I’m always alone. It’s like he only comes home because he has to.”
Julia walked around and stood at her side and took her hand. “Staci, do you believe Derrick is your ordained husband?”
“Yes, I know he is.” That was the sad and honest truth. Derrick was her soul mate.
“Then don’t give up. Fight for what’s yours. You’re a Simone and a child of God. The fight is in you.”
“What about him? Why do I have to do all the fighting? He’s supposed to be the head of the house.” Staci accepted the box of tissue from her uncle.
Julia spoke gently. “Staci, he is the head of the house, but the head can’t turn without the neck, and the neck supports the head. Right now, you’re stronger than Derrick spiritually, but when he accepts himself for the powerful man he is, you won’t have to worry about fighting.”
Staci remained quiet.
“Stop focusing on what’s wrong. Focus on the good things. Focus on what you love about him and build on that.”
Maybe her aunt was right. Maybe if she stopped complaining and just waited patiently for Derrick to come to his senses things would change. What did she have to lose?
When Derrick came home late that evening she didn’t ask him where he’d been or what he had been doing. She simply asked if he wanted something to eat. When he said no, she didn’t complain about how she’d spent most of the afternoon cooking dinner. She didn’t say anything except good night and went to bed.
That went on for a whole month. She didn’t say much to him, and he didn’t say much to her. She
still cooked and made sure he had everything he needed, but at night, she cried herself to sleep. Derrick didn’t seem to notice that every day she withdrew further and further away from him. If he did notice, he didn’t mention it.
Chapter 8
“Good morning, beautiful.” Derrick strolled into the kitchen bright-eyed and grinning.
Staci looked around the kitchen to see who he was talking to.
“Come on, I haven’t been that bad, have I?” he asked after he kissed her on the cheek.
“Yes, you have,” Staci answered after taking a sip of her tea, totally unmoved by his touch. She took note of his tailored suit and adjusted his tie for him. “What are you so happy about?”
“I have a very important meeting this morning,” he paused, “that I can’t tell you about until later.”
“Of course, you can’t,” Staci smirked and walked to the double sink to rinse her breakfast dishes.
Derrick stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “How about I tell you all about it over dinner tonight? I’ll even cook, or if you want, we can go out.”
Staci turned to face him with eyes laced in defeat. “Derrick, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s your life, and you can see whomever, go wherever, and do whatever you want.”
He watched her somberly climb the stairs but didn’t go after her. If he wanted her to know how much he loved and appreciated her, he didn’t show it. The small gap between them had grown enormously, but he made no effort to bridge the gap. For now, his agenda took precedence.
Staci was shocked, to say the least, to see Derrick’s SUV in the driveway upon returning home midday to change clothes after an accident at work.
“Derrick?” she called as she stepped into the living room. When he didn’t respond, she quickly climbed the stairs to their bedroom. She selected a new ensemble and began changing.
“Derrick? What are you doing in here?” She finally saw him seated on the side of the bathtub. When he held his head up to answer her, his facial expression was one of confusion and despair. When he didn’t answer her, she asked again. “Derrick, what are you doing home this time of day?”
“I didn’t know there were time restraints on when a man can be in his own house.” His brash tone shocked her, and she took a step backward.
“I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all.” Staci studied his face. “Derrick, is something wrong?”
“What do you think? Of course, there’s something wrong with me. I’m not from the perfect family like you are.”
Slowly, Staci zipped her skirt and tried to control her temper. “Derrick, what does my family have to do with your bad attitude?”
He just stared at her with cold eyes.
“Derrick, talk to me. What’s bothering you?”
“I’m tired of this!” he yelled, then walked to his closet and removed a suitcase.
Staci stared at him like he was an alien with two heads. It took a minute for his actions to register in her brain. He was packing his clothes.
“What are you talking about? You’re tired of what?” Staci’s voice was steady, although her body trembled.
“I’m tired of everything. Life. This house and you!” He continued packing.
Staci leaned against the door frame to keep from falling. “How can you be tired of me? You haven’t been with me.”
He continued packing without responding. Staci watched in silence as he grabbed things from the closet, then the chest and the bathroom. With every item he packed, she felt like he was taking a piece of her. She felt her world crashing down on her, like she was sinking into darkness. She didn’t realize she’d slid down the door frame and was now sitting on the floor until her hands touched the carpet.
That’s how she was when Derrick finally looked back in her direction: sitting on the floor with tears streaming down her face. Derrick’s facial expression softened, but just slightly.
“Staci, I just need a break.” His tone was more gentle, but his resolve the same. “I need some time to think about my life and what I want.”
“And you can’t think here, in our home?” she questioned, searching his eyes for the Derrick that used to love her. The one who vowed to love her until death. The Derrick she loved. “You don’t want me anymore? There’s someone else.” It was meant to be a question, and his answers were supposed to assure her that he loved only her. His prolonged silence, however, made it a statement of fact. She turned her head away from him, not wanting him to see how deeply he’d hurt her.
“I just need some time alone,” he whispered, then grabbed his luggage and left.
Staci remained quiet on the floor. When she heard the front door close, her body shuddered. She didn’t allow the sobs that would tear her spirit to shreds and leave her gasping for air to come until after she heard the SUV drive off.
“Oh God!” she screamed over and over. Nothing in her life ever hurt like this. The pain was too much. She lay on the floor in the fetal position crying and holding her stomach until everything went black.
Chapter 9
Staci stretched and looked up at the ceiling. The florescent lights quickly reminded her that the nightmare was indeed real. Derrick had left her. She crawled to her bed and used it to support her weight as she tried to stand. She was too weak and collapsed on the bed.
“Why, God?” she asked with a new batch of tears. “I did everything I knew to do. How could he just leave?” When the silence didn’t answer, she turned over and bawled some more.
Her cell phone rang, and she jumped up and ran to the dresser to answer it. She didn’t check the caller ID, believing it was Derrick, saying he’d made a mistake and was on his way home.
“Derrick!” she yelled into the phone.
“No. Where are you?” It was Marcus. What was left of Staci’s heart sank. “Staci, did you forget the meeting with the attorneys?”
Staci looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was four o’clock. She must have stayed on the floor for two hours. “I’m sorry,” she said between sobs. “I’m at home. I can’t make it.”
“Staci, what’s wrong?”
She couldn’t answer him.
“Staci,” he yelled into the phone. She still didn’t answer. The line went dead.
She summoned the strength to clean her face and went downstairs and unlocked the front door. It didn’t take a genius to know Marcus was on his way over, and probably with her younger brother, Craig. The two had always been very protective of her.
The sunken living room was one of Staci’s favorite places, with the marble fireplace and hardwood floor. The sage walls usually gave the room a warm, cozy feel, but now the room felt cold and hollow, like she felt. Derrick’s leaving had left her empty of more than his company. She’d become accustomed to not having his company, but he took her heart with him this time.
She walked into the kitchen, the same kitchen he’d promised to make her dinner in just hours before. Although she skipped lunch, she wasn’t hungry. She made a cup of chamomile tea. She needed something to help her stop trembling. She was halfway through the first cup when Marcus and Craig walked into the kitchen.
“Staci, what’s going on?” Craig asked, noticing her red, puffy eyes.
Marcus walked from the kitchen into the living room and back. “Where’s Derrick?”
“He’s gone,” she whispered.
“Gone where?” Marcus pressed.
“I don’t know, but he’s not here. He’s gone.” When Staci broke down, Craig put his arm around her.
Marcus sat down at the table. “Tell me what happened.”
It took her awhile, but Staci finally shared with her brothers how her husband had walked out on her. She couldn’t bring herself to tell them that her husband didn’t want her anymore. She just shared that he needed some time.
Part of Staci was glad Derrick was not there. Despite his smaller size, Marcus would have attacked him. Derrick was his boy. Since the day he married Staci, Marcus considered an
d treated Derrick like a brother. They shared a bond, but that wouldn’t prevent Marcus from physically harming him for hurting his only sister.
As if reading his thoughts Staci said, “Marcus, please stay out of this,” then turned to Craig. “Promise me you guys won’t jump Derrick or vandalize his vehicle.” That’s exactly what they had done in their younger days when a guy disrespected their sister.
“Okay, but I might douse him with gasoline and strike a match,” Craig answered seriously. “He’s not so big that he can’t be taken down.”
“Please, this is hard enough to deal with.” Inwardly, Staci hoped this was all temporary. Derrick said he needed space. Maybe after a couple of nights away, he would come back.
This time Marcus read her thoughts. “Maybe this separation is only temporary. I know he loves you.”
Staci couldn’t tell her brother that she didn’t know if Derrick still loved her or not. She hadn’t heard or felt those words in months. “Maybe.” Her faint smile didn’t hold much expectation.
Before Marcus and Craig left, they made her call their parents and tell them what was going on. “You should talk to Mom,” Craig told her. Staci agreed. She could use the comfort of her mother, but what she really wanted was the arms of the first man she ever loved, her father. She needed him to hold her and tell her she was beautiful and make her feel special again.
After telling Carey what happened, there was a long silence on the phone. Unlike her brothers, her father grew quiet when angry. She could imagine his fair skin turning a shade of red. It was only after Derrick promised her father he would love his daughter and give her at least the same care and respect Mr. Simone had given her, did Carey give his blessing on their marriage. Carey recognized Derrick’s issues and had voiced his concern, but he also knew his love for Staci was genuine. Carey treated Derrick like a son. He boasted about Derrick’s success just as much as he did Marcus’s and Craig’s. Now, Derrick had disappointed him by leaving his baby girl alone and unprotected. Staci could tell from her father’s grunts that he would deal with her husband man to man, real soon.
Unresolved Issues Page 4