Observing the strain on Derrick’s face, Staci waited quietly and patiently for him to continue.
“First, he started by saying how happy he was the money he spent on my education didn’t go to waste. He then congratulated me on graduating from dental school and opening up a practice and wished me well in my career.”
Derrick stopped talking, but Staci knew there was more to the story. “What else did he say?” she asked softly, while turning Derrick’s head toward her so she could read his eyes. This time she wiped the tear that trickled down his cheek. “Baby, tell me what your father said.”
Derrick held her gaze. It was time for him to trust her with his whole heart. He wanted to trust her, but it was still hard. As soon as he answered her question, chances were he would break down. The love in Staci’s eyes, however, assured him it was all right for him, a thirty-two-year-old man, to cry and show his insecurities. His wife wouldn’t think any less of him.
He cleared his throat. “Then he told me that my identity as his son would have to remain a secret because of his career.” Derrick paused. “Neither the board of directors nor his wife of thirty-five years would take the news of the medical director’s illegitimate black child too well. Because of that, he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to communicate with each other outside of a professional relationship.” Derrick’s jaw flexed beneath Staci’s fingertips.
“Then he said to limit my communication with him to the telephone. He figured once we’re seen together, it would be easy to see that I’m his son because of the strong resemblance, and he couldn’t risk that. However, he assured me I’d be named as one of his heirs in his will.” Derrick used the back of his hand to wipe his face before asking Staci a question she probably didn’t know the answer to, but at least he could safely vent. “What good is it to have a father if the only time he’s willing to acknowledge you is when he’s dead?”
As suspected, Staci didn’t have a verbal answer for him. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and placed his head in her bosom and stroked his curls to comfort him.
“He had birthday and graduation pictures of his other children—his white children—sitting on his desk. There I was, his firstborn, standing right in his face, and he talked to me like I was a stranger. It didn’t matter to him that I wasn’t a criminal, that I obey the law and don’t do drugs. It didn’t matter to him that I graduated at the top of my class or that I initially pursued medicine because I wanted to be accepted by him.” Derrick’s voice broke, and so did Staci’s heart. She held him tighter. “No matter what I do, I’ll never be accepted by him. He views me as nothing more than his big mistake. That’s all I’ll ever be to him—a mistake.”
Staci felt the satin sheet next to her skin moisten with Derrick’s tears and cried tears of her own for him. She’d known he was wounded by the lack of his father’s presence, but didn’t know just how deep those wounds ran until she heard the horrific sobs coming from deep within his wounded soul. She could not have known; she had a wonderful father. Staci held her husband and rocked him back and forth, while praying fervently for him to find peace and for him to heal.
“Staci,” Derrick said after awhile. He sat up and reached for the box of tissue on the nightstand. “That day, all of my insecurities took over, and I couldn’t handle my father’s rejection. I hated him, and I hated the world, but most of all, I hated myself because I had become him. I realized I was just like him when I chickened out the day you had the abortion.”
“That’s not true,” Staci disagreed with him.
“Yes, it is. I wanted our baby, but I didn’t want it to get in the way of my future. I had plans. I was scared and confused, but the bottom line is, I viewed the baby as an obstacle to achieving what I wanted. I wanted to finish dental school, and I didn’t see how I could do that with a child to support.” Derrick sniffled and regained Staci’s hand.
“The day I left, I didn’t like my life anymore. I was so depressed I was going to commit suicide.”
Staci gasped. “No!”
“When I came home that afternoon, I had planned on overdosing on valium, but you came home early, and I couldn’t do it. That’s why I fought with you. I was mad because you stopped me from ending my life.” He kissed her forehead. “Baby, you saved my life.”
When Derrick’s fingers stroked her cheek, Staci closed her eyes and tried to recall that day. She remembered her reason for coming home early. Her secretary was out sick that day, which left Staci responsible for making her own copies. Unfortunately for her, the machine was out of toner. Staci removed the empty cartridge and attempted to insert a new one. In a freak accident, the toner cartridge from the office copier had spilled on her clothing, and she had come home to change.
“Derrick, you should have told me what you were going through,” she said, after opening her eyes.
“I wanted to, but I’d pushed you away for so long, I thought you wouldn’t listen. Subconsciously, I was afraid that one day you would reject me too, like my father had done. I really wanted to open up to you, but I didn’t have the courage. That’s why I could never share my deep feelings with you, that and the truth about the abortion.”
“But you were gone for four months. After all that we’ve been through over the years, in four months you couldn’t find a way to talk to me?”
He didn’t argue or deny the truth. “I knew how much I had hurt you, and I couldn’t deal with that. I couldn’t risk another rejection. I actually thought you had stopped loving me until my mother’s death.”
Staci didn’t understand the connection. “What happened then?”
“You happened. After the way I treated you, you were still right there supporting me. Staci, physically, I’m stronger than you, but emotionally, you have always been my rock. Now, we can be each other’s rock,” he said before kissing the back of her hand.
“Derrick, honestly, I wanted to stop loving you,” she admitted. “I tried hard to will myself not to love you. But when you really love someone, you can’t make it go away, no matter how much they hurt you. It’s like the unconditional love God has for us. No matter how much wrong we do, He’s still waiting to welcome us back home.”
“Thank you, baby.”
“For what?”
“For loving me when I didn’t know how to love myself.” Derrick was about to kiss his wife, but she held up her hand to stop him.
“Derrick, I thought you weren’t attracted to me anymore and that you had stopped loving me. That’s why it was so easy for me to spend time with Malcolm. He filled the void left by you.” She paused to outline his lips with her fingertips. “Promise me that you’ll tell me when you’re hurting. Promise me you’ll share your feelings with me and not shut me out anymore. That’s what I’m here for.”
“From this day forward, I promise never to leave you out. My heart’s an open book to you, and, sweetheart, you’ll always be beautiful to me.”
After a long conciliatory kiss, Derrick nibbled her neck and ear. “Do you want to know what I’m feeling right now?”
“Probably the same thing I’m feeling,” she answered, and pushed the satin sheet back.
Chapter 35
“Thank you, Dr. Garrison.” Staci smiled and sniffed the red roses Derrick had sent to her office on Monday morning.
“Anything for you, Mrs. Garrison.”
Staci giggled, unable to remember the last time hearing her husband’s voice over the telephone made her feel giddy.
“I miss you.”
“How can you miss me? You just left me three hours ago.” She leaned back and swiveled her chair to face her office window that overlooked the Bay Bridge and San Francisco skyline.
“Three minutes is too long to be away from your soft, beautiful body.”
Staci shifted in her chair as her body began to respond to her husband’s flirtations. “Keep talking like that and I might come to your office and take advantage of you,” she flirted back.
“Any time you want
, baby. The office is half yours, and you can use your half however you wish.”
Staci enjoyed a few more minutes of flirting with Derrick. The entire time she kept pinching herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. After disconnecting the call, she bowed her head and silently prayed. God, thank you so much for restoring my marriage. Thank you for helping me to forgive my husband. Thank you for helping Derrick to open up to me and for helping me to be receptive to him. God, please continue to show us how to love and communicate with each other.
The peace that enveloped Staci brought a smile to her face. However, her smile vanished the second she swiveled around to face her desk.
“Malcolm, what are you doing here?” she asked with disdain. Hadn’t her husband given him the benediction?
“I’m here to see you.”
“How did you get past my secretary?”
“She’s not at her desk.” Without an invitation, Malcolm seated himself in one of the guest chairs.
“Malcolm, you really shouldn’t have come here.” Staci ignored the flowers in his hand.
“Then you should have answered my telephone calls,” he snapped.
He had called so much Saturday evening that she eventually turned her phone off.
“Malcolm, I told you on Saturday, Derrick and I are back together.” Staci used her left hand to push back the curls that had fallen into her face.
Malcolm flinched when he saw the glistening shine of her wedding ring. As he placed the flowers on her desk, he noticed the red bouquet on Staci’s left.
“Are those from him?” he asked, gesturing toward the red roses.
“Yes, they are.” Staci started to smile, but stopped when she saw the fire in his eyes. “Malcolm, I want to thank you for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to, but it’s not a good idea for us to continue communicating with each other.”
“Is that you or your sorry husband talking?” he smirked.
Staci rose to her feet and pointed a finger at Malcolm. “You don’t know enough about my husband to call him sorry.”
Malcolm rose to meet her glare. “I know what you’ve told me, and based on that, he’s worse than sorry. And you’re stupid for letting him back into your life.”
Staci closed her eyes and counted to ten. This was her doing. She’d known better than to bad-mouth her husband to another man, but at that time she didn’t care. She had been so angry with Derrick, she didn’t care who knew how bad of a husband he was.
“Malcolm, I realize you don’t respect my husband, and that’s my fault. But I love him, and we’re going to make our marriage work,” she said without blinking.
“What about me?” Malcolm’s voice softened.
“What do you mean?” Staci thought she read hurt in Malcolm’s eyes.
“I love you, Staci.”
Staci’s shock instantly showed in her burning cheeks, and she mechanically sat back down. “Malcolm, you can’t be serious,” she said after a long silence.
“Yes, I am. I’ve loved you almost from the beginning.”
Staci leaned back in her executive chair, then leaned forward, placing her elbows on her mahogany desk.
“Malcolm, I’m sorry. You’ve been a good friend to me, and you’ve helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life, but I don’t love you. I love Derrick. I’ll always love him.” Although she spoke the words gently, Staci knew the words she’d just spoken hurt Malcolm by the change in his facial expression. She expected a reaction from him, but his response threw her off balance.
“What am I supposed to do now that you’ve finished using me? Do you think that I’m going to just walk away after all the time I’ve invested in us? I don’t think so!” Malcolm yelled and backhandedly knocked the red roses from Derrick off Staci’s desk, causing water and splinters of glass to stain the carpet. Then he walked around her desk and stood over her. “I don’t care what you or your sorry husband think. Staci, you belong to me, and it’s time you started acting like it!” Malcolm bent down and tried to kiss her, but she pushed him off.
“Malcolm, get out before I call security!” she screamed.
“I love you, and you will love me back!” he growled just as Marcus and Chloe burst through her office door.
“Staci, what’s going on?” Marcus demanded.
Staci assumed her older brother sensed her fear when he didn’t wait for an answer. He started for Malcolm and directed Chloe to call security.
“You better walk out of here before I throw you out,” Marcus ordered and pushed Malcolm away from Staci, causing the angry man to fall back against the wall.
Malcolm sneered at Marcus as if he wanted to throw him out of the tenth-floor window. Maybe he would have attempted the task if Marcus wasn’t taller and broader than he was.
“You heard me—get out!” Marcus said, again ready to make good on his threat to physically throw him out.
“Malcolm, leave and don’t ever come back!” Staci ordered, standing next to her brother.
“You won’t get rid of me that easy.” Malcolm’s words sounded more like a threat than a mere statement.
“Whatever, Malcolm,” Staci said just as two armed security guards entered her office.
“It doesn’t have to end like this.” Malcolm tried one last time to get through to Staci.
“Whatever business you had with my sister is over. Now will you prefer these officers escort you out of my place of business, or would you like for me to throw you out of the window?” Marcus threatened, stepping closer to him.
Malcolm turned to Marcus, then retreated with his hands raised. “I’m leaving.” He then glared at Staci. “But this is not over.”
His stare sent chills through her, and she knew this was long from being over.
“What’s going on, Staci?” Security had barely closed the door before Marcus began his interrogation. “Who is that? How do you know him?” Marcus ended his questioning only after he saw tears in Staci’s eyes. “Come here, baby girl,” he said, and gently took his sister into his arms where her tears stained his shirt. When she finished crying, he handed her the box of tissues from her desk and waited for her to explain what had just transpired.
“I met Malcolm after Derrick left,” she began. “We’ve been spending time together, a lot of time together. The other day I told him that Derrick and I are back together. He’s not too happy about that. In fact, he just told me he’s in love with me.”
“Are you serious?” Her disclosure surprised Marcus. “Staci, are you trying to tell me you’ve been having an affair with this man?”
“No. Not exactly.” Staci looked up at Marcus briefly, then lowered her head. “We didn’t sleep together, but . . . I spent time with him and shared things that I shouldn’t have. I’m certainly not in love with him.”
“Does Derrick know about him?”
Staci nodded her answer.
“How does he feel about it?”
“He’s not happy about it, but he understands why I started seeing Malcolm.”
Marcus listened carefully to Staci as she shared the details of her immoral relationship.
“Now that you’ve ended the relationship, this Malcolm is in love with you?” he questioned again.
“That’s what he said.” Staci’s voice broke once more. “But his actions today scared me. I’ve never known him to act the way he just did.”
Marcus placed his arm around her. “I can contact security and have him blocked from entering this building, but you need to tell Derrick what happened here today.” Staci looked up at her big brother with dread and fear. “Derrick is your husband, and he has a right to know when you’ve been threatened.”
“But Marcus, we just got back together,” she whined.
“If you want to stay together, you can’t keep secrets like this from him.”
“But—”
“Malcolm is the other man, and you can’t expect your reconciliation to work if you’re going to keep secrets about seeing
him and his alleged feelings for you.”
Staci knew he was right, but she was afraid of how Derrick would react to hearing Malcolm’s profession of love. She didn’t know what Derrick would do to Malcolm once he found out he’d threatened her. “Marcus, I know you’re right, but—”
Marcus interrupted again. “No buts, Stacelyn. If you don’t tell Derrick by tomorrow, I will.”
Staci knew Marcus was serious; he never called her by her given name. She conceded because she really didn’t want to keep any secrets from Derrick, but she also knew Marcus wasn’t going to wait until tomorrow. Within an hour, Marcus would contact her uncle, Lieutenant André Simone, and learn everything there is to know about Malcolm Leblanc and would pass that information on to her brother Craig and possibly Derrick.
“You’re right. I have to tell him. I just hope this isn’t a setback for us.”
“I wish I could tell you this thing will just blow over, but I have a bad feeling about this Malcolm guy.”
By late afternoon, Staci had completed outlining the quarter’s goals for the store managers and was ready to go home and take a nap before Derrick arrived. Fatigue weighed on her from lack of sleep over the weekend and the stress of Malcolm’s unexpected visit. She logged off her computer and buzzed Marcus’s office and told him of her plans.
Just as she buttoned her suit jacket, Chloe’s voice sounded on the intercom. “Miss Staci, you have a call on line three.” Staci took the call without bothering to ask who was calling.
“This is Staci. How may I help you?” She automatically smiled when answering every business call.
“Why won’t you answer my calls?” Malcolm’s voice was cold and brassy. He had called her cell phone almost constantly since being escorted out earlier that morning.
Staci was taken aback. “Because I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I told you before; you aren’t getting rid of me that easy.”
“Malcolm, let it go. Our friendship is over.”
Unresolved Issues Page 19