by L. C. Davis
“Touching,” I said wryly. I couldn't make out more than the blurry shape of his head after being blinded by the light, but I knew he was grinning.
“Alright, great outdoor adventure take two,” he said, pushing the door open and nudging me out. Once we were outside, I still couldn't see clearly but the light was filtered to a tolerable level. I pulled the jacket up to cover my lower face and my hair shielded much of the rest. The few patches of my skin tingled with the sensation of a mild sunburn, but it wasn't the intense all-over assault from earlier.
Brendan stopped at the vibrant red Mustang I had always assumed was his and opened the door.
“Why don't we take my truck instead?” suggested Sebastian.
“Hey, this is my trip. You're just along for the ride. But not literally, 'cuz Johnny only seats two. You can follow us there,” he said, closing the door on me. They argued for another moment before Brendan climbed inside the car and Sebastian stalked to the other side of the parking lot.
“This is a really nice car,” I said, hoping it had air conditioning. He started it up and the vents kicked in.
“Thanks,” he said proudly. “This one right here is my pride and joy. Put most of the parts in myself.”
“Wow,” I said, impressed. “That must have been hard.”
“Nah, my gramps and I did that kind of stuff all the time,” he said, starting off towards town. I knew the top was only up for my sake. It was the kind of small, surprisingly sweet gesture I had come to realize was common for him. I couldn't say I wished any part of this world on Maverick, but he could certainly do a lot worse than Brendan.
“That's cool. Is he a werewolf, too?” Sebastian and Victor were both so guarded about their past that I was more than a little curious about what other werewolf families were like.
“Was,” he corrected. “So was my grandma. They basically raised me and taught me everything there is to know about being a wolf.”
“I'm sorry, are your parents....?”
“Dead?” He finished for me with a dry laugh. “Nah, they're fine. They're the alphas of a pack down in Oregon, actually. They disowned me for being gay and dumped me on my grandparents when I was twelve.
“I'm so sorry,” I murmured. It was the truth. The numbness was back, but I was learning that it didn't mean I was unable to recognize a shitty situation or wish that it was better for someone I cared about. Brendan had already fallen into that category.
He shrugged. “They were always assholes. At least they were consistent when it came to hating their own kid.”
“Still,” I said. “That must have been hard not having them when you were first starting to shift.”
“I was an early bloomer, even for an original wolf. I'd already started shifting a couple of years before that, but yeah, it sucked. Not as much as finding out your mom's a psycho vampire and that you almost dated your dad.”
I rolled my eyes. “I didn't almost date him. He never agreed to your cheesy grand prize and he would have said no even if he hadn't recognized me. As for Sarah, her not being a shitty person would have been the surprise.”
“How about the old man? Kind of weird to think of him having a kid,” he said, turning on the road that led into town.
“I think he'd agree with you there,” I said, yawning. I could hardly sleep, but that didn't stop me from being exhausted. Or from blacking out, apparently. “Especially a vampire kid.”
“Half-vampire,” he said, emphasizing the half. “It's strange to think of him screwing a vampire, but I guess it's even weirder to think of him screwing a woman.”
“Maybe he's bisexual,” I said, not entirely comfortable with the discussion topic. “And at this point, I'd say the vampire half is clearly dominant.”
He shrugged. “Most of the vampires I've known wouldn't have turned down the chance to be surrounded by prey after being locked up for months on end. Or beg to be put down because they thought they killed someone.”
“So that was a test?”
“I guess it's all a test. In case you haven't figured it out yet, none of us know what to do with you,” he said, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
I smiled a little. “No, that much is obvious.”
“We're doing our best,” he laughed. “Some more than others.”
“By others you mean Sebastian.”
“Sebastian is… What he did was fucked up,” he said, growing serious. “I'm not gonna make excuses for him, but he really doesn't think you're you.”
“He's not wrong. I'm not the person he fell in love with.”
“Yeah, yeah, psychic suppression, blah blah blah, I was there for Victor's welcome back spiel,” he said, turning into the town's main shopping center. “I don't buy all that bullshit. There's only one you, no matter how much you change or what you suppress. Werewolf, vampire, human, it's all the same soul.”
“Is it?” I wasn't so sure.
“It is,” he said, circling the lot until he found a spot as far away from the other cars as possible. Probably to make sure no one scratched “Johnny.” “I think people just like to pretend they have all these secret compartments and layers so they don't have to take responsibility for their bullshit.”
“Tell me how you really feel, Brendan.”
He grinned. “What? You're a big scary vamp now who supposedly doesn't have any emotions. You can handle it.”
“So you think I'm faking it?”
“Not faking,” he said, hesitating. “I think you really believe you're not the same person, but it's pretty convenient, don't you think? You had to repress your emotions just so you could kill that rapist son of a bitch to save Victor's life? I don't think your problem is a lack of conscience, just too much of it.”
I cringed. “Exactly how many of the gory details did Victor regale you with?”
“Enough,” he replied. “Ulric's decision to let you back into the Lodge had its opponents. The details mattered.”
“Opponents?” I asked wryly. “You mean Clarence and Jason.”
“Hey, you did bite Jason,” he reminded me. “I can at least say I pushed for you to stay after everything Victor told us.”
“Why?” I asked, unable to hide my doubt.
He shrugged. “We've got more in common than you think. You didn't have anywhere else to go and I know what that's like. Hell, that's how I ended up here after my grandparents died.”
“I guess Ulric really does have a habit of taking in strays,” I murmured.
Brendan's hand settled on my shoulder, warm and reassuring. Sometimes I wasn't sure whether the wolves were unnaturally warm or if I was just unnaturally cold.
“I don't know what happened with your mother, but I know he would have taken you if he could have. The old man is like a father to all of us, but the way he talks about you is different. He might not know how to show it, but he loves you,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle.
At one point, I would have found his well-intentioned speech comforting, but there simply wasn't anything to console. “Thanks,” I said anyway. Maybe Ulric did love me in his own distant way. All I knew was that I was grateful for the distance. There was no room in my life for one more person to disappoint.
Sebastian pulled up beside us and Brendan sighed. “Come on. Just stick close and tell me if you start feeling thirsty.” He disappeared and before I could open the door, Sebastian flung it open.
He leaned in, offering his hand. I didn't take it. “I'm fine,” I said, walking past him to stand with Brendan. He gave Sebastian a shrug and mouthed, “Sorry, bro.”
“What are we here for?” I asked, huddling into Brendan's jacket for protection. Some kids and their mother were gawking at me from across the lot. Children had always had a habit of gawking me, like they were able to sense what a freak I was before I had any idea. Now was no different.
“I'm out of protein shakes, and it's my turn to pick up supplies. Paper towels, dish soap, that kind of stuff,” he said. “Nothing exciting, but
it's better than being stuck at the Lodge. “
I gave him a small smile of agreement, resisting the urge to run into the shelter of the store. We didn't need to attract any more attention than we already were. It wasn't just the kids. Everyone was staring at us. We must have looked like a celebrity in hiding being escorted by two super-sized bodyguards.
I held my breath once we made it into the store. Being docile around humans in the open air was one thing, but being in close quarters with a store full of them was another matter entirely. Brendan was trying to act casual, but I could still feel his eyes on me, every bit as watchful as Sebastian's.
We made it past the crowded entrance and Brendan headed down the paper goods aisle. It was bizarre to think of someone like him doing mundane household errands, but here he was. I guess even a place as otherworldly as the Lodge ran out of paper towels eventually.
“You doin' okay, bloodsucker?” He said the term so affectionately it was impossible to take offense. Sebastian on the other hand had the nerve to bristle and glare at Brendan, as if coming to my defense.
“I'm good,” I said, ignoring him. Good might have been an exaggeration, but it wasn't a complete lie either. I had been breathing regularly for a full two minutes, and I wasn't ready to lunge yet. Of course I was still hungry after not feeding much the day before. Since Maverick's master had destroyed my entire supply of werewolf blood I was particularly restless, if anything, but I didn't feel like I was anywhere close to attacking someone.
A woman squeezed by us in the narrow aisle that Sebastian and Brendan took up nearly all of. Her scent caught the air and my nose wrinkled involuntarily. Two sets of keen wolf eyes were on me in an instant.
“I'm fine,” I said, taking a slow, controlled breath. Victor had warned me to always stay consistent with my breathing so nothing could surprise me.
“I don't think this was a good idea,” said Sebastian.
“He can't spend the rest of eternity in the dungeon,” said Brendan, a bit too loudly. Another man in the aisle was giving us a strange look.
“I might not have a full range of emotions anymore, but I can still feel embarrassment,” I muttered, grabbing the biggest thing of paper towels I could find and tossing it in the cart. “Can we please try to keep the weird talk to a minimum?”
They looked at each other and shrugged. I glanced at the list in Brendan's hands before taking it. “Garbage bags next, right?”
“Yeah, I can't ever find them though,” he said, squinting at the aisle markers above us.
I tapped his arm and pointed to the entire aisle of trash bags across the aisle. “You mean those?”
“Dude,” he said, enthusiastically wheeling the cart over to put a few yellow boxes inside the cart. “Good eye.”
I was glad he couldn't see the way I was looking at him behind his glasses. I shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over my arm. The store was cold, but I already looked strange enough wearing douche shades indoors without also wearing a jacket that clearly wasn't mine.
Brendan wandered into the next few aisles and Sebastian and I followed him. Every now and then, I'd help him locate some item the employees had “hidden” in the store. There was something incredibly relaxing about doing such a mundane, human activity like shopping even accompanied by oversized bodyguards. Did they count as bodyguards if they were protecting everyone else from me?
The tranquility didn't last long. Professor Winters disappeared down the neighboring aisle and I darted behind Brendan to hide. It was definitely him. The black hair, long and slicked back on top and closely shaved at the sides, was unmistakable when paired with his thick horn rimmed glasses, even in Washington. If he ever grew a beard, I was pretty sure he was legally obligated to put out an indie album. He was just that much of a hipster.
“Having trouble?” Sebastian asked, frowning.
Brendan tried to turn to see me but I kept behind my shield. “No,” I said, my voice dangerously approaching a hiss. “That's the professor I used to work for at the college.”
“Is that all?” Brendan laughed. “I run into my old profs all the time. Chill, you're the one who dropped out, remember?”
“That's why I don't want to run into him. It's awkward.” It sounded so petty when I said it out loud. Both of them were staring at me, clearly judging. “Can we please just go around the other way?” I begged.
“Yeah, sure,” said Brendan. “I still need shake powder anyway. We'll take a detour, I'm sure he'll be gone by the time we get back.”
“Thank you,” I said, all but clinging to him as I followed him. The idea of running into Prentice after all the uncertainty and excuses I'd put him through was unbearably awkward. I may have survived being staked, but I didn't think even I could withstand direct exposure to that amount of concentrated shame.
“Why are you so wound up about this guy?” asked Sebastian. “Was there something between you?” He wasn't doing a good job at hiding the jealousy in his voice. I gave him an incredulous look. First he wanted nothing to do with me, then he tried to convince me I murdered my friend, and now he was acting like his old possessive self. I could live with him hating me or obsessing over me, but not both.
“No,” I hissed. “Don't even insinuate things like that, you could cost him his job in a town like this.”
“Well, after everything that's happened I've never seen you this freaked out about me or Victor,” he said defensively.
“That's because you don't count.” I reconsidered my words upon seeing his indignant expression. “That's not what I meant. You and Victor are different, it's like I've known you forever,” I said, digging myself in deeper. “Okay, I have known you forever. It's just different. Prentice was my employer and he invested a lot in me professionally and academically.”
“I bet he did,” Sebastian muttered.
I glared, checking to make sure there was no one else in the aisle. “I'm serious. Any prayer I had of getting into grad school flew out the window when I dropped out.” I wasn't even sure I wanted that anymore—hell, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live these days—but I didn't want the choice to be made for me because my actions made it too humiliating to ever go back.
“Oh, if that's all you're worried about, then don't. I think Ulric practically owns the library you worked in,” said Sebastian. “I mean, we more or less bought Brendan his degree.”
“Wash U for life!” he whooped, fist pumping the air. Someone in the next aisle returned the sound like a mating call.
I rolled my eyes. “That's nice for Brendan, but there's this little thing called academic integrity.”
“I thought you didn't care about that stuff anymore,” said Sebastian, arching an eyebrow.
“Whatever,” I muttered, trying to ignore his look of smug satisfaction. He knew that “whatever” was me conceding defeat. I was beginning to wish there was a way you could isolate all the little bits of intimate knowledge that made a good lover into an annoying ex and take them back along with all your other personal artifacts.
As we rounded the aisle, my dull heart stopped in its place. We were now face-to-face with Prentice and his basket full of what seemed to be barbecue supplies. Charcoal, tongs and enough meat to feed a small army.
“Oh,” he spoke first. When our eyes met, it was every bit as painfully awkward as I had imagined. Worse, if possible. “Hello, Remus,” he said after a long pause.
“Hi,” I said, waving slightly. Brendan's stifled laugh-cough confirmed that waving was definitely not the right thing to do.
“I ah, haven't seen you around. When you said you were leaving school, I assumed you would be moving out of state.” It was hard to tell if it was hurt or judgment in his voice. Maybe a bit of both. I was distracted by something else entirely. Fortunately, the superior quality of the blood coursing through the veins of my canine babysitters was enough of a distraction that the scents of the other humans were considerably less interesting.
Except or Prentice. He smelled of allu
ring delicacies no chef had even conceived of. I wasn't having trouble before. In fact, I had been having such an easy time I was actually beginning to toy with the foolish idea that I could have some semblance of a normal life.
Not now.
I gripped Sebastian's arm, partially for support and partially to tether myself to him so he would notice immediately if I suddenly lunged. It felt like an inevitability at that point. They were all staring at me and I realized I had been silent far too long. “Huh?” I sounded like such an airhead.
“I was just saying, I thought you had moved,” he clarified, stepping aside to allow another customer to pass him.
I swallowed hard. My throat was dry with thirst. Why had I ever let them bring me out like this? I was suddenly grateful for the lingering effects of the tranquilizer. “N-no,” I stammered. “Uh, sorry. I'm still around, I just needed to take some time off for family things,” I said, touching my neck instinctively. It was a reflective action and a giveaway to the fact that I wanted to rip into his.
“Family?” He frowned. “You told me you grew up in foster care.”
My heart tumbled in my chest. I couldn't form words, never mind a coherent excuse.
“Yeah, my parents fostered all the time,” said Brendan, draping an arm around my shoulder. “When I moved out here and heard he was in the area, we reconnected.”
I breathed a silent sigh of relief and vowed to thank him profusely later for the rescue. “Oh,” said Prentice. He obviously didn't believe it, but there was nothing he could say. “That's wonderful. And you are?” he asked, turning to Sebastian.
“He's my --”
“He's my boyfriend's brother,” I interrupted. Sebastian's face betrayed his hurt, but it was worth it. I didn't want to spend the next however many years sneaking around on dates because everyone thought I was still with him, or being judged for dumping one boyfriend only to move on to his brother. He was the one who had broken up with me, and now he could deal with the consequences just like I was.