“We wanted to,” Madison said. She motioned behind her at the bellman, who was standing beside a brass baggage cart stacked with presents. “It’s not much, but it’s what we could afford. I hope you understand.”
I went over and gave her a hug as Alex shook his cousin’s hand and then exchanged a few slaps on the back. “It’s more than enough,” I said. “Thank you both. Sincerely.”
“I tried my best when it came to picking out the right thing for Blackwell, but I’m pretty certain that she’s going to be underwhelmed by it. Brock and I would have loved to have bought her a new Birkin or a new Chanel suit, but that’s just not in the cards for us right now.”
“And she knows that,” I said. “I’m sure that a lot of thought went into everything Brock and you chose, and that’s what matters. But please don’t stress out over any of it. These next few days aren’t about the gifts, OK? They’re meant to be fun. I can’t have you thinking that you should have done more or less going into the holidays. This is purely about spending time with family and friends—and I mean that, Madison. You’ll see. You and I, after all, have been elected to cook Christmas dinner!”
“We have?” she said. “Oh, I love to cook! Just ask Brock.”
“She’s an amazing cook,” he said. “In fact, I’ve been hitting the gym hard because of her cooking.”
“I’m so on board,” Madison said to me. “We’ll put on a feast.”
“Indeed, we will,” I said.
“We should go,” Alex said. “Blackwell, Daniella, and Alexa are likely waiting for us—and we all know how that will go if we’re even a minute late.”
SINCE BLACKWELL ALWAYS carried with her a bag of demands, I was instructed to call her just before we arrived.
“We’re here,” I said as we pulled up in front of her Fifth Avenue apartment complex. “Are you ready to go?”
“Don’t count on it,” she said in a hushed voice. “Those two have been at it since morning.”
“Over what?”
“Boy things. Apparently, Daniella has killed off yet another one.”
“Another one? How many men can that girl go through in a year? Is she all right?”
“You know how she is. Whenever this happens to her, she becomes moody and difficult in an effort to conceal whatever hurt and disappointment she’s feeling. And this time it must be significant, because that girl has been impossible. She and Alexa had a fight this morning that likely shook this city to its core. But enough about that. We’ll be down in five minutes. Be prepared for their sour moods, and also for a motherlode of gifts. I’ll need space for them. You did reserve space for me, didn’t you?”
“We have a separate SUV to accommodate everything, so don’t worry. I’ll ride with you and the girls. Alex will ride with Cutter, Brock, and Madison. And because today I feel like nothing short of a Christmas angel, I’ll also help you keep the peace between the girls.”
“At this point and in their state right now, that’s a long shot. What I really need is for you to become a member of the United Nations. You have no idea what those two have been like since they started in on each other this morning. It’s been disastrous. But join me in keeping them at bay at your own peril! I’ll see you in five.”
But it was a full twenty minutes before Blackwell and the girls arrived—which was pushing it since we needed to board the Lear at 11:30, thirty minutes before our takeoff. With haste, Alex, Cutter, and Zack started to put all of Blackwell’s gifts and luggage into the back of Zack’s SUV, while I went over to hug Blackwell, and then Daniella and Alexa.
“How are you, girls?” I asked.
“At war,” Alexa said.
“Please,” Daniella said. “You’re no longer worthy of my time. And neither is anyone else.” She turned toward Cutter, who thankfully was out of earshot. “With the exception of Cutter.”
“Oh, God, Daniella—not this again,” Blackwell said.
“Oh, yes,” Daniella said. “Just look at him—perfection. Still single, I assume? Don’t bother answering, because I already know that he is. And how can that possibly even be the case? For reasons that I still can’t wrap my head around, that bitch he was seeing dumped him in favor of moving forward with her career, as if that’s the fucking meaning of life? Still, her loss is my gain. Just watch me win him over this time, because I plan to. After dear Susan’s departure, Cutter must be longing for the right woman to come along. And I am so the right woman. I’ve said it time and again, but no one will listen to me. So listen up, kids, because their break up happened for a reason. The universe has spoken. It knows that we were meant to be together.”
“What do you, of all people, know about the universe?” Alexa said. “Let alone our own planet, which is in its death throes at this point. Given the sheer amount of hairspray you used this morning, which knocked a few more holes into the ozone, it’s clear that you don’t give a shit about anything or anyone other than yourself. Your whole being is just about serving yourself. I think that you’re a grotesque.”
“And I think that you’re just jelly because you’ll never be able to serve up the kind of hotness that I’m offering right now. I mean look at me, for God’s sake. I’m totes turning it out—as I do every day.”
“God, you’re shallow. It hurts me to even call you my sister.”
“I’m not shallow where it matters most,” Daniella said.
“Which brings us back to the fact that you’re also pretty much a bonafide slut.”
“Says the dyke who hasn’t even been laid yet—even though you are in your twenties. You’re so pathetic, Alexa, it’s embarrassing.”
“I’m not a lesbian, Daniella. But if I were and if you had a problem with that, it would reveal who you really are at heart. A homophobe.”
“Whatevs. I love the gays.”
“That’s enough!” Blackwell said through gritted teeth. “I told you to get in line, and I meant it. Don’t cross me.”
“I speak the truth, and your little tree-hugger here knows it, Mommie Dearest.”
“Here’s the truth,” Alexa said. “The reason Cutter wants nothing to do with Daniella is because her self-esteem is so far in the gutter, she comes off as desperate. Needy. Wanton. Messy. Why would any man like him, who totally has his shit together, ever be interested in someone like her? Here’s a quick answer—he wouldn’t. So, Daniella, don’t get your hopes up when it comes to Cutter—because he likely sees you as poison, just as the rest of us do.”
LATER, WHEN WE FINALLY were in the air and headed toward Maine, I asked Madison to join me in the galley and took her aside.
“So,” I said, discreetly nodding over toward Daniella and Alexa, who were sitting well away from each other. “Have you sensed the tension between those two?”
“You mean in ways that might have rocketed the planet off its normal trajectory?”
“How about if we try to quell it?”
“With a nuclear bomb?”
“No, but close to one. Look, I know that it’s only noon, but we now are officially on vacation. Even though it’s only an hour’s flight from here to Bangor, what do you say we haul out the drink cart and try to make things festive?”
“That could go one of two ways,” she said. “If those two get lit, tensions could explode. But if they just get a happy little buzz, maybe it’ll help them get along. You know them far better than I do, so what’s your take?”
“At their cores, they actually love each other. I’ve seen it first-hand in ways that I won’t bore you with now. But it’s real—there is love between them, as impossible as that is for you to fathom right now. And trust me—I’ve actually seen how the help of one drink can actually lighten their moods. That said, any more than one drink would indeed be a complete disaster, so we need to keep this just to the one.”
“Then I say it’s drinks for everyone!” she said.
We were flying without a flight attendant because Cutter was trained to handle any kind of air emergency, so Madison
and I loaded up the cart with fresh ice, clean glasses, napkins, and bottles of booze. When we were finished, we winked at each other, and then entered the cabin.
“Drinks, anyone?” I called out as I pressed the silver cart in front of me.
“Oh, no you’re not,” Alex said.
“Oh, yes I am,” I said. “This party has officially begun. Who wants what? Madison and I have a bit of everything—even a Guinness for you, Cutter, because Tank told me that’s what you drink.”
“He and I love our Guinness,” he said. “But I’m on duty, Jennifer, so I’ll need to pass.”
“And I appreciate that,” I said. “But how about if you just take one sip when we all toast each other? Certainly that won’t hurt. What do you think?”
“One sip should be fine,” he said. “But just one. I’m game.”
“Groovy!”
“Who in the hell says ‘groovy’?” I heard Daniella say under her breath. “I thought Jennifer was cooler than that.”
“Shut up, Daniella,” Alexa said. “You’re being rude.”
“Whatevs. When it comes to my Jenny from the block, I expect more than that kind of shit.”
I saw that Alexa was about to speak back to her sister when Cutter said, “Criticizing our hosts on any level seems disrespectful to me. Wouldn’t you agree, Daniella?”
Shit just got real!
“Oh,” she said as she looked across the aisle at him. “I was only joking.”
“The hell you were,” Alexa said.
“No, I was. I love the word ‘groovy.’ I really do. And I know she only said it in jest. I’m grateful to Alex and to Jennifer for inviting us along. And I’m especially grateful that you’re here, Cutter.”
He didn’t respond to that. Instead, he just took the glass of Guinness I offered to him and sat still in silence while Daniella blinked at him and Madison and I moved down the aisle to serve drinks to everyone.
CHAPTER SIX
WHEN WE ARRIVED AT the cabin Alex had rented for us, the use of the word ‘cabin’ no longer held any meaning for us. Seeing photographs of this beast of a house was one thing. But driving up to it in person? That was an experience that even I didn’t expect. This place was pretty much a snowbound mansion.
“Oh, my God,” I said as we approached it. “Look at it Barbara—it’s amazing.”
“Well, it certainly is large,” she said. “And I have to admit that it’s lovely. Look at all of the floor-to-ceiling windows. And how they’ve lit the whole house from within in anticipation of our arrival. Gorgeous. And look at the lake to our left, which is stunning, even in twilight. How big is this house again?”
“Something like nine-thousand square feet, I think. Maybe more—I can’t quite remember. But it’s huge.”
“It should offer all of us plenty of room.”
“To say the least. Alex went out of his way to take care of all of us, which just makes me love him more. And look at how private it is. I don’t see another house in sight.”
“Neither do I, so I’m declaring this as nothing short of a goddamned snow-globe miracle,” Blackwell said as we arrived at the estate. “In fact, as I look at it, I can actually imagine this house tucked into one of those ridiculous, touristy little snow globes. Shake the damned thing, and watch the snow fall down upon it like diamonds. That said, I can only hope that the inside matches the outside, because one never knows...”
“I’ve seen the photos,” I said. “I think that we’ll be fine, but we’ll see. What do you think, girls?”
“All I need is my own bedroom and bathroom, and I’m good,” Daniella said. “But it is beautiful,” she added. “Where is Cutter going to sleep?”
Neither Blackwell nor I answered that question, even though we both knew that wherever he slept, it would be far away from her.
“Is it solar powered?” Alexa asked. “Because with a bright blue sky and all of the snow surrounding it, just imagine what solar energy could do for a house such as this. I’ll love it even more if I find out that it uses green energy. But even if it doesn’t, Jennifer, it’s amazing. Thank you for inviting us. I mean, look at that lake! It’s like the ocean. I can’t see an end to it. I so want to explore it, along with the woods. And to breathe in the fresh air. To hear the sounds of birds I’ve never heard before. And maybe we’ll even see deer. Or moose. Or whatever! I’m really excited.”
“What you need to come face-to-face with is a skunk,” Daniella said. “Or better yet—a bear. Because all of this mooning of yours over nature makes me want to vomit. What I want to know is this—how close are we to the bars? Where are the best restaurants? Because if Cutter decides he really does want nothing to do with me, I want to know where I need to go to find men who are single and available. I already know that this place is loaded with them. People come to ski resorts for two simple reasons—to ski and to get laid. I’m here for the latter.”
“You’re such a whore,” Alexa said.
“And a satisfied one.”
“Who are you?” Blackwell said. “Where did I go wrong with you to make you speak like that?”
“I’m a grown woman, Mother. I make my own decisions when it comes to my body. And after the way Cutter shut me down on the plane, I’m prepared to move on—if I need to, not that I’m counting that out just yet. But if that turns out to be the case, my body is needing me some big, strapping, ski-sloping stud to come along as soon as possible. Before I leave here, somebody’s jingle bells will be banging against my doorbell. I can promise all of you that.”
“You’re disgusting,” Alexa said.
“And you should turn yourself over to the Amish,” Daniella said. “You are so repressed, my little lesbo virgin. And how sad is that?”
“Oh, Daniella,” Alexa said. “How I want to cry for you right now. What you don’t know is that when it comes to this trip? I’m about to put your sorry ass to shame.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“Nothing,” Alexa said. “Or everything. We’ll see.”
When she said that, there was a light, teasing, lilting tone to her voice, which no one could overlook—nor its implications.
What does she have up her sleeve?
“Anyway,” I intervened in a light voice that sounded canned even to me as the SUV pulled in front of the house. “We’re here! So, let’s get out of the car and explore.”
THE HOUSE WAS BEYOND any of our expectations.
As Cutter moved all of our luggage and gifts out of the SUVs and into the foyer, the lot of us just looked around when we stepped inside.
“It’s fantastic,” I said as I wrapped my arm around Alex’s waist. “It’s perfect, Alex!”
“I’m glad that you like it, Mrs. Wenn.”
“And I do, Mr. Wenn. Just look at this place! And look into the living room at the tree—how tall is that thing? Twenty feet? It must be. And look at the decorations—they’re beautiful,” I said. “It’s beyond what I’d imagined, Alex. Thank you!”
“It’s my pleasure,” he said. “I had nothing to do with the tree or with the decorating, though from what I can see, the team I hired did a fine job. When it comes to these sorts of rentals, you never really know what you’re getting into. But a friend of mine recommended this place to me, so on his advice alone, I went with it. And he was right. So far, this place looks great, and we’ve yet to see all of it.”
“Where are the bedrooms?” Daniella asked. “I want to choose mine before anyone else chooses theirs.”
“The bedrooms have already been assigned,” Alex said.
“They’ve been what?”
“Just what I said. Jennifer and I have ours. Brock and Madison have theirs. And your mother, Cutter, you, and Alexa each have your own. There is no picking or choosing when it comes to who wants which room, so my suggestion is that you enjoy what you have, and be happy that you have it. I doubt that you’ll be disappointed.”
“But what if I am?” she said.
And when Da
niella said that, Alex stepped away from me and walked over to her.
“Then I’d be pleased to put you back on a plane back to Manhattan, Daniella. I’m not joking, because you’re an adult now, and at this point in your life, you know how to behave—especially when you’re a guest. After last Christmas, I expect you to be on your best behavior while we’re here. And believe me—I mean that.”
“Oh, burn!” Alexa said.
“I don’t need your help, Alexa,” he said. “Because I also expect the same from you while we’re here. No bickering or fighting between you two. I won’t have it.”
“That’s right,” Daniella said. “Because she’s the one who always starts it.”
“That’s not true,” Alexa said. “You do.”
“Enough,” Alex said.
“Agreed,” Blackwell said.
“You are our guests. We’ve gone to a great deal of trouble to make this Christmas something memorable for everyone. And I hope that both of you will appreciate your good fortune because of our efforts. But that’s up to you two. If you find that you can’t be polite to each other, then I’ll send you back to Manhattan, and next year we’ll reassess whether you’ll be invited to join us again.”
“Well, that’s kind of harsh,” Daniella said.
“Actually, he’s right,” Alexa said. “Uncle Alex, I promise that I’ll keep myself in check even if she doesn’t.”
“You’re such a suck-up, Alexa. You always have been.”
“All right,” Alex said. “So, right now I’m going to just address you, Daniella. You just turned twenty-three. And in my opinion? It’s time for you to act like it. Our time here means too much to me and to everyone else for you to ruin it for us. And I’m telling you right now that I won’t allow you to ruin it. Am I clear on that?”
“Uncle Alex—”
“There’s nothing more to say on the matter, Daniella. Either you agree, or you disagree. You’re no longer a little girl—and you haven’t been one for some time. So that pass I gave you when you were acting up last Christmas is long gone at this point. At your age, you know how to treat people with respect. You also need to know that there are consequences if you don’t.”
Holiday: Annihilate Him, #4 Page 5