Just as he heard Audra’s voice coming from inside the house, his phone vibrated in his pocket. As he reached into his pants to retrieve it, James had the sudden hope that it was Natalie, despite all odds. It was Avery’s name, however, that greeted him in a new text message, and with it a thumbnail image he could barely make out under the bright sunlight. He opened the messages app and tapped the photo, only to be met with a crystal clear picture of the beautiful actress, naked from head to toe and posing very provocatively in a full length mirror. The accompanying message read, ‘Headed your way this week. Reunion?’
James closed the app without replying just as his father, Frankie, Celine, and Audra, who was holding Colin to her chest, stepped out into the sunshine. Audra glanced in his direction and offered a brief but polite smile. He almost felt disappointed by the fact that she did not look out of the ordinary at all, as if he were expecting her to have changed somehow in the past few weeks. It was stupid, really; Audra Robertson was not the type of woman who wore her heart on her sleeve.
At the insistence of one of the women in black, they sat at the decorated dining table and continued whatever conversation they were having inside. James watched from his place at the head of the table as Celine played hostess with his father, her sister, and their kids.
To anyone on the outside, their gathering might have looked picture perfect: A loving family gathered in a beautiful home on a Sunday afternoon for a meal and some shared laughter. The nuanced complexities of their individual relationships was completely lost in the idyllic scene.
“Aunt Audra, do you want to have kids of your own?” Frankie asked. Everyone went silent for a moment, the question breaking the unspoken agreement they had all seemingly made with one another.
“Frankie, honey, that is a very personal question to ask your aunt.” Celine glanced at James as though he might know how to handle the question.
“No, it’s okay,” Audra replied. A bright smile lit up her face as she looked down at the sleeping baby cradled in her arms. “You know, Frankie, I have not really given it too much thought in the past, but, yes, I think I would like to have kids of my own. Or maybe just one, and hopefully he or she is as great as you.”
Frankie’s smile was enough to soften any heart, and James found himself smiling because of her, in spite of his own temperament. That is, until his father cleared his throat, a sign that he was about to put in his own two cents into the discussion.
“How would that work, Audra?” Jackson asked, feigning curiosity.
Audra’s chestnut eyes flashed with irritation for the briefest of moments, only to disappear into nonchalance. “The same way it works with anyone else, Jackson.”
“Well, not the same way,” he said, the unnecessary emphasis on the word grating James’ nerves, and he imagined Audra’s as well. Both Audra and Celine shifted uncomfortably, and James fought the urge to kick his father’s leg under the table.
“Actually the science of reproduction has come a long way, Jackson. Unlike more traditional attempts at procreation, I would have the benefit of a reproductive endocrinologist helping me out. All I need is the right donor and possibly a surrogate.”
Celine raised a hand in the air to call for the catering staff. “Maybe we should-“
“Sounds like you have given it some thought,” James’ father interrupted.
James caught Audra’s eye, wondering if she was sharing the same unspoken thought he was. He knew she had done her fair share of research into the matter. More than a year ago she sought the counsel of a fertility doctor to explore her options, and he had the distinct impression she was deciding whether or not she could ask James to be her sperm donor. Unbeknownst to Audra, he had long ago determined that if she ever did ask him to be the biological father of her children, he would agree in a heartbeat. He had even sought counsel himself - a lawyer specializing in reproductive and family law - and had a co-parenting agreement drafted in the event Audra did ask him. She had yet to pursue the matter any further.
“Enough to know my options, Jackson.”
“Dad, she is a lesbian, not another species. Maybe you could Google your questions instead?”
“What is a reproductive endocrinologist?” Frankie asked before Jackson could respond to James.
“A fertility doctor,” Audra answered, turning her attention back to the curious little girl. “A doctor who helps make babies for mommies and daddies.”
“Oh. What is a surrogate?” Frankie asked. Next to her Celine’s face was blooming a bright shade of pink. On the other side of Frankie, Audra was composed and unfazed by the girl’s inquisition.
“A surrogate is a mommy who carries a baby for another mommy or daddy.”
“You mean you would not carry the baby in your own tummy?”
“Frankie, honey, why don’t we save the questions until after lunch?” James interrupted.
“No, it’s fine,” Audra dismissed him. “I do not know if I would want to carry the baby myself, Frankie. Fortunately I have many options available to me when the time comes.”
Jackson leaned forward with his elbows on the table, and asked, “So who would be the mom, you or your girlfriend?”
A stunned silence descended upon them so quickly James could hear the sound of the palm trees swaying with the Pacific breeze. The tinkling melody of wind chimes rang from an unknown distance. As if sensing the silence was their cue, the catering staff surrounded the dining table wielding platters of freshly barbecued hamburger patties, hot dogs, baked buns, bowls of beans, potato salad and fruit, chips in all varieties with several smaller bowls of dip and salsa. Their empty glasses were filled with sparkling lemonade and crisp flat water. James watched the scene before him feeling completely detached from it, like he was watching someone else’s family pretend to be completely normal. He looked to Audra in an effort to gauge what she was thinking, but she seemed to be avoiding his eye contact.
“Thank you so much!” Celine said to the serving staff, an insincere smile marring her face.
“You know what, Jackson?” Audra said finally. All eyes turned to her, food momentarily forgotten. “I have yet to broach the subject of family with my girlfriend. But when I do I will be sure to give you a call so you have all the details. Since you are so interested,” she added, sarcasm dripping from each word through her smile.
‘My girlfriend’. The words felt as real as the sting of Natalie’s hand slapping his cheek.
“So it’s official then?” Celine’s honeyed words matched her saccharine smile. “That Natalie sure knows how to pick the right people. First James and now Audra? Careful, Jackson, or she may come for you next.”
James stood - the movement so abrupt his chair knocked over backwards - and wordlessly stalked to the double-French door entrance back into the enormous home. He banked right at the family room for the library-slash-office and shut away inside the mostly empty space. The room’s floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and rich wood paneling heavily favored the style of the same room back in his former family home in New York, only with views of a courtyard with the Santa Ynez mountains in the distance, rather than the English garden that had been immaculately constructed in Celine’s former home. A few crystal decanters were filled with clear and amber liquids on a gold bar cart towards the center of the room. Abandoning his plan to remain sober, James poured himself a glass and took a deep drink of thought-numbing liquid. He stared out through the window into the courtyard where water was bubbling out from the top of a tiled fountain.
Behind him the door to the room opened and closed, the atmosphere shifting to accommodate his visitor. He quickly tried to envision who had come to see him and why. Was it Celine, come to chastise him for abandoning her in the middle of a party they were both hosting? Or perhaps his father with his own drink in hand, and an attempt to explain that he owed it to his family to come back outside and pretend like he wasn’t hurting. Maybe it was Frankie, her deep brown eyes brimming with sorrow for thinking she had somehow rui
ned the afternoon by asking questions. For a brief and bizarre moment he pictured Colin sitting on the carpeted floor, looking for his daddy to pick him up and carry him back to his family where everything would be okay.
But it wasn’t his ex-wife, his father, his daughter, or his son who said, “I think it's time for us to talk.” It was Audra.
Natalie curled into the overstuffed couch and surfed aimlessly through her Netflix queue, aiming to do nothing else for the rest of the day but relax and zone out with a good movie.
“Nat?” Joe called out as he descended the stairs.
“Over here,” she replied lazily. “You didn’t get an invitation to family day at the Robertson-Fitzgerald fun house?”
Joe plopped down onto the seat next to her and sighed so heavily she could see his shoulders slump. “I am pretty sure that invitation was only extended to those named Robertson or Fitzgerald. I assume Audra went?”
“Mmm-hmm. Want to watch something?”
“Sure. Actually there is something I wanted to talk to you about.” There was a bit of hesitation in his tone, enough to make Natalie switch off the television and readjust in her seat until she was facing him.
“What’s up?”
“I have been doing a lot of thinking about moving the crew to a new office space, and once we do I think-“
“-That Quinn and I should get our own places?” she finished for him.
Joe’s face darkened. “It’s nothing personal. With Frankie living in Santa Barbara full time now I really want her to think of this place as a home away from home.”
“And it is less home, more dorm room right now. I understand.” Natalie smiled to show him there were no hard feelings, and Joe’s face lightened almost immediately. “I am actually looking forward to living on my own again. I did not realize how much I missed it until recently.”
Joe blew a held breath out through his mouth. “I know what you mean. I even miss working in an actual office.”
Natalie joined in on his laughter, feeling the exact same way he did. Working from home had many perks, but it was nothing compared to having her own private space to concentrate. She would not miss interns coming in and out of the condo day in and day out, nor would she miss the lack of separation between work and home. Coming home would actually feel like coming home.
“By the way, what is happening with the car situation? Did you talk to Fitzgerald?”
“I did.”
“And?”
Natalie sighed as she considered how much of the truth to tell Joe. She knew if she told him everything - especially the part about James insinuating his money basically funded her life - he would be upset. And rightfully so. She had no reason to protect James from Joe’s anger, and yet she found herself wanting to spare him that. To spare both of them, really. The two men were civil to one another at best, and that was solely for Frankie’s benefit. She dared not contribute anything that might alter their unspoken agreement to merely tolerate one another.
“I held my own,” she finally answered.
“I hope you told the son of a bitch off,” Joe grunted with such protective force it made Natalie laugh.
She knew she had every reason in the world to be upset with James, but she wasn’t. “I am fairly confident I did just that.”
“Good,” he stated matter-of-factly. “You deserve so much better.” Joe wrapped an arm around Natalie’s shoulders and pulled her in close to his chest. She inhaled the woodsy scent of his cologne and relaxed into the safety of his embrace. Despite her final words to James, she had no regrets about anything or anyone. It was all said and done, especially when it came to James Fitzgerald. She could move on with her life knowing she never once held back with him, whether for better or for worse.
James inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “Does she love you?” he asked. The question was simpler, more to the point. He did not need to know if Audra loved Natalie; he already knew the answer.
“I don’t know. I think at least half of her heart still belongs to you.”
There was nothing superfluous about the answer. She was speaking a truth, one that sounded like it was perhaps even difficult to say out loud. He might have believed her if his final conversation with Natalie had never taken place, but it had.
“James, I cannot go on this way. I said something awful to Natalie and then went back on my word, and since then it has weighed heavily on my mind.”
James turned from the window to look at his longtime partner, and considered her as though for the first time. To him she was merely Audra; tough as nails business woman who did not take shit from anyone, and who worked her ass off to achieve every bit of success she enjoyed. Yet even when they were brother and sister in-law they kept their personal lives private. He enjoyed in her a quiet comfort he could not find in his own wife. He never needed to gush about his life or the private details in it, but he knew nonetheless that Audra was there for him unlike any other person ever was. There, in the empty library of his estate in Montecito, Audra was not merely Audra, but a woman in love.
“What did you say?” he asked.
Audra stepped further into the room and sat on the box that the bar cart had been packed in. “I told her that I was not sure loving her was worth losing my relationship with you.”
James was taken aback by the sheer honesty of her words. The depth of her affection for him, or rather her loyalty to him, was surprising, and quite frankly made him feel the slightest bit guilty.
“The night I left New York I ran that conversation with her over and over in my mind. The entire plane ride was like one long epiphany for me, and I decided I was going to be selfish for a change. Because that is exactly what you would do, isn’t it?”
“I do not know,” he answered truthfully. He crossed the room and leaned against the wall opposite where she sat. “You know I only want the best for you, Audra. But-”
“Well therein lies the problem,” she interrupted. “We are both in love with her. No matter how you try to prove you do not, I know that you do.”
The car incident. Somehow knowing she knew about it made him feel even more chastised. It was one thing for Quinn - another woman he deeply respected - to chide him for the problematic gesture, but knowing Audra was aware of it as well was almost too much. She was the mirror he could not easily look away from.
“I know you did not buy this place so that you and Celine could play house. Natalie told me you intended to propose to her here.”
Shit, he cursed internally. He was not so naive to think the two women did not talk about him, but it was quite another thing to hear it out loud.
“What is your point, Audra? Or are you just trying to not-so-subtly remind me that you are part of the reason why Natalie is not here with me right now?”
“No, of course not,” she interjected, her brows furrowed in concern for him.
“Then what do you want?”
Audra sighed as she cast her eyes heavenward to the coffered ceiling vaulted high above their heads. “I do not want our relationships with Natalie to come between us.”
“Sounds to me like you do not want to have to choose which relationship is more important to you,” he challenged.
She cocked an eyebrow and looked him straight in the eyes, defiance in every feature of her face. “You are right. I don’t. If our roles were reversed I would not want you to choose, either.”
“How convenient for you that our roles are not reversed,” he sneered. Everything inside him wanted to hate her for the remark. Of course it was easy for her to wish things were different. She wasn’t in his shoes.
“Please come back to work,” Audra pleaded, losing a bit of her composure as she leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and looked up at him imploringly. “I cannot stand working with your father day in and day out. And I sure as hell do not trust him.”
James shook his head and took another deep sip from his glass. “I have a newborn baby I need to care for.”
“A newborn who
has a stay at home mother and probably a live-in nanny, if my sister has anything to say about it. Not to mention a nursery at Fitson should you ever need to bring him to work with you.”
“I am enjoying my time away from the office.”
“Oh really?” Audra asked, doubt coloring the two words. She crossed her right leg over the left and slumped her back, elbow digging into leg as her chin sat in her palm. “Is that why you are spying on us via the security feed? Or did you forget that as the Chief Operations Officer, security reports directly to me?”
James pushed off from the wall and stalked around the mostly empty room. “I just don’t want to, Audra. It is bad enough imagining you and Natalie together. You could not possibly understand how tormenting it would be to see you two together in person.”
“Actually I have a pretty good idea, James. After all I did meet Natalie long before she stepped foot into our club. I was the one to sign the check for your winning bid. You know that I saw you two in the garden that night?”
James stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Audra, searching for a sign as to where she was going with her last statement. ‘In the garden that night’ meant only one thing to him, and for a brief moment he was transported back to The Golden Palm, to the inky darkness of night that enveloped the garden where he found Natalie, clutching the backside of a marble statue of Venus as she watched another couple having sex.
Audra stood up from her box-seat but remained on the opposing side of the room, and continued. “A Concierge told me she left the penthouse early, so I was on my way to offer her a ride home when you came downstairs and found her watching that couple fucking in the gazebo. For nearly a year I stood by and watched as you two fell in love. I looked in the other direction when you would go off to have sex in your office. I endured all of that in silence out of respect for you and your feelings for her. So do not think for a second I have no idea what it is like to watch Natalie Harlow be in love with someone who isn’t you.”
Unbidden Love (Book Five of the Bidden Series) Page 11