by Rebecca Sky
Kyle tilts his head, mimicking Pastor Ron. ‘I trust you will be respectful?’ He laughs and hands over his keys. ‘Also, maybe wait a few days before taking the truck out. You know, cops and all.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Ron says, his face lighting up. ‘Oh, and here.’ He reaches into the trunk and pulls out a portable charger. ‘Ben said you needed to borrow this.’
‘Thanks, it’s actually Rach who needs it.’ He turns, catches my eye, and holds up the battery.
I hurry over. ‘Thank you, for everything, Pastor Ron.’ I nod to the van as I take the charger from Kyle and plug in my phone. Ron smiles back, but it never quite reaches his eyes. I don’t blame him. We put someone he cares about in trouble.
Ben and Marissa wander over and soon everyone is watching and waiting. I fasten a seat on the bumper, power up my phone and use a private browser to log in to our school’s site.
My heart plummets when I see Paisley’s offline. Then I notice a message.
PAISLEY: Hey Rachel, no update on your mum yet, but I talked to my mum about the touch ability stuff. She said that when your mum first discovered her ability, her limbs fell asleep a lot. She accidentally turned a few guys before she got it under control. Sorry I don’t have more.
My heart sinks – so it is my gift.
Even though she’s not online to see it, I type a quick reply.
ME: That helps, though. Thank you. For everything. Please have your mom contact me ASAP about my ma.
I try to keep my spirits high, but with still no word on my ma, it’s impossible. I’m about to slam the screen when I notice an unread message in my chat thread with Surrender2Love. After our last interaction, I’m not exactly in a hurry to open it. But curiosity drives me to click.
S2L: Your mother needs you.
S2L: You have what’s needed to help her.
S2L: Remember, follow your own arrow.
Whoever is playing this prank has gone too far.
ME: Either give me specifics or leave me alone. I don’t have time for games.
My shaky hands close the laptop. Your mother needs you repeats on loop in my head. Who the heck is S2L? What do they know? I glance up at the group watching me with anticipation.
‘Nothing,’ I choke out. Nothing helpful, anyway.
The front passenger seat bangs into my knees as Ben turns to talk to us. He leans into the back and that familiar buzz of electricity radiates up my arms. I pull away, pressing into the sliding door, afraid of sharing another shocking touch. It’s become more and more clear that the feelings he stirs in me are unsafe.
Ben pauses, taken aback by my sudden change towards him. ‘Um, how are you two holding up?’ he says to us, but he’s looking at me.
‘Well, for starters, minivans are lame,’ Marissa says.
‘This minivan is saving your ass,’ I say.
‘I hope nobody recognizes me. It’d be social suicide.’ She crosses her arms and glares out the window.
‘You want some water?’ Ben holds a bottle out between us, probably trying to stop a fight before it starts.
I could use a drink but I don’t want to risk touching him. ‘No, thanks.’
Marissa grabs the bottle and turns back to the window, the glass reflecting the look in her eyes. It’s the same wounded animal look she gave when I first asked about her mother being in London. Ben shutting her down at the diner must’ve really got to her.
‘Hey, Riss?’ I gently put my hand on her shoulder, letting her know I’m here if she needs me.
She snaps around. ‘What?’
I drop my hand, the hope of a civil conversation fading. ‘May I have a sip?’ I say instead, reaching for the bottle.
She moves, pinning it to the door with her leg. ‘Ben just offered it to you, and you didn’t want it.’
‘Well, I’m thirsty now.’
‘Then get your own.’
‘That was the last one,’ Ben says, reminding me that he’s been watching us this whole time.
Marissa crosses her arms, and Ben offers a shrug. ‘We can pull over at the next store,’ he says.
‘It’s OK, I can wait for the lake house.’
‘It’s no problem. We should grab food and supplies anyway.’
The more Ben’s attention is on me, the stiffer Marissa’s posture gets. The back seat feels like a cage. I’m trapped with a wounded animal, and she’s about to pounce. ‘It’s fine, really, Ben,’ I say, nodding to Marissa. ‘I only wanted one sip.’
‘Could be a while before we see a store.’ Kyle turns to look at us, registers the tension and adds, ‘Just give her some.’
‘You give her some, I don’t feel like sharing.’
Ben flops back in his chair, exasperated.
Kyle looks at him and shakes his head.
Marissa ignores them and soon the van returns to normal. As normal as awkward silence and forced small talk can be. I stare out my window, thankful that not much time passes before Kyle pulls into a small gas station and convenience store.
I didn’t even know we’d left Tennessee but the hand-painted store sign reads Mississippi North Gas and Grocer. When Kyle opens his door the smell of old gasoline wafts in. On the far end of the building, a hodgepodge of shiny and rusted car carcasses form a line outside a greasy mechanics’ bay. One of them is a black and white police car.
My heart stops. We need to get everyone back in the van and get out of here. If we’re caught, we can’t help my parents. I stick my head out the window, ready to yell for Kyle, when I notice the police car has no wheels and the decal on the side door is faded, some letters missing. I let out a big sigh and shake my head, collapsing back into the seat.
Ben hops out, heads to Kyle at the back for money, before coming to my side and opening the sliding door. I jerk away from him, hovering in the space between Marissa’s and my seat, suspended by one leg.
He cocks his head. ‘Uh, I’ll grab water and groceries. Is there anything else you want?’ He smiles one of his caring smiles and I’m too flustered to talk or to move. Ever since the shock incident, and with all the emotions he stirred in me last night, all I can think about is how dangerous Ben is.
He can make me feel.
I sense Marissa’s eyes on me, stabbing into my back, then I catch her watching us in the window reflection, and I can tell – she’s pissed.
I can’t handle this space between them, Marissa’s anger, and whatever it is I feel for Ben – it’s suffocating me. I climb into the front seat and exit the van, taking deep, lung-filling breaths. My arms are still alight with the stormy sensation. They’ve never pulsated like this before and it’s starting to hurt. I take a few steps away, breathing slowly, rubbing my arms, trying to calm the sting.
‘You OK, Rach?’ Ben calls after me.
I freeze, keeping my back to him. Every time he asks, those words pierce straight to my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to someone being this aware of me. He makes me feel things I’ve only ever dared dreamed of.
The type of feelings my gift turns into nightmares.
‘Yeah,’ I say, turning around. ‘My arm just fell asleep.’
‘Sure,’ Marissa says with a laugh. She turns from watching us and heads to Kyle at the back of the van, which Ben takes as a sign to walk towards me. He steps closer and I turn away, not trusting myself near him.
I rub the buzz from my arms, part of me wishing I could use my power and that doing so would drain it from me for ever. As I focus on it, it surges inside, the hair on my arms rising and moving in its current.
There’s a crunching of footsteps on gravel. Suddenly I’m grabbed and lifted from the ground.
‘Hey, cuz, Marissa said you were upse—’
My body explodes with electricity. I scream, crippled with pain as my gift tears through me. It’s worse than the Sister described. This is no bee sting. This is acidic blood. Then I see him. Kyle. Convulsing at my feet and I scream again, this time for Kyle, for who he was, and for what I’ve stolen. I fall
to my knees, holding him as he shakes uncontrollably. ‘Oh my god, please no. Not Kyle. Please. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, please don’t turn.’
When Kyle stops shaking, I release my grip and stand, turning my back to him. I can’t bear to look, in case, just in case …
‘My love?’
My knees buckle. ‘No.’
Ben jogs over and grabs my arm. ‘What did you do?’ I rip it away before my gift ruins him too. I can’t handle his touch right now, or the look of fear hidden beneath the anger in his eyes. He’s never looked at me like that. Like I’m a monster.
‘Tell me, Rachel.’
I glance between Ben and Kyle – looks of disgust and love.
‘I …’
‘Do not hurt my love.’ Kyle moves to step between me and Ben, but Ben holds his ground.
‘She’s not your love.’ Those eyes return to me. ‘How could you do this to him?’
Kyle shoves closer. ‘She is my love.’
‘It was an accident. I didn’t know.’ Tears pool on my lashes, blurring him into a phantom. I hang my head, hiding my face in my hands.
‘You’ve made her cry!’ Kyle pushes Ben out of the way and rushes to me.
He tries to hug me, but I twist away from him. ‘Stop.’
And he does, he drops to his knees.
Ben takes a hesitant step closer. ‘What happened?’
‘I don’t know. I felt funny and then …’ Kyle wraps himself around my legs. How could Marissa, or any of the Hedonesses, like it when guys act like this? It’s breaking my heart.
‘Oh, my love, I’m—’
‘No, Kyle. I’m not your love, I’m your cousin.’ My voice wavers as I try to shake him free. He tightens his grip. ‘Stop, Kyle.’
‘Stop what, my love?’ He looks at me with those love-glazed eyes and my heart breaks all over.
‘Clinging to me, calling me “my love”.’ I scan the parking lot for Marissa – she’ll know what to do. I spot her leaning against the van, a grin across her face. ‘This isn’t funny. I don’t know how to make him stop,’ I say.
Marissa shrugs. ‘Maybe if you listened in class.’
‘Help her already,’ Ben says. ‘This is wrong on so many levels.’
‘Geez, chill. It will wear off soon.’
‘Chill?’ Ben points to Kyle, straddling my legs. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me?’
I’m shaking. ‘I don’t know how long this will last. It’s not fair to leave him like this.’
Marissa picks at her nails.
‘Do something!’ Ben shouts.
‘Fine,’ she says, holding out her hand to inspect her polish. ‘You can tell him to forget he ever loved you. If he doesn’t love you, he can’t be subjected to your commands. But I think you should wait it out, just sayin’.’
I should’ve thought of that. That’s what she did with the biker, and Ma with the pizza man. A flickering fear for my parents rushes through me again. I shove it back down. I can’t think of them now. I have to fix Kyle.
I take a deep breath and face my cousin. He’s gazing at me with a dreamlike devotion. ‘Kyle, I want you to forget you ever loved me.’
In an instant, Kyle pushes to his feet. I flinch when I see the changed expression on his face. It’s mean.
‘Out of my way.’ He shoves past, nearly knocking me over en route to Marissa.
I’m stunned; my mouth hangs open and I grip my side.
‘That was quick turnaround,’ Ben says, stepping closer to me.
Kyle cocks his head, looking like I’m chewed gum stuck to the bottom of new shoes.
Marissa giggles into her hand.
All the years of bearing the brunt of Marissa’s mood swings and letting her get her way bubble up inside me and when I close my eyes I see red. Fighter red. I clench my fists. ‘This isn’t funny!’
Kyle crosses his arms and glares.
‘There’s no need to be an ass, it was an accident,’ Ben says.
He’s protecting me again and I should find comfort in it, but I don’t. I know what I’m capable of now. I’ll only hurt him. If I care for Ben, I need to let him go. Seeing Kyle treat me this way is heartbreaking – but all of me would shatter if it was Ben reacting like this.
Kyle snorts, rolls his eyes and marches to the store.
Ben offers me a sympathetic smile and gestures after Kyle questioningly. I nod, and he jogs to catch up to him. Hopefully Ben can figure out what’s happening. Something definitely went wrong. I’ve never seen this type of reaction before.
I need answers, so I head to the only person who might know. Marissa.
‘How did that happen?’
She’s inches from her selfie cam, picking at her eyebrows, making a face similar to the one she makes when she puts on mascara. ‘I guess you should’ve specified romantic love.’
It all falls into place – watching me rub my arms, telling Kyle I was upset, Kyle thinking I wanted a hug, and this, tricking me to tell my cousin to stop loving me. I was played by my best friend.
‘You did this on purpose!’
She glances up from her cell with a smug look. ‘I did exactly as you asked. If your cousin doesn’t care for you any more, it’s not my fault. I’m not the one who turned him.’
‘How could you?’ I feel sick so I make my way to an abandoned bench seat pulled out of some old car. The last thing I want is for Marissa to see how deeply this is impacting me.
I flop on to the seat, running my finger over a tear in the leather, trying to regain a smidgen of composure. After a few deep breaths, I call back. ‘Can I fix this?’
‘Fix what? He’s doing what you asked him to do.’
‘I’ve just met Kyle. Please, Marissa. I can’t stand to lose more family.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Rach. He’s not really your family. He told you already, he’s adopted.’
Typical Marissa.
I should be crying, heartbroken, feeling the loss of the last three years with her, but I’m not. I’m too empty to cry. I hang my head and mumble, ‘I should’ve just waited for my power to fade. This is my first time, he’d probably be back to normal in twenty-four hours.’
‘I told you to wait.’
She doesn’t get it – twenty-four hours or not, one minute is too long to force someone’s will away. ‘I couldn’t bear seeing him like that.’
‘You’re so selfish sometimes,’ she says.
‘Excuse me?’
‘You just had to go and do something to appease your conscience. Even you should know that every instruction given to a turned man stays even after the ability wears off. He’s going to be like this for ever now.’ She drops her phone in her bag and heads after Kyle to the store.
My fists clench and unclench as I try to clear my head.
Whatever bit of relationship that may be reparable between Marissa and I can wait. My priority is Kyle. I never thought this day would come – I’m actually regretting not paying attention in class. The only thing I can think of is turning him again. I never wanted to use my gift, but it can’t be wrong when it’s helping someone. The niggly voice in the back of my head is reminding me that other than not loving me, he isn’t broken. Is Marissa right – would it be selfish to re-turn him? I focus on taking deep calming breaths, when a shuffling of light footsteps approaches. It’s followed by a gentle pressure on my shoulder. Ben’s shoes slide into view and I shrug his hand off.
Those damn shoes – they caused all of this.
‘What?’ I say, a little too sharp. I don’t look up. I can’t. I don’t dare look into the eyes of the one person left caring for me, the person I could hurt the most. Everyone else is gone.
‘He seems to be his same old self … at least to me,’ Ben pauses when he sees me stiffen. ‘Can’t you command him to go back?’ His voice is so kind and I hate how it picks my heart up. Still the electricity fizzes through me and I’m left weaker than before. I slide further down the bench, claiming space from him.
‘It
doesn’t work like that. Our power makes men love us, but without the love we have no power. The only way is to re-turn him. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do for Kyle.’ I rub my eyes and glance over. I’ve never intentionally turned someone.
And it feels wrong.
‘But he loved you before – you’d be correcting that.’
‘By retaking his will.’
‘Yeah, that’s not cool.’
‘I won’t turn him again, not just for my sake. I’ll have to get him to like me the old-fashioned way: by spending time together and getting to know each other.’
Ben goes silent for a beat before asking, ‘What is it you do when you turn someone? Does it hurt them permanently?’ It’s obvious he isn’t asking for Kyle. He stares up at the clouds and continues, ‘Because Marissa, she pisses me off, but I’m still drawn to her. Is that … that’s the after-effect, right?’
My lip quivers and I struggle to hold back tears. I know I can never be with Ben. I know that with every fibre, but it still hurts to hear how he reacts to Marissa.
In the end she even gets Ben.
He must notice how my body hardens, because he sits beside me, pulling me into his arms.
I try to push away, but he doesn’t let go. ‘Ben, no. What if I—’
‘You won’t,’ he whispers, his fingers brushing my hair.
I’m a torrent of emotion – being in Ben’s arms, being held by him, it’s so comforting. It doesn’t concern him that I could turn him. He trusts me. I let myself relax against him, feeling his warmth, the steady beat of his heart. And for a moment I am completely and utterly safe.
Then the electricity returns, burning beneath my skin, threatening to steal the boy who’s winning over my heart. I can’t risk it. I can’t risk hurting him.
It takes everything within me to push out of his arms and walk away.
My heart is on fire.
‘Rach, wait up.’ Ben runs after me and even though I can’t trust myself around him, I stop.
‘Hey.’ He grabs my shoulder, spinning me to face him. I keep my gaze down and focus on fighting back the energy that surges with his touch.