His body tightened in expectation.
Soon.
Seven
In the past year, there had been many low points in Tiaan’s life.
Sobbing before soldiers who were just like him, as they beat him down to the ground.
Begging for mercy from a man who had none to offer.
He had become weak, vulnerable even. Two things he promised never to allow himself to feel.
However, after he all but attacked Chelsea in the shower, then came against her back…he reached a level of embarrassment he’d never known.
It was horrid of him to sneak away from her the way that he did, but he couldn’t face her. She must be in her room giggling away at what a pathetic excuse of a man he had become since their last meeting.
Tiaan knew that – as much as he wanted to – hiding away, staying in his room all day and night for the past week wasn’t conducive to helping him recover. Plus, the scent of bacon wafting up the stairs beckoned him to the kitchen, where he found Hannah and Kayla giggling at the stove, and Erik attempting to crawl on a play mat. Chubby little fingers crushed some kind of crinkly material and he laughed out loud at the sound.
“Oh, Tiaan.” Hannah grabbed her chest when she turned around to check on her son. “You startled me.” A few long, drawn out breaths later, she offered, “Coffee should be ready in a minute.”
He forced a grin to each of his hosts, avoiding the little one on the floor. When he first arrived, holding Erik seemed a priority. Now, the thought of it almost felt like cheating on Ruan.
“Still like your eggs nice and runny?”
Just considering ingesting soggy yellow yolks had his gut churning.
No, if he were honest, his stomach was roiling at the thoughts running through his head.
“I um, could you break the yolks?” As an afterthought, he added, “Please?”
She offered him a warm smile in response.
While the females dealt with cooking, Tiaan gazed about the bright and sunny kitchen. It reminded him of a home far away, one he learned the names of certain foods, ate his first bites of them, and was taught to cook in.
Scowling at the unwanted trip down memory lane, Tiaan dropped down into the chair in front of the kitchen desk. Scattered pages, notes and recipes, were strewn across the surface. One note in particular caught his eye. Curiosity well and truly piqued, he lifted the abnormally large yellow sticky note from the top of the pile and read.
Dear Mac and Hannah,
I’m so grateful to all you’ve done for me and Ruan over the past year. But while Christiaan is staying with you, I can’t live in the same house. Being this close to him, especially when he obviously hates me and Ruan, hurts more than I’d like to admit.
Mrs. Fournier offered, and I’m taking her up on it. Ruan and I will just be staying with her until Christiaan leaves. If we’re still welcome after that, I’d love to return. I just…I can’t be near him. I hope you understand.
Chelsea
For a moment, everything in the entire universe stuttered to a complete stop. Not even his heart dared to beat. His actions one morning days ago caused her to run from the only place she had to call home. This was his fault.
“Oh darn, I didn’t mean to leave that out for you to find.” Hannah extricated the crumpled note from his clenched fist. “Tiaan, I’m sorry.” She used the gentlest of caresses on his hand.
What could he do? What could he say?
One minute, Chelsea annoyed him to the point of wanting to strangle her – for absolutely no reason whatsoever – and the next, he wanted her, needed her in a way he’d never known. Her touch had the power to heal him, and make him more insecure at the same time.
Now, thanks to his foolishness, she’d left.
Head in his hands, Tiaan closed his eyes and practiced breathing in deeply then pushing it out slowly. His good friend Mac chose that moment, while Tiaan’s brain was in turmoil, to drop something on the desk.
“Paternity results,” he said gruffly, squeezing Tiaan’s shoulders lightly.
He almost let a string of curses slip past his lips, but remembered Kayla’s presence just in time. He looked down at the envelope, as it stared back up at him.
An idea came to him so swiftly, it nearly winded him. Tiaan found the Dunlop’s address book on the desk, located the necessary information, and dashed upstairs to shower. When he got back into the kitchen, Hannah was waiting for him with a fried egg, bacon, and cheddar cheese toasted sandwich, and the keys to Mac’s SUV.
Bloody brilliant woman.
Tiaan slipped the envelope under one arm, took the sandwich – wrapped in foil with a napkin around the outside – and kissed her on the cheek. Then he bounded out to the driveway, feeling a little more human for the first time in days. However, that didn’t last for long, once he reached his destination, parked, and devoured his sandwich.
Before him stood the Fournier house. Though not an unusually large building, it loomed above him like a bad omen and instead of letting the moment drag on, he reached forwards and pushed the bell. The manila envelope in his hands felt heavier than an anvil, only adding to the weight of the situation.
The door swung open to reveal Chelsea, in all her sweet glory, holding Ruan. His throat tightened as he took them in, chest burned with a powerful need to be loved by both of them.
“I um, I…” A hard swallow later, he endeavoured to try again. “I brought this.” Tiaan lifted the envelope. “Thought we could open it together.”
For a long moment, she eyed him warily. Exhaustion darkened her eyes. Had she not been getting much rest? Tiaan had the unexpected desire to curl up next to her and Ruan, the three of them drifting off together.
As a family.
He didn’t understand that thought. Family didn’t appeal to him!
Or was it just his family – his mother and father – that evoked such a negative response in him?
She moved away from the entrance, gesturing for him to step past her. “Come on in.” Once he stood inside with the door shut behind him, Chelsea asked, “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”
One corner of his mouth jumped back, an automatic reaction. “Hannah has been keeping me fed.” Tiaan patted his stomach, wincing at the contact. Would those damned wounds ever heal?
As if following her inner instincts, Chelsea reached out to touch his hand, then stopped herself at the last minute. She brought it back to her body, using it to cradle Ruan’s shoulders which gently rose and fell. Silently, she motioned to a sitting room directly to the left of the front door. He took a seat on one of the two small couches, and she sat across from him.
“Shall I just…” He fumbled with the envelope again and she nodded, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. The action created the most gloriously sensual picture, which only served to remind him of what she had been capable of doing with those lips, that tongue, and her teeth.
“Right.” Clearing his throat and his mind from the erotic thoughts rushing through it, Tiaan ripped the paper open and pulled out the thick stack of pages. His eyes scanned the documents, landing on the words that, deep down in the depths of his heart, he already knew were true.
He opened his mouth to tell her, but no sound came from his parted lips, save for a stuttered breath.
The one thing he needed to do in that moment was hold his son in his arms. Tiaan rose slowly, ignoring the sharp pains in his knees, and edged closer to the two people he would be forever tied to on this earth.
He dropped down next to Chelsea, wondering exactly how he was supposed to hold a baby. Erik wasn’t this small, didn’t look this delicate. What if he hurt Ruan? He’d never forgive himself, and she wouldn’t either.
Tiaan gazed at Chelsea expectantly. She offered the slightest hint of a smile and, not bothering to check the paternity test results herself (she had known all along and he felt like an even bigger piece of shit for it), used one hand to show him how to hold his arms, then placed the sleeping bundle agai
nst his chest.
It was like magic, the veil of fog lifted from his head, filled his heart with purpose. Tiaan touched his nose to the soft, silken hair and inhaled deeply. Rumbling laughter shook his chest as he recognized the scent. “He smells just like you,” he whispered, catching her gaze before it dropped nervously.
Pale seconds ago, her cheeks were now a lovely hue of pink. “It’s the milk, I read up about it. Newborns smells like breast milk–” She stopped herself, growing even redder. More deliciously beautiful.
Gently so, he tightened his grip on his son – his son! – and closed his eyes, enjoying this moment more than any in his lifetime. He had heard people discussing immediate and unconditional love, but always assumed they were making that shit up to fill some void. Now he knew it did exist. The cracks in his heart healed instantly and he knew he couldn’t go a day without holding Ruan, ever again.
Chelsea on the other hand, he didn’t know what she wanted from him, if anything. Tiaan risked a glance at her.
Silence.
He didn’t do very well with it nowadays. Without thinking, Tiaan blurted out the first thing that popped into his head, simply to fill the noiseless void. “Come back with me, Chels.”
Unbeknownst to him before he spoke the words, they only made it worse.
Her jaw hung slack, mouth wide, chin touching her chest as she stared at him.
~~~
Chelsea brought her lips together quickly, still surprised by his comment. Her eyes wandered to Ruan who snuggled deeper into his father’s neck. A more beautiful picture she couldn’t imagine and deep down, she knew this was a good thing. Her son should know both of his parents, should receive equal amounts of love from each of them. In the face of her deepest reservations, she didn’t have the right to refuse Tiaan’s request no matter that her heart couldn’t take this game of tug-of-war he initiated.
“H-how long um, are you planning on staying with the Dunlops?”
“Six months.”
Her heart dropped. He would be leaving again.
“At least,” Tiaan added with a sigh that raised her hopes ever so slightly. “I don’t think I can go back to what I used to do, but at the same time, I don’t know what else I can do. Getting a job here is out of the question because I’m American. I’d need a visa and all of that first. And they don’t exactly hand those things out to people like me.”
That’s right, she sighed. Chelsea kept forgetting Tiaan wasn’t Canadian. He would have to go back home eventually. The thought crossed her mind that he might try and take Ruan with him when he left, and unease fizzled in her brain, sending heavy-as-lead anxiety through her veins.
“Well, what if–” She stopped herself short there. No good would come of a suggestion like the one inside her head right now. Plus, neither of them was ready for that kind of commitment. They probably never would be. Despite being strangers, who shared a night of intimacy most people only dream of, they were like two opposing flames, both trying to take over the igniting source.
“What if what?” he pushed softly.
“Mm-mm.” Her head shook. “Nothing, I-I wasn’t thinking.” She was thinking, actually, however that idea had trouble written all over it.
He studied her through those whiskey brown eyes. “What would you say if I suggested the three of us–” Tiaan motioned to the sleeping little one on his chest, “–go on a little trip together?”
“I-I don’t have that kind of money – you should know this.” Her eyes stung with unshed tears.
Tiaan waved her off. “You heard what Mac said – I’ve got an account, just like him. Sitting around, waiting to be used. I’ve…I’ve not had a chance to touch any of it in a while. And Chelsea, despite my actions and my words to you since I came back here, I don’t hate you. Could never hate you. I’m just…” A shuddering exhaled breath later, he shut his eyes and shook his head. “I’m messed up. It was…” His forced swallow was discernible, the anguish he must be feeling was palpable. “I thought about you often. All those days and nights, you were the only thing that kept me going. If it wasn’t for that time we spent together, if it wasn’t for you, I-I…I don’t know if I’d still be here.”
His words, the quivering of his voice as he made the admissions, it caused her throat to grow tight with emotion. A sob choked its way into her mouth and she did her best to suppress it. What she wanted to do was take him in her arms, offer herself to him, become his solace and salvation. But she was scared. Frightened that if she gave in to her desires, he might vanish again and leave her empty and broken-hearted once more.
“I guess I’m trying to apologise to you and making a complete mess of it. I really am sorry for treating you the way I have, and saying that every wire in my brain is now crossed from what that bast– erm, evil man did to me is a pretty lame excuse.”
Lacking in hesitation, Chelsea met his questioning gaze and placed a hand on his knee. “No, of course it gives you a reason, Tiaan. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through.” She pushed her other hand to her throat, a vain attempt to keep herself from breaking down for the pain he must have suffered. “I only had a baby and I can’t keep my emotions together when I do get a full night’s sleep.”
His eyes whipped down to the top of Ruan’s head, covered in a thin, downy layer of dark hair – like his, like his father’s. Tiaan inhaled deeply and a smile spread over his face. “I knew he was my son the moment I laid eyes on him, you know that, hmm?”
“N-no, I didn’t.”
“Mmm. He looks just like me at this age. I wish I had a photograph I could show you.” He sounded overly morose at that.
She was about to squeeze his knee when she thought he might have some scarring there and stopped herself in time. “Why don’t you?”
In a matter-of-fact voice, Tiaan replied, “The shortest explanation I can give you is that my parents were constantly at each other’s throats. They died in a car accident and I was so pissed off with them for being so damned selfish as to leave me behind that I tossed everything and joined the military.” He quickly filled in the blanks about his suspicions as to the reason for their accident. “I’ve been mad at them for so long, blaming them for the way my life turned out. And now…
“Chelsea, that day when I said I never wanted a child, it was because of them. I don’t want to end up like that, hating the person who’s wonderful enough to love me and grant me a family, the way my father seemed to hate my mother. In turn, she despised him. And yet they remained together, for my sake, I can only assume.”
Barely a fraction of a second passed when she blurted out, “You’re going to take him from me, aren’t you?”
The look in his eyes was easily read; confusion and hurt, even a little disbelief. “Jesus, Chelsea… Why would you even think that?”
She clamped her eyelids tightly together. “I don’t know. I-I…”
“Hey.” A warm hand gripped her chin but she kept her eyes shut. “I would never dream of taking Ruan from you. He needs his mother, he needs you.”
Still not trusting her voice – or her eyes – with the task of keeping her thoughts and fears private, Chelsea remained as she was. Tiaan continued to touch her, seeming to grow surer of himself the longer she allowed him to keep his hand at her chin. Where at first his fingers were unsteady, now they glided along the edge of her jaw with sure and practised confidence.
“See here, Chelsea,” his soft, melodic voice murmured, “I don’t know what the future holds, so I can’t make many promises. But one I can make, and keep, is that I will never take Ruan from you. All I ask is that you try and give me some time with him. And, maybe…maybe with you, as well.”
At that, Chelsea snapped her gaze to meet his, searching for a grain of verity in his statement. That, despite everything currently happening for both of them, he wanted to spend time with her. Of course he most likely didn’t mean in the way she secretly hoped for, but as she thought earlier, Ruan needed his father. Her dreams didn�
�t enter the equation.
The past week alone, without help from Hannah or Kayla, was beginning to wear her down. She wanted to be strong, to be everything Ruan could need, but it seemed she wasn’t up to scratch. Tiaan wanted to know his son. What better way than in the safety of the Dunlop’s place? Plus, being back where she called home sounded perfect. She hadn’t gotten much sleep here, she’d been too frightened of waking someone up when Ruan cried at night.
“I…I know you erm, must be upset–” He swiped his thumb across her cheek then dropped his hand from her face. “I owe you another apology.”
“Um, what for?” She looked away from his intensely smouldering stare, knowing instantly what he meant.
“The other day, in the shower. I…you’re addictive to me, Chelsea,” he sighed dejectedly. “I went to your room early that morning but you weren’t there, and then I heard the shower running…I had to see you, and when I saw you, I had to touch you. It’s not an excuse and I know it’s not a very good reason, but it’s the truth. It’s all I’ve got to give. Afterwards, I was so ashamed of myself for attacking you like I did and I thought that if you saw me, what I look like now, well,” he paused, collecting his thoughts. Tiaan touched his lips to Ruan’s forehead. “Do you remember what you said to me that first time we made love?”
She felt her face prickling with heat. “I’m pretty sure I said a lot of things and most of them probably didn’t make much sense.”
His laughter perked her spirits up. “Yes, as did I.” Then his expression turned serious. “You called me…perfect. Do you remember?”
With her eyes shut, Chelsea pictured him in the elevator as he had looked to her that night. Instead of the confident man that kissed her as if he loved her, she saw the Christiaan who sat in front of her at this moment in time, and she smiled. Despite the scars, he was still the same person, just a little altered on the inside and out.
Intimate Strangers Page 6