“Not that there would be anything wrong with that,” he said.
“Yeah, but your cock’s in me, and you love it, so you’re obviously not gay,” I told him.
“You’re sure right that I love when my cock is in your pussy. It’s so tight and wet. It’s perfect,” he said.
“Your cock is perfect in it,” I said. “It fills me up completely. I feel you all the way inside me.”
I was physically turned on, but emotionally, I was touched in a different way. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t been with anyone else but me. I realized how hard it must have been to deal with everything that had happened. How he had never stopped loving me or giving up hope, even when he had wanted to and probably had tried very hard to.
Brian started moving, pulling out and pushing back into me. His hips bucked as he picked up speed. His face was riddled with concentration as he nailed me harder and harder, and I cried out. He slammed into me, hard, and it was what I wanted. Somewhere, the barriers had fallen away. Being careful had gone out of the window.
We were fucking on his couch, and it was what I wanted. I wanted him hammering into me, his body covering mine, his face so close to my ear I could hear him grunting.
It was better than anything I’d ever imagined. It was real. Brian kissed me again, his hips still bucking, and a hunger washed over me like I’d never felt before. I wanted him to fuck me harder, still. I was searching for something. I didn’t know what. And I wanted him to drive me to it.
It was hands down the sexiest thing I’d ever done or imagined. That I could remember, anyway.
And it was with Brian, the one guy that seemed to never give up on me.
Chapter 16 – Brian
As I pushed my cock into her, I couldn’t fucking believe I was with Sadie.
I was hesitant to call it making love because I still didn’t know where we would end up in the future, but this was the biggest step forward we had ever taken. And not because we were having sex, but because she was starting to remember.
I focused on her gorgeous body. She was petite beneath me, her body slender, strong, and muscular. She’d always had a body to die for, but the years of extra training since the accident had paid off, and she was at her peak.
Her breathing was hard and fast, her breasts were against my chest, and the sex was hot as fuck. I wanted her to orgasm. I wanted her to scream my name. I wanted to hear it from her lips, and the need was getting worse.
“Brian,” she said, just as I thought it. It wasn’t a scream, but it was good enough.
“Yeah,” I said, my hips pumping into her sweet pussy, her legs on either side of me.
“Slow down,” she said.
I frowned, but I did as she asked.
“I want to be on top of you,” she said.
For a moment, I had thought she would tell me to stop. I nodded and pulled out, checking the condom as I did. I sat back on the couch, out of breath, not because I was unfit, but because she was hot as hell. I sat back, and she crawled toward me, hips rolled, breasts swinging. She was seductive as hell, and I wanted her to get on my cock as soon as she could.
She climbed onto me, straddling my hips. She lowered herself onto my cock and let out a breath as she buried me deep inside of her. She shifted a little, getting a feel for me, before she started rocking back and forth, moving her hips.
She slid up and down my cock, torturing me with her tight pussy. I had her breasts in front of me, and I reached for them, squeezing them, tugging lightly at her nipples. She gasped, closed her eyes, and tipped her head back. Her black hair cascaded over her shoulders, a brilliant contrast against her milky skin.
I put my hands on her hips and pulled her closer to me, helping her with her rhythm. Her lips were parted, moans escaping, and I reached between her legs with one hand, pressing my thumb against her clit.
She gasped, eyes shooting open. They were the color of slate with her pupils so dilated, I could barely see the gray rim of her irises. She rocked her body back and forth, rubbing her clit against my thumb.
Her breathing changed, gasps turning into moans, and her eyebrows knitted together, her face orgasmic.
It didn’t take long before her body tightened, her walls clamped down on my cock, and spasms rocked her body. She cried out, and her body curled around mine. She leaned forward, head against my shoulder, and for a moment, she didn’t breathe as she hit her climax. Then she gasped for air, her body going slack.
I held her hips, pulling her against me. Her ass lifted a little, and it was the angle I needed. I bucked my hips, fucking her from beneath, drawing out her orgasm.
She moaned and whimpered against my shoulder. Her breasts lightly tapped against my chest as I fucked her, and she let me take her like that.
Finally, she sat up. She took my face in her hands and kissed me.
“Let me take you from behind, baby,” I said. I knew I was pushing it, asking for something that might be too much. I expected her to say no, and if she did, it would be okay.
She didn’t. She smiled shyly and nodded.
I wanted to take her in every way I could, but this was the first time and didn’t want to overdo it. This might have been pushing it already.
She got off me, gasping when I slid out. I knew she was sensitive.
When we both stood, she turned around, her ass pointing at me, and she was a sight to behold. Her back was muscular and strong, but still feminine. I put my hands on her ass cheeks and squeezed.
I slid my hand down, finding her entrance, feeling her wetness. I guided my cock toward it, checking the condom again, and pushed into her from behind.
She cried out when I did and tipped her head back. I started moving in and out of her, and she felt fantastic from behind. Her ass was beautiful, the cheeks round and firm.
I started fucking her harder. The muscles on her back rippled under her skin, and I put a palm flat between her shoulder blades, feeling her muscles move. I had a fascination with her body because I trained, too, and I knew what went into it.
I fucked her harder and harder, and she cried out, bracing herself against the couch. I reached around and grabbed her breast, squeezing, rolling her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. When she moaned and whimpered, I smiled.
I let go of her breast and moved my hand down, leaning forward so I could reach her. I slid my hand between her legs and found her clit.
She whimpered. I was careful not to be too hard on her, and I lightly ran my fingers over her clit. I wanted her to come again. I wanted to bring her to climax another time, and then I wanted to come inside her.
Her moans and gasps became irregular, and spasms shuddered through her body as she neared another orgasm.
“That’s it, baby,” I said. “Come for me.”
She cried out when I said it, and a moment later, she rolled into her second orgasm. Her body was tight around mine when she climaxed. Her back arched and her legs trembled. I felt her milk my cock, and I held onto her hips. I pounded into her, and she cried out. It didn’t take long before I reached my own orgasm. I felt the release and groaned, pumping into her. I emptied myself into her, and she gasped, shivered, and moaned.
When it was over, her orgasm faded, too, and we stayed like that with me still inside of her and her hands still on the back of my couch. We were both out of breath.
I pulled out of her. She gasped when I did. She turned and collapsed on the couch. I slid the condom off and disappeared to the bathroom to get rid of it.
When I got back, she lay on the couch, sated, sleepy. I held out my hand to her.
“Come with me,” I said.
She took my hand, let me pull her up, and I led her up the stairs and to my bedroom. She looked around the room, marveling at it. I took her to the bed and peeled back the covers. I got in, pulling her with me, and covered us up. She snuggled into the crook of my arm, her head on my chest, and this was what I wanted. I wanted to cuddle with her, to hold her. We might have fucked, but I didn’t want it to be about
that.
It wasn’t about that at all.
“Is that what it was like the first time?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. This was much, much better.”
“It was my first time,” she said.
I shifted a little so I could look at her. She looked up at me, and she was shy, now.
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t, you know. Since the accident.”
I digested that for a moment. “So, I was your first again?”
She smiled and nodded. I pulled her against me, holding her tightly. There was something very special about that.
She yawned, and I was tired, too. I closed my eyes. She sighed.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said.
“Hmm?” she responded, already falling asleep. I kissed her hair and let it go. It was one more thing she wouldn’t remember, but the most important things, she wouldn’t forget. Not again. I would see to it.
When I woke up again, the light in the room was all wrong. I blinked. Sadie lay draped across my chest, her hair in my face. I reached for my phone and checked the time.
“Shit,” I said and wriggled out from beneath her.
“What is it?” she asked, lifting her head and blinking sleepily at me.
“I’m late for training.”
I jumped out of bed and got dressed, not bothering with a shower. I would do that after.
When I was ready, she had pulled on her clothes that we’d left in the living room, and she was ready to leave.
A woman that could get ready fast. I liked that.
“I’ll drop you on the way,” I said to her.
Her place was halfway between the training center and my place. She lived in a good neighborhood, and her apartment building looked nice. It was good to know she had done well for herself, that despite everything, she was going somewhere with her life.
“Thank you, for last night,” she said.
“You’re okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I shrugged. “I guess I’m still nervous now and then that you’ll decide it’s too much for you.”
I hadn’t wanted to say it to her, but it was what I was worried about, and I figured if she was so open with me all the time, I owed her the same.
She nodded, looking at her hands. “I know. And I understand. But this time, I want to figure out what’s going on. Before, I wanted to run from everything I didn’t understand. I’ve changed, I think.”
I nodded. “You have changed, in many ways. But in many ways, you’re still the same, too.”
She smiled at that.
“That’s such a nice thing to hear,” she said. “When I lost my memories, I felt like I’d lost myself.”
I shook my head. She didn’t have to be worried about that. We were starting over, and she could be a new person altogether. I would still give her a chance. I would give her a million chances, repeatedly, no matter how much it hurt me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing, or if I should have been protecting myself instead, but it was Sadie.
I would do anything for Sadie, and now that it looked like there was hope again, I would keep doing whatever was needed to grow this new thing between us. Even if it meant just being here for her.
The sex was a bonus, of course, but I would be there for her to just talk, no matter how long she needed it for.
***
I got to the training center half an hour late and joined the guys at the back end of their warmup.
“You’re late,” Coach yelled.
“Sorry,” I said. I grinned at Hanson who raised his eyebrows at me.
“You’re in a good mood,” he said. “Did you get some?”
“Fuck, yeah,” I said.
In the best way possible, but I didn’t say that. He grinned. We would talk after training.
When we were done showering and back in the locker room, packing up, Hanson came to stand next to me.
“Care to share?”
I shrugged. “I think Sadie is giving me another chance,” I said.
Hanson’s face was pure surprise. “You mean, it was her?”
“Well, yeah. What other girl has ever made me smile so big?”
“Good point,” he said.
And it was true. I couldn’t help grinning. She was starting to open up to me again, if last night was any kind of indicator. Maybe she would remember more and more. For the first time in a long time, hope felt good.
Chapter 17 – Sadie
I couldn’t get Brian off my mind. If it was bad before, it was insane now.
I’d slept with the guy. A part of me, the rational part, asked me how I could do that. But the rest of me felt amazing. The sex had been hotter than hot. Even though it had been wild sex, he’d treated me like a queen afterward. I hadn’t even had time to think about whether he’d just wanted to get into my pants.
The way he took me to his bed and cuddled with me afterward had made me feel wanted in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
But everything I felt confused me, too. My memories were starting to come back but in tiny fragments. They were like puzzle pieces, except the puzzle was upside down, so I couldn’t tell if they fit or not.
Everything with Brian felt right, comfortable, and real, but the moment I started thinking about it, I got scared. My stomach tightened into a knot of fear. I started doubting if I was doing the right thing, and I wondered if I should stop seeing him altogether.
But then he would text me again, and I wouldn’t be able to resist, and the whole thing started over again.
And this time, the repeat might include sex. I didn’t know if I was ready for that. Brian had taken what I had considered my virginity on Friday night, and I had wanted it, then. I had wanted it until the moment he’d dropped me off at home. It was then that the fear had tackled me.
I’d fought my bloody demons, the ones I could remember and the ones I couldn’t, the whole weekend. I had Monday off from training, and I decided that maybe I needed to talk to someone. I needed a place to vent and a shoulder to cry on.
I needed honest to goodness girl talk.
Lorraine arrived at five on the dot with a tub of ice cream and a bottle of wine.
“When you said you had boy trouble, I didn’t know which you needed, so I brought both,” she said.
I hugged her. “Both,” I said. She was the best friend I could ask for.
In the kitchen, I took out wine glasses while she dished the ice cream into bowls for us. It was a weird combination, but nothing else in my life was normal, so why the hell not?
With Lorraine in my apartment, I felt calmer already. Maybe I just didn’t want to be alone. But I knew that it was more than that. I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to figure out what I felt at all, and I would be stuck in this limbo of confusion forever, not knowing which way to turn.
When we sat down with our ice cream and wine, Lorraine sipped the rosé and put the glass on the coffee table.
“Okay, who do I need to beat up?” she asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “It’s not like that at all. It’s Brian.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve been remembering more things about him, and it’s scaring the shit out of me.”
Lorraine raised her eyebrows and reached for her wine again. So did I. It was all I’d touched so far. My ice cream sat on the coffee table, slowly melting. It was clear which I needed more.
“He was real,” I said to Lorraine.
“As opposed to?” she asked.
I shook my head. “You know what I mean. I told you about the time after the accident that he came to me and tried to tell me how much I loved him. I guess since I couldn’t remember any of it, I’d never really believed him. But now?” I took a deep breath. “I remember him. Not a lot, but a little bit. Enough to make me think that I really did care for him and that we did have something.”
Lorraine nodded slowly. “So, what now?”
I sighe
d. “Now, I don’t know. A part of me wants to see him. I want to talk to him all the time. But a part of me tells me to stay away. I’m scared I’m in too deep already.”
“Okay,” she said before sucking on her spoon. “Let’s say you don’t want to see him again. Why not?”
I shrugged. “Because I can’t be that person he lost.”
“Is he asking that of you?”
I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head. “Back then, yeah, I felt like he was. But not now. Now it feels like it’s just the two of us, and we’ve started over. Well, he started over. I’m at ground zero as it is.”
Lorraine took another sip of her wine. I had almost finished mine, taking sips between my sentences. My ice cream was turning into a thick soup.
“Okay, why do you want to see him again?” she asked.
I smiled at that. “Because of how he makes me feel. When I’m around him, I feel like not knowing my past, not knowing everything I’d forgotten, is okay. It’s just about who I am now.”
Lorraine smiled at me. “So, that’s good, right?”
I shrugged with one shoulder. “But I’m remembering things, which means there is more to this. And I don’t know. God, I don’t know what I don’t know. Does that make sense?”
“Relax, Sadie,” Lorraine said. “It’s fine to freak out about it. The rest of us freak out about new relationships like this, and we don’t even have a past like yours.”
I took a deep breath. “So, what do I do?” I asked.
“Tell me what you remember.”
I told her about the memories, the ones that had slipped through my fingers, and the ones I still had.
“I don’t know how to deal with it,” I said.
“If you ask me, you really liked this guy. Judging by the things you remember and the way you look when you tell me about them.”
I put my empty wine glass on the coffee table. I didn’t bother about the ice cream. Lorraine was still working on hers.
“What do I look like when I talk about them?” I asked.
Lorraine smiled. “Happy.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
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