“Are you two done playing games and gossiping like girls in here?”
Jay turned, surprised to see Adam poking his head around the corner. Something flew through the air, seen from the corner of his eye. He jumped before realizing Mike had thrown a chunk of wet drywall through the air, almost hitting Adam in the chest. The younger man jumped out of the way just in time and grinned.
“Gossiping like a girl? Really, Adam? Don’t insult me. You’re lucky I didn’t throw my axe at you.”
“I didn’t mean you, Mike. I meant Jay.”
“Screw you, Adam. What’s the rush, anyway?”
“No rush. Not really. I just want to get back for lunch.”
Jay shook his head, resisting the urge to say too much more. Adam was relatively new to their shift, a few years younger than Mike and him. And quietâalmost too quiet. Jay wasn’t sure if that was because he was just naturally quiet, or if he was still feeling things out, still trying to find a way to fit in. He didn’t want to give him too hard of a time. At least, not yet.
He glanced over at Mike and raised his brows in silent question. She grinned and shrugged, casting a quick glance at Adam before fixing her gaze on Jay. “We’re good in here as far as I’m concerned. Anything else you wanted to talk about?”
It didn’t matter if he did or not, he sure as hell wasn’t going to have any more of this conversation in front of Adam. Not that there was anything he shouldn’t have heardâJay just didn’t want everyone else to know too much about his private life. No matter how much of that was currently bleeding over into their station life.
So no, there really wasn’t anything else he needed to talk about. He just wanted to spend time with Angie without the hassle of her brother’s shit. And maybe that wasn’t a realistic expectation. Maybe it never would be. Maybe it wouldn’t matter. Maybe Jay was just reading too much into everything, feeling more than he should.
Yeah, wouldn’t that just be perfect? After years of never even considering the possibility of settling down, wouldn’t it suck if he had the urge to do just that with the one woman he wasn’t even supposed to be seeing? Yeah, of course it would. Because that’s how life worked.
“Jay?”
“Hm?” He blinked, clearing his mind, and looked up to see Mikey watching him, waiting. Jay blinked once more, struggling to remember the question.
Was there anything else he wanted to talk about? No. No, there wasn’t. He’d have to trust whatever was between Angie and him and just take it one day a time, see what happened.
He shook his head and forced a grin to his face. “No, I’m good.”
Mikey didn’t look like she believed him but she didn’t say anything. Good, because he suddenly wasn’t in the mood to listen to anything else. He grabbed his axe and looked around the room one last time then followed Mike and Adam out.
Yeah, he could tell himself he was just going to play things by ear, take things day-to-day, all he wanted. That was why all he could think about was tomorrow, when he’d get to see Angie again, get to spend more time with her.
Day-to-day. Sure, no problem.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Angie’s hands gripped the bar in front of her so tightly, she could feel flakes of old paint coming loose against her sweaty palms. She closed her eyes and told herself not to scream, she could not scream. The chair dipped and swayed beneath her before it shuddered and lifted up, and she couldn’t help the small squeak that escaped her. And she didn’t want to open her eyes, she really didn’t, but her stomach was tilting and she knew keeping her eyes closed was making the sensation worse.
So she cracked her eyes open then stiffened as she saw the crowd below her slowly getting smaller.
Jay chuckled and slid closer, draping his arm around her shoulder. The chair dipped and swayed again and Angie tightened her grip even more.
She hated Ferris wheels. Absolutely detested them, had since she was a young girl. And she had no idea why she had agreed to get on this one with Jay.
His arm tightened around her shoulder and he pulled her closer. She took a deep breath and slowly turned her head to look at Jay, felt her breath hitch as he lowered his head and claimed her mouth in a slow lingering kiss. He pulled away and gave her a small smile.
“Better?”
Angie tried to give him a smile but she didn’t think she was very effective, not if the expression on his face was any indication. She swallowed, briefly closed her eyes, then opened them and gave him a shaky nod.
“I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t look fine, Angie.” He reached over with his free hand and placed it on top of one of hers. Warmth immediately penetrated her skin, and she loosened her grip just a bit. “Why did you agree to get on if you don’t like it?”
“Honestly? It’s been so long since I’ve been on one, I forgot how much I hated them.” And that was the truth. She had avoided Ferris wheels for years. Give her a rough rollercoaster, a wild spinning ride, or anything that tossed her upside down and side to side. Those rides she could handle, so she had never worried about getting on a Ferris wheel.
Until a few minutes ago, when Jay had suggested they get on this one at the carnival.
“I’m so sorry, Angie.” She heard him chuckle and slid him a sideways glance. He squeezed her hand and smiled. “I guess my idea of a romantic ride backfired.”
She looked over at him again but didn’t say anything, just prayed that the seat would stop swinging. And that the ride would be over soon. Isn’t that the way carnivals worked? They charged you an enormous amount for tickets, hyped up the experience, then left you feeling cheated when the ride lasted less than a minute.
And surely a minute had passed already, hadn’t it?
She took a deep breath and braved a look over the side, then immediately closed her eyes. They were going around again, the ground falling away beneath them. She knew she should respond to Jay’s comment about a romantic ride, but she couldn’t, not when she was nearly frozen in terror.
But having him next to her helped. Feeling his arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her close, and knowing that he had tried to be romantic made the terror just a little more bearable.
She would surely survive this. Just as she had survived Dave’s silent treatment for the last three weeks.
And that quick, her melancholy mood resurfaced, pushing away some of the fright caused by the stupid Ferris wheel. She wanted both emotions to disappear, to leave her alone so she could enjoy tonight.
The ride finally stopped and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief, wasting no time in scrambling from the chair once it stopped at the loading platform. She hurried down the ramp, eager to put distance between the ride and her. Jay caught up to her and grabbed her hand, twirling her around so they were face-to-face, her body held tightly against his.
His mouth dropped to hers, the kiss hot and searing, his tongue asserting domination over hers. He pulled away and looked down at her, his gray eyes heated with the same passion she felt blossoming in her.
“I wanted to do that up there but figured it probably wasn’t a good idea.”
Angie laughed and felt some of the despair she had felt earlier disappear. “No, probably not. Sorry.”
Jay grabbed her hand and started walking along the midway. Carnies shouted around them, their voices carrying over the clanging of bells and whistles coming from the games. The sweet scents of cotton candy and funnel cake floated on the light breeze, along with echoes of laughter and screams from the crowd. Angie inhaled deeply, taking it all in as they moved along the midway.
Jay stopped at one of the food carts and ordered funnel cake and lemonade then led them away from the crowd, finding a grassy spot for them to sit, away from the noise and craziness.
Angie lowered herself to the ground and curled her legs under her, smiling a little when Jay sprawled next to her and leaned back on his elbows. The motion caused his shirt to slide up, revealing a slice of sculpted abs between the shirt hem and
waist band of his cargo shorts. Angie smiled again, remembering the feel of that warm flesh over a tight stomach beneath her fingers.
“So tell me why you don’t like Ferris wheels.”
Angie swallowed the bite of funnel cake, feeling it settle like a lump of raw dough in her stomach. The powdered sugar was suddenly too dry, coating her mouth with a too-sweet dust, and she reached for the lemonade. Her earlier enjoyment in their surroundings suddenly dimmed as her thoughts went back to her brother.
Jay must have interpreted her silence wrong, though, because he reached over and ran his hand up her arm, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “Hey, it’s no big deal. We all have things we hate, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” She wanted to tell him her sudden silence had nothing to do with her fear of Ferris wheels but he didn’t let her finish. Instead, he pushed himself up and shifted so he was sitting closer, the heat of his bare legs brushing up against hers when he moved.
“Okay, I’m going to let you in on a secret. You have to swear you won’t tell anyone this because nobody knows, not even Mikey.” He reached down and broke off a piece of the funnel cake and popped it into his mouth. He swallowed and looked around, like he was making sure nobody else was around them.
“I hate lizards. They completely freak me out. As in, I might start screaming-like-a-girl freak me out.”
Angie just stared at him, not knowing what to say and wondering if he was just being funny. Merriment lit his eyes and the corner of his mouth pulled up in a small grin. She finally shook her head, not believing him. “Lizards? Yeah, right.”
He raised his hand, as if swearing an oath. “I shit you not. Can’t stand them.”
“Lizards? Really? But they’re small. And harmless. And they eat bugs.”
Jay laughed and took a swallow of his lemonade. “They still freak me out. A friend of mine growing up had a couple of lizards he kept in his room. We were feeding them one day and I guess they must have gotten out or something. Of course, we didn’t notice. I was spending the night at his house and felt something cold and slimy on my neck. Turns out it was one of the lizards, getting up close and personal while I slept. Completely freaked me out.”
Angie couldn’t stop the laughter, even when Jay gave her a slightly insulted look, as if he couldn’t believe she would find his horror amusing. She took a deep breath and tried to apologize, but he shook his head.
“Yeah, it wasn’t funny waking up to see those little beady eyes staring at me, and the damn thing’s tongue darting out, like he was doing a taste test or something. I screamed like a girl. And to this day, I can’t stand even seeing a lizard. Ugh.” He gave a mock shudder, which made her laugh again. She grabbed another bite of funnel cake, glad the powdered sugar no longer tasted like dust in her mouth. She looked over at Jay, surprised to find him watching her, his gaze on her mouth. He leaned forward and kissed her, a long slow kiss that stole her breath and ignited a fire inside her.
She brought her hand to his chest, felt the steady beat of his heart against her palm, and leaned in further, wanting to melt against him. But he pulled away too soon, his breathing as shallow as hers.
“You, uh, had some powdered sugar on your lips.”
She raised her fingers to her mouth, suddenly self-conscious. Jay smiled at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s all gone now.”
“Oh. Thanks.” And what a stupid thing that was to say! But Jay just smiled at her again.
“Definitely my pleasure. So what’s your story?”
“My story?”
“Yeah. The Ferris wheel. Why don’t you like it?”
“Oh, that.” Angie looked down, the melancholy returning once more. “It’s nothing really. Just something silly that happened a long time ago.”
“Sillier than my lizard story? Why don’t I believe that?”
Angie picked at the grass surrounding her, pulling out a long blade. She held it between her fingers, twirling it around before slowly peeling it. She finally let out a sigh and tossed the shredded blade to the side. “Dave and I were on the Ferris wheel once when we were kids, and he thought it would be funny to make the seat rock. Well, I did too, to be honest. But he got it swaying pretty good and I slipped in the seat and thought I was going to fall out, right through the bar. I haven’t been much on Ferris wheels since then.”
“Great. And I just made you get on one. No wonder you didn’t look touched by my romantic gesture.” Jay laughed and she knew he was teasing her, but she couldn’t seem to find a smile to give him. She pulled up another blade of grass and started peeling it, not wanting him to see the worry in her eyes.
Not wanting him to see a flash of regret.
His hand closed over hers and he leaned forward, tilting his head under hers until she had no choice but to look at him. His gaze was quiet, questioning, and she looked away. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re upset about something besides a Ferris wheel?”
“It’s nothing, really.”
“Talk to me, Ang. Tell me what’s going through your mind.”
“Honest, it’s nothing. It’s justâI started thinking about Dave and remembering everything we used to do, and how close we used to be. And now…we’re not.”
Jay sat back, his expression suddenly blank as he watched her. A long minute went by before he exhaled heavily. “Because of me? Because we’re seeing each other.”
Angie reached out and covered his hand with hers, trying to reassure him. “No. It’s a lot of things. And it’s been happening for the last two years, so it’s not just you, Jay. Although he did say some things that weren’t exactly nice.” She hadn’t meant to tell him that last part, and didn’t know why the words had even come out. And she wished she could take them back, because Jay stiffened slightly and pulled away, his eyes questioning as he stared at her for a few long seconds.
He finally let out another sigh and stretched out on the grass beside her, turning to his side and propping his head on one hand. He kept watching her, then finally patted the grass next to him.
Angie pushed the funnel cake away then laid back, her pose the mirror image of his. Only a few inches separated them. Jay looked down, then reached out and grabbed her hand. His thumb traced circles along the back of her knuckles and he didn’t say anything for the longest time, just looked down at their joined hands.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s okay. And I can’t say I’m surprised.” He took a deep breath and looked up at her through partially-lowered lids. “Did you want to tell me what he said? You don’t have toâ”
“It wasn’t anything specific, just things like to stay away from you because you weren’t good enough for me. And that, well, that you were going to cause me heartache.”
Jay nodded then looked back down at their hands. Angie wondered if he could hear the pounding of her heart in the silence between them, then wondered if she should say something to break the awful silence.
“Anything else?”
She thought about lying, just shaking her head and saying no. But Jay was watching her, his gaze steady and focused, almost as if he was waiting for her to lie. So she took a deep breath and looked down, deciding to tell him the truth.
“Just that you had a reputation for, um, getting around.”
Jay’s answering laughter was short and caustic, followed by muttered cursing. His fingers briefly tightened around hers before he broke the contact. But he didn’t move away. Instead, he gently reached over and grabbed her chin, tilting her head up so she would look at him. His eyes were shadowed, filled with emotions ranging from regret and disappointment to worry and something else she couldn’t read.
“Angie, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’ve been a saint, because I haven’t. But I’m not as bad as everyone likes to believe I am. I, uh, haven’t been known to settle down so people make more of it than they should.”
Angie nodded, not knowing what else to say, or even if t
here was anything she could say. She knew going in that Jay wasn’t a saintâfar from itâbut that hadn’t meant anything to her then, not when she was just looking for some excitement.
And she hoped it didn’t mean anything now. She kept reminding herself she wasn’t looking for a relationship, wasn’t planning on anything long term. At least, that’s what she tried to do, from the very beginning. It wasn’t Jay’s fault that she found herself thinking of him more and more each day. It wasn’t Jay’s fault that she enjoyed spending time with him, even if it was just talking with him.
“Did Dave give you a reason for my, um, getting around?”
“No, of course not! And I didn’t bother to ask because it’s not my business. It’s not his, either.”
Jay laughed at her outrage then leaned forward and dropped a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. “Well, I happen to think it is, since we’re seeing each other. And regardless of what everyone likes to think, I don’t screw around if I’m dating someone. I was on the receiving end of that when I was married.”
Angie leaned back, certain her mouth was open in shock. “You were married?”
““Yeah, about nine years ago, for an excruciating five months. It wasn’t long after I got into the fire department.” Jay paused, a small frown deepening the small lines of his forehead. “Dave didn’t tell you that?”
“Uh, no.” And neither did you, she thought. Did it make a difference?
Angie leaned back, her earlier shock slowly leaving, replaced byâ¦she wasn’t sure what. Jay had been married. Did it matter? Would she have still gone out with him? She closed her eyes for a brief second. No, it didn’t matter. Not to her. And yes, she would have still gone out with him. His past didn’t make a difference in how she feltâhow she was starting to feel. Especially not something that had happened so long ago and lasted for such a short time.
Playing With Fire (Firehouse Fourteen Book 2) Page 10