by T Gephart
“Thank you, I’m really glad too.”
The wedding and reception was held on the rooftop of the Remington Suite Hotel. It was one of the few places in town that could accommodate the large guest list and was still classy enough for my aunt to approve. It was bad enough Lana hadn’t wanted to get married in a church, there wasn’t a chance in Hell they were going to have the service in some second-rate ballroom of a no-name hotel.
We were ushered to our seats, taking our place near my parents and siblings, my family taking up almost an entire row.
“Nice dress.” Amy smiled, fanning herself with the wedding booklet. “I had to look twice to make sure you weren’t nude.”
“Maybe I’ll save that party trick for the reception. I’ll strip off and distract everyone so you’ll have no competition for the tossing of the bouquet.” I laughed, elbowing her playfully.
Amy grinned, looking at Dave who was standing on the other side of me and apparently oblivious to my plan to get naked. “Yeah, because you aren’t going to push me out of the way and grab the damn thing for yourself.”
My brow creased, the idea not having occurred to me before. Not because catching the bouquet was an outdated tradition that I thought was stupid. But because she assumed that Dave and I were going to be heading down our own aisle. The truth that we wouldn’t, not something she or anyone else knew.
“Don’t be silly.” I tried to keep my voice low, hoping Dave didn’t hear. “We haven’t been going out long enough to even think about marriage, let alone for me to be next.”
“What does it matter how long you’ve been together, if you love someone and it’s right, why wait?” She sighed before looking at Travis who was talking to Dalton. “Unless you’re me who will probably be eighty before I get to wear a wedding dress.”
I tried to laugh, hoping she wouldn’t see my panic. “I promise I won’t get married before you.”
She giggled. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
I didn’t bother telling her it was probably one of the easiest promises I was ever going to make. Instead, I decided to change the direction of the conversation, asking her about the shade of lipstick she was wearing and pretending to be interested.
Dave put his arm around me as the crowd was brought to a hush with the change in music. Lana’s brother Blake escorted Gran Shelly to her seat, followed by both sets of parents and the groom’s party. Clay grinned as he waited, looking down the aisle with expectation, waiting for his bride.
Lana was a vision, covered head to toe in French lace and tulle. She cried, dabbing her eyes gently with a handkerchief while they said their vows and exchanged rings.
Both her and the service had been beautiful, the preacher declaring them husband and wife to the sounds of cheers. And I breathed a sigh of relief that we had gotten through the ceremony without too many people staring at us.
There had been some over the shoulder glances and a few whispers in our direction, but mostly people smiled, with only a couple of wedding guests looking expectantly at Dave like he was going to be inspired and drop to his knee at any second.
“So what happens now?” Dave handed me a glass of champagne, the band starting to play as waiters circled with hors d’oeuvres.
“We stand around and judge people, talking about them behind their backs.” I smiled as I took a sip.
My mother coughed loudly beside us. “Jessica Lynn, I’m not sure why you would say such a thing. She never used to be this jaded,” she said to Dave before turning to a woman who looked like she’d been poured into a white dress. “But I will tell you while I might forgive Celia for wearing white on someone else’s wedding day, those red shoes are not appropriate.”
I leaned into Dave, grinning as I whispered, “Told you.”
“Come on, LeeAnn.” My dad winked at me as he took my mother’s arm. “Let’s leave the kids to socialize and see if we can’t find me a decent glass of whiskey.”
She agreed, affixing a smile on her lips as he led her away to the bar.
“Wonder what they’re saying about us?” He lowered his head, looking around with a smirk.
I shrugged, surprisingly not really caring about their opinions at that moment. “It could be anything. I’m not wearing red shoes so at least I’ve got that going for me.”
“Well, that is true.” He glanced down at my nude-colored pumps, taking the champagne from my hand and placing it on a table beside us. “Maybe we should give them something worth talking about.” He lowered his drink, leaving it near my abandoned glass.
“Oh really? What did you have in mind?” I looped my arms around his neck, tilting my head back to look in his eyes.
There was no hesitation there, no hint for concern—his calm washing over me like warm bathwater.
His nose brushed against mine. “I can think of a few things.”
“You want to steal a bottle of wine and go make out?” I suggested, only half joking.
He cupped his hand to his mouth, looking shocked. “In front of your parents, you are a very naughty girl.”
I laughed, picturing the horror on the face of my family if I did just that. “I do work for a heathen, you know. So they probably expect it.”
He held out his hand like an invitation. “Dance with me.”
“I thought you were still traumatized by your junior prom?”
“What do you know?” He looked at me with a smile. “Looks like I’ve been cured. Want to help me test out the theory, just to be sure?”
“Right here?” I looked around, people milling around the rooftop.
“Right here.”
I dropped my hand into his and didn’t question. I didn’t want to. Instead, needing the moment to linger, letting him lead as we started to move to the music.
There was a dance floor but we weren’t on it, choosing to sway in our own corner as people started to notice.
His hand tightened around my waist, bringing me in closer, keeping his eyes on me the entire time. It was as if we were in a bubble, and he was ignoring the outside world.
Ignoring it was eventually going to be over.
Ignoring that we would have to end.
The idea of breaking up with him weighed on me like an anchor tied to my ankle, pulling me down to the bottom of the ocean. Even though our relationship had been fictional, the pain of saying goodbye to him probably wasn’t going to be.
“They’re watching us.” I felt the heavy gaze of the crowd around us.
He didn’t stop, dipping his head as he smiled. “Let them watch.”
I was used to being the one in control, to being the one with the plan, but as I stood there with him, I didn’t care about any of that.
I had always liked him. And of course there was an attraction, but in the last few weeks, it had grown into more. In the last few days, it had grown again.
More than liking him, and lusting after him, I felt something else. An energy between us that was more pure and honest than anything I’d ever felt. It scared me a little, but calmed me at the same time, and in that, I felt truth. It was the reason why I was able to let go and let my feet move to wherever he wanted to take me.
I trusted him.
Wow.
Without any good reason, I felt it in my gut, and I knew he would never hurt me.
We might not be dating and I wasn’t sure if he even felt the same way I did, but what I had with him was something very real and special. Something that I didn’t think I’d ever had with any man.
And I knew that I was falling in love with him.
Why did I do this? Bring him here, and make him pretend?
The stupid part I’d made him play, stealing the chance that he might have fallen in love with me too.
But how could we go back?
Or how the hell was I going to pretend after?
And why couldn’t I make myself stop?
“Is the offer to make out still good?” He chuckled in my ear.
I didn’t he
sitate, bringing my lips to his. “Always.”
The sun setting lit up the sky in stunning ribbons of pinks, oranges and yellows. It was beautiful; fairy lights threaded through the trees making them glow like golden orbs while strings of bright bulbs hung around the periphery.
The happy couple kissed every time someone clicked their glasses while the rest of us sat and enjoyed the food and music.
Dave was the perfect date, mingling and spending time with my brothers without needing his hand held. And there was no shortage of people wanting to speak to him, waiting their turn before seeking an audience with the new guy. No one even cared that I had left his side and was sitting down, but he looked over at me constantly, checking in as he continued to engage the crowd.
“I know I don’t remember the conversation.” Gran Shelly shuffled herself into Dave’s empty seat beside me. “But I really am glad we had it. I like him, Jessica. I like him a lot. I like the way he makes you smile, and I’m really glad I got to see that.”
I glanced over at Dave and caught his smile. It felt like my heart had just expanded in my chest, and those feelings were more than just gratitude. “I know, and I’m glad too. He means a lot to me, Gran.”
Maybe I’d said it so many times I had started to believe it myself, or maybe it was just no longer a lie. And as I reached for my grandmother’s hand and squeezed, it felt like something I wasn’t sure I could give up.
“It’s not always going to be easy.” Her voice turned serious.
“What Gran?” I turned to face her, wondering if I’d missed part of the conversation.
She tapped my hand, her brow furrowing in concern. “It’s nice now when everything is good and you love each other, but real relationships take work. And it’s important to remember both the good times and hard times—neither are going to last forever.”
Her words confused me, and if she weren’t so lucid I’d have dismissed it as the babbling of an old woman. But as someone who was usually focused on the silver living, her pragmatism was surprising. Even more so when discussing relationships. Her desire to see me with the perfect man, the catalyst for where I was now.
She shook her head, her warm hand giving mine a squeeze. “But if you love him like you say you do, then you will stick it out. Later, later is when the real reward comes.”
There had always been a calmness in her pale blue eyes, a sense of coming home. I had stared into them so many times as a child and immediately felt at ease, but as I focused on them now there was a storm brewing.
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, more concerned about her than the relationship advice. “Gran, do you need me to get you something?”
She shook her head and smiled, closing her eyes a beat before opening them again. “I know I’m old, child, but I know what I’m talking about.”
While previously unnerved by her crystal ball styled rhetoric, I had now plunged into downright concern. Alarm bells rang and my skin prickled in a silent warning, hoping I wasn’t hearing words of a woman who wasn’t going to wake up tomorrow.
Maybe I had been wrong about all of this, the lie of me being happy and settled down giving her permission to finally leave. Dread filled me as I looked over at Dave and wondered if me and my stupidity would be what ultimately took her from me.
His face changed when he saw me, immediately excusing himself and leaving the crowd. He walked calmly but with purpose, his eyes staying on me the entire time.
“I’ve neglected you.” He dropped a chaste kiss on my forehead, rubbing my shoulders in silent reassurance. He might not have known what was going on in my head, but obviously sensed something was wrong. “But I am glad to see you had someone worthwhile keeping you company.” He lowered, sinking to his haunches beside Gran. “Thank you so much for sitting with her.”
Her lips spread into a grin, her eyes crinkling as she laughed. “You don’t ever have to thank me for that. But I am getting tired.”
“We can take you home,” I volunteered, already rising to a stand.
Dave nodded, reaching for his keys. “I’ll go get the car and bring it out front.”
“Don’t be silly, they haven’t even served the cake.” Gran shook her head as she looked into the crowd. “I’ll get your daddy to take me home.”
I grabbed her hand, not willing to let her leave. “No, Gran. We’ll do it.”
She could try to argue if she wanted, but there would be no other outcome. She’d lived with my Aunt JoAnn since my grandfather died, and with everyone here for the wedding, there was no way I was sending her off into an empty house.
“Go get the car, Dave, we’ll start saying our goodbyes.”
He gave me a soft kiss and left while I helped Gran out of her seat. She shuffled with her walking frame, chiding me for making a fuss, but I didn’t care. I smiled as I guided her out, ignoring the disappointed faces because we were leaving so early.
“Momma, are you okay?” my mother asked, her concern matching my own.
Gran straightened as best she could, looking my mother in her eyes. “LeeAnn, I will not have you hovering over me like a child. It’s bad enough my granddaughter is doing it. Enjoy the rest of the wedding and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I hoped her promise of seeing my mom tomorrow was one she intended to keep, the words not giving me the reassurance they should.
“I’m going to take her to our place, and I think I’ll stay the night,” I told my mother, an understanding passing between us. “It’s been so long since I’ve slept in my old bed and I kind of miss it.”
Mom dug in her purse and pulled out a set of keys, putting them in my hand before covering them with hers. “Call me if you have any trouble with the alarm.” The urgency in her voice had nothing to do with the alarm. “We’ll meet you at the house as soon as the bride and groom leave.”
I forced a grin, my hand resting on my frail grandmother’s back. “Let’s get you home, Gran. I’m kind of tired myself.”
Dave was out front waiting beside the still-idling Mustang. The passenger’s side door was open and he stepped forward to help Gran into the car. I stood completely mesmerized as I watched them. He was so gentle, holding her hand as she eased into the seat, waiting until she was situated before closing the door and folding up her walker.
“Get in, beautiful.” He kissed me, carrying the walker to the trunk.
I nodded, popping the driver’s seat down so I could scoot into the backseat, watching Gran as I waited for him to come back.
“It’s such a beautiful night.” Gran smiled as Dave closed the door and put the car in drive. “Mind if we take a drive around the city before we head home?”
He pulled away from the hotel and merged into traffic, giving her a cheeky smile. “We’ll go anywhere you want. Just no strip clubs though, okay? Giving other men attention will make me jealous.”
She laughed, shaking her head as she agreed.
We drove through the streets without purpose or direction, my fingers white from being knotted in my lap so tight. The top of the convertible was down with the wind blowing through our hair, touring most of the city until finally Gran asked to be brought home. She’d initially demanded to go to Aunt JoAnn’s, but I dug my heels in and brought her to my family home instead. Once there, we helped her out of the car and got her settled into the guest room. She looked so tired, the color dropping from her cheeks as she took slow, steady breaths. I didn’t need to have a medical degree to know that she wasn’t doing too well, but she point blank refused for me to call a doctor. I pulled over a chair, wanting to sit for a bit but she insisted she didn’t need watching and told me to leave. I hated it—the thought of walking out the door—but ultimately gave in to her wishes.
I went back to the kitchen and found Dave waiting, sitting at the table. He held out his hand and I grabbed it, squeezing it tightly as I took the chair next to him.
“This is the end.” I felt my voice warble. “The things she was saying, it’s like she knows that it’s the
end.”
He put his arm around me, holding me as he kissed my forehead. “What can I do?” he asked. “Let me help you, just tell me what you need.”
I shook my head, not knowing what to ask for and feeling the same pain in my chest I’d felt three months ago. “Just hold me, I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.”
He pulled me out of my chair and into his lap, his body engulfing mine. “That’s easy. I’ll hold you for as long as you need.”
As long as you need.
What I needed was for him to hold me forever.
And for everything to be okay.
I was almost positive I was going to get neither of those things.
MY PARENTS GOT HOME A little after midnight. They’d gone by my aunt’s house and got Gran some pajamas and personal items, Mom going upstairs to check on her.
Dad looked over at me still perched in Dave’s lap as we sat at the kitchen table. “Why don’t you go back to the hotel, sweetheart, we’ll call you if anything happens.”
Just the suggestion was proof enough that my dad was worried. He wasn’t a fan of me staying at a hotel, but unlike my mom, he kept his feelings to himself. Asking me to leave meant he probably thought the worst too.
“We’re going to stay in my old room,” I said, not bothering to ask Dave if he was okay with the sleeping arrangements. I guess he could always go back to the hotel if he wanted, but I wasn’t leaving.
Dad sighed, knowing better than to argue. “Well then, go get some sleep. I’ll have your mother wake you if anything changes. Whether Gran Shelly likes it or not, I have Dr. Bartlett coming in the morning.”
Knowing a doctor was coming gave me some comfort, and with not much else I could do, I said goodnight to my dad and went upstairs to my old room with Dave.
“She’s a fighter, Jess. I barely know her and I can see that in her.”
We were curled up on the bed facing each other, neither of us bothering to get underneath the covers.
I couldn’t speak, feelings of guilt overwhelming as I replayed all our conversations.