#1 Lie

by T Gephart

  The driveway was filled with vehicles, and I knew just about everyone I ever loved was standing on the other side of the door. Thankfully there was also someone I loved standing beside me, Dave putting his hand around my waist as my trembling hand hit the buzzer.

  It felt like my bones had disintegrated under my skin, my body sagging under its own weight as he held me tight and supported me.

  The look on my aunt’s face when she answered the door was enough to tear me apart.

  “Jessica.” Spoken with such anguish, I actually hated the sound of my own name.

  “Is it too late? Did I miss—”

  She pushed open the door, beckoning us inside as she shook her head. “She’s holding on, but she’s very weak.”

  Her glare fell on Dave but thankfully she didn’t say anything. Stepping aside so we could both walk past and no doubt saving her choice words for another time.

  “What the hell is he doing here?” Travis’s voice boomed the minute we’d stepped into the living room. “Dalton, you want to help me take this shithead outside?”

  “It will be a pleasure.” My older brother stood, cracking his knuckles as he came toward us.

  The room was packed with members of my family camped out in chairs, sofas and even on the floor. Every set of eyes turned toward us, their attention on Dave as they quieted down to a hush, probably expecting a showdown in my aunt’s living room.

  “You need to stop.” I put my hand up, my eyes flicking between my two brothers. “I will explain everything, but not now.”

  “No need for you to do anything, little sis. We’ll take Dave out for a little chat, and he can explain whatever needs to be explained.” Dalton might have lowered his hands but his posture still meant business.

  Travis laughed as he continued to advance. “Yeah, we just want to talk to him.”

  Dave stepped in front of me, his body separating me from my brothers when he was the only one in danger. “Go see your grandma, I’ll handle your brothers.”

  “No, no one is handling anything.” I grabbed his arm, knowing the only reason they wanted to tear him apart was because of me. It was my fault and even though I was positive he could hold his own, I didn’t want any more people to get hurt.

  “He didn’t break up with me,” I spat out, needing for everyone to know the truth. “I broke up with him, and then made him pretend like it was his fault. So shelve the macho bullshit, because if there is anyone who acted like an asshole, it was me.”

  “Jessica?” My mom wandered into the living room, her eyes doing a quick survey of the room.

  I turned, throwing my arms around her. “Hey, Mom. I got here as soon as I could.”

  Her hand patted my back while she kept her gaze fixed on Dave. “I know, baby. Why don’t you go see Gran, and we’ll talk later.”

  I nodded, grabbing Dave’s hand to pull him into the hall, his body resisting against my tug. “You go, I want you to have time with her, and I’ll be waiting for you right here.”

  I glanced at my brothers who hadn’t returned to their seats, me taking responsibility for the breakup doing nothing to diffuse the tension.

  “Go.” Dave kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ve got this.”

  Instinct screamed at me to go to my gran but I hated leaving him in the lion’s den. “If they do anything—” I said it loud enough for everyone to hear.

  “They won’t. Go, everything else can wait.”

  Shaking my head—and trusting my brothers not to behave like animals—I left them in the living room and walked down the hall to Gran’s room.

  My sister Melanie was sitting in my grandfather’s rocking chair beside the bed, her hand on her swollen belly as she dabbed away tears. “Jessica, sweetie, you must have been traveling all night.”

  “It’s okay, how is she?” I tipped my head to the bed, Gran’s eyes remaining closed.

  Melanie stood, walking over to me, rubbing my arm as she gave me the rundown. Gran had been sleeping a lot, waking occasionally, but became tired after the conversation. She gave my hand a quick squeeze before she left, giving me some time to be with Gran alone.

  My head hung low on my neck, the weight of my thoughts crushing me as I stared at her frail wrinkled hands, unconsciously reaching for her as my eyes welled.

  “Jessica.” Her voice croaked like she’d swallowed a bag full of marbles, her fingers doing their best to close around mine.

  “Hey, Gran.” I forced myself not to cry. “I just wanted to sit and keep you company, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course.” Her lips did their best to spread into a smile, but she seemed exerted by the effort. “Talk to me a spell, I love hearing your stories.”

  It felt like there was a boot crushing my chest as I struggled to take a breath, the slow drag in and out making my lungs burn. But blinking away the tears, I opened my mouth and found it miraculously still knew what to do, words coming slowly at first until they found a sense of rhythm.

  I told her everything, all about how I’d lied when I thought she would no longer be with us. How it led to my stupid intricate plan, and how I’d recruited Dave to play the part of my fake boyfriend. As the words spewed out, I felt liberated, stripping away all the layers I’d fabricated since that terrible initial lie.

  I confessed how much I had fallen for Dave, how incredibly stupid I was for breaking up with him, and how glad I was we were getting another chance.

  When I’d finally petered out—no words or confessions left to be said—I looked into her pale blues eyes and hoped I wouldn’t see disappointment.

  “Sweet child.” Her soft gray lashes closed. “I love you so very much. But when you get to be my age, you get to know a thing or two.” She tried to laugh, her breath wheezing like a car that wouldn’t start.

  “Gran?”

  The air seeped slowly from her lips as her eyes flickered open. “One look at the both of you and I could see you were crazy in love with each other. It doesn’t matter how it came to be, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he was the one for you.”

  “But Gran, I hired him. And when it was time to break up, I let him believe that it had all been pretend.” Just saying the word made me disgusted, I could only imagine what he must have felt.

  “The night he left, he came to see me in my room. He knocked so quietly on the door I thought I had dreamt it at first.” She patted my hand, working hard to get the words out. “He sat down beside me and thanked me. When I asked what for, he said that I had been the push you both needed to uncover what was already there. He also told me that no matter what happened between you, he’d never stop caring for you.”

  “What?” The air pushed out of me in a rush. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  She turned her head, doing her best to focus. “Because love is one of the things a person has to come to on their own. I loved your granddaddy, and I’ve missed him every day since he’s been gone. He was such a good man, Jessica, and I hope that you and Dave have the kind of love we had.” She closed her eyes, her chest falling heavily after a breath. “Oh, I’m so tired. I think I just need a little more sleep.”

  As she settled back on her pillow, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. There was more I wanted to ask her about the night Dave had left, but what little she was able to say had already wiped her out. I sat a little longer, taking comfort in the rise and fall of her chest.

  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in the room, desperately committing every line of her face to memory. It was only after I felt a hand on my shoulder that I’d realized I’d fallen asleep.

  “Hey.” Dave thumbed my cheek. “You want some company?”

  My eyes opened as I reached up to his face, twisting it both ways to carefully examine him for any obvious marks. “Are you okay?”

  He chuckled, brushing his lips against mine as I held his face. “You know, not all men settle things with their fists. We just talked, Jessica. Everyone is fine.”

  “I’m so glad.�
�� I breathed a sigh of relief. “Help me up, I need to stand.”

  Dave held out his hand as I slowly rose from the chair. My body was stiff, my muscles protesting as I stretched, my eyes making sure Gran was still okay while I regained the circulation in my limbs.

  “You want to stay or do you want to go out for a bit?” Dave’s arms wrapped around me. “I think there are a few people who would like some time with her too.”

  I nodded, turning into his body as I reached up to kiss him. “I should let someone else sit with her.”

  Giving Gran one final look, we walked to the door. We hadn’t gotten more than a foot outside when my one of my aunts slipped in past us, giving us a smile as she took my spot.

  We were almost back in the living room when Dave stopped suddenly and turned. “I need you to know something, before we go back in.”

  My throat constricted, not sure what he was going to say. “What do you need me to know?”

  “You’re not in this alone. And I didn’t come here because you asked me to pretend with you, or offered to pay me, or out of some stupid sense of obligation. Never, Jess. Not even the first time. I need you to know I’m here because I want to, and because there is nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  I gripped the front of his shirt, losing the battle with the tears I’d managed to keep at bay. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I promise, I will never take it for granted.”

  He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me, holding me against his chest while I tried to compose myself. My heart was simultaneously breaking for the loss I knew was inevitable, and rejoicing for the love I’d found.

  Wiping away my tears, and after taking a deep breath, we walked back into the living room. Family were floating in and out, eating sandwiches on paper plates while talking in low voices. It was the quietest family get together I’d ever seen, and somehow, the lack of noise made it worse.

  We all knew, bracing ourselves for the impact that was coming but trying to keep a brave face. And I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “So, I lied.” I stood in the middle of the living room, everyone’s attention suddenly on me. Not that I’d given them much choice, short of getting a bullhorn and holding up a sign, my raised voice had easily carried over the muted chatter.

  Dave’s hand threaded through mine, squeezing tightly. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “Yes, yes I do.” I turned, finding a smile as I looked into his eyes. “I need to do this.”

  It was difficult to face my family, to admit to the charade, but more than that, admit that I had pretended to be something I wasn’t. And it didn’t matter what my intentions were. Because I’d hurt more people with the lie than I ever could if I’d just told the truth.

  That wasn’t who I was, at least, not who I wanted to be.

  Pushing my emotions to the side, I did what I should have done the minute I’d received my cousin’s wedding invitation. Every stupid decision I’d made, every little white lie, every deceit, was laid bare. I cut myself open and bled in front of them just as I’d done with Gran. And as my burden lifted, I felt myself get lighter, no longer worried about the silence.

  I’d wear the consequences, I’d take their anger, their hurt, their distrust—I’d take it all and pay whatever penance they believed I’d deserve.

  Because I couldn’t let another second pass without owning my truth.

  I waited.

  And waited.

  And waited some more.

  But those words of condemnation, of hate, of anger just didn’t come. I was hugged, and there were tears, and even poked fun at a little. But the concerns I’d had didn’t eventuate, with my family loving me all the same.

  And after all the hugging and crying was done, Dave and I snuck out to the porch and found a moment for ourselves.

  “I am the biggest idiot alive.” I buried my head in his chest, taking the first full breath since we’d left L.A. “You need to know that, because if we’re going to date, I don’t want you to be surprised if I make other questionable decisions.”

  “What do you mean if we’re going to date? I didn’t think it was a question.” He dropped a kiss on the top of my head as his strong arms engulfed me.

  Tentatively, I lifted my head trying not to cringe. “Well, I’m giving you the opportunity to change your mind. Just in case you’ve gotten your fill of crazy and want to go find a nice girl who isn’t insane.”

  “And miss all of this. My first starring role as a lead?” He held out his hands, his face lit up with excitement.

  I jabbed him in the ribs, not forgetting what he’d told his brother. “I thought you said the director was an asshole?”

  “Maybe I like asshole directors?” He laughed. “They seem to get the best out of me.”

  “God.” My head fell in my hands. “Do we really have to tell your family?”

  Not to mention my boss.

  And Katrina.

  And Liz.

  Ugh.

  I groaned, “I am such an idiot.”

  “Think of how hilarious this is going to be when we’re eighty and sitting on a porch just like this.” He wrapped his arms around me. “And besides, what would be the alternative? We’d still be flirting with each other across a desk. You’d probably be dating some boring guy you couldn’t stand, and I’d be wasting time playing dating roulette.”

  “My guy might not have been boring. Lachlan at the gallery seemed interesting enough.” I tipped my chin in defiance.

  I mean, he was right. In the last couple of years, I’d had more interesting nights with a glass of water and an Ambien than I’d had on most dates. But I wasn’t about to admit that.

  He brushed my hair back, kissing my neck before responding. “Lachlan at the gallery was a tool, and there is no universe where he’d ever be good enough for you. And yeah, I was jealous but that wasn’t the reason I wanted you with me that night. I wanted you by my side because that’s the way it’s meant to be. It was always supposed to be us.”

  “Well then, someone is going to need to break it to all your many female friends. There will be a trail of broken hearts all the way down Hollywood Boulevard.”

  He’d made no secret of his casual love life prior to our fake/real relationship. And while I didn’t doubt his fidelity, I was positive there was probably more than one woman who would mourn the loss. He wasn’t an easy man to let go. Lord knows I hadn’t been able to.

  “And you honestly believe that I’d be interested in any of them now that I have you? But if it makes you feel better I will call every single one of them and let them know my current relationship status.” His hand slipped from me and dove into his pocket, trying to fish out his phone.

  “Please, I said I was an idiot but thankfully I’m not that needy.” I yanked his arm, stopping him from pulling out his cell.

  He laughed, leaving his phone safely where it was and dropped a soft kiss on my lips. “No calls then, but you need to stop calling yourself an idiot. I won’t have you talking about my girlfriend in that way.”

  “Girlfriend,” I tried the word out, testing how it felt as I said it out loud. I liked the way it sounded, probably more so when he was the one saying it.

  I followed his eyes as they returned to the screen door. It was only a couple of feet, and almost felt wrong that we were laughing and joking while on the other side of that door there was so much pain.

  “I’m glad we had this.” I was the first one to speak. “I know we don’t have much time, and are going to have to be back in there soon, but I’m glad we were able to take the minute.”

  “Me too. We didn’t do a lot of talking at your apartment.”

  “No, we didn’t.” I bit my lip, feeling guilty for thinking about our memorable reunion at a time like this. “But I don’t regret it. That or this.”

  Brushing myself off, he helped me to my feet and we walked back inside.

  I’d expected the same sober mood we’d left—and I wasn’t sure if it wa
s my confessional, the food, or something else—but thankfully it wasn’t so quiet anymore. People were talking and there were even a few laughs—the noise and the bustle more what I’d expected from my family when they were all packed in together.

  And while it gave us all a false sense of everything being okay, I knew no one was fooled. But it was what we needed, allowing us to find a way to honor a woman who thrived on a house filled with people. Which was exactly what we did. Until nine fifty that night, when Gran took her last breath.

  Her memory though, would always be with me.

  I was in the arms of the most honest man I’d ever met, and had promised to never let him go.

  He’d whispered that he loved me possibly a million times that night, and I’d return his I-love-yous at least a million and two.

  But I realized that night that my number one lie hadn’t been my fake relationship, the whole stupid charade, or even our manufactured breakup.

  It had been the day I looked into Dave’s kind loving eyes all those years ago and ignored the whisper in my heart that told me he was my one.

  Lucky for me, I was a terrible liar.

  JEREMY HAD BEEN MORE UNDERSTANDING than I’d expected—proving he had a heart—organizing Katrina to cover for me and telling me to take as much time as I needed. He’d even shuffled things around for Dave so he didn’t have to leave either. Of course that happened after the stream of swear words had come out of his mouth when I told him Dave and I were dating.

  To say he wasn’t pleased was an understatement, giving me a million reasons on why he thought it was a terrible idea and how bad it would be for business. Which was when I offered to resign, solving any issues of impropriety, leaving Dave and I to date with no restrictions.

  He suddenly decided it wouldn’t be that big a deal.

  We stayed in Shreveport until the day after the funeral, kissing my family goodbye and promising to come back soon. It would be different from here on out and not because Gran was gone.

  I was different, and I liked the change.