“You can never hurt me. There’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive. I’ve never believed in destiny or the illusions that go with it, but after tonight, after you—I know our lives were woven together long ago for a reason. We’re going to make it through this life together no matter what the future holds. Love always finds a way.”
Stevie shivers, and I pull the sheets over our slicked bodies.
“You’re worried about the internship, aren’t you?” I give her a kiss before she can respond.
“Maybe a little.”
I lean up on my elbow and try to memorize her beauty—those long, black ribbons of hair, that face of an angel, her eyes siren out like yellow flames, each their own glowing sunset.
“Ford? What would you do if you didn’t have Jinx? The company.” She gives my chest a gentle scratch.
“I’d love it.” I squeeze my eyes shut in lieu of a laugh. “I’d hate it. Jinx is who I am. It would be like losing myself.”
“I get it. Claire was my Jinx.”
“I’m sorry.” I drop a hot kiss to her lips. “I’m so sorry you lost Claire. She was more to you than my silly company. She was a person. She was your other half. If I lost Jinx, I’d live a nice life off my fat bank account. Heck, the avocado groves could keep the lights on if they had to. But what you lost is irreplaceable. I don’t know how that feels.”
“You lost your dad—your mom.”
“True. But that was different. In some ways, even as a child, I understood they’d go before me. Not that it was guaranteed, but I sort of figured it was the way of the world. My dad was great. You would have loved him. He lived for Carter and me. He and my mother loved each other with a mad passion. I remember being quite grossed out by their constant display of affection.” I kiss both her eyelids in turn, slow and lingering, making love to each of them just the way they deserve. “I want that with you, Stevie. That aching passion that screams for the night to swallow the day so we can climb into bed together and make love until morning. I think we have it.” I press a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I want to experience everything this life has to offer with you by my side.”
She gives a satisfied moan, relaxing her thighs over mine.
“We really do have it all, don’t we, Superman?” She runs her fingers through my hair, tugging me just enough to elicit another erection. “So what’s your next big move? Saving the planet from pre-teen hackers?”
“Always that.” I bite her bottom lip and pull it out slow. “But first I’m going to fuck you.”
Stevie still hasn’t said she loves me.
She showed me, and, for now, that’s more than enough.
8
The Space Between Us
Stevie
There have only been two times in my life that I remember feeling so wanted, so needed, so loved. The first time was when my grandmother said my sister and I were the roses in the garden of her life. I never forgot what it meant to be her flower—how important, how beautiful it made me feel to be a rose—my beauty balanced with the thorns. I felt power even then. I knew I could shine as much as I could hurt people—sometimes I enjoyed the latter a little more than I should have. The second time was with Claire when she received her diagnosis. I knew she needed me. She wanted to be me. We were one then as much as we are now. And here, in this distal version of our future, I’m still struggling to live for the both of us. Ford loves me enough to make up for any fault I might have to offer. Well, almost anything, but, knowing he’s loving me, loving Claire as she lives inside me, it’s as good as God himself espousing his affection.
Ford and I left the stratosphere. We soar ever higher with our newfound devotion. Another week rolls by, and I avoid Carter like a bear in the woods waiting to devour everything Ford and I have. I know I told him that I’d confess to being Hans Lionheart’s daughter, but the things I say and the things I do are mostly two different animals entirely.
On a seemingly ordinary Wednesday, Bella and I are given the task of copyediting a press release that’s set to go out this evening. It’s already been through the editing strainer of the beehive, but the Evil One doesn’t want a single errant comma out of place.
“Come Monday, Jinx will devour the entire cyber universe.” She bleeds a wicked grin, mostly to herself, but I’m stuck on her verbiage. Come Monday. Ford and I have been freely fornicating at his home, the beach house, once at my dorm when he dropped me off and Bella was still in the shower. I’ve spent every night at his place since that weekend. We missed the grand opening of Kinx—an abhorrent sin in Evilyn’s wicked eyes. But, nevertheless, it went smoothly and had the entire hive buzzing with approval. Ford and I have been playing a little game of Kinx ourselves. For instance, I suggested we give tantric sex a try. I told him it was all anybody ever talked about in the yoga class that Bella dragged me off to, and he assured me only freaks who hate life would be able to pull off anything so oppressive and cruel. As a punishment for suggesting it, he made it a point to have me orgasm as frequently as humanely possible. He had me look into his eyes as he brought me to the brink of my existence then demanded that I come. He said the word with such forceful command that he somehow trained my body to obey and shake out beneath him with his mouth over mine—his body deep inside me. Just hearing the word has me tingling like a ride in some pleasure-bound electric chair.
I give a private smile at Evilyn’s expense.
“Areola, I want you to leave.” Her glasses drip to her nose as she studies me. “Fetch me coffee and one for your cellmate. Make them both unleaded.” That’s her way of saying decaf. Evil loves her java high octane, so it does raise a brow.
Bella runs out in a panic as if the room had just erupted in flames, and something tells me it has.
“Did you tell him?” Her voice feathers out as if she were on the brink of a breakdown, as if her heart of stone could actually induce a tear-filled reaction.
“No.” I blow out a breath because I’ve been close. I’ve had the words on my tongue, but I suppose I should eclipse I love you first. I’ve said those words to him a thousand times in my head, but I said it last to Claire, and it feels like I’ll be replacing her once I blurt out that desperate phrase.
“I have something of yours.” She pulls a disheveled white bag from under her desk and slides it over.
I take it from her and peek inside. It’s the pregnancy test Bella bought me.
Her chest expands with a breath. “I want you to take it.”
“I’ve heard of drug testing.” I run my finger over the glossy purple box. “Do I get terminated if I’m carrying a fetus?”
She closes her eyes a moment. “If you’re carrying his baby, like you claim, I’ll back off.” She shakes her head at me as if she won’t. “If you’re a liar, then it’s game on.” Her lips smear with a grin. “And it’s one game I guarantee I’ll win.”
“You really think it’s that easy, huh? The flick of your finger, and he’ll run back to you just like that?”
“Oh, foolish, little Stevie.” A dark laugh gurgles from her. “I promise, it’s even easier than that.”
“Very well.” I pull the white plastic stick from the box and point it at her like a wand. “And I promise you, I have the ability to make you disappear forever.” I head to the restroom, shaking, my knees knocking as I hold the glorified Popsicle stick in an unsteady flow of urine.
God, what if I’m not pregnant? What a relief that would be. Sure, Evelyn would have a field day, but who the hell cares? And if I am, well, then, I guess she’ll be the villain in our Superman, Lois Lane world. I can totally see her filling that role. Evelyn is ridiculous, nothing but a caricature. She was so arrogant in the fact she could still have Ford at the curl of her finger. I don’t believe it for a minute. There’s no way Ford would want anything to do with her.
I finish up and cringe, sitting on the toilet refusing to pull up my big girl panties until I know for sure if I’m destined to hold a tiny bundle in a few short months. An
image of a beautiful bald baby, pink skin, large steel-colored eyes, wafts through my mind. We would be a family—something I’ve wanted for so long, since as far back as Claire.
A line appears in the urine soaked window, then another, then the faint pink glow of another. Fuck. What does that mean? I’m having four, eight, ten children?
I pull myself together and run like hell back to the office where Bella stands gifting Evilyn her third cup of coffee for the day.
“Well?” She stands erect, her claws poised over the table ready to eat my unborn child.
I trip twice before tackling the box I left on her desk. One line, negative—that plus two lines in the bottom window, positive.
I take a breath.
I’m positive? I’m positive. I stare back at the stick in disbelief. It was one thing to know on an intrinsic level—it’s a whole other thing to have science throw your own urine in your face.
“Oh, my, shit,” I whisper, falling into my seat.
“What is it?” Bella trots over, and Evelyn practically knocks her down, snatching the stick from my hands.
“Shit!” She blinks into it. “So it’s true.” Evelyn steadies herself over the desk, and, for a second, I think the two of us might be sick in tandem. “I guess that’s it then.” She sits hard on the mahogany surface. “You won.”
There’s something sweet about surrender, especially when it’s whispered through the mouth of your enemy.
“Let’s get out of here, Bella.” I take her by the hand as we collect our things and leave. “I need to get my head straight.”
We hit the hall, and I take in a few gulps of cool air as if I were holding my breath that entire time.
“What are you going to do?” Bella hisses as we make a break for the elevator.
“Arabella.” Jener catches up to us just as we’re about to step in. “You up for a quick bite?” His brows twitch, letting us know exactly what he wants a bite of.
“I can’t.” She washes over me with a look that lets me know how pathetic she thinks I am.
“You can.” We exchange a quick embrace. “Just promise you won’t say anything,” I whisper.
“I won’t.” She pulls back with her hair in a vanilla tangle of curls, her eyes glittering with tears all for me. “See you in an hour.”
“Done.” I hop into the elevator and ride down by myself. A hurricane of emotion dumps over me, and it feels as if this elevator, this life, is plummeting me fathoms into the belly of the earth. How did I ever let this happen? Ford will think I’m a gold digger. He’ll think I plotted this out from the beginning. Then there’s the tiny little detail of who I really am, what I had originally set out to do to him—not to mention my father’s reaction when he finds out that not only did I have a change of heart with the mission at hand, but I actually managed to get knocked-up and propagate the enemy’s family line.
I sigh as the doors swoosh open.
Carter appears on the other side and offers a simple smile. That’s all I needed to see. I step out and break into hysterics. Tears pour from me like a fountain. For so long I pretended that I was incapable of feeling. I thrived off hate, off anger, suckled off them like they were the teat of life-giving nourishment I needed to survive, and they were. Only weak and whiny women cried in public places. And now here I am bawling with the best of them—as weak and whiny as they come.
“Whoa.” He pulls me in and shuttles me past the restrooms to a service room. “Here, sit down.” He closes the door, and a stuffed up silence clogs my ears. I give a quick glance around at the padded surroundings. There’s a deeper cavity that leads to multiple flat screens, giving off a marine hue.
“What is this?”
“It’s a surveillance room. Ironically the only room not monitored in the damn place. You’re safe. No eyes, no ears can hear whatever it is you have to say. I’m here for you, Stevie.” We take a seat on a square leather ottoman, and he wraps an arm around my shoulder. “What did my jackass of a brother do now?”
“Nothing.” I try to recompose myself, but it seems futile.
“Is it Evelyn?” He gives a knowing nod. Carter would have made a fantastic brother-in-law. Note to self, smack some sense into Aspen then kick Henry in the balls.
I wipe my face down with my sleeve and force a quick breath.
“Do you love my sister?” I’m a master at turning the tables. Carter won’t get a word out of me about the baby. Baby. I shake my head at the thought.
“Aspen.” He says her name reflectively as if she were the sister I lost, not Claire. “I don’t think it much matters what I feel for your sister. We were sort of over before we ever began.”
“Geez, Cannon. Instead of waxing poetic about the past, you should be out there trying to fight for her—to keep her safe from that moron she married of all people.”
“Did he hurt her?” Carter’s ears burn bright pink. His body twitches as if he’s ready to bolt.
“Yes. I’ve already told you this.” Of course, I have no proof, but I’d bet every dollar my father owns that it’s the case. “She’s a ball of nerves. She’s alone and afraid. She won’t take my help. She won’t take anybody’s help. Will you at least talk to her?”
He scours the floor as if looking for the answer to that simple question.
“I’ll check out what you’re saying. If it’s true I’ll step in.”
“It is true.”
“She’d never allow for that to happen. Yes, Henry is an asshole but a wife beater? Aspen would be the first to hand him his balls.”
“That’s what you think. But people change once they get into relationships. They do strange things. They make compromises they wouldn’t usually make, all in the name of commitment.”
“And you think she’s allowing this to happen because she took a few vows, a year and eight months ago?”
“Boy you have it marked off to the day, don’t you?” I scan his hurting eyes. “She said she invited you to the wedding, but you didn’t show.”
“I was there.” His arm slips from me as he leans back on his elbows and stares at the ceiling. “I sat in the back, listened as they exchanged I dos—slipped out before they ran down the aisle together. I couldn’t take it, Stevie. I had my heart sacked that day, sliced and diced, deep-fried and force-fed to me. It was shit on a paper plate, and I did it all to my fucking myself.”
“If I recall, you were married at the time of her wedding. Did you bring your bride that fateful day, or did you go it alone on that secret rendezvous?”
“Just me.” Carter leans forward, hanging his head between his legs like he might be sick. “I felt like I had no right to be there, even if I did get the official invite. She sent it out to be polite. She didn’t expect me to go.”
“Really?” I scratch his back as he takes a deep lungful of regret. “Is that why she kept asking me to go out and see if you were there yet? I can still hear her, clear as yesterday, is he here? You think he’ll show?” I say it with a little more sugar than Aspen did. She was frantic—panicked even then, and I couldn’t figure out why. But now I know. She didn’t need Carter for moral support or to calm her last minute jitters, she simply needed him.
His eyes cut to mine, wide and expectant. “She said that?”
“She wanted to talk to you.” I shrug. “I’ll never forget the dead look in her eyes as she started that jaunt down the aisle. My father was on a business trip and wasn’t able to escort her in the march of ‘doom,’ per tradition. When it’s Kinsley’s turn, he’ll be there with bells on.”
“She walked alone.” He nods into the memory. “She was beautiful—stunning.” Carter’s face blanches out as the tears start to roll.
I think of the baby growing inside me, of Ford and all of the Lionheart horrors I have to fling his way in such a short span of time.
“Sometimes love sucks,” I whisper as we whittle away our lunch break swinging from a noose in the gallows of the past.
“Are you in love with my brother?�
� Carter leans in, using me as a backrest.
“About as in love as you are with my sister.”
“Then we are in for a shit ride, my friend.” His shoulders tremble with a dull laugh. “Here’s hoping things turn out better for you.”
“They won’t.” I can already feel it.
I head back to the office with the same enthusiasm reserved for a root canal and find Bella standing at the door, rigid and pale as if she just witnessed the most beautiful sight of all, Evelyn dangling from a light fixture.
“Let’s do this,” I say barreling in. Even though Evelyn claims I won, it doesn’t make this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach go away.
Ford’s sky-born eyes are the first thing I see when I walk in, and I freeze. His arms are wrapped around Evelyn. His face heavy and downcast, and for the first time I feel like I’m interrupting an honest moment between the two of them.
Ford pulls away as soon as I step inside.
“Hello, girls,” Evelyn sings. Gone is the hurt look on her face, replaced with genuine glee.
“We can come back,” I offer—like never. My stomach does a revolution at the thought of how close his body was to hers.
“Oh, please.” Evelyn is downright animated, flying high, and, any minute now, I’m convinced I’ll have to peel her from the ceiling.
Ford looks shell-shocked. His eyes are locked on mine, but he’s looking right through me, and this new version of himself scares me on a primal level.
“What’s happening?” A raw anger percolates inside me because I have a feeling I know where this is headed.
“Shall we share the good news?” The Evil One bounces on her heels, her hair springs in rhythm with her elation.
“Evelyn.” He turns his head, but he never takes his eyes off mine.
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