Every time he walked through the door, it felt like home because nothing ever changed. Maybe she didn’t change the furniture or carpeting because she was hoping to have grandkids by now. It wouldn’t be a big deal if the grandkids dropped juice or spit up on a twenty-year-old country plaid sectional couch.
He hoisted the heavy backpack on his shoulder. “Is Axl here?”
“He won’t be here until six. His plane got delayed. You have time to take a nap. You look tired, dear. Dinner will be late.”
“Where is Dad?”
“He and Rory are playing golf. He should be back soon.”
“Alright. I'm going to put my stuff in my room, and we can sit and talk.”
His bedroom was decorated like that of a typical teenage boy. Cutout posters of sexy supermodels graced the wall. Sports cars and airplane replicas he’d built with his dad were in the same place he’d left them. His bedroom was his sanctuary and held many good memories.
He sat on the neatly made full-size bed, thinking about Nikki and how her childhood bedroom probably looked. He imagined she had spent a lot of days tiptoeing around her mother to avoid her abuse.
Logan swallowed. Nikki didn’t deserve to have hands put on her unless in a caressing manner. To him, she was a valuable piece of glass: she was pretty to look at, but touch her, and she may break. And since she had been broken, picking up all the pieces has been a bitch for her.
Logan finished unpacking and went downstairs. His mother was in the kitchen prepping for dinner. He grabbed an apron and stood beside her. “Need any help?”
“You aren’t here to cook. Grab a cup of tea and sit your butt down,” she ordered.
He got coffee instead and sat at the breakfast bar. “How is business, Mom?”
“The restaurant is doing great.”
He raised his brow. “That’s good. Is there something else going on that you want to talk to about?”
Logan noticed for the first time that his mother had aged. Her arms were skinny, her forehead had more wrinkles, and her hair was all gray and pulled to the back of her head in a tight bun. He’d seen pictures of her as a young girl. She had flawless porcelain skin, long blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and a dancer’s body since she had taken up ballet until she got married.
“Well, your father and I hoped to share this with you and Axl. We’ve decided we’re ready to retire.”
“Mom, that’s great. You and Dad deserve to kick back and relax. Are you selling the restaurant?”
“That or shut down. Axl isn’t interested, and you have one already. If we want grandkids from either of you boys, we can’t saddle you with more work.”
Logan ran a finger around the rim of the coffee cup. Running his parents' restaurant wouldn’t be as time-consuming as his own business. The mom-and-pop diner didn’t have a bar, and it closed at a reasonable hour. The biggest plus was he would move back to Pittsburgh and away from Nikki.
“Mom, I might be interested in taking over the restaurant,” he said nonchalantly.
She turned up her chin while sweeping a hand over her neat coiffure. It was hot in the kitchen. Plus, that was the look she gave when she knew something was bothering one of her boys.
“Logan, what’s wrong?” she asked pointedly.
He heaved a frustrated sigh. He could refuse to address the problem, but she was glaring at him and would see straight through his farce.
“Nothing. My restaurant is thriving and always busy, but I miss home and being around my friends.” His fake reply would not fly with Elizabeth.
She planted both fists on her hips while rolling her eyes. “Don’t feed me bullshit. Who is she and why did she hurt my baby’s heart?” Her tone dripped with authority, a technique that was second nature to her.
“Mom, you know me so well. It just wasn’t meant to be,” he said, regretting the whine that slipped into his voice.
“You always were a sensitive boy. Talk to me, honey,” she said, cupping his cheek in her hand.
“I’m not sensitive, but care too much.” His chest tightened. Logan hated appearing weak, especially when he was a strong man. But strong men are supposed to save the day and get the girl. Because the girl he wanted was damaged, he couldn’t do anything for her without scaring her away. He took a sip of coffee. Maybe this wasn’t his problem after all but Nikki’s. She was afraid of being hurt again.
“You do, remember Rosalynn? That girl manipulated you every chance she got.”
“This isn’t the same. I’ve only known this girl for a short time. She is very reserved, shy, and pretty much an introvert.”
“Honey, she doesn’t sound like a girl you’d date. Is that how the women are in Cleveland?”
“I don’t know all the women in Cleveland. But I like her.”
“Then don’t say it isn’t meant to be,” Elizabeth responded as she squeezed Logan’s arm and looked into his eyes. “If you have feelings for this girl, you’ll make it work.”
“That depends,” he smiled playfully.
“Depends on what?”
“Mom, how would you feel if I married a Black woman?” He drank the last of his coffee without making eye contact with her.
He didn’t believe his parents held any prejudices against people because they didn’t refuse to serve anyone. However, that was business. But they were also good friends with the neighbors next door. The Dexters and Sloans went out to dinner and did events. The Dexter boys, Byron and Link, had played with him and Axl every day after school. Axl was a groomsman in Link’s wedding last year.
The silence was long before his mother answered. “Logan, if you truly loved her, I’d support you; so would your father.”
He got up from the chair and chuckled. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m not getting married.”
Elizabeth wiped her hands on the apron. “Logan, I don’t like that attitude. You don’t believe me?”
“Sure. I believe you would be happy for me. I also believe you’d be happier if I married a White woman.”
“If you aren’t getting married, why are we having this discussion?”
“I want you to know what’s going on with me. I’m interested, I want to be with her, but she is scared to be loved. I can change that for her.”
“How are you so sure, Logan? If she is afraid of love, you won’t be able to change her feelings.”
Leaning against the sink, he folded his arms across his chest. “Because I can,” he said confidently.
“What do her parents think about you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Haven’t met them.”
She picked up the bowl of vegetables and placed them in the sink. “We’ll have this talk again after you’ve ironed out the details.”
“Mom, really, as attracted as I am to Nikki, I’m not going to pursue her.” He’d said it out loud, so it must be true. Nikki Graham was out of his life forever.
“Logan, I’m not getting any younger with this conversation. You’re attracted to the young lady, but something has happened. Is it about race?”
“No. Just a text saying she couldn’t see me anymore.”
“And that was it? You didn’t follow up with her?”
“Not yet. I have to be careful how I handle this. I deserve to know why she cut me off. She was happy; we were happy, and now, nothing.”
“Honey, life is so short. Don’t chase answers that you might never get and lose the chance to meet another woman who will love you.”
He rubbed his temple. “This is unfinished business for me. I need closure.”
“Alright, suit yourself. However, I heard Elaine Finney is staying with Betty for a while. You should give her a call. There was a time you two were inseparable,” Elizabeth sang.
“Mom, we were fifteen or sixteen. I haven’t seen her in years.”
“She is a beautiful woman now. Logan, go see her. She went through a bad divorce and has a darling three-year-old daughter. You’ll be the breath of fresh starts she needs.”
He ra
ised his brow. “She had a kid. So, no thank you.”
“I raised you better than that, young man. We do not look down on people because of their situations.”
“That you did, Mom. So, I’m asking you to respect the situation I’m dealing with.”
“Honey, I would if you actually had one. The woman is not interested in you. Move on and be happy.”
Logan heard his voice raise. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m interested in her.” He unclenched his teeth and saw the fear on his mother’s face. He had never raised his voice to her, and he would apologize, but not right now. “I’m gonna go take that nap.”
Chapter Seventeen
Three Days Later
Nikki dressed tastefully for dinner and a movie with Jabari: white cotton crop pants and a pale pink button down shirt. Another outfit would have left nothing to the imagination, but she didn’t want men to notice her. When they leered at her or made a sexist remark, she felt uncomfortable. Judith would eat up the attention with open arms, exchanging a few sexist remarks of her own.
She picked up the ceramic giraffe. It was one of the keepsakes Logan had bought for her at the zoo. She even kept the plastic wristbands. It was stupid, but it was part of making that first childhood memory. The memories made that day were also lost in the same day.
She gently set the giraffe down. This would be her fourth date with Jabari. They usually did the same routine: a movie and then dinner afterward. He was fascinating, but there was no chemistry between them. Nikki had picked up hints that he wasn’t completely over his ex-girlfriend, Petra. Her name would come up often, and Nikki could see the sadness in his eyes. Maybe that was the reason he had not put any moves on her. He would kiss her goodnight on the forehead at the door, making sure his hands stayed firmly on her shoulders. It was painfully unromantic, and she was in for a repeat tonight.
She puckered her lips to apply a soft layer of red lipstick. Her reflection in the mirror was not of a woman finally coming in tune with herself but a woman who was withdrawn physically and mentally from society.
Once she put the sex with Logan behind her, she preferred solitude to the company of others. However, Gayle had hounded her so much; she felt she couldn’t refuse Jabari when he asked her out. After brushing her hair into a neat ponytail, Nikki put on a pair of earrings and slipped on a pink bangle bracelet.
The door buzzer rang as she finished putting on her shoes. Grabbing a sweater, she hurried out of the bedroom and went to buzz Jabari up. Checking once more to make sure the apartment was straightened, she waited by the door for him.
Hearing his footsteps outside the door, she opened it before he could knock. “Hey, Nikki. Ready to go?”
She looked at his face, and it seemed different. Normally he kept a smile that exhibited the warmth in his character. There was a whisper of a smile but not the famous Jabari smile. Nikki smiled at him. “I’m ready.”
After the movie, they went to Applebee’s for dinner. Nikki sipped on a cola while she scanned the menu. “Everything looks good. What are you in the mood for, Jabari?”
“Probably a salad; the popcorn filled me up.”
She agreed, “It was filling. I’ll have a side salad also.”
What she wanted to do was call it an evening and go home and work on the project that was falling behind due to her neglect. The evening had been a bust anyhow. He had been preoccupied throughout the entire movie.
Granted, Fifty Shades of Grey would not have been her choice for a couple not in a relationship, but nothing about them was typical. Nikki suffered through the erotic romance, remembering the way Logan touched her body and made her moan while Jabari spent the majority of the movie texting with someone.
Jabari reached over and took her hand, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. She licked her lips, waiting for him to say what was on his mind. Whatever it was, she hoped it would end both of their suffering.
He looked into her eyes. “Nikki, I really do enjoy your company. Gayle was on the money about you.”
“Thank you, Jabari. I enjoy being with you also. But I’m going to roll the dice here; is there something bothering you?”
“I’m not hiding it well, am I?” he asked.
“No, you aren’t. Tell me what’s on your mind. Maybe I can help.”
He wiped sweat from his forehead. It was funny that he was sweating since it was colder in the restaurant than it had been at the movie theater. Nikki was glad she had a sweater with her.
He lowered his head, not looking at her. “Man, I hate doing this because I know Gayle has her heart set on us hooking up. I’m just going to say it – Nikki, my ex-girlfriend told me that she’s pregnant.”
Nikki felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. That explained his distraction during the movie and why he hadn’t made any sexual advances toward her. What came next? Should she congratulate him?
She forced herself to talk. “That is some news, Jabari.”
“I wasn’t expecting to be expecting. I’m going to be a dad,” he said. His face was aglow with happiness, and his eyes said more than the excitement in his voice.
He was happy about the news, and she wasn’t going to take that joy away from him. “Congratulations, Jabari. What are you going to do now?”
“I want to be there for Petra. I want us to hear the first heartbeat together. I want to cut my baby’s cord in the delivery room. Does that sound irrational?”
She shook her head. “You sound like a man standing up to his responsibilities.”
“My mama raised me to be a man. Petra is the one for me, and now that she’s pregnant, I can’t turn my back on her.”
“And you shouldn’t. Whatever caused you guys to split can be repaired. Apologize to her, Jabari. Do whatever it takes to be a family.”
“We are talking about getting back together, but my first apology is to you. I’m sorry about texting during the movie; that was tacky on my part.”
“Oh, please; you had a good reason,” she said flipping her wrist dismissively. “You should go, Jabari.”
“What?”
“Go be with Petra. This is an exciting time, and you should be celebrating with her. Go be with her.”
He narrowed a neat brow, “And leave you sitting in a restaurant? I’m not doing that. I’ll drive you home first.”
She started to slide out of the booth. “Okay, but don’t tell Petra about our date, Jabari.”
“I’m not going to lie if she asks where I was tonight.”
“Maybe this one time you should since nothing happened between us.” Jabari tilted his head, staring at her. “Don’t look at me like I sprouted a second head. I’m saying there is no use upsetting a pregnant woman. She’ll get moody, and all kinds of ideas will run through her head.”
“I get ya and won’t say anything. Damn, Nikki, this will break Gayle’s heart. She was counting on this working between us.”
“She’ll get over it,” Nikki said with a slight chuckle. “What’s more important is you’re there for Petra during and after the pregnancy. You know my past, Jabari. Don’t let your baby ever wonder who his or her father is or if you ever loved them.”
“You’re breaking my heart, girl.”
Tears strained her eyes. “I’m doing what’s right. My mother broke families apart. I want to keep them together.”
He pulled her to him and hugged her. To her, it felt like a brother hugging his sister. Nikki was too close to Gayle’s family. She and Jabari could never be anything other than play cousins or friends, and she knew Jabari would always be there for her as a friend.
*****
Nikki sat at her desk looking at the calendar. The red circles were reminders of what was on her schedule to do. She took a black marker and crossed out the wedding that was happening in three days. She sighed and sat back in her chair. People had such a misconception when it came to beauty, and media only heightened that misconception.
Jealousy had always been fed by the perception t
hat pretty people had it good. Beautiful women walked hand-in-hand with good-looking men and had beautiful babies together. Well, that was not the case.
Kenya was not what society classified as beautiful on the outside, but she was smart—a doctor—and was marrying a man that could easily be a book cover model. If he weren’t a doctor also, people would assume he was only with her to capitalize on her fame.
“What did you do? What the hell did you do, Nikki?”
The door to her office slammed, jarring Nikki from her thoughts. “God, Gayle, you scared the hell out of me. Why are you yelling?”
“Be glad I’m yelling and not strangling you! It was all planned, and you ruined it.”
Unaware of the reason for Gayle’s rant, Nikki remained calm. “What did I ruin?”
“Jabari. You sent him back to that bitch. You had him in your grasps and couldn’t close the deal? Damn!” Her eyes were filled with fury and her voice downright raw.
She pointed an angry finger at Gayle. “First, stop yelling at me. Second, I never had Jabari. And, third, he is in love with Petra; they are having a baby, Gayle.”
“So what! People have babies out of wedlock every damn day. Doesn’t mean they have to be married to raise a kid.”
“Remember who you’re talking to, girlie.”
“Oh, who gives a crap about that anymore? You’re not a teenager looking to win your parents' love, Nikki. This is more about you being weird and your reason for staying that way.”
Nikki's jaw dropped. Gayle had been acting differently lately. Her nagging and pushing had become annoying, but this was disrespectful and hurtful. Nikki didn’t know how to respond without her words coming out in anger.
The adrenalin was flowing fast through her veins, and she felt her heart beating hard in her chest. They were at work, and the walls were thin. If she shouted, the entire floor would hear the argument behind the closed door.
She jumped up, sending the chair backward and smashing into the file cabinet behind her. “No! You need to get over yourself, Gayle! Stop trying to control my life or Jabari’s, for God’s sake. He made a decision to stay with Petra; I supported his decision.”
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