“Who did she glamour herself as?” Lola asked, intrigued by Zoe’s explanation.
“Good question, Lola,” Zara said, chiming in for the first time all night. “She was the person we least expected, Sheriff Buford.”
“Are you kidding me?” Alec exclaimed.
“I’m afraid not. We were so busy trying to contain the situation that we all just assumed she had disappeared into thin air, but that wasn’t the case. She had remained in the bar with us the whole time as Sheriff Buford. When Zoe and I recounted the events of the night, the one thing we both realized was that Sheriff Buford just suddenly appeared. There were no sirens from his police car. No warning that he was on his way. Nothing. He just appeared out of thin air. Although he walked out of the bar that night, we never heard his car crank up, or once again, his sirens. We all know how he loves to blast those damn things. It’s annoying as hell, but we endure it because he’s a part of our community. So, when we examined all of the evidence, it became crystal clear that Brittney was actually Sheriff Buford and we let her walk right out the bar without a fuss. I have to give it to the girl. She’s mastered the art of hiding in plain sight,” Zara said.
“Oh My Goddess! That makes so much sense,” Sophie replied. “Maybe she’s not as dumb as we thought.”
Before anyone could respond to Sophie’s comment, the room filled with glowing purple smoke and sparkling blue bubbles before Baba Yaga appeared with Sassy, Jeeves, Bermangoggleshitz, and Fabio.
“What the hell Baba Yojackhole? In case you hadn’t noticed, Jeeves and I were about to get all hot and bothered. You could give a girl a heads up before you come barging into her damn bedroom,” Sassy yelled. Dressed in a flimsy, silky night gown that left nothing to the imagination, she wanted someone’s head on a platter and it belonged to the powerful, yet horrendously dressed woman standing in front of her. It still baffled her that she was related to Marge, a woman who dressed like a model who just walked off the runway. Yet standing in front of her was an eighties reject in bright pink leotards, a purple headband, and purple high tops. What in the hell did Fabadude see in her. She must be dynamite in bed, Sassy thought.
“Watch it girlie! You’re trying my patience today. Now put some clothes on,” Baba Yaga commanded.
Pissed beyond belief, Sassy turned, let out a slew of French words, and promptly blew up Sophie’s loveseat. “Ah! Now I feel better,” she said before quickly flicking her wrist to repair the loveseat and change clothes. One minute she was in a Victoria Secret see-through nightie that could have rivaled any runway model, and the next, she was wearing a stunning Vince Camuto Faux Wrap Jersey Jumpsuit with three-inch open-toe stilettos.
To say everyone at the dining room table was stunned would be an understatement. Claire had heard that the Baba Yaga had a flare for the dramatics, but based on what she’d just witnessed, that was an understatement to say the least. She watched in fascination as the gorgeous, six-foot man with long, light brown hair, silver blue eyes, and a body as hard as Jasper’s tried to console the stunning, buxom blonde with curly hair and a perky butt. Claire had to give her credit for going toe-to-toe with the Baba Yaga.
“Ladies. Ladies. Take in a few deep breaths and relax. I think we’ve scared the bejesus out of Zoe and Zara’s friends,” Fabio said in a soothing voice.
Just when everyone thought things were about to calm down, Cole stood, pointed directly at Bermangoggleshitz, and in a deadly voice asked, “What in the hell is he doing here?”
“He’s here to help,” Baba Yaga answered in a voice that brokered no argument. “Trust me when I tell you that you’re going to need all the help you can get for what’s coming your way.”
Suddenly, the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife. In an effort to calm everyone down, Fabio cleared his throat to gain everyone’s attention and said, “I need everyone to take a deep breath. It’s obvious you were expecting our arrival and for that I sincerely apologize for all of us. However, I assure you that we’re only here to help, but in order for us to that, everyone needs to calm down. It’s been my experience, the best way for us to do that is through mediation or better yet, goat yoga. It’s all the new rave. What do you say?”
The mere mention of goat yoga had Jasper’s leg quivering with excitement. He almost bolted from Claire’s side when Fabio summoned the baby goats. They were the cutest things he’d ever seen. He couldn’t wait to go outside and chase a few of them around the yard. Unfortunately, when he looked around the room, it became apparent that not everyone joined in his excitement.
“Fabio, there’s no way in hell I’m letting some goats climb all over me. I’m the King of my Pride for Goddess’s sake,” Dillen announced.
“You may be the King of your Pride, but have you looked at the love handles surrounding your ass lately? Looks to me like someone has been drinking too many fruity martinis, if you know what I mean. You’re right, goat yoga isn’t going to touch those curves, but some hot yoga would make your ass sweat like a bitch in heat,” Fabio countered, the challenge in his voice obvious.
“Did you just call me a b…?” Dillen asked in a deadly voice, as he advanced on Fabio before Ariel stepped in his path.
Unfazed by Dillen’s threatening stance, Fabio looked him dead in the eye and said, “Buttercup, if the shoe fits, wear it,” before both men burst into laughter.
Ariel shook her head in disgust, then punched her brother in the arm for being such an asshole. “Grow up already?” she said before walking back to the dining room table.
Jasper stood in the corner shaking with laughter. It seemed as though Fabio had received his message. The look on his friend’s face was priceless when Fabio indicated his ass was big. He just wished the taunt had lasted a little longer.
“Hardy. Harr-Harr-Harr! Dillen finally said. “I’m going to kick your ass once you’re able to shift back into your human for Jasper.”
“Bring it on!” Jasper said with a look that told Dillen exactly what he was thinking.
By this time, everyone in the room was laughing and Claire had to admit that she was grateful for the stress reliever. It was obvious Dillen and Jasper loved to play jokes on one another, which was something else she’d learned about her mate. The more she remained around this group of wonderful people, the more she longed to stay.
When everyone settled down, Dillen looked Fabio dead in the eye and said, “You really want me to roll around in the dirt with a bunch of goats?”
“How is that different from any other day?” Fabio countered.
“Fabio, there’s no doubt you’ve made a good point where Dillen is concerned,” Alec said with a chuckle. “But, are you sure you want a pack of wolves and a Dragon Shifter who sets shit on fire when he gets upset around a bunch of baby goats? If you ask me, that’s a recipe for disaster.”
“I have faith that you’ll maintain your composure because if you don’t, I’ll have my daughters smite your asses if anyone tries to fry my goats and have them for lunch,” Fabio replied with a smirk.
“Duly noted,” Alec conceded.
For the next hour, Fabio led everyone in a goat yoga session. He had provided the men and women with a pair of his Fab-a-tards that were extremely comfortable. They’d set up their mats in front of the barn where bales of hay had been placed for anyone who needed to take a break, as well as for the goats. It was obvious that Jasper was in hog heaven as he chased a few of the goats around bales of hay. When one accidentally pooped on Dillen’s arm, everyone burst into laughter. Although hesitant at first, everyone had to admit that by the time Fabio was done, not only were they more relaxed, but everyone had enjoyed themselves immensely.
Once everyone had changed and returned to the dining room, Baba Yaga explained the reason for her visit. It seemed as though Brittney wasn’t as smart as Sophie had given her credit for earlier in the evening. The crazy woman had summoned a Demon from Hell to do her bidding and they were all in danger, especially Claire and Jasper.
; “Are you freaking kidding me?” Zara asked, as anger rolled off her in waves.
“No, sweetheart. I’m afraid we’re not,” Fabio said in a soothing voice.
“It seems as though her failure to win Jasper’s heart has made her angry and desperate. So, she’s summoned a Demon, but not just any Demon. He’s a Demon King obedient only to Lucifer, which is the reason I’ve brought Sassy, Jeeves, Bermangoggleshitz and to help,” Baba Yaga explained.
“Don’t get me wrong, we’re grateful for all the help we can get, but what can they do that we can’t?” Alec asked, concern evident in his voice.
Before Baba Yaga could answer, Claire said, “Jeeves is the last of the Marsupial Demon Slayers and Sassy is a Mind walker amongst other things. Jeeves is the only one who can send the Demon back to Hell. Sassy is the answer to our prayers. She’ll be able to probe Brittney’s mind and locate the information we need to reverse her spell.”
“I’ve got to give it to you Baba Yo Pain In My Ass, you know how to come through in a pinch,” Zara said with a smirk. “There’s only one problem, we haven’t been able to locate Brittney in over eight months. It’s like she never existed. You have any suggestions?”
“While I’m tempted to keep this information close to the vest because you’re being a smartass, Zara, I won’t punish the rest of the group for your ill manners,” Baba Yaga said with a mischievous glare. She’d never come right out and say it, but Zara was an old chip off the block. She was smart, powerful, fearless, and had gumption, four things that she valued in a witch.
“Are you going to leave us in suspense all night?” Zara asked, unfazed by the glare Baba Yaga was sending her way.
“When the veil between good and evil is the most vulnerable, Brittney will come to you. Be ready for the battle of your life,” Baba Yaga said before she disappeared from the room.
“Okay, that wasn’t freaky at all?” Sassy said in a sarcastic voice.
“Look on the bright side, Zeva and I have figured out a way to break the curse surrounding Sophie’s house if anyone’s interested,” Phoebe said excitedly.
“Wait! This house is cursed? Sassy asked, looking around the house with a renewed sense of unease.
“Um… Sort of,” Sophie replied.
“Honey, I know my French is a little slow, but either your house is cursed or it isn’t. There’s no in sort of,” Sassy retorted.
“Okay. It’s cursed,” Sophie said, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.
“Son of a motherhumper! If we don’t survive this so that I can make it home to my four Assmonkeys, Chad, Chip, Chunk and Chutney, and play the role of the shark in the world premiere of Sharknado: The Musical, I’m going to haunt every one of your asses in my Next Great Adventure after I blow you up a couple of times,” Sassy threatened.
“Duly noted, dear,” Bermangoggleshitz said in a soothing voice.
“So, what’s the plan?” Claire asked, once again in an effort to be the voice of reason. She seemed to do that a lot around this group.
“We divide and conquer like always,” Cole said. “First, we help Zeva and Phoebe reverse the curse on Sophie’s house. Second, we lure Brittney and her Demon to where this all began.”
“That’s a brilliant idea,” Sarah said.
“Where this all began?” Claire asked, still confused by Cole’s last comment.
“Yes, where this all began. The graveyard,” Cole said with a smirk.
“Cole’s right,” Zoe chimed in. “If we can’t use magic on the Demon, we’ll need an open area to create a hole big enough to send him back to Hell. If Sassy and Bermangoggleshitz could create a hole big enough to hold him, Jeeves can send him back.”
“How do you know it will work?” Claire asked.
“Because Zelda and I have done it before. Only Mac opened Mother Earth for us then. It’s how we saved my father,” Sassy said.
Stunned by Sassy’s comment, Claire’s only response was, “Oh. I didn’t know.”
“There’s no reason you should have,” Sassy replied as she turned toward Cole. “You asked earlier what my father was doing here. He’s here to redeem himself and to right the wrong done to you and your family.”
Speechless, Cole simply nodded.
When everyone at the table was quiet, Alec stood and said, “Looks like we have a plan. Let’s get to work. All Hallows Eve is almost here. I think it’d be better if we sent Armand, Iggy, Lola and the rest of the patrons to Aunt Viola’s once the curse is broken, if that’s okay with you Zoe.”
“Sounds like a good idea. I was thinking the same thing,” Zoe said.
“May I say something before everyone leaves?” Claire asked.
“Sure,” Alec answered for the group.
Looking down at Jasper, who nodded his approval, Claire turned to everyone in the room and said, “Jasper and I just wanted to thank everyone who’s willing to risk their lives in order to help us. Your support, kindness, and generosity have meant the world to us during these last couple of months. We will never forget what you’ve done for us.”
“I think I speak for everyone when I say it was our pleasure. Besides, we’re just returning the favor. You were there when Sophie and I needed your help, so it’s the least we could do,” Alec said. “Now, let’s go kick some Demon ass.”
Chapter 13
Brittney was fit to be tied. It had been eight freaking months since she’d heard from Paimon and nothing. Jasper and Claire had been given more time to strengthen their bond, his meddling friends were still living their lives and they saw fit, and she’d been hiding in a flea bag motel outside of Bass Ackwards… for eight months. She’d had enough. Tonight was All Hallows Eve and if he didn’t respond to her summons, she’d just find another Demon to do her bidding. Surely, there was one on standby in case of an emergency, and as far as she was concerned, this was an emergency.
“Incoming,” Demonica warned in a quivering voice. Paimon made her nervous as all get out. Maybe it was because he was more obedient to Lucifer than any other King in Hell? Either way, he was one scary dude.
A few minutes later, Paimon arrived on a Dromedary preceded by men playing loud music and a slew of Spirits and Demons. A precious crown sat on the top of his head, and his effeminate face made him look more like a woman than a man. It still baffled Brittney what women saw in him, but that was none of her concern. She needed him to take care of the damn gypsy witch tonight, or all would be lost.
“Who dares summon me?” Paimon asked.
“Who do you think, you jackass?” Brittney replied, full of anger and venom. She was ready to do battle with the Devil himself tonight if that’s what it took to be rid of Claire so that she could finally claim her man.
“Um. Brit. Maybe you should take it down a notch,” Angelica suggested.
“I agree. It’s not wise to piss off a Demon, especially Paimon, given his relationship with Lucifer. If you know what I mean,” Demonica said.
“Oh, shut up you two. I’ve had enough of you as well. For eight months, I’ve listened to your whining and nagging. I’m done. Paimon, what in the hell is going on? Why haven’t you granted what I seek?” Brittney growled.
“How dare you address me with disrespect and contempt? For that, you shall pay. Here are my new demands. If for some reason your quest for revenge fails tonight, I get you for all eternity,” he said with an evil laugh.
Angelica and Demonica’s gasps could be heard throughout the countryside. “Don’t do it Brittney. It’s not worth it. There are more fish in the sea worthy of your time,” Angelica encouraged.
“What do fish have to do with her wanting Jasper?” Demonica asked, obviously confused by Angelica’s comment.
Rolling her eyes and sighing in exasperation, Angelica ignored her sister’s question. She didn’t have time to explain to the dimwit what she meant. They were about to be banished to Hell for all eternity and she was having none of it. But before she could talk Brittney off the ledge, their fate had been sealed with one word.
“Done,” Brittney said, blinded by her need for revenge.
“Oh My Goddess! What has she done?” Demonica squealed.
“She’s doomed us to Hell,” Angelica replied in a defeated voice.
“Excellent! Let the games begin,” Paimon laughed, as he waived his hand and transported them to the old cemetery.
* * *
Claire, Jasper, Sassy, Jeeves, and Bermangoggleshitz were standing just inside the circle of the clearing in the old cemetery. Alec, Sophie, Dillen, Ariel, and Phoebe flanked them on the right, while Zoe, Zara, Nicolai, and Stefano flanked them on the left. Sarah and Cole were in the sky providing an aerial view and prepared to take out any Spirit or Demon who tried to escape. Fabio, Zeva, and Mikhail maintained a protective bubble around the town of Bass Ackwards to protect the magical community and the innocents who lived amongst them. The plan was simple, capture Brittney and send the Demon back to Hell where he belonged.
They hadn’t been in the cemetery long before Claire began meditating. The visions coming at her were so intense that they took her breath away. Brittney had summoned Paimon, one of the Kings of Hell and he was out for blood. What had she been thinking? Claire thought as her vision dissipated.
“They’re coming?” she said, just as Brittney and Paimon made their appearance in the middle of the field.
“I have to hand it to Vera De Milo, she sure does know how to make an entrance,” Sassy said with a smirk. When everyone looked confused, she said, “What? You’ve never watched Jim Carey on In Living Color. Paimon looks just like Vera De Milo… part man—part woman.”
“Now that you mention it, I kind of see the resemblance,” Bermangoggleshitz said, dogging one of Paimon’s Spirits.
“Stay behind me,” Sassy yelled as she started blowing up anything and everything that came at them. She had never seen so many Spirits and Demons in her life.
Claire watched in horror as two Demons landed on her right and black snakes began slithering and dancing at their feet. It was hideous to say the least, but she maintained her composure and communicated with Mother Earth to open up a hole that allowed Jeeves to send them back to Hell. He had been her element of surprise and when the two Demons saw him, they shrieked in horror. It seemed as though she wasn’t the only one who had a secret.
Magic and Mayhem: Witchin' Up A Spell (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Magick & Chaos Book 5) Page 10