“You ready to head out, Vault?” Killer asks, walking up to me with a bag over his shoulder.
“Yep. Bag’s already in the van and I’m just waitin’ on the rest of you,” I answer.
“How long you been waitin’ out here?” he asks.
“A while. Just been waitin’ to get on the road,” I tell him.
Killer nods his head and heads outside. I follow him after tossing my bottled water in the recycling bin. Instead of telling my brother goodbye, I just head straight outside to my bike. Hunter is going on this run and I want to talk to him about Annabell, but I know it’s not the time to talk to him. He needs his head in the game just like I do.
Just before we pull out, Valor runs out of the clubhouse and straight toward me. We’ve barely talked since getting into a fight at Dad’s house.
“Just want to let you know I’m goin’ through Dad’s things. I have given you time to get your head out of your ass and you still haven’t. Now, I’m done waitin’,” Valor tells me.
“No, you’re not. We’ll do it together when I get back. I’m done with the bullshit. I’m still not ready to do it, but we have to. I’ll be back in a few days and we can get to work,” I tell my brother.
“Fine. But if you decide to change your mind while you’re gone, just know I’m doin’ it with or without you. It’s time,” he says, turning on his heel and going back inside.
I shake my head and start my bike while the rest of the guys heading out with me get on theirs. This is not what I needed right before leaving on a run, but I know why Valor did it. He doesn’t want to keep going the way we’ve been going. I don’t speak to him, the last time we were together we got into a fight, and now I’m finally pulling myself from the bottom of a bottle.
Valor knows I’ll be sober heading out on a run. While he doesn’t know what’s been going on at the clubhouse because I’ve been avoiding him if I’m being honest with myself. I don’t want anyone to see me this way, but especially not my brother. He’s been there since the day we were born and I’ve been treating him like shit. Just like everyone else in the club.
It’s time for me to make some decisions regarding my future. Both with the club and with my life. I’ve been thinking of joining the Nomad charter and I think it’s about time to do that. Maybe once I get back from this run and get Dad’s house taken care of. I’ll always consider this place home, but it just isn’t the same without my dad being here. Or maybe I’ll just take some time off from the club and ride around for a while. Try to find myself.
We’ve been on the road for hours when Killer gives the sign to pull over. We’re staying in a motel tonight and will finish the ride tomorrow at first light. Once we have our rooms, I head inside with the rest of the guys talking about going to a bar down the street. That’s the last thing I need right now. I haven’t been drinking and I don’t want to start again now. All my worst decisions are made when I’ve been drinking and I’m trying to do better.
“You stayin’ here?” Killer asks.
“Yep. Gonna take a shower and head to bed,” I answer. “Have fun.”
Killer nods his head as I shut the door. Tossing my bag on the bed, I grab clean sweats and head for the bathroom. I take a cold shower because thoughts of Annabell have my cock hard as a rock. They always do. I won’t touch myself to her image anymore— I don’t deserve to do that, not while picturing her.
It’s bad enough when I was with the house bunnies, I had to think of my Bell to get my cock hard and fuck them. It’s not something I’m proud to admit and I know I’d have my ass handed to me if anyone knew. So, it’s my secret and one I’ll take to the grave with me.
After taking the world’s coldest shower, I get dressed in my sweats and lay on the bed in the room. I grab the remote and try to find something on to watch, but nothing catches my attention. So, I shut it back off and pull out my phone. I pull up a picture of Annabell and just stare at her. It’s a black and white photo I took one day when we were laying in the grass.
We had a picnic, something I’ve never done before, and she laid back to look up at the sky and watch the clouds floating by. I laid my head down next to her and we just laid there together for a long time. Neither one of us said a word because nothing needed to be said.
When I sat back up, I took the picture of my Bell. Her eyes are closed and she’s got a serene smile on her face. Even in the black and white photo, you can see the sun’s rays bouncing off her hair and shining bright. It’s almost as if a halo is surrounding the top of her head. It was the moment I knew deep in my soul Annabell was going to be my angel, my savior.
Now, I’ve shit on her and made her feel some type of way against me. I have no one to blame but myself and I’ll regret my choices until the day I die. Annabell doesn’t deserve my shit and I’ve done nothing but dish it out when she was just trying to be there for me. I was there for her and I couldn’t accept her doing the same thing for me. It’s not right or fair to her. And there’s no way I can ever make it right. It’s one of the reasons I want to leave Benton Falls— to give her some peace without seeing me on a regular basis.
Before I can close my eyes and try to get some sleep, there’s a knock on my door.
When I open it, I find Hunter standing on the other side. He’s leaning against the door frame and I wait for him to say what’s on his mind.
“You don’t deserve her. You know that, right?” he says.
“I know. I fucked it all up with her. And I have no good reason why other than my pain in misery,” I answer him.
“She loves you and I want to see her happy. If I thought I could make her happy, I’d give it a shot and lose my place in the club. But I know she only sees you and she feels your loss more than she’s willin’ to admit to anyone. Even herself.”
“You’d give up your spot in the club for her?” I ask, folding my arms over my chest.
“Yes, I would. If I had to, I’d join another club just to be a part of the brotherhood, but I’d give up bein’ in the Phantom Bastards for her. If she wanted me. But she wants you and she’ll love you until the end of time,” Hunter tells me.
“That’s what she’s said?” I ask.
“Nope. I can see it written on her face when she hears your bike. Or talks about the club and stayin’ away from the men she loves. You’re the only one she wants and you need to decide what you want from her,” Hunter tells me.
“You won’t have to worry about it much longer. I think I’m headin’ out when we get back from this run. I’m talkin’ to Slim about takin’ off for a while and bein’ on my own to sort my shit out. If you want to go for her, do it. But talk to the Pres first. I’m not gonna stand in your way. I want her happy and I know she’ll never trust me after the shit I’ve done to her,” I tell him.
“That’s the thing, she doesn’t want anyone but you. Guys at school have asked her out and she turns them all down. I know it’s you and only you that she’s goin’ to settle with. Everyone knows it, even her. She’s tryin’ to get over you, but she can’t because she’s got that everlastin’ love for you. Unless you put your hands on her, Annabell is always gonna love you and wait for you to get over your shit,” Hunter tells me, turning his back and walking down to the bikes. He’ll keep watch over them until the guys get back.
I turn and sit on the bed, thinking about everything Hunter just told me. Even though I want to leave Benton Falls behind and get over the loss of my dad so I can be the man Annabell needs me to be. But if I leave here, am I going to make the biggest mistake of my life and push Annabell even further away? Or straight into the arms of another man like Hunter?
So many decisions to make and not a lot of time to make them. I need to figure out the best way I can do what I have to do for myself and make sure Annabell is safe and happy. If that means me leaving, I’ll do it. I don’t want to ask her and put the decision on her shoulders, so I’m going to have to use the next two days to figure out the best thing to do and make it happen.
I lay down t
o try and find some sleep, but it doesn’t find me. The night is spent tossing and turning with thoughts of Annabell and what I need to do. Killer finds me half asleep and sitting on my bike when he comes out with two cups of coffee. After handing one to me, he sits on his own bike and I wait for him to talk.
“What’s goin’ on, Vault?” he finally asks.
“Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Got a lot on my mind,” I answer, taking a sip of coffee and lighting a cigarette.
“Annabell?” he asks.
“Among other things. Thinkin’ of goin’ on the road to figure out what I want to do now, what I need to do to make everythin’ I fucked up right,” I tell him.
“Well, you’ve got a few days to figure it out and I know it’s goin’ to be weighin’ on you. You need to keep your head in the game so no one gets hurt,” Killer warns me. “I’m not losin’ anyone on this run because your head isn’t here. You got me?”
“I got you. I’ll be here and only here,” I assure him.
Killer nods his head at me as the rest of the guys come out of their rooms and get on their bikes. Hunter looks at me on his way to the van. He wants to know I heard him last night. So, I nod my head at him and down the last of my coffee before tossing it into the garbage can behind me.
Once Killer starts his bike, the rest of us do the same and we head out. He’s leading this run because Slim is going to see Playboy in jail this weekend. It’s his weekly visit and he doesn’t want to miss it, especially considering Playboy is his son and he’s making a mess of things with Sam. She’s about to pull a runner and we all see it happening.
Playboy is pushing her away the same way I’m pushing Annabell away. We’re the two dumbasses in the club right now and it’s a mess of our own making. He won’t see Sam while he’s inside on trumped up charges and I won’t let Annabell help me. I guess we’re more alike than I ever thought we were.
Shaking my head, I clear my thoughts and follow the guys. I’m in the middle of the pack and I know it’s because Killer doesn’t think I’ll keep my head in the game. So, until I prove to him I’m here with them, I’ll be kept on the sidelines so to speak. Not much I can do right now except keep my eyes peeled and look for anyone coming at us. Or any cops that start following us.
We don’t have shit on us right now, but that doesn’t mean the same can be said on the way back home. I don’t even know what we’re getting on this run, just know I volunteered to come along for the ride. So, I shake off the remaining thoughts and begin to get my head in the game for today’s ride. I can’t afford to let my exhaustion make me make a mistake.
8
Annabell
I KNOW VAULT’S been gone for a few days. Then he spent two days helping Valor go through their dad’s house. It was hard on them both, but it needed to be done. I’m just glad they worked together and got it done. I wanted to be there for Vault, but Savannah said he was having a really hard time with things and kept going out back of the house for a breather.
Something else is going on with him though. I’ve heard Slim and Shy whispering about something. I know it has to do with Vault because every time I go in the room they’re in, they stop talking and look at me. The looks I get almost verge on the edge of pity and sadness from the two of them. I’m getting nervous about what’s going on.
Finally, today is the day I’m going to find out what’s going on. I don’t care if I’m not supposed to know, if it involves Vault, I want to know. So, I’m going to ask Shy what’s going on and see what she tells me. She has a soft spot for me, well they both do really, and she’ll tell me without telling me. I know enough to put the pieces together and figure out what’s going on.
So, I make my way downstairs and find Shy sitting on the couch in the living room. She’s got Rayven on her lap as Kinsliegh plays on the floor. I sit down next to her and hold my hand out for Rayven to grab onto.
“Shy, what’s going on?” I ask straightforward.
“What do you mean?” she asks, glancing at me quickly.
“With Vault? I know it’s him because you and Slim quit talking when I come in a room. Please tell me,” I plead with her.
“He’s taking some time for himself. I’m not sure where, but today is the day he’s leaving,” she tells me.
“He’s leaving the clubhouse. For good?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be gone, but if you want to say goodbye to him, I suggest you get over there and do it. Now,” she says, looking up at the clock.
I slide my flip flops on and make my way toward the door. Looking back at Shy, she has sadness in her eyes as I run through the door to go see Vault. I run across the field between the house and clubhouse and make my way in the back door of the club. Valor is sitting at the bar and I know it’s pain he’s trying to hide from everyone else. He doesn’t want his brother to leave no matter what’s going on between them.
Nodding at Valor, I continue on my way until I get out the front door. Vault is sitting on his bike with a bag strapped to the back of it. There’s a girl standing near him and it looks like the house bunny he was sleeping on the couch with the last time I saw him. Tears fill my eyes as Slim turns his attention toward me.
I slow my steps as Vault looks at me. A small smile graces his face amidst the pain I see there. He can’t hide a lot of what he feels from me. I’ve learned to read him better than he thinks. It’s as if he’s leaving to make things easier on me, not because he truly wants to leave. I just hope Slim isn’t behind him leaving this time.
“Bell, how are you?” Vault asks, stepping away from his bike, Slim, and the girl.
“I’ve been better. I hear you’re leaving?” I ask him.
“Yeah. I need some time away to figure out what my next move will be. I want to say I’m sorry for everythin’, Bell. I’m goin’ to miss you more than you know,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
“Then don’t go,” I whisper against his neck.
“I have to. I need to get past my grief and pain. It’s not helpin’ bein’ here. Not with all my dad’s memories and past here. I’ll be back one day. If not, you’re not gonna be here much longer. You’ve got great things ahead of you babe,” Vault tells me as the first tears leave my eyes. “Give another man a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Let someone in. I’ve hurt you too much, Bell.”
I can’t hold in the sob. It breaks free and I feel another set of arms wrap around me as Vault walks back toward his bike. Breaking free, I run to the man and wrap my arms around him once more.
“I’ll always love you,” I tell him.
“I’ll love you too, Bell. Don’t ever think I don’t love you because I love you more than words can say,” he tells me.
Slim pulls me from Vault and he gets on his bike. The girl who was standing in the front yard, walks over and climbs on his bike behind him. My heart shatters. I’m the only one who’s ever been on his bike and he told me that spot was reserved for his ol’ lady. Or the woman who was going to be his ol’ lady one day. Seeing her on behind him kills me.
I cry harder as Slim pulls me into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close as Vault starts his bike and pulls out of the parking lot. Looking up, I see him throw a hand in the air and continue on his way. He doesn’t look back and I know this is more than likely the last time I’m going to see the man I love again. Vault won’t be coming back. And if he does, it’s only going to be so he can get his things. I can feel it in my gut.
Valor pulls me into his arms and walks me back in the clubhouse. He leads me to Vault’s room and uses a key to open the door. The room is destroyed as we walk in and he leads me to the bed. I sit down and pick up one of the dirty shirts laying on the floor. It smells just like Vault, and as I hold it to my nose, I curl up into a ball on his bed. I’m not thinking of the women who have probably been in this bed. The only thing I’m thinking about is the man who just left and took my heart with him.
“I know
you’re hurtin’, Annabell. He’ll be back sooner or later. I’m gonna lock you in here. Take your time and just be. I know you have a game tonight, so I’ll make sure your up with enough time to get ready,” Valor tells me, getting off the bed and leaving the room.
I look at the nightstand and see a picture of the two of us. Vault has his arms wrapped around me from behind and his chin resting on my shoulder. We’re both smiling at whoever’s taking the picture. I remember the day Valor took the picture when we were outside the clubhouse. It was the day of a cookout. We had been talking about me going away to college and him waiting for me here.
Those were the days we talked about building a future together and as soon as I turned eighteen him making me his ol’ lady, of the house we’d build together and the wedding we’d have. Hell, we even talked about our kids and what we’d name them. Now, all those dreams have been dashed. They just rode out of the clubhouse parking lot with another woman on the back of his bike.
Letting the tears fall, I’m not sure how long it takes before I fall asleep holding both the shirt and the picture of us.
Shy wakes me up and I’m disoriented for a minute until this morning comes rushing back toward me. Vault’s gone and I fell asleep in his bed at the clubhouse crying. Valor left me here so I could be close to Vault and now I’m a mess. I have a game in a little bit and I’m not going to be in the mood to cheer. Or be stuck at a football game with a bunch of peppy girls while I’m devastated.
“Honey, I know you don’t want to go to the game, but I think it’s important you do,” Shy tells me. “You don’t want to let what you’re feeling consume you and set you back from everything you’ve been working toward.”
“I know. I’m going to get up and get ready. I don’t want to go, but I know I have to,” I tell her, sitting up in the bed.
I stand up and leave the room with Shy on my heels. While I leave the picture behind because I have the same one in my room next to my bed, I take his shirt with me. I’m not leaving it behind when it’s the one thing I have now that smells like Vault.
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 13