Dr. Wood appears in the doorway not long after we arrive. She says goodbye to her current appointment and then smiles at Carrie and me.
“Carrie, are you ready?” She asks.
Carrie nods her head and follows her through the doorway.
I sit in the waiting room, playing with my phone for what feels like hours when the door opens and Dr. Wood pops her head out.
“Joker, can you join us please?” She says but she has a smile on her face easing my worry a little.
Walking into the office, I take a seat next to Carrie on the couch. She looks haunted. Resisting the urge to move her into my lap, I grab her hand again.
“Joker, I have asked you to join us as I feel it is important you know and understand how Carrie is feeling but also you understand what she has been through so you can help her work through it all.” Dr. Wood says with a smile.
“So Carrie, Where do you feel the most comfortable starting?” You understand we need to really look at what happened to you?” She continues.
“I don’t really know where to start.” Carrie replies in a small voice.
“Start from the beginning.” Dr. Wood advises.
Carrie seems to be quiet for a few moments, like she’s gathering her thoughts and strength. Squeezing her a little, I slowly rub my thumb over the top of her hand, hoping she can take strength from me being here. She raises her eyes to look at me and I can see the pain and fear in them, they punch me right in the chest.
“Babydoll, you are safe here and I will not let anything hurt you again.” I tell her.
Dr. Wood nods her head at me, confirming this is the right thing to say.
“It wasn’t so bad to start with, he wasn’t nasty to me but he wasn’t kind either. More indifferent. He ignored me most of the time, like he barely tolerated me.” Carrie explains.
“So when did the behaviour change towards you?” Dr. Wood prompts.
Carrie seems to take another minute to think.
“I’m not sure to be honest. I noticed it more when my pregnancy started to show. Thinking about it, I really noticed it once my body started to change due to the pregnancy. My hips got wider and I became more curvy plus my breasts were huge. It was around that time that Mum also noticed the change in him. She became angry with me, calling me a whore. Saying I was flirting and teasing him.” She says.
I can't hide the shock on my face when she mentions her mum. Carrie has never mentioned her mum up until now. I store this information to discuss with her and the boys later. Reck is definitely going to want to know his old lady was involved.
“That must have been hard to hear from your own mother. How did that make you feel?” Dr. Wood asks.
“Hearing that from anyone is not going to make you feel great but that wasn’t the nastiest thing she called me. Mum never was going to win any awards for mother of the year but it definitely got worse once he came into our lives. He supplied her with the drugs.” Carrie explains.
I really want her to tell us more, this is the first time she has mentioned anything about her time there or even how she came to be there. Reck and BJ have asked her a few times but she clams up. I know it's going to be bad and I know it will be painful for her but she needs to get it out so she can move forward.
“Is that how you came into contact with him?” Dr. Wood asks.
“Yes, Mum met him in a bar one night. Said he was her ticket to a better life so I needed to do as I was told and not mess this up for her. She promised once we were stable, we would be able to have Johnny with us.” Carrie stops and shakes her head.
“It was all a lie, she never wanted Johnny with us. She admitted one night when she was drunk, said we were better off without him as he was just like my dad. My dad is a good man, that got me a slap around the face when I told her so.” Carrie says with tears in her eyes.
I squeeze her hand and rub my thumb over the top of her hand. I want her to continue but I also don’t want to push her too much.
“What happened between your mum and him?” Dr. Wood presses.
“She really thought he was this great guy. Great guys do not want anything to do with someone like my mum. She was a drunk, a drug user and a whore. I knew I couldn’t trust him, he had an evil glint in his eyes. I tried to stay out of their way as much as possible. But that became harder when we got evicted and Mum moved us to live with him. I didn’t want to go but I couldn’t live on the streets while pregnant. I needed to put Beau first.”
I can’t keep quiet any longer
“Babydoll, you did what you had to do to keep yourself and our son safe. Thank you for doing that.” I tell her. I look to Dr. Wood to confirm I was okay to speak.
“Joker, you do not need permission to speak. Please feel free to ask Carrie questions, if she is comfortable answering then she will tell you.”
Nodding I turn to Carrie.
“What happened to your mum, babydoll?” I ask.
“Her drug habit got worse and she ended up owing him a lot of money, by that time he was also sick of her crap. She basically sold me and then he kicked her out. I never saw her again.”
I sit there in shock. I knew her mum was more interested in the drugs than Carrie and Johnny but to physically sell your own flesh and blood is beyond evil.
“I think that is enough for today, we can continue this next session. Carrie you did brilliant. How did it feel having Joker here?” Dr. Wood asks.
“I have no secrets from Joker and having him here gave me a little more strength to talk about everything. Maybe we can do the same next week? Joker joining us for the second half of the session?” Carrie asks.
“Of course, whichever you feel comfortable with Carrie.” Dr. Wood confirms.
“I will see you both next week,” she says as she shows us out.
Carrie is quiet on the way home. Just staring out of the window as if in a world of her own.
Beau is still out with Tank for the rest of the day and we’re not due at the clubhouse to meet them for another few hours.
Pulling up into the driveway, I move round to Carrie’s side and open the door causing her to jump.
“Sorry, I didn’t realise we were home.” She says.
“I know babydoll.”
I take her hand and lead her into the garage. Passing her the helmet I bought her with a candy skull and flowers on it.
She smiles as she knows what I have planned.
I grab my own helmet and climb on my bike, starting her up. I nod to Carrie and she gets on behind me. I slowly pull forward and press the fob on my keys to close the garage door.
Once it’s closed, we take off. Driving in no real direction, we head out through town and into the forest surrounding our little town.
After about an hour, I know she’ll be starting to ache a little so I pull off into the forest and stop at a picnic spot.
We grab a coffee for me and tea for her from the little van, sitting at one of the free picnic benches.
“Thank you for bringing me for a ride, the wind always helps me clear my head.” She says.
“You don’t need to thank me babe, I feel the same. Wind therapy is good for the soul.” I chuckle.
“Yeah I love being on the back of your bike.” she says with a smile.
“I love you being there too” I tell her.
We sit quietly for a while, just enjoying our drinks.
“Fancy a walk?” She asks.
“Yeah, why not” I reply as we make our way to the start of a short trail hand in hand.
We walk in silence just listening to the birds sing to each other as we walk past.
“Are you happy?” she suddenly asks.
I stop and pull her arm so she’s facing me.
“Of course, I’m happy. What made you ask?”
“A lot has happened in a short space of time. We’ve focused on how I'm feeling and how it has all affected me but no one has asked you. This has all affected you too. You went from being single to in a relationship with
a child in the blink of an eye.”
I love that after everything she has been through, she is still thinking of others and not just herself.
“I can admit it was a lot to take in at first but Beau is amazing and I love being his dad. I’m proud to call him my son. I’ve been looking for you for so long and now you're finally in my arms. I never want to let you go,” I say as I pull her into my body and kiss her. Pouring all my feelings into the kiss.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you and be a family.” I tell her.
“A family. Do you want more children?” She asks nervously.
I pull away from her a little so I can look into her eyes.
“Are you trying to tell me something?” I ask.
“I’m not pregnant, Jason. I’m asking because if that is something you want, I’m not sure I can give it to you.” She says sadly.
“How do you mean? Is it you don’t want more children?” I ask, praying she says she wants more children with me.
I want nothing more than to see her round with my child. I missed out on everything with Beau and would love the chance to experience that with Carrie.
“Jason, no! I would love more children with you. You missed out with Beau and to be honest I missed out too. I never got the thrill of telling you and celebrating. I missed out on the love you would have shown and also the support. What I am saying is after everything that has been done to me, can I even have more children?” the sadness and longing in her voice breaks me.
“Has the doctor said anything about that to make you think you can’t have more children?” I ask.
“No but they also didn’t say I could either.” She confirms.
“Babydoll, if you want to try for more children then I am all for that. We can try for a little while and if nothing happens we can always get checked. If we can’t have children, there is surrogacy and adoption. I will make sure your dreams come true.” I promise her.
She wraps her arms around my waist and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me. We stand like this for a little while.
Kissing the top of her head, I pull away.
“Come on babe, we best get back”
4
Carrie
After our ride I feel better. It felt good to get my feelings off my chest and also I should have known Jason would be supportive. He’s amazing that way. Don’t get me wrong he has his moments when I want to strangle him but he also has his good points.
Pulling up to the clubhouse it seems a party is in full swing. I get off Jason’s bike and wait for him to park. Once he’s with me, we head into the clubhouse.
Tank and my dad Reck are at the bar as we walk in.
“Tank, where is Beau?” Not seeing him around anywhere and a little pissed he’s here when there is a party going on. No little boy should see this.
“Don’t panic gorgeous, he’s with Pip. He was helping her with something and wanted to spend the night.” Tank tells me.
“That’s fine but next time let me know before you say yes,” I scold him.
“Sorry gorgeous, just thought you might need the break after today.” He says with a smile.
I can never stay mad at Tank for long.
“Why after today?” My dad asks.
“Just had a therapy session today, all’s good old man.” I reassure him.
“Glad you’re okay baby girl.” He replies, pulling me in for a hug.
We sit at the bar for a while, the lads talking as I’m people watching.
I notice Dog is sitting in the corner with a brooding look on his face. He’s staring right at Wire who is talking to BJ.
I nudge Tank who is sitting next to me.
“What’s going on there?” I ask.
Tank turns to look where I’m nodding.
“Fuck knows gorgeous, Dog has had a bone between his teeth for a while now.” Tank tells me.
“But what has Wire done?” I ask, being nosey.
“What do you mean?” Tank turns to face me.
“Are you blind? The look he is giving Wire is like he wants to kill him. I’ve noticed him looking at Wire like that a few times,” I say.
“You always were so observant, gorgeous. I hadn’t noticed” Tank says.
“Of course you haven’t, men notice nothing.” I laugh.
My laughter seems to catch Dog’s attention, his eyes squint at me and a snarl crosses his lips.
Fuck, what have I done to him? I feel Tank’s hand on my leg.
“I saw it, gorgeous,” he whispers in my ear.
Thank God he did see it. It disappeared as quickly as it came, being replaced with the fakest smile I have ever seen.
“I’ll bring it up with BJ and Bull, just stay out of his way gorgeous,” Tank tells me.
“I have no problem staying out of his way, the man gives me the creeps. There is something familiar about him,” I tell Tank.
“Familiar how?” He asks.
“I don’t know, I’ve been trying to figure it out. Maybe it's because he creeps me out.” I shrug it off.
“Let me know if you remember anything.” Tank asks, getting all serious.
“I will, I promise.” I tell him.
Not thinking anymore of it, I go back to my drink.
I can feel Dog’s eyes on me as I relax at the bar with Jason, Tank and my dad.
“Just popping to the ladies’ room, game of pool when I’m back,” I tell Tank.
I love kicking his ass at pool. Making my way down the hall I feel a hand on my arm and I’m pushed face first into the wall.
“I know what you are. You may have everyone fooled but not me. I know what you are and I will have my fill again,” the voice threatens in my ear.
Before my brain can work out who the voice belongs to, something hard hits the back of my head and it all goes black.
Waking a little bit later, I’m lying on the hallway floor. My head is pounding.
“Carrie,” I hear my name shouted and look up to see Wrench running toward me.
“Fuck babe, what are you doing on the floor?” He asks as he kneels beside me.
“I need you to get Joker and Tank,” I tell him.
I know I need them but I also don’t want Wrench to leave me alone either. As if knowing what I need, Wrench pulls his phone out and makes a call.
“Need you and Tank in the back hallway now.” He says and ends the call.
“Can you sit up honey” He asks as he guides me up and back against the wall.
A few seconds later we can hear the pounding of boots.
“Jesus Carrie, are you okay?” Jason asks as he reaches me.
Tank is behind him looking just as worried.
“I’m fine, I lost my balance and hit my head. Can we maybe take this somewhere private so I can get cleaned up?” I ask as I can see a crowd has formed behind the guys.
“Yeah sure babydoll.” Jason says as he helps me up.
Tank and Wrench follow us to our room at the clubhouse. Carefully sitting on the bed, Jason heads into the bathroom for the first aid kit.
“Carrie, do you want to tell us what’s really going on?” Wrench asks.
“What do you mean?” Jason says coming out of the bathroom looking confused.
“Seriously?” Wrench states with a surprised look on his face.
“Gorgeous, even I can tell you didn’t fall and hit your head. You’ve had two beers at most.” Tank says.
“No, I didn’t fall and hit my head but I didn’t want to say anything in front of the audience we had in the hallway. I was going to the toilet when someone pushed me up against the wall and smashed something into the back of my head.” I tell them.
I can feel the rage coming off all three of them in waves.
“And what else happened?” Jason asks.
That man knows me well.
“They may have whispered something to me but not loud enough for me to recognise their voice.” I honestly don’t want to tell them what they
said.
“You need to tell us what they said gorgeous, I get the feeling you don’t want to but that means you need to.” Tank says gritting his teeth.
“Okay but if I tell you, none of you can go off and act stupid.” I pointedly tell them.
Jason barely looks like he is holding on.
“They said “I know what you are. You may have everyone fooled but not me. I know what you are and I will have my fill again”. I tell them.
If I thought they were angry before, it is nothing compared to the look of pure rage on each of their faces now.
“Someone in our clubhouse right now said that shit to you,” Wrench spits out while pulling his phone out and sending a message.
I don’t have long to wonder who he messaged when there is a knock at the door and BJ, Bull and my dad all enter.
I stay on the bed while they huddle near the door, talking in whispered voices and looking over at me every so often. Yeah, this shit is not going to work for me.
“Erm, you do all realise I’m in the room and know you're talking about me. That shit is just plain rude. Talk to me and I will answer any questions but do not discuss me like I am not in the room and cannot speak for myself.” I tell them all.
The shocked look on all their faces would be comical if I wasn’t so pissed.
“I’m sorry sweetheart, we didn’t mean to be rude. The boys were just filling me in on what happened. But you are right, we should have asked you. I will make sure we don’t do that again.” BJ tells me.
“Thank you Prez, I appreciate it.” I tell him honestly.
“I’m going to find out who hurt you in my clubhouse, this is a safe space Carrie.” BJ continues.
“You might want to start with Dog.” I tell him.
“Dog?” BJ asks, confused.
“I noticed recently he’s been acting strange and when he thinks no one is looking, the evil looks he throws my way give me the creeps. Tank witnessed it earlier,” I say.
BJ and Joker turn to look at Tank.
“I was going to mention it but hadn’t had a chance. I did see the look he gave her earlier tonight and it was not friendly.” Tank tells everyone.
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 43