I’ve never feared a man in my life. Whoever that was, was not the man I have loved all these years. What was that? Something has happened to him, to us. I haven’t been able to figure it out. What have we done? The sting of our words and actions were so selfish. I egged him on to get any reaction from him, a passion that would reconnect us. Now, he is even further away.
My fingers tap on my desk as I watch the surrounding people. I swallow past the lump in my throat. My coworkers pass by, only seeing the anger and not hurt. They don’t see the despair I’m drowning in. My eyes bat furiously, keeping the tears at bay before anyone can see them fall. Deep inhale in and then out. My chest burns with betrayal. He did that to me and then has left me alone to deal with the aftermath. Where is he now? I don’t see any other option. If he doesn’t love me, I can’t run after him. The tables have turned, and our actions are biting us in the ass.
Instead of begging for his attention, I let him do what he has always needed to do— work. I trusted Hawk. Never have I felt the need to harass him over things. His words are a puzzle, and nothing makes sense. There is only one thing I can think of to do, give him some space. If we can calm down, then we can work through these things. Maybe the club has more things going on than I realize. Hawk doesn’t need me adding to it.
The worst part is he hasn’t been home in days. The worry has me stressed out to the max. I haven’t called, because my pride is a beast. They were just words that were tossed like a gauntlet at the other. But when he took me against the wall, it wasn’t the same. Something broke in me. The strong, vibrant woman is gone. Doubt has shadowed over the world I believed to be true, and now, I am lost in finding my way back, alone and in the dark.
Honestly, I am at a loss with how to deal with it. I can’t break and cry. Never have I shown others weakness. I protect myself at all costs. Nothing hurts me. I tell myself this over and over throughout the next week, each day just as gray as the next.
My phone has been going off nonstop. The whole club heard our fight, I’m sure of it. I’ve been avoiding my mom. She has been warning me our tug-of-wars weren’t good for us. I thought he would come home, then we would make up. He never did. I have no good news to fake and smile through.
The misery starts to take hold. My thoughts are grasping me tightly in their clutches. I’m stuck in the land of despair with no direction. I fucking hate it. It’s painful and raw, and I am too exposed. It’s too much. I refuse to lose the battle at my desk and cry. I’m up and out of my seat and rushing into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I crumble to the floor. My body shakes from the ache. Three long days and I haven’t heard from him. Never have we gone this long without talking. With my back to the door, I slowly slide down. Clutching my phone, I call the one woman on this earth who loves me.
“Abuela,” I croak.
“Mijita, que tienes, corazón? What is wrong, sweetheart?”
“Hawk, I think he is leaving me.”
6
Hawk
My thumb hovers over the button. When I call her, it will hurt. How much? There is only one way to find out. The lies I tell myself don’t help either. Alessia doesn’t love me like she used to. I’m not cheating if she doesn’t care. She doesn’t wear my brand and has never asked for it. Lots of these guys have side bitches outside of the club life, their woman waiting for them at home. Maybe that’s what I need? Some easy pussy so I can let off some steam, then I can concentrate on this bullshit with my wife. A break is what I decide I need.
I push the button and wait for her to pick up. “Hey, it’s Hawk. Are you home? I’ll bring your car by.”
“Now would be perfect, I cannot thank you enough.” Her voice is light and sweet. My grip tightens on the phone. Something eats me alive, but I don’t stop myself from what I am about to do.
“I’ll be there in a few, babe.” Hanging up, I turn around and am startled when I find Snake closer to me than I noticed. Grabbing my cut from the hook, I slide my arms inside after pocketing my phone.
Inside, I tell the Prez I have a few errands to run and check a few things for him with the prospects before I leave. Lost in what I am about to do, I open the garage door.
“Where are you headed?” Snake calls out from the transmission he’s rebuilding.
“Taking Ashley her car,” I holler back while getting in and turning the car on. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
On the ride over, my mind races with possibilities. The guilt tries to creep in, but I push it away. Pulling into her driveway, I’m surprised to find her bent over in her front yard, planting flowers. I take advantage and scan over her body. From her thighs to her ass, I can’t look away. Captivated, I’m drawn to her.
She gets up from her knees when she hears the car door slam shut. Ashley’s hair is high on her head in a ponytail. The sports clothes she has on may as well be underwear. My dick jerks in reaction when she walks and the muscles flex in her legs. “Hey, it’s hot out here. Come in, I’ll get us a drink.” She waves me inside, and I follow her to the kitchen.
I place her keys on the kitchen counter. “I replaced all the tires and put a spare in the trunk for you. Also, you needed a tune-up and the oil changed. You should be good for a while.”
Hesitantly, she pulls the iced tea from the fridge and fills two glasses. “I don’t have a job.” Her voice dropping to a low and husky rasp, “It’s going to take me a while to pay you back.” Ashley saunters forward. Her intention is for me to notice her, and I do.
A smirk plays at her lips as she tells me she has other ideas for payment. The little bitch wants to play with fire. The feeling is mutual, but can she handle the heat? Is she down for just a fuck, no strings attached?
Fuego wouldn’t give a shit for the work I’ve done in the garage and asking her to pay us back. She hands me the glass, and I take a long pull, watching her while I chug half of it.
She licks her lower lip, and my dick hardens more. Each second is another shovel of dirt on top of my grave. I crowd her space and lean forward, setting the glass into the sink. “We have some time for you to pay me back. In other words, it isn’t lasting, whatever this is between us.”
Ashley bites her lip, my thumb pulling to set it free. Lust shoots through us like thunder. My blood pressure spikes, and so does hers. The vein on her neck beats wildly.
“It’s hot in here.” Ashley’s hands roam up my chest, under my cut. “We should cool you off,” she rasps, waiting for me to lead her, ask me for what I need. Her submission is gasoline on the parts broken in me and my relationship. In that split second, I could walk away, but she is the fire I shouldn’t play with.
“I’m not going to be your man,” I warn, holding my weight on my hands on either side of her on the counter. “I have an estranged wife. No one can hear about this, ever. It stays hidden.” I growl at her because she can never be seen with me.
“I don’t care about bikers or your wife. All I want is this.” She palms my dick through my jeans. “From what you’re packing in here, so do you. You want to blow off some steam, let’s do it together.”
Any restraint I had is blown. It takes me only seconds before I have her flimsy clothes off. My cut and shirt hit the floor. I coax her to the floor, down to her knees. “Suck my cock.”
Her tongue rolls over the head before taking me in the back of her throat. My head falls back, and I greedily let her suck me off. I’m panting, it's so good. “The next time you see me, you better have condoms.” My hips rock back and forth. One hand holds her head, and I come down her throat sooner than I expected. I hold her still and make her swallow it all. Greed and power infect me. She’s my fuck doll for now.
7
Alessia
After Abuela gave me a lot of love, she also gave me an ass-chewing to get my house in order. She is right. There is a lot I have neglected with Hawk. We were kids when we met, now we need to love and respect each other as adults. Something I have learned the hard way. I just haven’t found the courage to face
him yet.
Five days he’s been gone with no word. I haven’t dared to give my heart back to him. I may be bold, but even I have limits of how much I can take. It’s Friday, and the clubhouse has a party with some members who are coming into town from the Las Vegas chapter.
I love Stryker and his wife. He’s the Mother Chapter’s president. Even though the timing couldn’t be worse, I respect them too much not to go and say hello. They are my uncle and aunt by choice. Most of the men from the other chapters, I haven’t met yet. When they are up, it’s usually serious business, and no one is invited to the clubhouse during those times except members.
I’m terrified of what can happen when I get there. I do the best I can to prepare myself before I walk in. My face is masked in everything I love, makeup helping me to feel like a brave and beautiful woman when at this moment, I feel anything but. My eyes are heavily lined in black with a wing, pink blush, and blood-red lipstick. I am wearing leather pants and the tallest boots I have. With every step, I feel more powerful, beautiful, and sexy than I have felt in days. I need confidence more than anything else right now.
There is a knock at my door, and before I can answer it, Dana, Jenn, and Jazzy come in, geared up in their own outfits, ready to go out. Jenn holds a bottle of tequila in her hand, and Jazzy holds the limes and shot glasses.
“I’m driving, but you guys get warmed up.” Dana smiles. They all heard how bad it’s been this week and understand I don’t want to talk about it. Dana got me to crack when she got home. I asked her to tell everyone else, and I also needed to be left alone for a while. They all have been supportive, and when I texted them to say I needed a ride because I was planning on not remembering tonight, they all came here for me. I love them.
“Alessia, I have to tell you,” Jazzy starts, and the laughter in her voice is contagious. This will be good.
“What?” We all round the small breakfast bar in the kitchen. Jenn pops the lid off the bottle and starts to pour three shots. Pulling a knife and plate out, I start to cut the limes Jazzy hands to me.
“After we left, one of the other Ol’ Ladies told me Misty came running out of one of the brothers’ rooms asking for someone to take her to the hospital. Still dressed in her slutty lingerie. The whole club spread the news like wildfire that her crotch was on fire and thinks she has an STD. Fucking perfect payback. There isn’t a dick there that touched her that isn’t getting tested this week.”
“Perfect, and her crotch will be on fire for another few days with all the underwear we got ahold of. Cheers.”
The three of us raise our glasses, “To paybacks.”
“To paybacks being a bitch.” Jenn hits glasses with mine.
We take two more shots each before we head over to the clubhouse. By the time we get there, I am full of laughter with my girls, the tequila doing its job to help me forget the brokenness my life has become. The four of us hit the bar. The prospect hands us each a beer, and we take our drinks to the pool table and make a scene.
When in Rome and drunk, you do what you need to for fun. We bend over, showing as much ass and cleavage as we can get away with. Jazzy is my partner in crime a hundred percent. We egg each other on. She bends over and takes aim. I wait for it, and just as she is about to drive her pool stick forward, I smack her leather-clad ass, making the room pop with an echo.
The brothers enjoyed it, and I get a round of high fives on my walk back to my side. Jazzy pretends it stung bad and rubs the spot. Shaking my head, I’m about to take my shot when my pops, Fuego, calls me over. I hand Jenn the pool stick and strut over. Every foot that hits the floor sounds with a force, and the energy from it pours through me. Getting through the crowd, I find Poppa with Stryker.
“Tío! Uncle Stryker!” My arms wrap around the hulk of a handsome older man.
“How are you, sweetheart? It’s been a while.” When I pull back, the eye contact startles me. The man has these piercing light hazel eyes. He sees everything and picks up right away that I can’t look at him.
He leans in, wrapping an arm around me. “You need me? I have a big clubhouse down in Las Vegas. You are welcome to move down there or stay as long as you need.”
“Thank you.” I press my cheek into his chest and squeeze before I let him go. “Tonight, though, I just want to celebrate you being here.”
He nods his head, understanding. “Well then, I brought my son for you to meet. He just walked in, let me go get him. Don’t move.”
As soon as he walks away, a man instantly takes his place and wraps his arms around my waist, tugging me in tight. I’m about to push whoever it is away when he murmurs, “Alex, it’s me.” Hawk breathes into my ear.
I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them, Stryker smiles and heads in the other direction. Everything around me blurs, the alcohol and broken pieces of me take control. My bravado starts to fade. He’s here.
I can’t look, so I clench my eyes shut, wanting to lock away the ache. Being near him entangles me in the destruction of our past. I want to forget. He can destroy me. His embrace grows tighter, and his other arm comes around to hold me to him. I push with my arms, but I can’t fight him. He’s much stronger than me.
“Baby, come with me, please.”
I shake my head back and forth. “I’m trying to forget you,” I barely whisper above the music and crowd. Exhausted, I give in, knowing I have to face this, whether I am ready or not.
“No,” Hawk rasps. He picks me up and carries me down to his room. Sitting on his bed, he rests me in his lap. “I love you, Alessia. You can’t leave me. Are you really going to Las Vegas?”
Fire burns in my gut, and I jump up. He was eavesdropping on my conversation with Stryker! That’s why he approached me now. Anger replaces the sorrow that had consumed me before. “Now you give a shit where I go? When you haven’t been home in a fucking week!”
He jolts up and is holding my shoulders. “I couldn’t go home after what I have done.”
“So, you make me your fucking whore, call me as much, then leave. Because it is All TOO MUCH! For who? You!”
I shove him away from me. “I have never been, and I never will be your club bitch, you fucking selfish asshole. I was in high school when we did that shit. Don’t you dare shame me.”
Hawk looks down at the floor while I yell at him. “I have fucking loved you for years, and you left me. Left me. The betrayal hurts way more than what you did or said.” He looks away and then back to the floor. “Why won’t you look at me?” Still, he shakes his head, refusing. “What the fuck is wrong with us? Look at me, God damn it!”
Hawk’s face whips up to me. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity I would find there. Anger and regret shine in his eyes. “Because I hate the man I have become.” He grinds out, “I regret what I have done and so much more.”
“What more?” I question, my heart beating so hard my chest will explode.
His hands come up and hold my face. “Not loving you like a man should love his woman. Being fucking stupid. Your strength scares me. Sometimes, I think you will leave me for someone who understands you better.”
This is the most he has said in a long time, stunning me and leaving my mouth slightly open. “I would never do that.”
Tears roll down my face, ruining my perfect makeup, but I couldn't care less. “You don’t see how bright you are. One day, you are going to want the world, and I will be left behind. It is what scares me. You will meet a better man, and you’ll leave. Your love is so sweet that I will die without it.” Hawk rasps, “I’m stuck in between pleasure and pain with you.” His thumbs brush away the tears before he kisses away the pain. At first, his lips are tentative as he whispers, “Don’t give your heart away. Promise me.”
“I love you. You can’t leave me,” I beg on a sob. A dam bursts free between us. For the first time, we are exposed, putting our pride aside.
Hawk pulls me in close and knocks the wind away with the strength of it. “I love you. I can’t lose you, A
lessia.” My fingers dig into his cut, and we hold on to our love with everything we’ve got.
He loosens his hold. “I need you, Alessia,” he rasps while pulling my shirt away.
“I need you too.” This is dying slowly, with love and misery mixing into a potent cocktail of destruction. He kicks off his boots while his mouth captures mine in a bittersweet kiss fueled by regret and love. My hands push off his cut and shirt. I step out of my boots and pants. Our hands are frantic while we reclaim each other.
He backs me up, and I fall back on the bed in my lace panties. Hawk stills and his hooded gaze rakes over my body. Slowly, he crawls up my body, then removes my underwear before his boxer briefs are pushed down. “I’m so sorry, Alessia. Forgive me?” he begs.
My fingers tenderly float over his handsome face. “You never had to ask. I’ll always forgive you.” Hawk takes my mouth in a hurried kiss. Taking it all, he picks up one leg and positions his body to line up with mine before he pushes inside.
Hawk loves me with every stroke, slowly pumping in and out of me. “I need it all, you with my brand and my babies. For us to have it all.”
My other leg comes up, and I pull him into me. My grip holds onto his shoulders, needing to feel his flesh and power. “I want it all, but most of all, I just need you.”
Somewhere along the way, from tricking him as a teen to the woman I have become, we fell in love. Little did I know, I was holding onto and kissing the devil. Giving me things he shouldn’t have, his love and hope, when he is a liar.
8
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 48