My hands would shake if they weren't holding on to the handlebars. Alessia’s brown hair whips around in the wind from the storm that is brewing. The worst part is we are at an impasse. I want to reach out to her, but how? After all I have done, I stop myself. The shame takes over.
My world shatters right here, at this moment, especially when Alessia doesn’t fight for us. She takes several steps, backing away, bumping into people on the sidewalk. She turns, then bolts away from us. Ashley never saw her, and I will keep it that way.
Snapping out of it, it is a race against the clock. The more time she is left to herself, the worst this will be. My feet are planted to the pavement, and my bike roars to life. I race through traffic and drive toward Ashley’s house.
The games are all over, and as soon as I pull into her driveway, she steps off my bike. I back out without a word. She stands there, with my helmet in hand. I could give a fuck. I would bet the little cunt is happy with herself. It’s no one else's fault but my own.
Taking sharp, quick turns, my stomach drops when I see Snake in my driveway and not her. Setting my bike on the stand, I jump off. The rage and regret catch up with me as I charge forward. “Where the fuck is she!”
Snake drops his smoke from his hand and comes straight for me. Fists fly in each other’s direction. I’m pissed at him for outing me. My nose explodes with Snake’s right hook to my face. The blood is running into my mouth and down the back of my throat, causing me to cough. My body is hurled forward when his left is jabbed into my gut, gagging on the pain and the blood. The final blow comes when his elbow strikes my back, and I fall to one knee.
It’s where I belong, but the stubborn fool I am, I cannot admit my defeat.
“She’s not here,” Snake calmly states and picks up the smoke he tossed next to his bike. He takes a drag and blows out a long cloud of smoke. “Should've thought of that before you stuffed your dick in that slut.”
“You’re one to talk, asshole.” Slowly, after I catch my breath, I stand, wiping the blood away with my forearm.
“I’m not fucking married, and all the girls are told it’s a one-off. They’re lucky if it happens a second time.”
“You didn’t have to tell her. You just hurt her by telling her.”
Snake maniacally laughs out loud. “It’s been a long time coming to an end. You knew it. No one will hear about this. My sister deserves her privacy. She sure as fuck deserves honesty.”
“You can’t keep me from her. I’ll get her back.” I sound braver and stronger than I actually am. Really, I want to beg her for forgiveness.
Snake’s evil gleam stares me down. “You can try. She’s made of tougher shit than you are— brother.”
Every emotion I’ve held in explodes inside like a bomb. I destroyed the life I had within just a few weeks.
10
Hawk
Snake and Fuego have hidden Alessia from me. She hasn’t gone back to work. She’s been a ghost. No one will tell me where she is. Her friends ignore every call to their phones. When they do open a door, it is immediately slammed in my face. I made an appointment with Jazz under a different name for her to talk to me.
I can barely sit here in the hair shop while she finishes up her last client. She hasn’t noticed me yet. I hunch forward and rest my elbows on my knees. My hands dive into my overgrown hair. The strands are entwined with my fingers, and I pull, the tension mimicking what I feel inside.
In a split second, I can see my life flash before my eyes. The reckless kid I was to the man I have become. Living life in the fast lane. I haven’t grown up much. Evidence is there in how I treated her. My wife, Alessia, is gone. I see it all. The day we met to the day we were married. Everything is brought back in a torturous replay.
“Alessia,” the preacher asks, “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Her beautiful smile flashes as I slide the ring onto her finger.
“Yes,” she whispers. I hold her vibrant face in my hands and kiss the hell out of my bride. Snake, my best man and friend, slaps my back. Letting her go, I can see the future in her deep brown eyes.
A sharp inhale, and I choke on the air robbing me of the past. My stomach turns with so much regret, there is no coming back. I cannot stop the next one that takes me back.
“It’s going to be okay.” I hold onto her. Alessia sobs in my lap on the bathroom floor. She lost the baby she thought we were having. Just barely after the two-month mark, she miscarried. I came home from a run to find her on the floor.
“It is all my fault. I feel like I did something wrong.” My hand stills on her back. The tension grows and lingers between the two of us. “You think it is my fault,” she rasps.
Alessia wipes her face, removing the tears and emotion. She clears her throat and sits up straight. Gone is the woman I needed to see. Digging deep, she protects herself and puts up the armor to block anyone coming in.
Standing, she walks away, out of the bathroom . . . away from me, us.
My fingers rip through my hair. I want out of this hell, but the constant rotation of the past holds me captive. I see it all. Every moment when I had the chance to be her man, and I wasn’t. I did think it was her fault she lost our baby. I punished her for it. I had no idea, it was just easier to think it was.
“Hawk.” Jazzy stands in front of me. Her voice is laced with impatience and annoyance. “I’m not cutting your hair, am I?”
Shaking my head no, I stand. “Can you please talk to me a minute?”
Jazz thinks about it a moment. “You’re an asshole to come here. Go outside.” She growls at me and storms out the front door. I find her just off to the right side of the building, away from the shop’s windows. Her arms are crossed over her chest, waiting for me.
It’s hard for me to look at her. I have known them, the MC, Alessia’s family, for so long, they felt like mine. Now, I have no one. “I was wrong. A lot that has happened to this point is my fault.” I try to keep my voice even, but it is gutting me.
“You don’t have a clue what you have done yet. You betrayed a bond between you two. I am not the person that can help you get her back.”
“Who is? I just need to know where she is. I need to talk to her,” I plead. There is nothing left.
A humorous laugh breaks free. “You really are lost. Her brother and father are the closest people in her life. She has been a daddy’s girl since birth. She is his princess. Snake was her role model. She idolizes those men. What you did was—” Jazzy is forced to clear her throat and take in a deep inhale. “Prove to them she is fragile and needed to be protected. You stripped her down to a person she hates, vulnerable.”
Her words make my hands tremble and body shake. My mind is a mess, and I just shake my head back and forth. The feeling of betrayal is real and lives in me.
“Look, walking away is the hardest thing. Maybe it’s time you let each other go. Let the past heal. If your love is real, she’ll come back to you.”
“I can’t walk away now without trying—”
She holds up a hand, stopping me. “I know you love her, but it is over. Too bad you didn’t do this before. Before you ask, I don’t know where she is. She didn’t just leave you.” Jazz dismisses me, walking back into work.
“Fuck!” I roar to no one but myself. There is only one person who can stop her— Fuego. Getting on my bike, I head back to the clubhouse.
Reaching out to him is a long shot. Everything that Jazz said is true. Alessia has been his princess, and I hurt her, them. I hurt all of them. I know this because Fuego has done everything in his power to punish me. Snake beat the shit out of me, not only for his sister but also because I deceived him and lost his trust.
Fuego’s road to forgiveness is going to be the hardest. I would rather he beat the shit out of me, yell at me, or anything else besides sending me on ridiculous runs and keeping me busy. I think of him like a father. I’ve never had one, and the man took me in when I met his daughter. I’ve been there, a part
of them. He’s watched out for me. The burn in my chest is an ache I cannot describe, a pain that will not go away anytime soon. Fuego’s punishment for the betrayal of my promise to him may never end. The day that I asked to marry his daughter, the light in his eyes, I had pleased him.
“Mijo,” he smiles, which is scarce for the older traditional man. Rarely does he show anything to anyone except those that are close to him. “If you take mi Alessia as tu esposa, you must promise me something.”
Sitting in his back yard, I nod for him to continue. My heart pounds in my chest. His blessing is important. I want him to be happy for us.
“You love her. The ambitious and beautiful corazón that mi niña has, you hold her close a tu propio corazón, as if she was you. Honor her. Never stray from her. She is muy fuerte, mi niña. So strong that she will test your understanding of it. If you can love that about her, and support her, you have my blessing to stand beside her.”
“I promise to always honor her and the family.”
“Que bueno. Let me know when you ask. Her mother will want to be there. Don’t do it without her.” Fuego wraps one hand in mine and tugs me forward, hitting my back with the other. “Welcome to the familia, mijo. Para siempre, forever.”
Fuego has pushed me away, refusing to talk to me except when needed. I see the fire in his eyes. He can’t put his hands on me for two reasons. In the club, I did nothing wrong. If he did, I may not survive. Instead, he ignores that I exist. Fuego may never forgive me for my betrayal. So, he sends me away to pay me back. His message is clear— I am not wanted in his space.
I’ll take all he can dish out to me. I have earned it. I won’t complain about the work, it’s my job. If I fail again, I’ll be out of the club.
The meaning is clear— I am no longer considered their family anymore. I am here, still a part of the club, nothing will change that. I never betrayed the club. Men stepping out on their wives happens a lot, and usually, no one bats an eye at it. But, it’s his daughter. Not only have I lost her but the respect of the man I look up to.
I’ve lost it all. Going home alone is the worst punishment of all. Her stuff had been moved out when I was away on a run. That stung the most. If she came in with her fiery temper, yelling and screaming, I would still have a chance. Because we would be fighting at home.
The hair on my face has grown out, and I’m in shambles. It has to stop. I need to see her. Walking into the Prez’s office, I shut the door behind me. “Fuego.”
“Get out,” he barks without even a glance.
“I need to see her, please.” I lay it all out there for him. There is nothing else I have to bargain with, but maybe he can give me a chance.
“No. You don’t need to see her. Your actions don’t only affect tu vida, it has affected my life. My wife cries for her daughter.” He grinds each word out through a clenched jaw. It’s then that I see the dark lines under his eyes.
Shame beats through my heart at his words. He is not finished. “What you never did was cherish the gift she gave you, her love, her life, and commitment. You made me a promise to honor her. What you did betrayed those things.”
Swallowing past the guilt, I step forward and sit in the chair next to his desk. “I was wrong for what I did.”
“Many things you were wrong for, but I gave you support until you learned. This is not one of those things. You know better.”
“You’re right. There is nothing I can say to make this right.”
“No. You are a member of this club, a brother in the MC, but my son died.” Fuego sits back in his chair. “What do you want from me?” He looks through me like stone, a man he has never met. “You never made her an Ol’ Lady, so move on.”
“I need to talk with her. I want her back.”
“If you can find her, I guess you can. I can’t stop you, but I’m not telling you where she is. I will tell you this, she's leaving for good and starting over. You should also know I have relocated Ashley. She will not live here where she can breathe her disrespect in my club. I protect mi familia.” His scowl dares me to say anything about her. It is a test. Who I would choose, and what I say is important.
“I’m not done fighting to get Alessia back.” With nothing else I can do to convince him to help me, I’m out of my seat and running to my bike. Staking out the houses of her friends until I find a black Tahoe in the parking lot packed with what looks like her stuff.
It’s true, she is leaving. My hands rub my face and my eyes. My body weakens and I want to fall to the ground. The pain lances my heart and it ruptures. Regretfully, it doesn’t kill me. I want to scream, and at the same time, I wish I could go back and do it all over.
A few moments pass before I straighten my spine. I stake out the car for a few hours until she comes out. Her face is haunting, dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, Alessia’s usually perfectly styled hair is in disarray. The effects of my actions are evident. I broke her heart, my Alessia.
She unlocks the car and her hand freezes on the doorknob when I call her. “Alessia, come home to me.” Her body stills and tenses, but she won’t turn around. Her face refuses to meet mine. I can’t hold back and give her all my heart with my plea. “Please understand, she wasn’t meant for me, not like you are. I was so stupid to do what I did.” She calls to me, and I want to reach out and fix my wrongs. My hand lands on her shoulder, squeezing lightly.
We used to be so much more. She was my home and I was hers. Now, my touch is what brings her hell. Our love now is left in the past and is shining in her eyes when she turns to face me.
“For what, Derrick, so I can be like every other woman who takes her cheating man back? Tell me something, would you want my body after another man has had his hands all over me? After I shared my body with him? Let him fuck my body? Dominate mine with his? Tell me you could still worship my body after I betrayed you.” Every word I deserve, and I picture exactly what she says. Her giving herself to another, it takes my breath away. I would kill a man for touching her.
Grabbing both of her shoulders, I hold on to her. It can’t be the end. I need her to believe in the love that is pouring out of me more than the bad choices I’ve made to cloud them. “I will always love you, Alessia, always.” My hands cup her jaw, and I search her eyes for the love that is still there. The contact, so intimate, so painful, she closes the evidence, hiding it from me.
A tear streaks down her cheek. One tear is all it takes to bring me to my knees. Bending forward, I kissed it away, catching the tear with my lips, the taste, and moment, so bittersweet. Gently, I embrace her against my chest, and murmur, “I’m sorry I did this to us, Alessia. I am so sorry for it. Please believe me.” When she is squeezing me back a little tighter, my body explodes with relief and hope. Alessia still loves me.
She takes a small step back and looks up to me, and whispers, “I get you’re sorry, Derrick.” Clearing her throat, there is no stopping this runaway train. “Thing is, I can’t have you after you’ve shared yourself with someone else.”
Her pride won't allow her to take me back. I can’t say I blame her. My head tilts forward, defeated. Why I don’t run and throw her over my shoulder was my second biggest regret in life. She takes her first step away from me and then another. Once the door is shut behind her, I start to die inside, and then I snap. The engine comes to life.
My hand balls into a fist and I hit the side of the car. From our first to our last, everything we had was sweet. Now, I am dying because of it. The pain is mixed up in the happy memories over the now lost years. My other half left me. The young woman who stole my heart is leaving me. I’ll never forget her or her look in the rearview mirror, the heart I gave away and the death of our love.
THE END
Authors Note
Thank you for reading! I know this is one hell of a hard stop here. When we start out in life, it can be hard to see past what our needs are and what love is. Selflessness. It’s giving and not taking. Because of where Hawk and Alessia started in life,
it was hard for them to see what was ahead. They will get a happily ever after.
I love Alessia and her story continues in the Battle Born MC, Book One, Betting on Forever. That story is based in Reno, Nevada. I wrote this prequel to further enhance what she and Hawk went through as young adults. Hawk will have his story written in the Sacramento Battle Born MC, that I am starting this year!
This was a blast to write and revisit old characters. I hope you finish the series. Reach out to me, I would love to hear from you.
~Scarlett
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Reno Battle Born MC Series
Betting on Forever (Battle Born MC #1)
Nothing Lasts Forever (Battle Born MC #2)
Living for Forever (Battle Born MC #3)
Always & Forever (Battle Born MC #4)
Escaping from Forever (Battle Born MC #5)
Fighting for Forever (Battle Born MC #6)
Loving You Forever (Battle Born MC #7)
WHAT’S COMING NEXT in 2020
Claiming His Forever, Spider’s Story…
& Snake!
Add them to your TBR now.
About the Author
Scarlett Black is the author of the Battle Born MC Series. Not really knowing where a story will take her is what she loves most about writing. She strives to write about strong women and the men who love them. She believes in love and the miracles that come from it. She enjoys giving her fans a happily ever after worth melting their hearts. These may be books, but they are written with her heart and soul. She is Battle Born. Are you?
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 50