Book of Days: A Novel

by James L. Rubart

  Cameron stared at Taylor as both men let what they'd just witnessed sink in.

  "I saw myself years into the future, still alive. I was doing things you have to have a memory to do. Does that mean I'm going to be okay?"

  "I don't know, my friend."

  "Have I been cured?"

  Taylor shook his head. "I don't know."

  "I need to know."

  "I don't think you can."

  Cameron rubbed his face and stared at the surface of the water. "Tell me," he said to it, even though he knew there would be no answer.

  Jessie. She was right. It was his choice to live or not to live.

  Cameron gazed at the mountains, the trees, and finally the lake before looking at Taylor.

  "So what future will you choose?" Taylor finally said.

  "I don't know."

  "Yes, you do."

  "Life."

  "Does that life include Ann?"

  "I don't know. She has her choices to make. I have mine."

  "Well said."

  Cameron closed his eyes, lifted his head, and drew in a long breath of the pure air surrounding them.

  "We need to head back," Taylor said.

  As they made their way out of the valley, Taylor threw his arm across Cameron's shoulders. "You're free, my friend."

  "As are you."

  Taylor turned for a last look at the lake. "I'll see Annie again soon."

  "But not yet."

  "No, not yet."

  CHAPTER 48

  I didn't hear you leave this morning." Tricia shook out the porch mat and flopped it back down next to the front door as Taylor meandered up their walkway. The setting sun framed his silhouette. And even though his face was obscured, she saw something about him had changed.

  "I left rather early."

  "Just you, or did you bring along a guest?"

  "I brought a guest." Taylor rubbed his chin with his forefinger.

  "Where did you and Cameron go?"

  "I took him to see the Book of Days."

  Tricia smiled and took his hands in hers. "And what did you find?"

  "I made an amazing discovery." Taylor grinned and wrapped her up in his arms. "I found the Taylor Stone you used to know. Apparently there is nothing that can't be forgiven."

  "I've suspected that for a long time." Tears welled up in her eyes as she squeezed him as hard as she could.

  After separating, Taylor stood with his hands in his coat pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. "How would you like to go for a walk with me?"

  "On a gorgeous summer evening, why is that something I'd want to take the time to do?"

  "Because you love me."

  She reached into his coat pocket and slid her hand into his. "Well, there is always that."

  They strolled down the street, Tricia not knowing where they were going and not caring. Her husband had come home. The change in his countenance was stunning. Even the air around him seemed lighter.

  Taylor slid his hand into hers and squeezed twice as they continued down the road. She kicked a stick out of their way. "So the Book of Days is real."

  "Very."

  "And it shows you every memory and your entire future."

  "No, the book shows you what you need to see. I didn't need to see the future, but I did see some things from the past."

  "Like Annie."

  Taylor nodded.

  "And?"

  "It's okay." He squeezed her hand again. "I'm okay."

  "Why do I sense a hint of regret in your eyes?"

  Taylor massaged his forehead, then left his hand covering his eyes for a long time.

  "It looks like Kirk Gillum killed Jason."

  Tricia stumbled. "No . . . no."

  Taylor nodded and told her what happened at the lake.

  "I'm sorry." She leaned into his chest. "Are you all right?"

  "I will be. Even though Jason didn't . . . we didn't . . . I found my peace." Taylor sighed. "Let's talk about Cameron, okay?"

  "Did he see his future?"

  "Yes."

  "So he knows what will happen?" Tricia asked.

  "He knows he has a choice."

  "So will they choose each other?"

  "I'd love to eavesdrop when they talk, but I don't think we're invited."

  Cameron and Ann's future. It would likely be set during their next conversation. She prayed they would choose wisely.

  CHAPTER 49

  The two o'clock sun warmed Cameron's back on Saturday as Ann and he sat at the top of the cliff where a little over two weeks ago, her silhouette had stopped him from trying to join Jessie early. He dug into his backpack, pulled out two blackberry PowerBars, and offered one to Ann.

  "Thanks." She took it with a smile.

  "Did I ever mention you saved my life here?"

  "No."

  Cameron unwrapped his bar and stared at the forest floor far below. "I gave considerable thought to 'losing my grip.'"

  "You're serious."

  "Yeah." Cameron started to put on his sunglasses but turned and looked Ann in the eye. "When I looked up and saw your silhouette, it stopped me from . . . Thanks for making the climb just before me."

  "My pleasure."

  "Apparently I have a few more pages to add to God's book."

  Cameron had led them up the face and to the top in a leisurely fashion, taking time to savor the brilliant early August morning, feeling the magnificent strain on his arms and legs as they worked together in a smooth rhythm—clipping in carabineers, roping and unroping, suggesting holds and routes, and tossing smiles back and forth across the cliff face.

  Now sitting at the top of their climb, having told her how close he'd come to killing himself, he let the peace of the moment settle over him. Only one more confession to go. But not right away.

  "It still amazes me that the Book of Days is real." Ann breathed deep. "It's hard to let go of how insensitive I was to Jessie about it. I refused to believe her."

  "So you haven't forgiven yourself for that?"

  "Are you my spiritual advisor now?" Ann punched him lightly in the shoulder.

  "How about forgiving your mom for what she did or didn't do?"

  She leaned back, bracing herself on her hands, and smiled. "As a matter of fact, I have. I let it go. What my mom did to me . . . what I did to Jessie."

  "How does it feel?"

  "I feel free." Ann smiled and looked at the sky.

  Cameron let the scene around him soak into his memory. A memory he might be able to hold. If not, God would hold it for him.

  "Taylor says when he and Grange are gone, someone needs to be the guardian of the book. I think he handed the baton to me. I wouldn't mind having a partner in that venture."

  "You're asking me?"

  "Would you like to go there?"

  "To the lake? Without question." Ann grabbed his hand. "Will I see anything?"

  "Yes, I think so. I . . . I don't know." Cameron fumbled for the words. "It's not like I had any control over what it showed me or didn't show me." Cameron smiled. "I would love to see what it would show you."

  "And you couldn't see everything it contains?"

  "I thought I'd be able to. I thought it would tell the story of every soul on earth. That I'd be able to access every memory I'd ever had and look into my entire future. But the book is far smarter than that. I only saw glimpses, quick scenes of what was, what is to come, and what could come. Like I said, it only showed me what it wanted to show me."

  Ann arched an eyebrow and quirked her lips. "It?"

  "God."

  "So He's real, then?"

  "Most definitely."

  "What are you going to do about that?"

  "Learn, explore, follow Him."

  Ann laughed, threw her arms around him, and squeezed tight. "As soon as you picked me up this morning, I knew it. It's all over your face." She pulled back and studied him. "It's over all of you."

  "That's a good thing?"

  Ann nodded and squ
eezed him again. "Would you mind terribly if I called you Wesley? It sounds so much better than Farm Boy."

  He knew those names. Where were they from? He laughed. Of all the things to remember. "The Princess Bride."

  "Yes." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "What did His book show you about us?"

  "That we have a choice to change what might become."

  "You sound like Dickens."

  "What does that mean?"

  "Scrooge changed things after his visit from the three ghosts, didn't he?"

  "Ah yes." Cameron slid his arm around her and pulled her into his chest.

  "So the future is fluid."

  "If you like those words, yes."

  "In this fluid future, if we both choose the way you'd like us to, where would we end up?"

  Time for his final confession.

  "I had hoped God would cure me at the lake. I have no idea if He did. It feels like something has changed, but that could be only my imagination." He took her hands in his. "I never thought I could let Jessie go." He reached for the familiar sensation of the stone around his neck, but his fingers found nothing. "But I have. And even though my mind might be gone in a month or a year, whatever time I have left, I want to spend it with you."

  Ann didn't respond for a long time. When she did, she stood, pulled him up, and held both his hands in hers. "Do you regret the years you spent with Jessie? Even if you'd known the future, would you have pushed her out of your life, or would you have still savored every moment?"

  She gazed toward Three Peaks in the distance. "I met a guy once who had a near-death experience. He was a white-water rafting guide on the Rogue River in southern Oregon. Going through Blossom Bar, he made a rookie mistake and ended up underwater for five minutes. They revived him and now he goes around speaking about living life to the full today because tomorrow it could be gone."

  Ann slid her hands up Cameron's arms. "At the time I wrote it off. Carpe diem and all that has always seemed like a cliché to me. But it changed when you and I were on the side of that cliff dancing with death.

  "I have no idea if we'll be dead tomorrow. We could die tonight. But I do know every moment we don't live to the full now, will be a moment we regret for the rest of our lives; however short that might be. So let's live, Cameron. While we have today—let's live."

  Cameron smiled. "That's a good speech. Maybe just a hint of melodrama, but overall an excellent speech."

  Ann whacked him on the head, and he pulled her in tight.

  Wind whipped through his hair as he lifted her chin and kissed her for a long time. A very long time.

  "Ann Banister, let's go record an amazing life together."

  Dear Reader,

  Why do we take hundreds of pictures of our spouses, kids, and friends?

  I believe it's because of a universal desire to record our lives, to somehow keep the ravages of time from eroding our most treasured moments.

  It was around 2000 that my family realized my dad had started losing his most treasured memories. As parts of his mind slipped away, it only caused the joy inside him to be released in fuller measure—that part was a gift. Even so, the pain of watching him walk down the path of the long good-bye was wrenching.

  As the disease progressed, I started to wonder where my dad's memories were going. Were they mist? Or could God somehow, someday restore them? When I found Psalm 139:16, it was a huge comfort. I knew that his memories would be returned to him when he crossed over into eternity. God had recorded them in His book.

  Then I thought, what if God's book could be found on Earth? From that question Book of Days was born.

  If the mind of someone you loved or love is melting away, my desire is you find hope in this story, that you will embrace the idea that not one of the treasured moments you shared together is lost.

  In the age to come God will restore memories and relationships, and He will revive the most joyful events of our lives to be celebrated again and again.

  With great anticipation of reading His Book of Days in eternity,

  James L. Rubart

  www.jimrubart.com

  Discussion Questions

  1. What character in the book can you relate to most? Why?

  2. Which character in Book of Days most surprised you?

  3. What themes did you see in the novel?

  4. Cameron is losing his memories of Jessie and it terrifies him. Do you worry about losing some of your memories? Read Psalm 139:16. What does that say to you about memories in light of eternity?

  5. If God has forgiven our sins, do you think those parts of our lives will be edited out of God’s Book of Days? (See Psalm 103:12.)

  6. Both Cameron and Taylor Stone have to let go of their late wives to be free. Why do we hold on to things from our past that weigh us down? Is there anything or anyone you’ve been holding on to that you need to let go of?

  7. Taylor Stone likes Cameron from the start, but he tries to push him away because of the memories that are stirred up. Have you ever shunned a friendship because of a painful memory it reminds you of? What keeps you from dealing with painful memories?

  8. Have you ever had a Jason Judah in your life? How did you deal with them? What did it teach you about other people? About yourself?

  9. We tend to be harder on ourselves and offer far less forgiveness than other people give us. Why do you think that is? Are there areas of your life you need to forgive yourself for? (See Col. 1:13–14.)

  10. Ann has to choose to be with Cameron or not be with him even though his mind might slip further away and their days together might be few. What would you do in such a situation?

  11. Do you think Jessie made the right choice by trying to tell Cameron about the Book of Days and her future slowly? Or should she have told him all at once in clear language?

  12. If Jessie had told Cameron bluntly, do you think he would have believed her? Why or why not?

  13. Do you think the future is fluid, as Book of Days implies? Can we change the future by our choices, or is the future already set?

  14. Were you surprised when you found out what the Book of Days really is? Why or why not? Did you like or not like what it turned out to be?

  15. Have you thought about the idea of recording a life? What kind of life do you think you’re recording? (See Eph. 2:10.) On a scale of 1 to 10, is it the life you had hoped to record?

  16. What do you need to change to record a life you’d be more proud of? (See Matt. 25:14–30.) In light of this parable, consider what one thing you would like to do differently from this moment on.