by Swann, Rylee
The carpeting on the sixteenth floor must have been laid during the Mesozoic Era and I don’t want to guess at what caused the stains I step over on my way to apartment 16D. My lip stays in a perpetual sneer of revulsion. I don’t expect it to get much better as I rap my knuckles on the door.
There’s shuffling from within, a chain being released, and then the door opens a crack.
My mother peers out and breaks into a big smile. “Gian! Come in, come in!” She opens the door wider and ushers me in.
I wait until the door is closed and she’s put the safety chain back on before heading where she motions, down a hallway to the living room. I pass a small kitchen on the way and am happy to smell the sweet aroma of cooking food.
The furniture in the living room looks as though dinosaurs from the Mesozoic Era could have used it. I’m sure the dip in the middle of the couch is an ass print from a Tyrannosaurus. I’m surprised that they have a large, old-fashioned computer but upon doing a double-take, I realize it’s a small black and white television.
My father grunts a hello from where he sits on a beat-up recliner and I manage to offer a return nod.
Overall, the apartment is clean, belongings somewhat orderly in the small space. I assume there’s a bedroom in the back. I’d hate to think they sleep on the couch. It doesn’t look like a pullout.
“Sit, sit, Gian.” My mother takes me by the hand and leads me to the couch. I sit and sink into it and she perches on the edge. “We’re so glad you’re here!”
In another second, she pops up and rushes toward the kitchen.
Left alone with my father, I look around and say awkwardly, “So… this is home. Nice view.” I motion to the big living room window that overlooks the ocean. I am unbearably uncomfortable around this man I have only vague recollections of. I remember a lot of shouting and crying but most of what I know of him is what Dom told me, all of it bad.
He coughs some phlegm into a handkerchief and turns to me. “I haven’t had a drink in many years, Gian.”
“Michele,” I address him by his first name. “I—”
Mamma rushes back in with a glass of ice water in her hand. “Papa! His name to you is Papa, Gian.” She puts the glass in my hand and sits beside me again. I wince, not ready to accept this man as my papa yet. “Tell us, what brings you here? You look troubled, si?”
Clearing my throat, I pause, my heart clenching. This is why I came here. This is what I wanted. She noticed my turmoil and asked about it. Maybe I can have a relationship with these people despite our history. “I…uhhh, had a stupid fight with Jae yesterday. You remember I told you about her?”
“Si, si.” Mamma pats my leg, a look of sorrow drawing her mouth down.
“I was an ass, Mamma. I don’t know if she’ll forgive me.”
“Your mamma forgave me when I was an ass,” my father says.
I turn to him, struck dumb by his words.
“Come with me.” Mamma takes my hand and stands, pulling me up with her. She shuffles toward the back of the apartment and I set the glass of water on the coffee table, letting her pull me to the bedroom.
A full-sized bed is crammed into the small space, the mattress looking much like the couch—formerly used by a T-Rex. There are two side-by-side closets with sliding doors, one of which is off its hinges. An ancient wood dresser is on the other side of the room below a cracked mirror. A large window looks out over the ocean. The dichotomy of ugly and beautiful is a smack in the face.
“What, Mamma?”
She nods, a sad expression on her wrinkled face. “Now you see how we live. It is brutta… how you say? Terrible, si? Ugly, si?” I nod, not sure I’m liking where this is going. “You don’t want your mamma and papa to live like this, no? You’re a good boy, Gian. Bene! You have i soldi… money to give us?”
I back away from her, my chest clenching, bile rising in my throat.
“Money? Is this why you agreed to meet with me today? Is this why you contacted me in the first place?!” I wave my arms, my voice bordering on shouting. “You don’t give a damn about me, except for money, do you? Do you!” I stab a finger at her.
I don’t need an answer. The guilty look on her face tells me everything.
I spin on my heel and go back to the living room, my mother dashing after me as fast as she can follow.
“You’re a real piece of work, you know that, Michele? You and your wife!” I stand over him and he recoils into his chair. “I came here today with a problem! How stupid of me to think my parents might want to help! That you might want to connect with me on an emotional level. No, instead you ignore me and send your flunky to shake me down. The hell with you! The hell with both of you!”
“Bah,” my father grunts and waves a dismissive hand.
I let out a long sigh and make my way back to the front door. From the living room, my mother’s voice follows me.
“Per favore, Gian! Per favore…”
I close the door on my past without looking back.
***
At my building, I want nothing more than to crack open an ice-cold beer. After unlocking the door to the building, running up a couple of flights rather than take the elevator to release my pent-up steam, I unlock my door and throw it open.
Fuck my parents!
Fuck the whole goddamned world!
“Hello, Gian.”
I jump, startled. “Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck are you doing here, Dom?”
“I have a key, you know.” His face is inscrutable.
Please don’t let him be here to pick a fight.
It’s such bad timing. I’m liable to throw the first punch.
“Yeah.” I throw my keys on the coffee table. “So whaddya want?”
He holds a red firetruck out to me. “This is gin-gin, isn’t it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “Did they ask you for money?”
His question hits me like a punch to the gut and I slump against the wall. “How did you know?”
He sighs, his face looking haggard, ashen. “That’s what they do. Come, sit down. We should talk.”
He heads for the couch but I make a detour into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pull out a Heineken. “You want a cold one?”
“Yeah, good idea.”
I poke my head back in the fridge to pull out a second bottle and join Dom, handing him a beer where he’s sitting on the brown leather sofa. I take a seat in the overstuffed matching slider and we twist off the caps and take a long swallow. It feels good going down and I settle back, trying to relax. This conversation isn’t going to be pretty.
Dom is still holding gin-gin, examining it, turning it over and spinning the wheels.
“The ladder goes up and down,” I tell him.
He puts his beer down on the coffee table and pulls the ladder up. A small smile creases his face. “I can see why you cried over losing this.” He slides the ladder back in place and looks at me. I’m surprised to see pain in his eyes. “I never meant to forget it.”
“I know. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe they hid it or took it out of your bag while you were getting me ready to go.” I had a lot of time to think on the way home in the back of the Uber. This was something that came to me. Maybe it’ll assuage my brother’s guilt. Guilt I didn’t realize he must have had until this very moment.
Dom rubs his face and puts the firetruck aside, picking up his beer. “Yeah, maybe. I never thought of that.” He takes another long swig. “I’ve been sending them money every month for a long time now. I should have told you the other day but…”
“I didn’t really give you a chance.” I offer a half smile and he nods.
“I wish you’d told me that they contacted you.” He looks at me, a bitter smile on his face. “When did I stop being the person you could come to?”
I’ve been so angry at Dom for keeping me from our parents that I’ve been acting like a perfect asshole. To everyone. Now, knowing that my anger was so misplaced, guilt crashes down on me. This brother w
ho acted as my father all my life. I’ve committed all manner of wrongs against him recently.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m stupid to have put my trust in them instead of you.” I lean toward him. “I’m really sorry, Dom.” And I proceed to tell him everything that happened at our parents’ apartment.
He half shrugs. “It’s alright, Gian. I understand your curiosity… your need to know about them. Unfortunately, you learned your lesson the hard way. I was trying to prevent that. They contacted me, much like I suppose they contacted you. I met with them, had them show me how much the government was giving them per month and told them I’d supplement it so they could live. Have a little pocket change. The only stipulation I insisted upon was that they leave you alone.” He sighs. “My stipulation turned out to be useless.”
“I guess they could only wait so long to meet their fuckup son.” I toast myself with a smirk and take a drink.
Dom sits up, his expression intense. “Do you still believe that? Do you really still believe that you’re an unwanted fuckup?”
“Yes, no. Fuck, I don’t know.” I’m exasperated with myself. “I haven’t had a lot of time to process this, you know.” I pause, trying to sort through how I feel about everything that’s happened. “I do think I’ve come around to the fact that it wasn’t about them not wanting me. Maybe…” I gasp, the thought coming to me. “They were the fuckups, weren’t they?”
Dom gives a wry smile. “A drunk bastard and a weak, foolish woman. Yes, I think you might be onto something.”
I laugh, tension sluicing away from me. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good. This light. “Hey, what are you doing for the rest of the night? Wanna watch bad action movies and get sloppy drunk with me?”
He laughs with me. “Before I agree to that, there’s one more thing.” I nod as he sobers, getting serious again. “I’ve arranged with my banker to have five hundred thousand dollars deposited into our parents’ bank account tomorrow. They’re going to be told it’s from you with the understanding that no more will ever be given to them.”
I blink, stunned. “Why?”
“Because what you said the other day about not taking care of them got to me. I do listen, kiddo.” He gives a self-deprecating shrug of his shoulders. “With them contacting you, now seems like the perfect time to do this. There will be no need to contact either of us, ever again. Unless they’re very creative, I don’t think they can spend that much in the time they have left.”
“Wow.” I have way too much to process. I feel like I’m missing details, like there’s so much more to learn and understand. But this is enough for now. Or maybe not. What Dom does next surprises the crap out of me.
He jumps to his feet, muttering what I think is “fuck” and paces to the living room window. Pushing aside the curtain, he stands with his back to me.
“Dom?” I don’t get an answer. His back is rigid, tight, held together by a spine that looks ready to snap in two. “What else, Dom? Tell me.”
I didn’t think it possible but his back stiffens even more. “You’ve been an ass recently to more than just me,” he says to the window. It’s disconcerting that he doesn’t look at me, and I stay quiet. He has more to say. “You’ve been hard on Jae, haven’t you?”
I wince, the memory of how I’ve been treating her causing a flare of pain in my chest. “Yeah.”
Nodding, he finally turns away from the window. “She’s very much in love with you.”
The pain in my chest increases. I should be telling her that more often than I do. “I know. Don’t lecture me.”
He flinches, like my words bit into him, before gathering himself back in his cloak of authority. “I’m not. I don’t mean to. Fuck. I just want you to be happy, okay? She’s upset, she knows something is going on. Don’t screw this up.” He sighs and I can tell he’s struggling for the right words. He knows if he gets my back up nothing he says will matter. “I mean…”
“Don’t be myself?” I say to get him out of his tight spot of trying not to lecture.
He chuckles as a flash of relief crosses his face. “Yeah. Make sure you talk to her. Tomorrow, okay? She really loves you.”
Nodding, I reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out a ring-sized box. “I’ve been carrying this around for a while.” I toss it to him and he deftly catches it. “I love her very much, too, you know.”
He opens the box and lets out a low whistle. “This must have set you back.”
“You pay me well.” I smirk before growing serious. “And, I’ve been saving up since the day I met her. I uhh… knew she was the one even though I didn’t know. You know?”
I must have a dopey expression on my face because Dom starts laughing. “Wanna pull up movies on Netflix and have a couple more beers now?”
“Yeah.” I settle into my chair more relaxed than I’ve felt in weeks.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jaelin
My bags are packed and sitting by the door.
It’s time to go.
Taking a last look around, I tell myself I’m not sad. I’m moving on to the next chapter of my life. That’s exciting.
Yeah, right.
Of course, I’m sad but I’m trying to look on the sunny side of the street. I have to. I don’t really have much choice.
Heaving up my remaining bags, I go down to the waiting Uber. The driver loads my suitcases into the trunk and we begin the drive to Cris’ house to drop off the apartment key. She’s going to sell my furniture and ship the boxes that I left at the apartment. She thinks I’ll be coming back, but I’m fairly sure that for once she’s wrong.
It’s going to be tough to say goodbye.
I’m going to cry. She’s my very best friend in the world and I’m going to miss her desperately.
Forcing my mind to focus on the road as it stretches out before me, the driver navigates the busy city streets until we arrive at the Longo residence. Leaving my bags with the doorman, I wave to the security guard on the way to the penthouse. He knows me well and lets me pass with a smile.
Cris opens the door at my first knock and I’m enveloped in a hug before I can get inside. Hugging her back, I laugh. “Let me in, will you?”
We settle at the kitchen table to say our goodbyes.
“Are you sure about this?” Cris asks for the thousandth time since I told her I was leaving.
“I am,” I say with as much confidence as I can muster. “It’s the best thing for me, really.”
A couple of mopheads go dashing by on chubby legs. I smile, watching the twins until they disappear down a hallway.
“I thought I was getting a built-in babysitter.” A wan smile lifts the corners of Cris’ mouth as she teases me. “I’m going to miss you like crazy, Jae.”
“Me too.” We stare at each other for a moment until I break the silence. “Where’s Dom?”
“He’s…” Cris hesitates, looking away, and sighs, “with Gian.”
“Oh.” My chest constricts at the mention of Gian but I’m more disappointed that Dom’s not here. “I wanted to say goodbye to him, too.”
“We’ll see each other again soon. You’re not getting away from us that easily.” My eyes are wet with tears, but Cris’ aren’t.
“You still think I’m coming back, don’t you?” I reach out and put a hand over hers.
“Did you do like I said about your job?” Cris entwines her fingers through mine.
“Yes, I told them this is a leave of absence. But, Cris, I’m really not coming back.” I squeeze her hand. “You have to believe me.”
Cris shrugs. “We’ll visit all the time.”
I shake my head with a fond smile on my lips. “You still don’t believe me. But you better visit! Soon! I’ll call with my new address as soon as I have it. I already gave you Mom and Dad’s phone number, right?”
“Yeah, it’s in my phone.” She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “So, Nashville, huh? You’ll get your accent back. When I call I won’t recogni
ze your voice.” She’s not near to crying yet but sadness is starting to weigh her down.
“Durn right ya won’t.” I whip out my best Southern for her. Cris laughs but to my ear the accent still sounds too Northern. I figure I’ll be in the middle for a while until my natural accent comes back full force. Another thought strikes me. “My baby will be born Southern!”
“Yeah, I’ll have no luck understanding your baby when the rug rat starts talking.” She glances at the big wall clock and her smile fades. She knows what time my flight leaves.
“Guess I better call an Uber to get me to the airport.” I fumble in my bag for my phone, purposely not looking at Cris. I’m about to start bawling like a baby.
A few minutes later, we’re standing at the door, hugging each other and crying.
“Jae, if not for you, Dom and I might never have gotten together.”
“If not for you, Cris, I would have been homeless and then who knows what might have happened to me.”
“Come back soon,” she says.
I pull away to give her a stern look, which I’m sure doesn’t look too stern with tears cascading down my cheeks. “You come visit soon,” I counter.
“I will, I promise. I just hate that you’re leaving under these circumstances.” Cris wipes her face and smiles through her sadness. “I wish it had worked out for you and Gian.”
I shake my head. “I’m looking forward to the future now, Cris. Johnny put himself in my past and I’m not looking back.”
What a load of horse manure. I’m still madly in love with Johnny and don’t want to leave. I want to stay here, marry him, have his baby and—damnit!—live happily ever after.
“You’re a strong, brave woman, Jae. I love you.”
“Me too.”
We hug once more and I tear myself away.
***
The check-in line at JFK wasn’t as long as I’d expected so I have a lot of time to kill before my flight is called.
I make my first stop a Starbucks. I’m in the mood for a little caffeine pick-me-up and something sweet. After ordering and receiving a sixteen-ounce Flat White, I move along to the Dunkin’ Donuts kiosk in the food court.