Lead Me Home: A Fight for Me Stand-Alone Novel

by A. L. Jackson

  I nodded. “That’s him.”

  Ollie roughed an agitated hand through his hair that flashed with the colors of the lights that spun through the night, his face lit up.

  So bold and striking I lost more of my breath.

  My beast.

  “Asshole came into Roke’s this afternoon with an old car that used to belong to Nikki’s grandparents. Nikki told me about the notes. He has to have been stalking her. Finding out who her family was and trying to get close.”

  Caleb flailed and tried to jerk free from Seth, the guy so clearly high he looked deranged. “What the fuck are you talking about? That’s bullshit, man. I haven’t been stalking that stupid bitch. I don’t want anything to do with her. That car was on the straight.”

  “Save it. You can make your statement at the station.” Seth led him to the back of one of the cruisers and placed him in the backseat.

  Brenna breathed out another cry, but this one was made of relief.

  I looked over at Ollie and mouthed, Thank you.

  He just stared back as if he were promising he wouldn’t be anywhere else.

  Inside, Seth took both Brenna and her mother’s statements. First and foremost, Caleb had violated his restraining order. More charges might be coming. Ones related to me and my apartment.

  They were still waiting for prints to come back.

  Seth was going to put a rush on them, hoping we got something to substantiate our suspicions.

  Seth left promising he’d be calling soon.

  “Thank you so much,” Brenna told him as she showed him to the door.

  “Take care of yourself,” he told her. “Unfortunately, he’ll probably make bail in the morning since he didn’t cause any bodily harm. It’d be good for you to have someone with you at all times.”

  Slipping out, he let his eyes move to Ollie and me in some kind of warning before he disappeared down the walk.

  From behind, we watched as Brenna tremored with a fresh round of fear.

  Ollie stood.

  Gruff and rugged but his voice was soft. “Think it’d be good for you to come to my place tonight until we get this sorted out?”

  Brenna turned around, her fingertips pressed to her mouth. “You’d do that for me?”

  Ollie rocked in discomfort. I saw it for what it was. The way he wanted to protect the world from horrible people. From the type of man we were sure had stolen Sydney from us.

  He dropped his gaze when he finally said, “Don’t have a lot to offer people, Brenna . . . but if I can offer this? Take care of you and your son for a little bit?” He looked up. “There’s nothing I’d want more.”

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you did tonight.” Brenna spread her hand over the comforter in the guest bedroom, clearly needing something to busy herself.

  “You keep telling me that,” I told her with a soft smile where I sat next to her with my knees hugged to my chest.

  “But I really mean it.” Carefully, she peeked up at me. “You know when he started texting me, the first person I thought to call was you. You have a way of making me feel safe.”

  “I want you to both feel it and live it, Brenna. You don’t have to live in fear. We’ll make sure of that.”

  Silence moved through the space, and I could feel her reservations, a new kind of heaviness moving through her heart. “You really think he did that to your apartment?”

  I studied her face. “You don’t?” I asked carefully.

  She lifted a shoulder. “The drugs changed him. He was so sweet to me when we first started dating.”

  Her voice had turned wistful. Filled with longing of that time. She shook her head. “He’s just fine when he’s not using, but when he does? He becomes rash and impulsive, and a lot of times it translates to aggression.”

  She blinked at me. “It’s hard for me to imagine him thinking to go to your place to scare you that way. Leaving those notes.”

  I set my hand on her knee. “People do crazy things when they’re desperate, Brenna. It’s part of the problem. The spiral. They dig themselves deeper and deeper until they can’t see a way out, and then they’re doing everything they can to fight it—change it—all the while they’re making the worst choices all over again.”

  “I just wish he’d go back to bein’ the person he was when he asked me to the dance in ninth grade.” Her bottom lip trembled. “I know you think it’s stupid. That we’re young. But there was a time when he really loved me and I loved him. We messed up. Did things too young. It got away from us. But we did love each other.”

  I took her hand and squeezed it. “I don’t think it’s stupid. Not at all. Don’t ever let someone tell you young love isn’t real. But sometimes things change. Things we can’t control. All we can control is the here and now—and right now—you and that little boy deserve so much more than what Caleb has been giving you.”

  “I know that.”

  “Good.” I blew out the strain that weighed heavily and stood. “What do you say I go get your little cutie so you two can get some rest?”

  “Tell me that man of yours didn’t feed him sugar,” she said, voice turning wry.

  “Man of mine?” I challenged, lifting my brow with a smirk. “I already told you he was a friend.”

  “Oh, come on, Miss Nikki. You pretty much have drool dripping from the corner of your mouth every time you look his way.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Uh-huh. And every time he looks at you, I’m pretty sure he’s picturing ripping off your clothes with his teeth.” She grinned and wiggled her brows. “I have to say, with a man who looks like that? I wouldn’t mind all that much having him fantasizing about me, either.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Hey, don’t go making any moves on my man.”

  She laughed. “See, told you so.”

  A giggle slipped out. It should have been impossible with everything that’d happened tonight.

  But I thought maybe . . . maybe some good things were finally coming together.

  “I’ll be right back,” I told her before I eased out the door and down the hall.

  Ollie had insisted he would get Kyle a snack while I helped Brenna get settled in the guest room. I’d left them with Kyle sitting on one of the high-backed stools, babbling something Ollie was clearly pretending he understood.

  Now I slowed, inching forward when I noticed all the lights had been doused, the open living space only illuminated by the lights that poured in from the windows.

  I peeked my head out at the end of the hall.

  My chest squeezed and my heart expanded.

  Oh God.

  This man.

  He was absolutely undoing me.

  He was sitting on the couch, Kyle fast asleep in his arms. The little boy’s thumb was in his mouth and his cheek was pressed to Ollie’s chest as Ollie softly patted his back, tattooed arms wrapped so protectively around Kyle’s tiny body.

  Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, and that old, old love burst free.

  No longer held.

  No longer bottled.

  “Hey,” I whispered as I inched out, keeping quiet so as not to startle Kyle.

  Ollie’s eyes popped open.

  And he smiled.

  He smiled the softest smile and it moved right through the center of me.

  “Hey,” he said. “He started to get fussy, so I walked him a bit before he fell asleep.”

  I nodded at him, unable to speak around the lump that formed in my throat. I moved that way and carefully pulled Kyle from his arms.

  Ollie stood behind me, and I walked down the hall, my knock quiet before I pushed open the door and brought Kyle to Brenna who was fixing a spot for him to sleep.

  I passed him to her. She gazed down at him, adoration on her face.

  And I felt it all around me.

  Adoration.

  Love.

  “Sleep well,” I told her.

  She just nodded, and I moved back out, Ollie waitin
g for me right on the other side of the door.

  He took my hand, and I followed him back to his room.

  He flipped on the bedside lamp, and I went directly into his bathroom. I washed my face, peeled off my jeans, and moved back out to where he lay on the bed.

  Wearing only his underwear.

  His big body sculpted of muscle. Covered in ink.

  But those eyes. They pierced me from across the room.

  I started for him, only to falter a step when my attention caught on what was on the other side of his room.

  A wall covered in pictures.

  Not just any pictures.

  It was pictures and newspaper articles and prints tacked everywhere.

  Layer upon layer.

  Sucking in a ragged breath, my eyes narrowed as I inched that way.

  Horrified.

  And somehow in awe.

  Sydney’s smiling face beamed from all of the pictures, her expression so free and full of belief.

  The way she’d always lived. What she’d always been so patient to instill in me when I’d always been the timid one itching to shed my sticky skin.

  There were a ton of pictures of the three of us. Playing. Laughing. Arms hooked over each other’s shoulders.

  Inseparable.

  But it was the newspaper articles that gutted me.

  So many of them were about her from the time when she’d gone missing.

  More of other girls.

  Cold cases.

  Kidnappings.

  Rapes.

  Murders.

  Strings were attached between some of them and notes jotted across others.

  Clues.

  Questions.

  A chill slicked down my spine and spread across my skin.

  Warily, I looked back at him. He’d sat up on the edge of the bed, his legs flung over the side, raking a nervous hand through his hair.

  “You’ve been looking for her this whole time?”

  He looked up at me, his voice quieted so Brenna wouldn’t hear. “What else could I possibly do? Forget? Give up like the detectives? Looking for her is the only thing I’ve ever had, Nikki. I can’t give up the hope that maybe, just maybe, one day I might find her.”

  My stomach twisted.

  A coil of misery and desire and affection.

  I looked back to the things that he had tacked to the wall. My fingertips reached out to flutter over the red woven bracelet with the charm inscribed with ‘fly’.

  It exactly matched the one I still wore around my ankle.

  Ollie’s piece.

  The third one would be forever missing.

  They say heartbreak isn’t physical.

  I believed it was a lie.

  Because I could feel it. Could feel his. Just as I could feel the same crack running right down the center of me. Everything adding up and becoming this weight I didn’t know how to bear.

  It was a rending of my chest.

  A splintering of my soul.

  Cautiously, I moved toward him.

  The space between us coming alive.

  Shimmering.

  Streaks of color.

  Flashes of light.

  Chemistry.

  Ours had been ugly for so long. Like a shadow hanging over us.

  Now, I waded through it like the gift it always should have been. I got down on my knees in front of him and pressed my hand to the side of his face.

  “Ollie,” I whispered.

  Like praise.

  Did he know? Could he possibly understand what I felt for him? What I always had? Part of me hated him for not seeing it. Or maybe it was just that I knew he saw it, felt it, and he’d rejected it anyway.

  Most of me understood it fully. The guilt he bore. His own bitter cross. The one marked over his heart that would forever bleed for his sister.

  In the dim light, those sapphire eyes captured mine.

  Emotion brimming over.

  So many questions. All the reservations and walls that were still there.

  The hurt laid out between us, and the love that had been the base of it all.

  He weaved his fingers through my hair. “Nikki.”

  My name was a breath.

  I smoothed my hands up his strong thighs.

  A ripple of need trembled through him. “Nikki.”

  This time it was a warning.

  I edged up and pressed a bunch of kisses across his wide, wide chest.

  “What are you doing?” It was a low grumble.

  “Taking care of you the way you took care of me.”

  His fingers sank into my hair, taking fistfuls as he tugged me back. “Don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “And why’s that?” I whispered, letting my kisses glide down his abdomen.

  Cut and carved.

  Perfection.

  His muscles twitched beneath my touch, and I felt him grow hard in his briefs.

  Earlier on the couch, I’d wanted him to take me. Desperate to feel him inside me again. That greedy place within lighting up with his touch.

  Wanting more.

  Wanting it all.

  But this?

  This was for him.

  “Because I don’t get this. I don’t get you,” he said, holding on tighter as if he wanted to push me away but couldn’t let me go.

  I edged up on my knees and pressed my mouth under his jaw. His short beard tickled my face, and there was nothing I could do but inhale, fill myself with this man.

  His pulse boomed, a thunder against my lips. I kissed down his throat and across his pecs, the massive muscles straining as he arched.

  Yearning to get closer, to receive it, while his broken spirit believed the only thing he deserved was to suffer this alone.

  “You already have me, Ollie. You always did. Did you feel me all that time?” I murmured across his hot flesh, my tongue licking out to taste. “I was right there. All along.”

  He grunted, and his hands fisted tighter in my hair, words grating as they hit the air. “I fucked it all up. I’m fucked up, Nikki. You deserve much more than what I’ve got to offer you.”

  “No, Ollie. You’re wrong. You don’t see yourself clearly. You don’t realize how amazing you are. You don’t realize the guy I see when I look at you. The guy I saw tonight.”

  The man who would have given it all for any of us.

  He was a masterpiece. Sculpted and carved and chiseled. Massive. Bigger than life.

  I wanted him to see he belonged in my life. The way he always had.

  Desire twisted my insides, and I caressed my mouth lower, over the fabric of his underwear where the head of his dick begged for me.

  “Nikki.” This time it was confusion. My name hanging like a precipice.

  So close to letting go.

  “It’s me, Ollie. Me. Lose yourself in me. I want to take care of you.” I peeked up at him and let a small smirk work to my face. “I think it’s only fair since I let you take care of me, don’t you?”

  A dark chuckle resonated in his chest, filled with restraint and lust. He brushed his fingers down the side of my face. “Think the only thing unfair right now is the way you’re looking at me.”

  My tongue darted out to wet my lips. “And how am I looking at you?”

  “Like I mean something.”

  I kissed across the definition of his hip, burying my nose in his skin as I muttered the words, “You mean everything.”

  He groaned, and he reached down and took me by the sides of the head, lifting me to look at him.

  Gently.

  So gently it shouldn’t have been possible for a hulking man like him.

  Beast.

  Old memories spun, and a wistful smile swam on my mouth when I took one of his hands and urged him to standing.

  The power of his need shook the walls. I could feel it radiating and crashing.

  I looked up at him, and he cupped my cheek. “Sweet girl,” he murmured, tracing his thumb under my eye. “I don’t want to hurt y
ou.”

  He kept looping back to that. Didn’t he know the only way he could hurt me was by letting me go?

  “I know, Ollie, I know.”

  I dipped my fingers in the waistband of his tight black briefs and began to peel them down. My heart raced, and my skin caught fire.

  Because his cock jumped free, bouncing in front of me. Every bit as intimidatingly beautiful as the man.

  Every previous encounter with Ollie had been a fumble in the dark. Teens sneaking around and the disaster at my apartment last year.

  This . . . this was Ollie and me. Both of us here. Present. No one to tell us we were doing anything wrong except for the guilt we both wore like a shroud.

  I saw when he flipped. When he stopped trying to resist this. Or maybe he just couldn’t any longer.

  Blue eyes blazed down at me with a lusty, harsh sort of desire.

  He gave a demanding tug at the back of my hair, voice muted, meant only for me. “You gonna let me have that mouth, Sunshine?”

  My heart beat frantically. Madly. Every cell in my body was swept up in the intensity.

  Stomach trembling, my tongue darted out and licked across his engorged head.

  He jerked, gritting his teeth as he tightened his hold in my hair. “Little Tease. Been teasing me all these years. Coming in my bar acting like we didn’t know each other. Talking to your friends like I might just be another conquest.”

  “It was the only thing I could do not to fall at your feet.”

  “Wanted to kill every guy I ever saw you with.”

  Hands running up his hips, I whispered, “You managed to chase them all away anyway.”

  He ran a thumb over my lip. “Couldn’t stand the thought of another man with you.”

  I didn’t think he understood the way I felt every time I saw him with another girl. As fleeting as they were, every time, it was the stab of a knife. Bleeding me dry.

  I took him in my hand. The velvet flesh was smooth on my palm, such a contradiction to the heavy, hard length that begged for release underneath. “I never wanted anyone else.”

  A shudder rocked him as I stroked him once. “Fuck.”

  I wrapped my other hand around him. Both hands running his rigid length as I pumped him, lightly at first, gathering the glistening bead at his throbbing head before I tightened and began to stroke him.

  “Nikki . . . you’re gonna kill me. Shit . . .”