They shot the last scene of the season in September on a beautiful Indian summer day. It was an emotional scene between the three lead women, and they all noticed that Lally hadn’t come in. She had been called off the set the previous afternoon when her partner called to tell her that her water broke. Their big moment had finally come, and Lally raced back to the city. She’d been going home to Brooklyn every night in case her partner went into labor. They had decided not to know the sex, and wanted a surprise. Lally had texted the associate producer at six o’clock that morning and all she’d said was that the baby had been born and weighed ten pounds.
“Ouch!” Maeve said when she heard about it. “Thank God my girls were small. I was on bed rest for seven months, and Thalia was two months premature. She weighed three pounds.”
“Stephanie was a big baby like that,” Kait said, and then looked sad, thinking of Candace. Everything led her to thoughts of her daughter. She was still struggling with the initial stages of overwhelming grief, but she was grateful for the distraction of the show. She would have been lost without it, and she was worried about what she was going to do during the hiatus. Kait dreaded it, and knew that her painful memories would find her there, and her loss, without the show to fill her time every day.
Kait had no firm plans yet for their months off, both her children seemed to be too busy at the moment to have her visit them, although she planned to, at a good time for them. Stephanie had just gotten a big new promotion, and Tommy was negotiating to buy another chain of restaurants for his father-in-law. And even her granddaughters had a million lessons after school every day. No one had any time. Instead, for the moment, Kait and Agnes had agreed to go to the theater together and catch up on some Broadway shows. Maeve wanted to spend all her time with Ian. He wasn’t doing well, and had taken a slow turn for the worse in the past few weeks. It was a huge relief to Maeve that filming was over for now.
Lally showed up at lunchtime, looking jubilant. “It’s a boy!” she shouted, and handed out cigars to the entire cast. It touched Kait to see her, and she remembered as though it were yesterday when her own babies were born. They were the happiest days of her life. Charlotte was terrified at the idea of a ten-pound baby that had been delivered naturally without drugs. She said she wanted a Cesarean so she didn’t have to go through labor, which Kait thought sounded much worse. And Charlotte was planning to have a boob lift when she finished nursing. She didn’t want it to spoil her figure or her perfect breasts.
“You really have to wonder sometimes,” Kait said to Maeve as they walked to her trailer.
“Actors are incredible narcissists,” Maeve agreed with her. “It never ceases to amaze me. Charlotte is more interested in her boobs than her baby. I can’t imagine her as a mother.”
“Neither can I,” Kait agreed.
“What’s the latest with Romeo and Juliet?” Maeve asked, referring to Dan and Abaya.
“They’re done. He’s off the show. It’s over. She’s going home to Vermont in a few days, after she does some reverse shots. She says she won’t give him another chance.”
“He deserves that,” Maeve said matter-of-factly. “He’s another one. The sole inhabitant of Planet Dan. I’m lucky Ian was never like that,” she said with a sigh. She worried about him all the time now, and her heart stopped every time her cellphone rang. “Any word from Nick Brooke?” she inquired discreetly, not wanting to pry, but they had all noticed how taken with her he was and how attentive. “He’s such a great actor, and a decent person. Ian loves him. He wants to see him when he comes back. He was having a couple of really bad days when Nick was here, or he’d have seen him then.”
“He’s back in Wyoming now.” She’d had a few texts from him and an email after he left, and enjoyed hearing from him.
“He’d be great for you,” Maeve said gently, knowing how private Kait was, and that her whole world was upside down after her daughter’s death, but in a few months, she’d feel better, and maybe have come to terms with it.
“My girls said the same thing when we met him in Jackson Hole last summer.” Kait smiled at the memory. “I don’t know.” She sighed. “He’s very appealing but I’m not sure I need the headache of a relationship. In a lot of ways, I’m comfortable alone.”
“Comfortable isn’t always a good thing,” Maeve reminded her. “We need a boot in the behind sometimes, though I can’t imagine dating again either. I know I won’t when Ian’s gone, I would never find another man like him, and I don’t want to.”
“I’m more in the situation of the adage ‘I miss having a husband sometimes, just not the ones I had,’ ” Kait said, and they both laughed as Maeve put all the personal belongings from her trailer into two big tote bags. A little while later, she drove back to the city and gave Agnes a ride, after they said goodbye to everyone. And feeling sad to leave, Kait drove home alone. It was going to be lonely without seeing her friends every day on the set, until they started shooting again, if the ratings were good and the show did well. Zack was sure it would be a hit, and Kait hoped he was right.
Chapter 15
Kait was going through a stack of papers on her desk after finishing her column. It felt like the old days, and as though the last months had been like a dream, especially the three months on the set. Her cellphone rang, and she saw that it was Stephanie when she picked it up. She hadn’t seen her since Candace’s funeral in August. She still wanted to visit her in San Francisco, but Stephanie and Frank were always busy, and so were Tom and Maribeth in Dallas. There was never a good time for them. Kait had thought of taking a trip during the hiatus, but it wasn’t fun traveling alone.
The reality of what had happened to Candace had begun to set in. Kait kept expecting her oldest daughter to call her from London, or picked up her phone to call her, and then remembered.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said to Stephanie.
“How are you, Mom?”
“I’m okay,” Kait said quietly.
“Sleeping any better?”
“Sometimes. It gives me more time in the night to do things and catch up,” she said wryly. Her nights had been short and painful since Candace’s death. People told her it was normal, although sometimes the agony of the loss was brutal. “What about you? How’s the new promotion?” She was proud of her as always.
“It’s good, it’s kind of an adjustment, but I like the money. Frank and I are thinking about buying a house together.”
Kait frowned as she thought about it. It wasn’t an idea she liked usually. She didn’t believe in commingling funds or making important investments with partners you weren’t married to. It hadn’t come up so far with the others. Candace had never had a long-term partner she was serious about at twenty-nine. And Hank had given Tom and Maribeth a ten-thousand-square-foot house on his estate as a wedding present, in both their names, so there had been no decision to make. Kait didn’t need to worry about him. And Stephanie still had a small trust fund from her great-grandmother that had enough left in it for a down payment for a small house, after she paid for her education, which had been expensive, but she had gone to great schools. Buying a house now would empty the trust, if the bank trustees would allow it. It wasn’t up to Kait, which Stephanie knew, but she wanted her advice. She always consulted her on major decisions, and Kait was flattered.
“You know how I feel about it. Investing in a house with someone you’re not married to is complicated. Why don’t you buy on your own? You could buy a condo.”
“We want a house outside the city, like the one we’re living in and renting now. And we can get a better house together. Frank’s dad said he’d help us.”
Kait didn’t comment for a minute, she still didn’t like the idea. Frank was a nice guy and they were well suited, but the way things were now, if they broke up, it would be relatively simple to dissolve their living arrangement. But buying a house could be a messy
situation if either of them wanted out. Stephanie didn’t think that was going to happen, but one never knew, as Kait had discovered. Although she and Adrian had parted on civil terms, and he had left her, she still had to pay him spousal support for a year after the brief marriage. You never really knew someone until you divorced or broke up.
“Frank’s dad told us pretty much the same thing. So we talked about it, and we’re going to get married, Mom. I called to tell you. Neither of us really believes in marriage, but it seems like a smart investment decision.”
Kait was shocked as she listened. “That sounds a little cold-blooded, doesn’t it? And not very romantic.” She was disappointed for her daughter.
“Marriage seems like an outdated institution to both of us, and it has a sixty percent chance of not working. Statistically, that’s not very attractive.”
Kait couldn’t argue with her but hated to hear her sound so blasé and negative about it.
“But it seems like it makes sense if we want to buy real estate,” Stephanie said practically. Kait had said as much herself, but not to convince her to get married.
“Do you want to be married to him?” Kait asked.
“Sure. Why not?” Stephanie said blithely. “We get along really well.” They’d been together for four years. “We’ll have a prenup of course, and a contract for the house. And we don’t want a big wedding,” Stephanie assured her.
“Why not?” Kait asked her, sorry to hear it sound so practical, and only motivated by the purchase of a house.
“I’d feel stupid in a big white dress, after living with him for four years. Besides, we both hate dressing up. We thought we’d go to city hall sometime at lunchtime.”
“Could I be there?” Kait asked hesitantly. It sounded like a depressing plan to her. She wasn’t feeling festive at the moment, but she wanted her only surviving daughter to have a nice wedding. But Stephanie had been gone from New York for a long time and no longer saw her old friends, and they seemed to have a very small social life in San Francisco, which consisted mostly of others who worked at Google.
“Sure. I guess we could get married at city hall in New York if you want. Like over Thanksgiving.” They were coming home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, for their mother. They knew the holidays would be hard on her after losing Candace. It had been Tom’s suggestion. “I’ll talk to Frank. We found a house we like, while we were on a bike ride on Sunday. The price is right, and it’s in pretty decent shape.”
It was all about the house for her. The rest was unimportant, and it really bothered Kait. She couldn’t resist saying something to her. “Steph, do you love him? Is he the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you want children with him?” All of that was way more crucial than a house.
“Of course I love him, Mom. I wouldn’t live with him if I didn’t. I just don’t think of it the way you do, as the be-all and end-all of life, guaranteed to last forever. And I don’t want kids with anyone, nor does he. Our work is more important to us.” She was honest about that and always had been, and she’d found a man who felt the same way. “Kids are more commitment than I’ll ever want to make. It’s too consuming. Look at you now with Candace, the heartbreak that is for you.”
It shocked Kait that Stephanie saw it that way, as a commitment not worth making because you might lose one day. “But I don’t regret having her for a minute, or any of you.”
“That’s nice, but it’s not for me, or Frank.”
Kait knew Candace had felt the same way. She had been far more dedicated to making her documentaries than she could imagine being to children. She was glad that Tommy didn’t feel that way.
“So what do you think?”
“I think you’re of a whole different generation of people who see things from another perspective. But I love you, and I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy, and we love the house,” she said simply.
“Would you marry him if you didn’t want to buy the house?”
Stephanie thought about it for a minute before she answered. “Yeah, I think I would. Probably not for a few more years, like when I’m thirty.” She was turning twenty-seven, and Frank was the same age, which seemed young to Kait, although she and Scott had been younger when they married and had kids, but that was a long time ago and the world had changed since then. Marriage didn’t seem to have the same meaning. “But I’d rather buy the house now, when the interest rates are low, and we found one we like.” She was a businesswoman above all, and not a romantic. There was no getting around it.
“Should I put the interest rates on the announcement?” Kait teased her, and Stephanie hesitated and then laughed.
“So what do you think about Thanksgiving, Mom? Does that work for you?” Kait realized that it might take the edge off the sadness of the holiday, although Candace hadn’t come home for Thanksgiving in years.
“That’s fine. Will Frank’s parents come?” Kait had never met them.
“No, they can’t come then. And they want to give us a party later in San Francisco. They know the plan. And they’re coming out in January.” Stephanie seemed satisfied with that, and she said Frank was too.
“Should we look for a dress? Do you want me to come out so we can shop for one?” She hoped that she’d say yes. It would be a good excuse to see her.
“I can’t, Mom. I’m too busy. I’ll see you on Thanksgiving. And I’ll figure out something to wear. I don’t want a white dress, and I can look online.” Shopping and fashion weren’t Stephanie’s strong suits, and didn’t matter to her.
After they hung up, Kait sat silently for a while, thinking about the conversation. It wasn’t what she had wanted for Stephanie, but Kait knew that her own ideas weren’t relevant. Her children had to do things their own way. Just as Candace had, right to the end. Maybe that was the message here, that they were each their own people, with their own ideas and lifestyles, and they didn’t have to be the same as their mother. Kait would have liked to see more romance in her daughter’s life, but that wasn’t who Stephanie was, and she had to do it her way.
What they wanted was to spend Thanksgiving together, and the day after, Stephanie and Frank would get married at city hall, in whatever she chose to wear, with only her family present. Tom and Maribeth had had a huge wedding, with eight hundred guests, thrown by her father in a massive tent with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, three different bands, and a singer flown in from Las Vegas. To each their own. And now it was Stephanie’s turn to do it her way, no matter what Kait thought of it, or what her dreams for her daughter were. At least Stephanie had called to tell her, and wanted her mother at her wedding. Kait was grateful for that. She thought about it and realized that she would have advised a mother who wrote to her column to go with the flow of what her daughter wanted. So she took her own advice.
Stephanie was a very modern young woman, with a mind of her own. It was what the TV series Kait had written was all about, modern women who tossed aside tradition and did what they believed in, in their own way. It was what her grandmother had done, out of necessity. The difference now was that women were doing it by choice. It made Kait realize that if she believed in the theory, now she had to stand behind her daughter. It was a brave new world for Kait, and not about her.
* * *
—
Kait called Maeve frequently to see how Ian was doing, and it seemed as though he started to spiral down at a rapid rate right after they stopped filming the show. They took him to the hospital with a respiratory infection, and after massive doses of IV antibiotics to stave off pneumonia, they had to put him on a respirator. He wanted to go home, so Maeve made it possible, with a respirator at home, double shifts of nurses, and her daughters’ help. Maeve sounded stressed when Kait spoke to her, and said he was slipping through their fingers. The inevitable couldn’t be reversed, and he slept a lo
t now. Maeve was sitting by his bedside night and day, trying to spend every moment with him, and she had a bed set up in his room, so she could be with him at night. It didn’t sound good to Kait, and she knew it wasn’t. Maeve had braced for the worst, and was relieved they were on hiatus. It was as though Ian had waited until she was, to begin drifting away.
A few days after they’d last spoken, Maeve called her at six in the morning. Kait had a sixth sense when she answered the call.
“He went peacefully two hours ago,” Maeve said, sounding strangely calm, as though the reality of it hadn’t sunk in yet. After losing Candace, Kait could imagine only too well what she was going through and how it felt. Although they’d had time to prepare themselves for Ian’s death, the loss was no easier than it had been for Kait, the sudden absence of someone that one loved and couldn’t conceive of never seeing or speaking to again, their voice and laughter silenced forever. Maeve would never again feel his arms around her.
The Cast Page 20