When he opened his eyes again, he was smiling. He leant down and kissed me, pulling my hand from his cock.
“Such a good girl,” he murmured against my lips.
And I was utterly lost.
All I want is him. I don’t care about anything else. I need James. He and I feel too right for it to be wrong.
Chapter Nineteen
James
Ellie was fast asleep, her hair fanning across the pillow. Even with one eye swollen shut, she was still so fucking beautiful. I couldn’t believe she was right here with me after everything she said on Saturday. The circumstances were less than desirable, but shit, the way she’d been looking at me in the shower like I was her everything. I couldn’t quite get over it.
After I’d washed her, dried and dressed her yesterday, I made her some tea and toast before putting her to bed. She looked exhausted. My poor girl had been through far too much.
Is she mine?
I had no fucking clue. We hadn’t really talked about it. I made my intentions towards her clear. At least I hoped I had. All the words I’d been meaning to say came out like fucking verbal diarrhoea. And when she told me I wasn’t unworthy of anyone, my heart felt the truth of those words. I’d actually believed her because of the sincerity in her expression and her voice.
This girl. In the months I’d known her, she’d changed my life in ways I hadn’t expected. Forced me to wake up and see that my affection towards my best friend was my crutch. It stopped me getting close to anyone and I liked it that way until I met Ellie. I wanted her to know everything about me. Even the parts I despised.
“Are you watching me?” she asked, startling me out of my thoughts.
Her good eye was open. Her face looked worse this morning, but Williams said it would take a few days for the swelling to go down.
“What if I am?”
“Well, if you want to stare at my horrible bruised face, then who am I to object?”
I leant towards her, kissing her forehead.
“Your face is not horrible. How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
She grimaced.
“Stiff and sore.”
I didn’t have anything else to give her this morning to help with the pain.
“I need to go down to the pharmacy to get your prescription. Will you be okay for ten minutes? I’ll make you breakfast when I get back.”
She reached up, running her fingers across my jaw. Her touch made me shiver. Her affection warmed my fucking heart.
“Yeah… I’ll be okay. I’ve been through worse.”
I knew she had. Didn’t mean I couldn’t take care of her now and make it easier on her whilst she healed. I wanted to. She was mine to protect.
You still need to ask her if she is yours, you know.
I told my brain to shove it. We could have that conversation later.
Giving her time to say no, I lowered my face to hers until our lips brushed. She closed the distance, kissing me. I didn’t want to reopen her split lip or anything, so I kept it light. Ellie wasn’t having any of it though. She wrapped a hand around my head and pulled me closer.
“Ellie, I don’t want to hurt you,” I mumbled against her mouth, attempting to pull back.
“Please… you’re better than any painkiller,” she whimpered.
Well fuck.
“When I get back, I’ll give you anything you want, sweetheart, I promise.”
There was a plea in her eyes when I sat up and looked at her.
“Can I get that in writing?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“You want me to sign my name to a promise to give you anything?”
She smiled, her sky blue eye glinting with mischief.
“Maybe.”
I pointed at her.
“I’m not falling for that trap. How do I know you won’t use it against me in the future?”
“You don’t.”
I shook my head, slipping out of bed and walking over to my cupboards to get dressed.
“Those are supposed to be for promises we know we can keep.”
Grabbing a t-shirt, jeans and socks, I started pulling them on.
“So you’re saying you won’t be able to give me anything I want… I thought I came first to you.”
That made me pause.
“So you were listening yesterday.”
“I heard what you said. I just needed to process.”
I pulled my t-shirt down and turned to her. She was still laying there, the covers pulled up to her chest with an uncertain look in her eyes.
“And have you?”
“I don’t know.”
I nodded slowly, walking over to the bed and sitting down so I could pull my socks on. She could take her time. Rushing into things was never a good idea. I wanted Ellie, but I wouldn’t push her. She had to come to a decision on her own terms.
“I won’t be long,” I said as I stood and grabbed her phone from the bedside table, tossing it to her.
I made sure to pick up her prescription from the coffee table in the living room before I left. By the time I got back, I was laden with shopping bags. As usual, I had fuck all in the flat so I nipped into the local shop after checking with Liora what she wanted me to get for dinner later.
After putting everything away, I made tea and brought that, her painkillers and the pastries I’d got for breakfast through into the bedroom on a tray. Ellie was sitting up against the headboard on her phone, which she put down when she heard me come in. I popped the tray down on the bed and sat next to her.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Breakfast in bed for my invalid patient.”
She batted my shoulder.
“I’m not an invalid.”
“I beg to differ.”
She snagged one of the pastries and bit into it, groaning in delight. I opened up the bag with her painkillers, read the instructions then popped out two pills from one packet and one from another for her to take.
“Hopefully these will make you feel better,” I told her as I dropped them into her hand.
“All of this is making me feel better,” she replied, waving at the food and tea.
We ate in a companionable silence and I took the tray back out into the kitchen when we were done. Ellie was fiddling with the cover when I got back.
“We should talk.”
I sat back on the bed feeling a little tense because whenever someone said that, it usually wasn’t good.
“Okay.”
She didn’t meet my eyes, her hands fisted in her lap around the covers.
“I need to ask you something.”
I waited, but she didn’t speak further.
“You can ask me anything, Ellie, you know that.”
She released the covers and looked away towards the windows.
“Do you still love her?”
I should’ve known that question was coming. It was the one thing I hadn’t really brought up yesterday.
“Are you asking if I’m still in love with her or do I just love her? Those are two very different things.”
“In love with her.”
“Then the answer is no.”
Her head whipped around and she winced at the movement. Her face betrayed her confusion.
“No?”
“No…” I reached out, taking one of her hands. “Let me explain a few things about Avery and me. What happened when we were teenagers wasn’t one-sided. I needed her just as much as she needed me. It was at the time Dante started acting like a dick and leaving me to fend for myself with Dad. Even though we no longer lived with him, he still managed to constantly put me down, and there was this expectation that I would join the company regardless of what I wanted. The only person I had who knew the truth was Avery.”
Ellie’s fingers slipped between mine, clutching my hand tightly.
“She had her own bullshit with her parents. I had mine. It was t
he release we found with each other which somehow helped us navigate through those two years. Then she wanted to date this guy, Peter, from Uni and I was okay with it because I knew deep down it couldn’t last forever. Didn’t mean it hurt any less. Then she went missing after her parents were shot dead. I went out of my mind over it. My dad was worse than ever and my best friend was gone.”
I looked down, finding my heart pounding wildly in my chest.
“When she came back, she wasn’t the same. Something significant changed for her. It had everything to do with Aiden. I saw it straight away. That she was in love with him. Avery hadn’t ever looked at anyone the way she does with him. So I took my broken heart and I buried it, all the while using it as an excuse never to get close to anyone. I didn’t want anyone to see my damage. How everything my father did and said made me hate myself so much sometimes I felt like I was dying on the inside.”
When I looked back up at Ellie, I found her good eye glistening with unshed tears.
“It’s only now I know that really, Avery was my crutch. Meeting you made me realise I’ve not needed that crutch in a very long time.”
She was silent for a long moment, stroking her fingers down the back of my hand with her other one.
“You know what I think?”
“Hmm?”
“You said before that she started it… she initiated things.”
“Yeah, she did.”
She blinked and then really looked at me, her good eye fierce and intense.
“What she did fucked up the dynamic of your friendship. Not saying this was on purpose, of course, but she made you rely on her for that comfort and escape from the shit in your lives. It started on her terms and ended on them too. It doesn’t sound like she ever thought about the effect it had on you when she decided it was over. She took away the one thing you relied on even though you clearly still needed it at the time.”
I stared at her. Honestly, I’d never thought of it like that.
“I don’t know her, so I’m in no position to judge her actions, but what she did was fucked up because of what it did to you. How it made you feel all this time. Especially since she knew all about the shit your father did to you.”
My heart felt tight. As harsh as her words were, they weren’t exactly wrong. What happened between Avery and me was fucked up. I never saw it as anything but a complete mess which I felt entirely responsible for. Except, in reality, it was never all my fault and Ellie just confirmed that.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said that,” she continued, looking away.
“No, don’t apologise. I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me the truth, Ellie. It wasn’t all her, it was my fault too.”
Tugging her hands away, she rubbed the good side of her face.
“I didn’t mean to sound like I was blaming her… I know you’re both responsible. Just don’t like what it did to you is all.”
I leant towards her, capturing her face and turning back towards me.
“Because you care?”
Her good eye met mine.
“I think I care too much,” she whispered. “You promise you meant what you said, about me being first?”
“Why would I ever lie to you, sweetheart?”
The honest truth was I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else but Ellie now she was in my life. She was everything I never knew I wanted.
“I’m terrified of how much I need you.”
Need. Not want but need. Ellie needed me.
“I’m right here. I’m yours if you’ll have me. Just say the word. Tell me you’re mine.”
Ellie didn’t speak for the longest time. Her eye was intent on mine as if searching for something in me. Did she think I wasn’t telling the truth? Did she have any idea how desperate I was for her? All for her. Her sweet nature. The purity of her little soul even though darkness lurked within her too.
“I want to be yours,” she told me, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Then say it. Tell me.”
Her lips parted, a breathy little pant expelling from her lungs.
“I’m yours, James.”
If she wasn’t hurting, I would’ve crushed her to me but I didn’t. I stroked her cheek with my thumb.
“Stay here.”
She blinked as I pulled away and got off the bed. I padded out into the kitchen, digging through the drawers until I found a bunch of napkins from a party I had ages ago. I tugged one out, grabbed a pen and wrote on it before signing my name.
I carried it back through to the bedroom and dropped it in her lap before sitting next to her again. Ellie picked it up, frowning as her eyes scanned across it.
I promise to keep you safe.
I promise to never let anyone come between us.
I promise to always put you first.
I promise to be yours for as long as you’ll have me.
James Benson
She carefully placed the napkin on the bedside table before turning to me, grabbing me by the face with both hands and pulling me towards her until our noses brushed together.
“Does this mean we’re together now?” she asked.
“That’s what I was hoping.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Everything you’ve done for me… but most of all for making me happy.”
My heart got all tight in my chest all over again. This girl made me feel all kinds of things I’d never experienced before.
“Will you let me kiss you now?”
She didn’t respond because her lips were on mine and all other thoughts went out of my head. I ran my tongue over her split lip. She whimpered in response but didn’t pull away. No, Ellie’s hands dropped from my face and she tugged me closer.
“You’re still hurt, sweetheart,” I told her as I pulled away slightly.
“Then just be gentle.”
I groaned, shaking my head. She had no idea how fucking tempting she was. How much I wanted to peel away her clothes and bury my cock in her tight heat. I wouldn’t though. Not the day after she got beaten up by her father.
My phone ringing made me pull away completely and grab it off the bedside table. I winced when I saw who it was.
“I have to take this.”
“Who is it?”
“Avery.”
The look in Ellie’s eyes made me want to pull her into my arms and tell her she had nothing to worry about, but I couldn’t.
“Hey,” I said as I answered.
“Are you okay? What happened yesterday?”
I raked my fingers through my hair with my free hand.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I ran out on you guys like that. Are you and Aiden okay?”
“It doesn’t matter about me, what happened to you? You said your friend was in trouble. What friend? Are they okay?”
I was going to have to tell Avery about Ellie regardless of whether I was ready to or not.
“No, she’s not okay, but she’s safe now.”
“She…”
“Yes, Ave, she.”
I watched Ellie carefully. She was staring down at the covers, her fingers bunched in them again. She was nervous and I could hardly blame her. Whilst I wasn’t exactly happy that my girl wasn’t a fan of my best friend, it wasn’t like I could really do anything about it. Ellie didn’t know Avery yet. She only knew what I’d told her about our past. Avery and I weren’t the same people we were back then.
“I knew you were hiding something from me.”
“I came over yesterday to explain, but then you had your shit with Aiden and I didn’t get a chance to. Have you two sorted it out yet?”
I heard her sigh.
“No. We haven’t. He’s taking Afie to Tina’s so I’m waiting for him to come back. Will you tell me now?”
I reached out, taking one of Ellie’s hands and giving it a squeeze. I didn’t let go.
“I met a girl.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, she’s special. Really fucking special, Ave.”
Ellie looked up at me, her cheeks stained red.
“And you kept this a secret?”
“I wasn’t sure if anything would happen between us. I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”
“This isn’t a Cassie situation all over again, is it?”
I frowned.
“What? No, of course not. Why would you even ask that?”
“You’re not exactly giving me much to go on here.”
I sighed, running my thumb over the back of Ellie’s hand.
“Ellie, her name is Ellie. She’s smart, strong and incredibly beautiful.” And I’m totally falling for her, but I don’t want to scare the shit out of her so I can’t tell you that.
“And?”
“And you just have to meet her to find out the rest.”
“James!”
I shrugged when Ellie raised an eyebrow at me.
“What?”
“Honestly, it’s like pulling fucking teeth getting anything out of you.”
I heard a door slam in the background.
“You’re just nosey.”
“Am not.”
“Who are you talking to?” I heard Aiden’s voice filter through the phone.
“James. He just told me he has a girlfriend.”
I hadn’t exactly said that, but Ellie and I were together, so I suppose she was my girlfriend. I’d never really called a girl that before. What we shared seemed more than that though if I was honest.
“Well, good on him. You and I need to talk.”
“I know, just give me a minute… Sorry, I have to go, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to tell me everything.”
I rolled my eyes. I doubted I’d ever get out of that even if I wanted to. Avery was like a dog with a bone sometimes.
“Yeah okay, I’ll talk to you later,” I said.
“Love you.”
“Me too.”
I put my phone back on the bedside table and cupped Ellie’s cheek. She gave me a sad smile and it tugged at my heart.
“You never told her about me.”
Well shit. I knew this would come back to bite me in the arse.
“Are you mad?”
“No… I just don’t understand why.”
“I’m not going to make any excuses. I should’ve told her before… The first person I told was Liora, right before I saw you on my birthday. The thing is, I knew back then I wanted you, but I didn’t think you liked me that way.”
Promises Page 20