Hating the weight of lost hope, he’d suffered the rest of that day’s journey in a disheartened state. When they’d arrived at the posting inn, he’d given Louise her privacy, retreating to his own room in order to contemplate his fate. By morning, his depression had turned to fury, and he’d left the inn with one clear intention in mind – to have an honest talk with Gwendolyn and then to confront his brother.
The first part had gone surprisingly well, and he was now ready to argue with Langley in whatever way was necessary in order for things to play out to everyone’s advantage.
“Really?” Langley asked. He was looking out over the lake where his grandchildren skated.
“Did it ever occur to you that we might want to marry other people?”
That comment seemed to grab his brother’s attention. He turned his hard blue eyes on him and frowned. “Have you formed an attachment, Alistair?”
Swallowing, Alistair crossed his arms. His eyes settled on a nearby tree. “Not precisely,” he said, since the woman he wanted had so adamantly refused him.
His brother snorted. “I didn’t think so, though I was hoping you might have. Forcing your hand was never my intention.”
“Really?” Alistair looked at him with incredulity. “Insisting I marry or forego my stipend was not an attempt to do so?”
Langley’s frown deepened. “What I hoped was that it would give you some incentive to do as I’ve been asking you to do since you turned thirty. You’ve had three years in which to find a wife. Surely that’s enough.”
“Perhaps, but I was reluctant to settle down with someone I felt nothing for.”
Sighing, Langley shifted his weight so he faced Alistair more fully. The hair that had once been a dark shade of brown was now threaded with grey, but that did not distract from his power. “I know this is going to be difficult for you to believe, all things considered, but I’m doing this for you, because it is what I believe to be in your best interest.”
“You’re right,” Alistair murmured, “I do find that difficult to believe. You’re only trying to secure the title. You had no sons of your own, so you want me to give it a shot whether I want to or not.”
Smiling, Langley stared straight into Alistair’s eyes and shook his head. “You’ve judged me harshly if that is what you really think.”
“Am I wrong?”
Allowing his gaze to slide away from Alistair’s, Langley looked out across the lake. “Your mother and I are both in our fifties. You have no other siblings and no close family besides my daughter and her husband and children. Which means the day will come when you will be faced with a lonely existence. If you live to be as old as I, you’ll have seventeen years to get through on your own. Your niece has her own family to occupy her time, so while I’m sure she will always welcome you for the occasional visit, you cannot rely on her to give your life meaning.”
“It would never occur to me to do so.”
“And I doubt your friends will have much time for you either,” Langley continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “As far as I know, they’re all members of the aristocracy and faced with their own responsibilities. From what I hear, Gratford and Townsend are already setting up their nurseries, while Everton has recently gotten himself engaged. Before you know it, you’ll be the only bachelor left, and what then?”
Rankled, Alistair gave a shrug. “I’m sure I’ll find a mistress with whom to divert myself,” he said, for the pure sake of being argumentative.
Langley blew out a breath and stuck his hands in his coat pockets. “The point is, I want you to be surrounded by love and laughter, to know what it’s like to hold your children in your arms and feel their kisses upon your cheek. And I will take comfort in knowing that you will be happy.”
“Then let me pick the woman of my choosing.”
Scoffing, Langley slanted a look in Alistair’s direction. “Does such a mythical creature exist?”
It was Alistair’s turn to surprise his brother. “Yes. I believe she does, and if happiness is what you want for me, then you’ll give me your support.”
Avoiding Alistair required more skill than Louise would ever have imagined. She’d thought the house big enough to prevent their paths from crossing, but somehow, whenever she passed through a hallway, he’d materialize before her, forcing her to turn on her heel and hasten away in the opposite direction before he could say something gut-wrenching, like, “How do you do?”
Four days passed like this, and twice she had to say she’d promised to show the children something before hurrying from the room right after he entered. After that, she’d remained upstairs in her bedchamber unless she was busy with lessons.
“Tomorrow will be Christmas Eve,” Lady Channing said when she sought her out one afternoon. “We would like to invite you to join us for supper.”
“That’s really kind of you, but—”
“You cannot refuse,” the countess told her. “I shan’t permit it.”
“In that case, I will be happy to attend,” Louise lied. “Thank you.”
She’d then waited for the countess to leave before putting on her coat and boots. A brisk walk in the frosty outdoors was what she needed. But as she made her way along one of the paths, she found the peaceful silence to be the most devastating thing in the world. It left her alone with her sorrow, filling her mind with him—the intensity of his gaze, the dimples at the edge of his mouth, the passion with which he tore down the boundaries between them and opened her eyes to a promise she dared not let him fulfill. She’d fallen in love with a man she could not have, and the pain of it was tearing her apart.
Yet she would now have to sit at the dining room table with him. She would have to smile and laugh and pretend she was enjoying every torturous moment. The thought of it led her back toward the house on heavy feet. She climbed the service stairs and drifted along the corridor. When she reached her bedchamber, she stepped inside and closed the door. She then drew an anguished breath and began removing her coat.
“Chasing you has become a tedious process, Louise.”
Startled by Alistair’s voice, she spun to her left where she found him reclining in the armchair next to the fireplace. “You can’t be in here!” She glanced around at the room as if to ascertain that she hadn’t entered the wrong room by mistake. “It isn’t proper.”
Tilting his head, he allowed his gaze to appraise her. “No it isn’t, but apparently it is necessary if I am to speak with you at all.”
“I thought we said what there was to say in the carriage,” she told him, hoping he’d leave.
Instead, he stretched out his legs as if getting more comfortable. “You might have done so, but I did not say nearly enough.”
Turning away from him, she hung up her coat and then clutched her hands together. “Please leave,” she whispered, without daring to look at him further. “If anyone finds you here I’ll lose my position.”
The sound of seat cushions shifting beneath his weight caught her attention. He was standing. A pause followed and then the muted tread of shoes upon the carpet. Next came the touch of his hands upon her shoulders. “Don’t.” The word was wrought from her chest on a sob of despair and she felt herself tremble against his touch. “I cannot bear it. I simply cannot.”
“Then marry me, Louise.” His hands smoothed over her arms, nudging her closer until she felt his solid form against her back. “Tell me you love me as much as I love you and that you will be my wife.” Shocked into silence, she tried to make sense of his words. “Come,” he whispered gently. “Let’s end this state of torment we are in and follow our hearts.”
“But…but…” Was this really happening or was it a dream? “What about Gwendolyn? What about your brother’s threat?”
“You know I meant to avoid marrying Gwendolyn either way. You also know I meant to do so by finding a way in which to increase my income. And so I have.”
“That’s…wonderful.” She blinked as she stared up into his handsome face.
/> “There’s a new club opening in London,” he explained. “I wasn’t aware of it until Langley mentioned it to me this afternoon.” His throat worked as though he was struggling with what to say. “Turns out all he wanted was for me to be happy.”
Frowning, she tried to wrap her head around that. “I don’t see how forcing you to marry someone you do not want to marry was going to accomplish such a goal.”
“I’ll explain it all later. First, you ought to know, before you commit to anything, that I have asked him to remove my stipend. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet, which means life might not be as easy as I would like it to be for a while, but eventually, it ought to improve. I’ll still support your sisters. That goes without saying. My affairs aren’t as bad as all that.”
“Speaking of which…” Moving away from him, she went to pick up yesterday’s newspaper. “I found something that might be helpful to you.” She handed it over and watched while he read the text to which she pointed..
“Eastern European wine?”
“It’s just an idea, but the article says they’re much cheaper than the French wines and equally good. The journalist even describes some sweet varieties as tasting like nectar. I just thought it might be worth looking into.”
“And so it is,” he murmured. “I cannot believe you continued to think of this, that you kept on trying to find a business opportunity for me.”
“I just wanted to help.”
He stepped toward her. “Because you care about me?”
“I…”
“The truth is in your eyes, Louise. Please tell me you’ll spend the rest of your life with me.”
“But…” Oh, how she wanted to say yes. “My father was not well respected. Everyone knows he died a drunk. To attach yourself to me would only harm your reputation. You cannot possibly—”
“My brother knows all of this and has given us his blessing. With his support and our love for each other, we can weather whatever storm comes our way. I’m absolutely certain of it.”
Blinking, she tried to gather her thoughts, which was proving to be increasingly difficult now that his hands were smoothing down over her arms. “What about my position? What about—”
“Say yes, Louise. The rest will sort itself out.”
And she knew deep in her heart that he was right and that as long as they had each other and his family’s approval, they stood a chance of true happiness together. So she allowed her eyes to meet his. “Yes.” Joy washed away her pain to leave a smile upon her lips. “I love you, Alistair, and nothing would please me more than being your wife.”
“We’ll have to see about that,” he told her gruffly. And then his mouth descended on hers, unleashing all the pent-up passion he’d been holding back since the moment they’d met in his study.
5
Surrendering heart and soul, Louise wrapped her arms around Alistair’s neck and pressed her chest to his. Lord, it felt wonderful! So did the feel of his hand moving over her back and the press of his lips against hers. If a woman could melt, she believed she would do so at any given moment.
But then his lips parted, and she was no longer in danger of melting but of catching fire.
“Just follow my lead,” he murmured.
So she did, tasting and touching as he did. Her hands slid over his shoulders, testing their shape beneath the wool of his jacket. Then down over his back and around his waist. He did the same, though perhaps with more skill and daring. His palm now rested against her breast, and the way he was kissing and touching her… It made heat curl its way through her until she found herself consumed by an inexplicable need. It was like hunger, but not for food – for something different and unfamiliar.
It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before, and it was wonderful! And when he pressed up harder against her, the urgency building inside her expanded until a desperate plea for more was forced from between her lips. He answered it by trailing kisses along her neck and down over the wide expanse of skin that rose from beneath her neckline. There, with his face nestled against the top of her breasts, he expelled a rough breath and, to her great frustration, went utterly still. “Louise.” His murmured words tickled her skin.
“Yes.” She raked her fingers through his hair, encouraging him to continue.
But he didn’t. Instead, he muttered a curse before pulling back. When his eyes met hers, they bore a strenuous look of hard-won control. His arms, still wound around her, trembled as he leaned back further and finally spoke. “We should wait.”
Louise felt her entire body contract with appalled displeasure. “What?”
His jaw clenched, and he was suddenly gripping her harder. “I have refrained from seducing you – from ruining you – for the past two weeks, Louise. It wasn’t easy. In fact, considering all the opportunities with which I was presented, it felt bloody impossible at times. And yet somehow I managed to be the gentleman I’ve been raised to be.” Lowering his arms, he took a step back, adding distance. “To ruin that now in a hasty moment of weakness would be a mistake.” Swallowing, he closed his eyes briefly before opening them again. “I don’t want us to start our life together with a mistake. You deserve better than that.”
“Thank you, but I—”
“We deserve better than that. Which is why I insist we wait until after the wedding to consummate our union.”
Was he serious? His determined expression suggested he was. “That will be at least three weeks if we marry locally. Longer if we return to London.”
“Is that where you wish to get married?” His voice was hoarse. “I suppose you would like for your sisters to attend.”
“I honestly haven’t really considered it yet, since I’m still getting used to the idea of getting married. But waiting a couple of months seems rather infuriating.”
He smiled in response. “It would be a trial for both of us, I suspect.” Growing serious once more, he said, “I also refuse to make you mine here beneath my niece’s roof. Even if no one found out, it would still feel disrespectful and wrong, which is the opposite of how I want it to be.”
“I suppose so,” she agreed with some reluctance.
He touched his hand to her face, tipping her chin so she would meet his gaze more directly. “There is the option of procuring a special license. My brother can take care of that for us, if you like. Or we could go to Scotland.”
“We could be husband and wife within a few days.” As much as she wanted her sisters to be present, the idea of starting her life with this man as soon as possible also felt incredibly right. So she nodded, thoughtfully at first and then with greater assurance. “I would welcome a marriage license for Christmas.”
She was back in his arms before she could draw breath again, succumbing to his kisses and his whispered words of thanks. “I will see to it immediately then,” he promised when he released her once more. Eyes twinkling, he stepped toward the door and took one last look at her before opening it. “And I will promise you that you will not regret your decision. We’ll visit your sisters immediately after the wedding.”
Alistair second-guessed his insistence to take the honorable path at least a thousand times in the days that followed. It didn’t help that Louise began dressing more like a young lady ought and less like a stuffy old spinster. But as soon as the news of their engagement had spread to the rest of the family, Lady Channing had whisked Louise off to a seamstress after declaring the soon-to-be Lady Alistair ought to be dressed in silk instead of coarse wool. And if Alistair had thought his niece would protest over having to give up her newly acquired governess, he’d been wrong. Not even his brother was as thrilled as Lady Channing was to welcome Louise into the family.
The two had quickly become fast friends, sharing confidences over tea until Alistair felt the need to drag his fiancée off to a private room somewhere so he could have her for himself. Which was probably what Lady Channing suspected him of wanting to do, for the woman stuck to Louise’s side like glue, d
enying him any chance at all of stealing a kiss or two.
Which was probably for the best since a kiss would not be enough at this point. In fact, he was beginning to fear he might grab a pistol and shoot someone by the time his wedding day rolled around. But as he stood in the church that morning, tapping his foot, as if doing so would speed things along, he also felt a surge of great satisfaction. Because now, when he finally took her to bed, it would be the most anticipated moment of his life – a prize unlike any other – and an unforgettable moment to be cherished forever.
Wearing a pink silk gown with a fur-trimmed velvet spencer to match, Louise came toward him at a quicker stride than a bride was expected to use when walking up the aisle. Her smile was wide and exuberant, her eagerness to reach him expanding his heart until he was overcome by anticipation and joy. She was everything he’d been looking for – her presence in his life more valuable than anything else in the world – and she would be his in another few minutes.
The realty of it struck him when she reached his side and placed her hand in his. Her hazel-colored eyes reflected the contents of her heart, the sincerity and love assuring him that marrying her was the best decision of his life. Faintly, in the background, he registered the reverend’s voice asking him if he would have Louise to wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony. “Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”
“I will.” His voice was loud and clear, as was hers when she said her vows. Other words were spoken before the reverend finally handed Alistair the ring for him to place on Louise’s finger. He did so swiftly, barely waiting for their union to be confirmed before pulling his wife into his arms for a kiss that resulted in loud cheers and clapping from those who’d gathered to watch.
The Governess Who Captured His Heart (The Honorable Scoundrels Book 1) Page 7