I only managed to make it about three steps before hard fingers closed around my upper arm. "Don't," I shouted—no, begged. Even I could hear it in my voice.
The fingers on my arm gentled slightly but didn't loosen enough for me to pull free. I stood there frozen, head down.
Unable to escape.
"Lex," I heard Gideon say. His voice was much like it had been when he’d found me in my cabin. "Try to slow your breathing, okay?"
Easier said than done. I closed my eyes and thought about Con and the breathing exercises he'd have me do at night when he'd find me thrashing in my bed because of a violent nightmare. But it only served to make me miss my brother even more. I choked back a sob and tried desperately to breathe around the lump in my throat. A good minute went by before I heard a soft voice near my ear and felt a hard body pressed almost flush with mine. It was then that I remembered Gideon and the fact that I was standing half naked in a room in his house, not back in some foster home being reminded that I was only a paycheck.
"I want you to count with me, Lex," Gideon said gently. I swore I felt his fingers brush over my temple, but there was no way to be absolutely certain. My lungs hurt from the effort of trying to draw in enough air. I knew I wasn't really dying, but it sure as hell felt that way. My heart felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest and my body felt overly hot.
"One," Gideon said. When he repeated the number, I remembered his gentle demand to count with him. It wasn't until he said the number a third time that I tried to choke it out. When he said the next number, I was a few beats behind him. By the number five, I was counting with him and I noticed that he was leaving more and more of a pause between each number. I matched my exhales to one number and my inhales to the next and repeated the pattern until Gideon finally stopped counting around fifty. I felt wrung out and confused.
That lasted for a good minute before I realized I was still pressed up against Gideon’s hard body. He felt warm and strong and I found myself curling into him for a few seconds before I caught myself and jerked away from him. Thankfully, Gideon released me without further argument.
"Stay here and I'll go check if your clothes are dry," Gideon bit out after several moments. His voice sounded strained. I expected him to just leave me standing there, but he actually led me back to the bed and urged me to sit. A warm, furry body pressed up against me the moment I did. I found myself letting Brewer comfort me as I waited for Gideon to return. My body automatically tensed up again when I heard his footsteps. I closed my eyes because I didn't want a repeat of the previous events when I saw his form closing in on me. It was still something I hadn't gotten used to. Just months earlier, people had still retained their shape when I’d looked at them. I hadn't been able to distinguish them, but at least I hadn’t confused them for monstrous-looking blobs of dark and light.
"Here," Gideon said as he placed something in my hands. It most definitely wasn't my dress shirt and pants. It felt like a pair of sweats. I found myself turning my face toward him.
"Your clothes aren’t dry yet. Those have a drawstring, so they should fit you well enough."
Gideon's footsteps retreated. Every instinct within me was telling me to let him go, but I found myself asking, "Why are you being kind to me?"
The footsteps stopped and I found myself wishing I had the guts to open my eyes. But I wouldn't be able to find him and make him out. Not when he might be standing around something like furniture or a door. The last thing I wanted was to have a conversation with an armoire or something. Sadly enough, it had happened before. Fortunately, I'd been with my assistant, Angie, and she'd covered for me with the potential investors who’d witnessed the fiasco.
When Gideon didn't answer I found myself saying, "Is it because I'm blind?" Never in a million years would I have guessed myself capable of being so blunt. But Gideon was the first nonmedical person I'd had to deal with since learning that my blindness was irreversible. Maybe it wasn't right, but using him as a barometer of sorts would provide a picture of what I could expect in the years to come.
"Is that the first time you’ve said those words?" Gideon asked instead of answering me.
I felt heat crawl up my neck. I swallowed hard and nodded. “How did you know?”
“You move like someone who’s only just begun to lose their sight. You have no confidence in yourself and your ability to adapt to your surroundings.”
His bluntness shocked me into silence.
I heard him move again, but this time his footsteps were coming back in my direction. I was still sitting on the bed, so when he reached me, I didn't need to see him to know that he was looming over me. I heard him shuffle and shift his weight and sensed rather than saw him lower his body so he was crouched in front of me.
"Open your eyes," Gideon commanded.
That's what it was.
A command.
I'd given thousands of orders to hundreds of people in my business over the past decade, so I knew what a command was. And I knew when not to ignore one. I opened my eyes and was greeted with a dark shape. He was right in front of me.
"In answer to your question about why I’m being kind to you… I think you're a rude son of a bitch," Gideon said simply. His words caught me completely off guard. He was right, of course, but I hadn't been expecting him to confront me on my behavior. "That said, I'm being kind to you because I'm not big on kicking a man when he's already down."
"I'm not—" I began, but when his fingers touched mine, I snapped my mouth shut in surprise. Heat and electricity raced up my arm. I wanted to tear my hand away but found myself unable to move. I opened my mouth to tell him that I wasn’t down but stopped when he put something in my hand.
“I found this on the coffee table in your cabin.”
It took only a second to identify the object as paper, but my brain took a lot longer to process what any of it meant. When it did, everything just hit me all at once and I did what I always did when my fight-or-flight instinct kicked in.
I chose flight.
Chapter Four
Gideon
I’d expected him to deny or try to explain the contents of the note I’d pressed into his hand. Hell, I was even prepared for him to tell me to go to hell and shut down. What I hadn’t been prepared for was for him to shove past me, knocking me on my ass in the process and causing me to hit the side of my head on the nightstand next to the bed. I instinctively tried to ward off the attack I thought was coming, but when Lex stumbled past me, I realized he was just trying to escape.
“Fuck,” I groaned when I righted myself. I could feel something warm trickling down the side of my face, but I didn’t give myself any time to dwell on the injury. I was too concerned for Lex. I knew he wouldn’t get far but the layout of my house was tricky and there were a hundred ways he could easily hurt himself. “Lex!” I called as I climbed to my feet. My head spun a bit but I managed to keep myself upright. I heard a crashing sound from the area of the living room.
“Lex!” I shouted in concern when I heard glass breaking. I raced to catch up to the young man, ignoring the trail of destruction he’d left in his wake. A few of the pictures in the hall were lying on the floor and the small runner was askew. One side of the living room was in the same condition, though this time there was more debris on the floor where Lex had knocked over a small side table my lunch dishes had been sitting on. I could only hope that Lex hadn’t cut himself on the broken glass.
I caught up to Lex as he reached the side door off the kitchen. “Lex, wait!” I called, but he didn’t stop. I wanted to kick myself for confronting him about the note. My ex had often said I pushed too hard when I wanted the answers to something. That trait had cost me everything but here I was doing it yet again.
“Lex, the stairs!” I called helplessly when I realized he wouldn’t see the porch steps.
Right after he disappeared from sight, there was a soft thud and I knew he hadn’t heard my warning or it had come too late. Fear lodged in m
y throat as I rushed out the door.
“Lex!” I yelled when I saw him lying in the snow at the foot of the steps. It took just seconds to reach him but they felt like some of the longest moments of my life. “Lex,” I called again when I reached his side. I was relieved to hear sounds falling from his mouth but when I realized what they were, my heart broke for him.
He was crying.
Not just crying but sobbing. The note, the one with the words forgive me scrawled on it, was clutched in his hand.
“Lex,” I said softly as I touched his shoulder. He automatically jerked away from me. It made no sense that his rejection stung. “Lex, I need to know if you’re hurt,” I said. I scanned his body but didn’t see any obvious injuries. “Does anything hurt?” I asked as I leaned over him.
He didn’t answer me. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence. I quickly stripped the sweater I was wearing off so I could settle it over his legs. Brewer had followed us outside and was anxiously pacing back and forth around Lex’s head. He stopped to lick Lex now and again, but the young man didn’t seem to notice the animal’s attention. I debated what to do. It was clearly too cold for Lex to be lying half-naked in the snow for any length of time, but I wasn’t sure I could get him to respond to me long enough to get him back inside.
“Lex,” I said again as I leaned over him. I risked running my thumb over his temple just to get his attention. To my surprise, he didn’t pull away.
“Lex, can you stand?”
No answer.
I repeated the question, but Lex remained silent. He was no longer vocal as he cried but tears continued to slip down his cheeks. It was only when his body began to shake that I made a decision. As soon as I started to work my arm beneath Lex’s body, he whispered, “Don’t.”
I paused. “I have to, Lex. You can’t stay out here—”
Lex turned his head so his eyes, his beautiful, unseeing eyes, met mine. “Don’t tell them I was afraid,” he said so softly it was hard to hear him. “Don’t tell them I was afraid, Gideon.”
If he hadn’t said my name, I would have sworn he was somewhere else in his head because he sounded so damn vulnerable. I didn’t ask who “them” was because it wasn’t important. I simply said, “I won’t, Lex,” and then I began to lift him to his feet.
Lex winced but managed to stifle whatever cry he’d been about to let out.
“Where does it hurt?” I asked as I wrapped my arm around his waist.
Lex just shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said. He sounded stronger, though he was clearly hurting. I tried to check the side of his body that he’d been lying on, but I couldn’t see much. But when I looked down at his feet, I saw spots of bright red blood in the snow.
“Did you cut yourself?” I asked as I remembered the broken dishes in the living room. Since I would have noticed blood on his hands right away, I could only assume he had some cuts on the bottom of his feet.
“S’okay,” Lex responded, his teeth chattering.
“Hell it is,” I bit out, then I leaned into him and put my right arm along the backs of his knees. I scooped him up before he could protest.
Which he did anyway.
“I can walk!” Lex insisted, his voice husky from crying.
“What’s your point?” I asked as I carefully made my way to the steps.
“I’m too heavy—"
“I doubt you’re any heavier than you were an hour ago when I carried you to and from my truck after you fell asleep at your place. So shut up and be still,” I said. “Not risking you cutting your feet worse or getting them infected.”
He wasn’t overly heavy. Granted, he wasn’t light either. I figured I had some extra adrenaline helping me out with getting him back into the house and to my room. It had been a long time since I’d been as scared as I’d been when I’d looked down the steps to see Lex’s still form crumpled at the foot of them.
Once I got Lex settled on the bed, I helped him adjust the blanket to cover his lower body. He hadn’t lain in the snow long enough for the few clothes he was wearing to have actually gotten wet, but he was definitely chilled.
“Stay here,” I said firmly. “I’m going to get something to fix up your feet,” I added in the hopes that would get him to stay put. The man definitely had a stubborn streak and the last thing I wanted was for him to try and take off on me again.
I hurried to the bathroom to look for the emergency kit I kept on hand, then went to the kitchen to get some water and soap. Thankfully, Lex was where I’d left him when I returned to the room. His eyes shifted in my direction but didn’t stay on me long before he dropped them.
I knelt in front of him and said, “I need to take a look at your feet, okay?”
Lex nodded.
I made quick work of cleaning and examining his feet. “I don’t see any glass in the cuts and I don’t think you need stitches, but we’ll need to keep an eye on them so they don’t get infected.” As I spoke, I began applying topical cream to the injuries.
Lex winced a few times when I worked on some of the deeper abrasions, but he didn’t say anything. Once I got his feet bandaged, I stood and said, “Why don’t you lie down for a bit? I need to clean up a few things.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond, mostly because I was eager to escape his presence and the strange feelings that went through me when I was around him.
“You’re not going to ask me about it?”
Lex’s question had me stopping. I turned to look at him even if it wasn’t necessary since he clearly couldn’t see me well enough to know whether I had my back to him or not. “Ask you what?”
The young man, who I estimated to be in his late twenties at the most, hesitated. “About the note,” he finally responded.
I had a million questions about the note that, based on his earlier reaction, I was now sure was a suicide note. And I had a million things I wanted to say to him about it. Like had he even considered what his death would do to his family and friends? Or were things really so bad that he saw no other alternative than to take his own life? I could have spent hours ranting and raving at him for his selfish decision, but it was for exactly that reason that I kept my mouth shut. It was none of my business. He was none of my business. Even though I had this weird desire to protect him, to shield him from the world’s cruelties, I couldn’t do it.
I wouldn’t.
The last time I’d tried to help someone fight their demons, I’d lost the only things in my life that had mattered to me… that had made my own life worth living.
My only obligation to the man sitting in my bed was to fix him up and send him on his way.
“No,” was all I said before leaving the room. I took my time cleaning up the mess in the hallway and living room and then went to the kitchen to make a sandwich. I snagged a bottle of water and made my way back to my bedroom. Something about knowing Lex was lying in my bed had little butterflies dancing in my belly. I had no interest in trying to figure out why that was, so I ignored the sensation.
That was my intention, anyway.
So much for intention…
Because the second I walked into my room, the first thing I noticed was what I could only classify as a shapely ass peeking out from beneath the comforter. My breath hitched in my lungs and my dick tightened painfully in my pants.
I was so stunned by my body’s reaction that I dropped the plate with the sandwich on it. The bottle of water slipped free too.
“Gideon?” I heard Lex ask in confusion as he turned over. Brewer was busy chowing down on the food I’d dropped.
But I didn’t care.
It’s because his ass resembles a woman’s. That’s all.
I repeated the argument over and over in my head even as my throat closed up tight.
“Gideon?” Lex repeated. There was a hint of fear in his voice. I was shamefully glad he couldn’t see me because I couldn’t pull my head out of my ass long enough to figure out what the fuck was going on. Lex sat up and began to pus
h the comforter aside completely.
Terrified that my body would react to his very unwomanly frontside the same way it had his backside, I snapped, “Don’t get up!” When Lex flinched and fisted his fingers nervously around the comforter, I tried to gentle my voice as I added, “There’s food everywhere.”
There wasn’t because Brewer had gulped the sandwich down in a couple of swallows, but Lex wouldn’t know that. I felt like an asshole for lying to him and using his inability to see against him, but I needed to get a grip on my goddamn body that had suddenly gone completely haywire. “I, uh, need to, uh, go make another sandwich,” I murmured lamely as my eyes settled on Lex’s throat of all places. The sight of the definitive Adam’s apple should have had me running for the hills but all I could think about was what it would feel like beneath my fingers.
Jesus Fucking Christ!
“Back soon!” I practically yelled, then I turned so fast that I tripped over Brewer in the process. Luckily, I didn’t step on him but I did land hard against the doorjamb as I caught myself from falling.
I practically galloped to my bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me. I even locked the door behind me as if that would somehow keep the unwanted feelings away.
Hurrying to the sink, I turned on the faucet and shoved my hands beneath the icy water. I splashed my face once and then started scrubbing at my skin. The cold liquid seemed to settle some of the itchiness I was feeling and helped me catch my breath. But when I looked in the mirror, I let out a ragged laugh at what I saw.
My face was flushed red and my eyes looked wild. There was a cut where my hair met my forehead that had likely happened when Lex had inadvertently knocked me into the nightstand. The blood that had trickled down my face was gone, so I couldn’t blame my red cheeks on it. And the paltry injury couldn’t explain away the heat that was still radiating out from my belly.
Foreseen: Lex (The Four Book 2) Page 4