It was slow going and I had no sense of what part of the room I was in, or even what kind of room it was, but when Brewer suddenly pulled away from me, I felt completely abandoned. But the dog hadn't gone far. In fact, he stopped right in front of me and sat down, preventing me from taking another step. I was so relieved that the animal hadn't left me that I dropped my hands and praised him. "Okay, buddy, let's keep moving," I murmured as I tried to take another step forward. The reality was that I needed to find one room in particular to answer the call of Mother Nature. It was most definitely something I didn't want to have to ask for Gideon's help with.
But Brewer refused to move and when I tried to walk around him, the dog blocked me again. All of a sudden, I felt sharp teeth close around my hand. I yelped and yanked my hand back. I expected Brewer to follow through on his attack, but there was nothing but the sound of his tail thumping on the floor. I held my hand protectively against my chest. Once the shock of Brewer's behavior wore off, I focused on my hand and realized that it didn't actually hurt. I felt along the skin but there were no marks of any kind, no blood either. Why in the world had the dog grabbed me? Had I done something to upset him? Was he not liking me wandering around his territory?
"I think he's trying to help you," I heard a voice say. Once I got past being startled by the voice, a wave of relief and pleasure went through me.
Gideon.
The knowledge that he was still here held way too much weight with me. I tried to remind myself that of course he'd be here, it was his house. But somehow knowing he hadn't left me eased something inside of me. It didn't even bother me that he'd somehow managed to sneak up on me without me knowing.
"Help me?" I asked.
I heard footsteps approaching. "There's a table directly in front of you. Brewer is between you and that table."
I thought about how the dog had moved from my side to in front of me to keep me from moving forward. I flexed my hand. Had he really grabbed it because he was trying to maneuver me around the table? It seemed far-fetched for a dog. Still, the dog hadn't hurt me. I found myself dropping my hand to where it had been when Brewer had grabbed it. I was greeted with a cold nose and a wet lick. I found myself chuckling and petting the big animal.
"Try taking a step forward," Gideon murmured. He was off to my side somewhere. Strangely enough, his presence helped dissolve the remaining tension in my system. I took a step forward only to have Brewer's teeth once again close around my hand. This time, I forced myself not to yank it away. There was very little pressure as Brewer held my hand in his mouth. I stood there, not knowing what to do. Before I could ask Gideon how to react, I felt Brewer tug my hand. It didn't hurt in the least. I gave in and took a step in the direction the dog was trying to get me to go. One step, then another, then another. It was slow going, but amazingly enough, I didn't run into a single thing as I followed Brewer in a semi-circle, presumably around the table I'd been about to run into.
"I'll be damned," Gideon said.
Brewer released my hand a moment later but stayed by my side. As before, when I took a step, Brewer stayed pressed up against me. I stopped and glanced in what I hoped was Gideon's direction. "Has he ever done this before?" I asked.
"No," Gideon said. "He'll grab my hand to get my attention, but that's it."
I knelt down so I could get closer to the dog and then I gave him a good rubdown on his face. "Thank you, boy," I said. I was rewarded with several sticky dog kisses. I kept my hand on Brewer's head as I stood.
"How are you feeling?" Gideon asked. Normally, when someone spoke to me, I had a habit of dropping my eyes so I wouldn't be looking in some random direction because I wasn't able to pinpoint the person's exact location. It was my way of covering up for my disability. But I found myself looking for any shape that could potentially be Gideon so I could be talking to him.
"Okay," I said. "What time is it?"
"It's almost six p.m."
So I’d been asleep for several hours. "Are you hungry?" Gideon asked.
Surprisingly, I was. But even if I hadn't been, I needed to get back into the routine of eating on a regular schedule so I could get my blood sugar regulated again. "Yes," I said. "You can just take me back to my cabin, I'm sure I can find something. The power will probably be back on soon anyway, right?"
There was a long silence and then footsteps. I focused on the sound rather than the shapes I couldn't really make out. It seemed like Gideon was to my left and was coming closer to me. A strange, nervous energy came over me as I stood there waiting. I remembered my earlier reaction to him when he’d confronted me with the note I'd left for my brothers during my weak moment with the insulin. This time, though, none of that fear was there.
It really didn't make any sense because it wasn't like I had suddenly come to know Gideon any better. The fact was, though, that he’d had every opportunity to hurt me and had done nothing but help me instead. I remembered how he’d carried me up the porch stairs and to his room with very little effort on his part. As gruff as he was, he'd still only been kind to me. Yeah, he’d called me a few names, but they weren't anything I hadn’t deserved. I had been selfish and rude.
"The power’s back on at the cabin, but it will take several hours for it to heat back up. Some of the food in your fridge is probably still okay, but some is probably spoiled. You’ll want to check it before you eat it."
I heard what he didn't say. How was I going to check it if I couldn't see it? But that wasn't his problem, so I simply nodded my head and said, "Okay."
"Here," Gideon said right before he pressed something into my hand. It was two somethings, actually. Both my controller for my insulin pump and my phone. "They're both charged," Gideon said.
"Thank you," I murmured as I held the familiar objects. The phone felt both good and bad in my hand. Part of me really wanted to turn it on and call my brothers, but that was exactly why it also felt bad. Nothing had changed. I wasn't ready to reach out to them just yet.
Gideon must've seen how I was holding the phone or something because he said, "Call them, Lex."
I knew he had no way of knowing about my brothers, but I figured he was referencing them as a whole. He wouldn't understand why that wasn't an option yet. "Would it be too much trouble to ask you to take me back to the cabin now?" I asked. "Or is there a car service like Uber that I can call?"
There was a long beat of silence and then Gideon said, "The only car service out here is Old Man Mitchum's and trust me, you don't want to call him."
"How come?" I asked.
"Because the man is ninety-seven years old and doesn't own a car."
I found myself smiling as I envisioned an old man showing up at the door to offer me a ride in his nonexistent car. I absently wondered if Gideon was smiling too. But there was simply no way to know and when he didn't say anything, the awkwardness between us grew and the familiar discomfort came back.
“So would you be able to give me a ride?” I repeated. I waited for him to respond to my question, but he remained silent. My sense of helplessness grew and grew and the anxiety that I'd been feeling earlier in the day came back with a vengeance. I told myself to stand my ground and just wait for him to make the next move, but when he didn't, I felt my breathing start to increase. Brewer whined and pressed his nose into my hand.
"Lex," Gideon began, but I cut him off.
"Are you doing it on purpose?" I asked. I hated how shaky my voice sounded, but I was just so damn frustrated.
"Doing what?" Gideon asked.
The fact that he didn't even seem to realize what he was doing only served to upset me even more. He was either being extremely manipulative or completely clueless. I couldn't make sense of either behavior considering how sensitive he'd been earlier in the day. "Never mind," I choked out. I took a step forward, then another. Thankfully, Brewer stayed with me. The dog gave me the confidence I needed to keep moving.
"Where are you going?"
"Home," I snapped in response to Gide
on's question.
"It's not safe there for you yet," he said.
"I'll take my chances," I responded bitterly.
"So what's your plan? Try to find your way home in the dark with no clothes on?" Gideon asked, his voice dry.
"Fuck you, Gideon," was all I said in response. I quickened my pace because I needed to get away from the man before I completely let loose on him. I needed to get back to my cabin so I could get my bearings and figure out what to do next. I'd rather return to the city than deal with the asshole who seemed to be enjoying toying with me.
"Hey," I heard Gideon call behind me. Brewer began to whine anxiously, but I didn't slow my pace even a little when the dog moved away from me. "Lex, wait," Gideon said. His voice was louder now and I could hear his heavy footsteps on the wood floor, so I knew he wasn't that far behind me. That instinct to get to someplace safe where I could protect myself kicked in and I began moving even faster.
Which made me careless.
My hip hit something hard and it was all I could do to stifle a cry of pain. But I kept moving.
"Lex, stop, the floor is uneven—" I heard Gideon say, but the rest of his words were drowned out as I tripped over something. I threw out my hands to try to catch myself, but it was wholly unnecessary because strong fingers closed around my upper arms and yanked me backwards. I slammed into something hard and only realized it was Gideon's chest when his fingers bit into the biceps of both arms.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gideon snapped. "It's like you have no sense of self-preservation!"
His words served only to piss me off and I found myself turning and shoving hard at his chest. He seemed surprised and actually released me. "You're what's wrong with me," I yelled. "One second you're helping me and the next you're mocking me."
"Mocking you?" Gideon asked.
"I can't fucking see you, Gideon!" I shouted. I knew my anger was over the top, but suddenly Gideon had become the target of all my rage and anger. "Do you have any idea what it's like to stand in the middle of a room you don't know and not be able to even figure out which direction the goddamn bathroom is in?" I asked. "Every step you take is a risk. And then you've got this guy who won't fucking talk to you. And if he doesn't talk, you can't figure out where he is. And if you don't know where he is, and he doesn't talk, you have no idea what's happening. You don't know if he's looking at you with disgust or disdain. You don't know if he's angry or if he's laughing at you. Hell, you don't even know if he’s still in the fucking room."
I paused only long enough to draw a breath. There was a dark shape in front of me that I could only assume was Gideon. "You can't see any attacks coming so you can't even run. You can't laugh because you can't tell if the other person thinks something is funny too. I'm twenty-seven years old, Gideon. I'm twenty-seven and it feels like my life is over. I know that doesn't make sense to you—"
I snapped my mouth shut when Gideon suddenly grabbed me again. I was shocked when he pushed me back several steps until my back hit the wall behind me. I tried to protect my face with my arms, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the wall. I was completely at his mercy and it terrified me.
"Your life is not over, do you hear me?" Gideon practically yelled in my face. "And I sure as shit wasn't mocking you or trying to make you feel off balance. Did it ever occur to you that I don't know how the hell to respond to you? I don't talk, Lex. To anyone. From the moment I found you this morning, all I wanted to do was get you out of here so I could go back to my nice, quiet life!"
His declaration actually stung. But I shoved the emotion away and said, "Then just let me go, damn it!"
He went silent again, which I hated with a passion. I wanted to see his eyes so I could know what he was feeling. I struggled to free myself from his hold, but he just tightened his grip and barked, "Stop it."
The command was firm and unyielding, but strangely enough, I wasn't afraid of it. The fact that I could waffle between being frightened of him and feeling safe around him made absolutely no sense. But this was yet another one of those moments where I felt oddly safe. Like the closer I was to him, the more I could read him even when he didn't speak. In some ways, it was almost comforting. My anger began to fade the longer we stood there like that. His fingers weren’t touching my skin, but they might as well have been. My body began to react to his proximity and I suddenly remembered that I hadn't bothered to put on the sweats he'd given me because I'd only intended to search out the bathroom, not have this kind of confrontation with him.
With my blood quickly heading to the lower part of my body, I swallowed hard and said, "Let me go." It wasn't actually an order like his had been. No, there was too much desperation in my voice for that. I felt my dick begin to harden inside the snug boxer briefs I was wearing. If Gideon felt me getting an erection around him, it would be game over. "Gideon, please, you have to let me go," I choked out.
The response that followed left me giddy and horrified at the same time.
"I can't."
Chapter Six
Gideon
I didn't even know how it happened. I'd gone from watching Lex's expression soften when I’d talked about Neil Mitchum's penchant for wanting to give people rides around town without the benefit of a vehicle to do it with to witnessing the outburst that had followed. And now here we were with me holding him against the wall pretty much against his will, and no matter how many times I told my fingers to release him, they wouldn't follow through on the order.
I’d spent the better part of the afternoon working to make it so Lex could go home to the cabin he was renting. I'd made sure the generator was still going so the place would start heating up and then I'd located Lex’s insulin pump controller so I could get it charging. Then I’d gone searching the area around the generator for his phone. By the time I’d found it, the power had kicked back in and I'd been able to get the generator turned off and reset for the next time it would be needed.
I'd also spent a considerable amount of time trying to make it easier for Lex to move about the cabin without risk of hurting himself. I'd moved smaller pieces of furniture closer to the walls so he wouldn't trip over them and so they’d be there for him to brace himself on as he moved around. I'd also used some double-sided tape to make sure the edges of the few area rugs in the cabin were secure. I'd gotten rid of the smaller ones altogether so there was no risk of Lex tripping on them. I'd also righted the kitchen and plugged in the phone I'd grabbed from one of the other cabins into the landline on the first floor so Lex would have access to a telephone both upstairs and downstairs.
The entire time I'd worked to make it so I could get Lex out of my house, I'd obsessed over whether or not he was okay. I hadn't even been gone that long, but the sixty minutes had felt like sixty days. I'd left Brewer at home so Lex wouldn't feel scared when he woke up, but I'd still been concerned about him. When I’d gotten home and found him standing in the middle of my living room, still wearing only his underwear and my sweatshirt, I hadn't liked the flurry of emotions that had gone through me.
Primarily relief to see that he was okay.
But also that strange, not entirely uncomfortable sensation that came over me as I took in the lines of his body. That was why I'd been so silent. I’d been trying to make sense of what I was feeling, and the truth was hard to accept.
I was attracted to him.
I’d tried really hard to pass off my perusal of his body as if I was looking at it from a photographer's perspective, but there was no denying how my dick reacted to the sight of him. While I'd been preparing Birch Cabin for his return, my brain had decided it was a good time for me to remember some things that I hadn't given enough weight to in my past. Particularly, that Lex wasn't the first man I'd taken extra notice of.
While I'd only ever considered myself attracted to women, there had been a few times when I’d noticed a guy who was particularly fit or good-looking. Again, I’d passed it off as me wanting to see the man through my photographer’
s lens, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe it'd meant something completely different.
I'd been with my ex since we'd been teenagers, so there hadn't been any other lovers besides her. Sex outside of my marriage hadn't been something I ever would've considered, even when my ex and I had separated. I'd noticed plenty of women and been attracted to them, but I'd never acted on it. And while I might not have necessarily given the same level of attention to another man, I had to wonder if maybe I'd worked just a little too hard to make excuses for why my eyes would sometimes linger on a particular guy or why his cologne or his voice would be something I'd hang on to long after he was gone.
Now, with my body almost flush with Lex's as I held him against the wall, there was just no denying what I was feeling. Lex had thought I was ignoring him just to be cruel, but I hadn't been ignoring him at all.
What I'd been doing hadn't been much better, though. I'd taken advantage of the fact that Lex couldn't see me studying his body and how I reacted to it. I’d started with his feet and worked my way up his legs. I'd waited for the knowledge that they were hairy instead of smooth to turn me off, but all I’d wanted to know was what they would feel like. I’d wanted to trace the shape of his calf muscles with my fingers. His thighs were slim but muscular and I'd had this image of them gripping my hips as I lay on top of him. My eyes had dwelled far too long on the bulge in his underwear. By the time I’d gotten to his abdomen, I’d been sweating and hard and doing my best not to close the distance between us so I could use my hands to examine the rest of his body.
Foreseen: Lex (The Four Book 2) Page 6