Since I'd made Gideon come, I’d just assumed our lovemaking session was over, so I was surprised when he began pressing kisses against my throat and then over my collarbone. "Gideon, you don't have to…"
Gideon paused and I instantly got nervous. The whole talking when I shouldn't thing came back into play and I wished I’d just kept my mouth shut. But at the same time, it would've killed me to have Gideon reciprocate out of sheer obligation.
"Don't have to what?" Gideon asked. His voice held that familiar tone like he already knew the answer to his own question.
"Nothing," I mumbled. "Sorry."
The longer Gideon didn't speak or move, the more nervous I got. And the more nervous I got, the more I felt the need to flee. I was in the process of trying to discreetly shift my body out from underneath his when he said, "Lex—"
That was all it took to set me off. Just him saying my name a certain way. I wasn't even upset with him; I was mad at myself. Mad for screwing up something that had otherwise been so perfect.
"You don't have to get me off, Gideon," I bit out. "I know it's your first time with a guy, but it's different."
"Different how?" Gideon asked. I tried to move again to get out from underneath him, but he used his heavier weight to hold me down.
"For guys it's just about the getting off. Usually I take care of myself at the same time that I'm…" I could feel the heat in my cheeks building as I struggled to find the right words. But there were none.
"You take care of yourself?"
"Yes!" I said in exasperation. Why wasn't he getting it?
"When they're done, guys are just done. Tops don't always—"
"Tops?" Gideon interjected.
"The guys doing the fucking," I explained. For once, I was glad I couldn't see the expression on his face. Not only was I having to give him an impromptu how-to-be-gay lesson, I was doing a piss-poor job of it.
"When a top comes, it's…" I sighed and said, "Can we just forget the whole thing? Let me up, please."
But since Gideon was Gideon, he didn't move. "So what you're telling me is that if the guy who is fucking you comes first, your pleasure isn’t really important?"
I sighed. "No… Well, yes, I guess. But it's not really like that. It's just that…"
"It's just what?" Gideon asked softly.
This time, though, I held my tongue. Truth was, I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say anymore. I just felt like an idiot for opening my mouth in the first place.
"Lex—"
"See, Gideon, this is what I do!" I snapped. "I fuck things up. I talk too much in bed and I don't say things right and the guy I'm with doesn't really want to hear…"
"Hear what, baby?"
The endearment had my heart pounding furiously in my chest. "You shouldn't call me that," I murmured, even though I’d meant to order him not to call me that. I liked it way too much.
"I shouldn't call you what, baby?" he asked just as gently.
I growled and then tried to shove at his shoulders. "Let me up."
"No," Gideon responded simply. "This gorgeous mouth of yours,"—Gideon pressed a kiss over my lips—"turned my legs into jelly, so I don't have the strength to chase after you. And I sure as shit am not letting you go."
"Gideon," I said sadly. He kissed me again, effectively silencing me.
"The other thing about this mouth is that I love everything that comes out of it." His lips skimmed mine again. "I don't know what kind of assholes you’ve had the bad luck of meeting before, but I doubt the gay guy handbook says anything about the top guy getting off while the bottom guy is on his own. I watched some videos on the internet, Lex. I definitely saw a lot of the guys on the bottom getting their happy ending."
"Those videos are—"
"Hot," Gideon interjected. "And if you insist on telling me that they're fake, then you're not watching the right ones." Gideon's mouth hovered against mine as he added, "I think you and I are going to need to watch one together so I can describe to you what's happening in great detail."
Before I could respond, Gideon's mouth closed over mine and he kissed me so deep and so well that my toes actually curled. The hard-on that had started to wane the more Gideon and I had talked came back with a vengeance. I forgot all about the fact that Gideon and I weren't seeing eye to eye on this particular issue. By the time Gideon tore his mouth from mine, I was desperately grinding my hips against his. I still, sadly, had pants on while Gideon didn't. I really, really needed to do something about that.
But with Gideon's heavy weight on top of me, there wasn't much I could do. I couldn’t even get my hand between our bodies so I could jerk myself off. Even trying to rub one out by sliding my clothed dick over his naked one was doing nothing to ease the coil of tension in my belly.
Gideon kept on kissing me and while his lips would occasionally trail down to my chest, neither his mouth nor his hands drifted lower than my belly. I couldn't control the little whimpers of frustration bubbling up from my throat.
"Gideon," I pleaded as I moved my hands down to his ass. Since most of the guys I'd been with had always taken me from behind, I'd never gotten to play with their backsides unless I'd been blowing them, and even then, a few of them had been iffy on having any kind of contact back there. Gideon's ass was pretty epic, so it was hard to keep my hands to myself. But no amount of squeezing got him moving against me the way I wanted.
The deep, hungry kisses that Gideon had been bestowing on me eased considerably. They were replaced with soft butterfly kisses that I would've loved any other time, but not at the moment. "Gideon," I ground out as I once again tried to get him moving.
"Tell me what you want, Lex," Gideon breathed against my mouth.
I shook my head because I couldn't do that. I couldn't tell him what I really wanted.
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Gideon asked.
I swore that a gallon’s worth of pre-cum leaked out of the head of my cock just from the way Gideon said the word “fuck.”
I nodded eagerly.
"Say it," Gideon demanded. Then he pumped his hips against mine once. Only once.
"Yes!" I cried out and then I dragged his mouth down to mine. I tried to make him move against me again, but he was steadfastly still. I felt like my entire body was breaking apart into a million pieces because I was so desperate to come.
"Is that really what you want?" Gideon asked as his lips closed first over my upper lip, then my lower. My body began to shake violently and I shook my head.
"Tell me, baby," Gideon whispered. "Tell me what you want, Lex."
It was too much. It was all too much. I wanted to tell him that I never asked for things anymore because I couldn't stand the disappointment of not getting them.
I’d wanted the men I’d been with to give me pleasure because they’d wanted to, not because they’d felt obligated to.
I'd wanted Grady to love me for me, not the money I'd spent on him.
I'd wanted all those foster parents to keep me because I'd been worth keeping, not because I'd come with a monthly check.
But I'd asked for those things before and the answers had always been the same.
You're not our real kid, Lex.
You're not worth a real relationship, Lex.
You're just a one-night stand, Lex.
You're not the person I really want to be with, Lex.
"Gideon," I cried, hating the hot tears that began to stripe down my face. "Please. Please make me come! I need you! Please!"
Before I'd even finished begging, Gideon's mouth was on mine and his nimble fingers stripped my jeans clean off my body. It took just seconds for his flesh to come into contact with mine. "Wrap your legs around me," Gideon demanded as he linked his left hand with my right one and held it above my head. I did what he said and wrapped my legs around his waist. His right hand slipped beneath my backside and gripped me hard. He held me in place as he began grinding our dicks together. The friction had me seeing stars and the coil inside of m
e grew tighter and tighter, frightening me with its intensity.
"Gideon!" I called. "Harder, faster!" I demanded. He gave me exactly that. I wrapped my free arm around his back and held on as the tension grew and grew until I was sure I would snap in two.
"Come for me, baby," Gideon demanded against my mouth. At the same time, he slipped his finger between my crease and brushed it over my hole. I screamed as the orgasm ripped through me. It was so violent that it almost bordered on painful. I saw only darkness behind my eyelids even though my eyes were open, and for once, I welcomed it. Every nerve ending came alive as my body jerked and thrashed beneath Gideon's weight. I could feel the heat of my own release pooling on my belly and dripping down my cock. Gideon continued to thrust against me as his finger played with my opening, prolonging the orgasm for what seemed like an eternity. When my body finally stopped jerking, I sank into the mattress, dropping my arm from Gideon's waist and letting my legs fall open.
I was aware of Gideon's lips pressing kisses to my temple, my cheeks, my mouth. But I couldn't return any of them. I felt wrung out.
By the time I came back to myself, it could have been minutes or hours for all I knew. Although I still remembered every word Gideon and I had exchanged during our little semi-fight, I was just too damn happy to make an issue of it. The reality was that I’d told Gideon exactly what I’d wanted, and he’d given it to me without hesitation. Even now, I could feel Gideon's hardness against my own flaccid dick, so I knew he hadn't come. It would've been easy enough for him to push himself inside of me and get himself off while getting me off too, but he'd made the last several minutes about my pleasure and only mine.
"You okay?" Gideon asked as he pressed those now much-wanted butterfly kisses against my mouth.
I nodded. I waited for him to mock my earlier argument that it wasn't okay for me to expect things when it came to my lovers, but all he did was continue to cherish me with his mouth and his hands.
"Good," he said after a long pause. He left the bed only long enough to grab a wet washcloth which he cleaned us both off with, then his mouth was on mine again. "You ready for round two?"
Chapter Twenty-Two
Gideon
Lex’s eyes actually bugged out just the tiniest bit before he opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But then he slung his arm around my neck and dragged me down for a kiss. Despite his clear exhaustion, he kissed me with fervor as his hands roamed over my back.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” he murmured against my mouth when his feet rubbed against the jeans that I still had wrapped around my legs. Before I even had a chance to agree, Lex was pushing at my shoulders. I gave in to his silent command and rolled onto my back. Even though he was lighter than me, it was still strange to have a substantial weight pressing me into the mattress. Serena had barely weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet, so I wasn’t used to the feel of anything heavier. Not to mention the other not-so-subtle differences like the body hair and well-defined muscles.
And, oh yeah, the rapidly filling dick that was mashed up against mine.
I loved every single one of those differences.
Especially because it was Lex’s sweet body that was covering mine.
I slid my hands down to cup his tight ass as he kissed me. I willed my eager cock to settle because I didn’t want a repeat of coming like a horny teenager who couldn’t control himself. But Lex wasn’t making it easy. He’d seemingly gotten sidetracked in his effort to rid me of my remaining clothes and was currently working his way down my body. When his mouth got precariously close to my dick again, I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him back up. Then I rolled him beneath me and covered his mouth with mine as I kicked my jeans the rest of the way off.
“I would have gotten there eventually,” Lex complained as his fingers skimmed down my sides.
“No, you wouldn’t have,” I responded. I ground my hips against his when he opened his mouth, presumably to protest. He let out a harsh groan instead and then his fingertips were biting into my shoulder blades.
“Fuck, Gideon,” he cried out when I did the move again.
I could feel Lex’s dick against mine, so I knew he’d be ready to go again in no time. I had every intention of going into that abyss of pleasure together this time around, but I also wasn’t going to rush it. I had yet to truly explore Lex’s body the way I wanted.
I stopped grinding against him and captured his complaint before he could voice it. This time, I kissed him languidly. I settled my hands on each side of his head as I tasted him. Lex’s fingers carded through my hair. When I broke the kiss, Lex said, “Gideon?”
“Yeah?”
Lex’s fingers continued to toy with my hair. “What color is your hair?”
“It’s black,” I said.
Lex’s fingers continued to roam over my scalp and I quickly realized why. He was trying to figure out how long my hair was.
The fact that I hadn’t even considered that he had no clue what I looked like had me feeling guilty. I’d never thought to offer to let him “see” me by touching me. “I’m sorry, I should have given you a chance to feel what I looked like.”
Lex’s gaze shifted from looking in the vicinity of my shoulder to my face. “Why?” he asked.
“Because…” I began but paused as a sudden bout of insecurity went through me. “I’m not a young man,” I murmured. “My hair is black, but there’s some gray in there too. And I’m not exactly in the same shape as I was in when I was in my twenties—”
I abruptly stopped talking when one of Lex’s hands slipped between our bodies. His fingers came precariously close to my cock, but he ended up rubbing my stomach instead. “Can’t even pinch an inch,” he said casually. “At least not on your—”
I laughed and grabbed his hand before he could test his theory elsewhere. “That’s enough of that,” I reprimanded. I kissed his fingers before pressing them against my chest.
Lex smiled and then began stroking the body hair there. I didn’t interrupt him as he continued his exploration. He lovingly traced every curve and plane of my upper body until his fingers reached my jaw. His eyes slipped shut as he began following the outline of my features. When his fingertips skimmed over my lips, I couldn’t help but kiss them. The smile that spread across Lex’s features was the softest, most contented-looking smile I’d ever seen.
When his eyes opened again, they were looking straight at me. “You’re so beautiful, Gideon,” he said softly.
I knew just by the way he said the words that he wasn’t talking about my physical looks. His declaration had the emotions clogging in my throat. “Fuck, Lex,” I breathed as I leaned down and kissed him. Since I couldn’t find the words to tell him what I was feeling, I tried to show him instead.
After that, we let our bodies do the talking for us. I finally got the chance to cherish Lex’s body the way I’d been craving, but I was too far gone in my need for him to do as much as I wanted.
“I need you,” I growled as I moved up from where I’d been kissing his navel.
“My wallet,” Lex croaked as his hands moved desperately over my back and he began lifting his hips up to try and grind our dicks together. “Condom and lube in it,” he added.
Nerves skittered in my belly. “I, um, I bought some stuff last time I went to town,” I admitted. “I don’t know if it’s the right kind—”
“Get it,” Lex demanded. I smiled to myself at the order. An hour earlier the man had refused to tell me what he wanted in bed. Thankfully, he wasn’t suffering from that same problem now.
I reached out to the nightstand and ripped the drawer out. The damn thing came off its rails and hit the floor.
“Shit,” I muttered. I was forced to lean over the side of the bed to rummage through the contents to find what I was looking for.
Lex began laughing.
Hard.
As I snagged the box of condoms and the bottle of lube, I grumbled, “Shut it or you’re not getting lucky
.”
Lex only laughed harder. When I straightened and pressed all my weight back down on him, he tried to stifle his chuckles. I could have watched the joy on his face all day. From the moment I’d met him, he’d always had these worry lines that were seemingly etched into his skin, but those were gone and all that was left was a young man who was finally comfortably free.
Lex sobered as he reached up to cup my face. “I’m already pretty damn lucky,” he murmured.
I shook my head because I still couldn’t comprehend what I’d done right to have this man come into my life. I leaned down and kissed him hard. It took next to nothing to get us both frenzied again. My dick was as hard as a spike.
“Tell me how to get you ready,” I ground out as I reared back and practically ripped the box of condoms to shreds in an effort to get just one out. I tossed it on the bed next to us and then reached for the lube.
“I can do it,” Lex said desperately as he held his hand out, presumably for the lube.
“No way,” I said as I brushed another kiss over his mouth. “We’re doing this right.” I managed to open the lube and squirted some on my fingers. “Is this the right stuff?” I asked as I put some on Lex’s digits. He rubbed his fingers together and quickly nodded his head.
“Yeah, it’s good. Put some on your finger. You need to get some… inside me.”
Lex was clearly hesitant. No doubt he was expecting me to turn tail and run now that the actual act was upon us. It wasn’t lost on me that I was about to fuck another man, but nothing I’d done with Lex had seemed even remotely wrong or uncomfortable. My biggest concern was making sure I didn’t hurt him.
I squirted a liberal amount of lube on my finger. “It’s cold,” I said grimly.
I looked down in time to see Lex smile. “I promise you, Gideon, I’m not going to notice,” he said. “How do you want me?”
“What?” I asked in confusion. Despite his comment about the temperature of the lube, I still wished there was a way I could warm it up a bit.
“Do you want me on all fours or on my back?”
Foreseen: Lex (The Four Book 2) Page 20