by JD Nixon
His fingers were everywhere; his lips everywhere too, on my neck, my breasts, my lips. It was as if there was three of him in bed with me.
I was helpless, a small part of my brain trying to remind me of all the very sensible and valid reasons why I shouldn’t sleep with him. It couldn’t compete against the choir of bacchanalian brain cells shouting at me to, “do it! do it! do it!”
When I came I screamed in bliss, my body almost convulsing with wonderful aftergasms as he continued rubbing me. I shivered under him, whimpering with happiness.
But not sparing me a moment to draw even one relaxing breath, he shifted over on top of me and pinned me down to the bed with his weight, holding my hands. Using his knee, he pried my legs further apart until his hard-on strained into me, only the thin material of his boxers keeping him from taking me.
“Say yes, Matilda.” His blue eyes burned into mine. “Say it now. I want you so badly. You’re driving me insane.”
Soft and willing, I slid my hand into his boxers, running my fingers up and down his hardness while we kissed, making him groan softly. But my mind was still focussed on what had just happened. “Oh God, Heller. Thank you. That was so amazing!”
His white teeth flashed in the moonlight. “I’ve been told that before by a lot of women.”
It was entirely the wrong thing to say.
What I didn’t need reminding about at that important moment was his phone directory-sized list of previous conquests. But what I was reminded of was my own resolution not to sleep with him because of that. I withdrew my hand from his boxers and pushed against him.
“No, Heller. Stop,” I gasped. “You know it’s not a good idea.”
And just like that, he did, rolling off me with a heavy sigh of exasperation. I didn’t know how he mustered up the self-control, because heaven only knew that I didn’t want him to stop. But the thought of him and all those women, writhing together in ecstasy, was more than I could bear. Maybe he even said the same things to them that he said to me. How could I ever believe I was anything special to him?
And there was that warning from Sid . . .
He shifted onto his side to look at me, his breathing still a little laboured.
I took a deep breath myself and quickly retied my bikini top and bottom. In a shaky voice, I sat up and said, “I think I should leave.”
He tried to pull me down again, but I resisted.
His tone was bewildered. “I don’t understand. What did I do wrong, Matilda?”
I sighed. “It’s not what you did, it’s what you said.”
“What did I say?” He sounded genuinely perplexed.
“You mentioned all those other women.”
“Oh.” Silence for a moment. “But I thought women liked men being honest with them?”
Surprisingly, I almost laughed at that. “They do. But when you’re trying to convince one woman to have sex with you, you shouldn’t boast about all the other millions of women you’ve slept with.”
“Now you’re just exaggerating. It’s not millions. Just hundreds. Possibly even a thousand. I’ve never bothered keeping score.”
I stared at him in the darkness, stunned and a little sad. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
“No, I don’t.” He sighed impatiently, looking up at the ceiling. “There are so many rules with you, Matilda. I’m used to meeting someone and having sex with them. It’s usually simple and uncomplicated and everyone has a great time. Nobody bothers about rules. So why must you have all these rules?” He became snappish. “They’re pointless and irritating.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Heller,” I said in a small voice, feeling like a sanctimonious virgin. “But that’s just the way I feel.” All this only confirmed to me once again that a relationship with him was out of the question. He simply wasn’t interested in anything but sex. And I wasn’t interested in being nothing but a good screw in his memory, soon forgotten when he had the next good screw. And the next one. And the next one. “I’m out of here.”
I rolled out of bed and almost made it to the door before he swooped from behind and scooped me up in his arms.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
I struggled, kicking my legs out and pummelling his chest with my fists. “Put me down! Let me go!”
He dumped me back on the bed. I made a run for it, but his hand closed with an iron-tight grip on wrist, holding me in place.
“Matilda,” he warned, and his grip started to hurt. Sighing with disgruntled defeat, I flung myself down on his bed again with bad grace. There was no point in trying to outrun or escape him. He’d only pursue me ruthlessly wherever I ran. I’d learned that the hard way.
“Now, listen,” he said more gently, releasing my wrist and entwining his fingers with mine. “I’m not disappointed. I’m just . . . frustrated. You’re a very attractive young woman and I want to sleep with you.”
“But that’s all you want to do with me, isn’t it?”
He was quiet for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. “No, that’s not all. I want to see you every day, hear you laugh. I want to touch you and kiss you. I want to hold you every night while we sleep. I like having you in my life, Matilda. You’re very important to me – I’ve told you that before.”
I slowly relaxed. Now he was saying exactly the right words.
“I want you to stay with me tonight, my sweet. I always sleep better when you’re here. Do you believe me when I say that?”
I nodded.
“Will you stay?”
“Yes.” I trusted him completely not to try it on again with me unless I asked him, but even so . . . “I think I need to change out of this bikini first though. It makes it too easy to access all my interesting bits.”
He laughed softly and padded to his walk-in robe to fetch me one of his t-shirts and pair of boxers. I peeled off my bikini and hurriedly changed in the darkness, only too aware of the intensity of his eyes on me.
“Can you see anything?” I demanded suspiciously.
“No.”
“Are you lying?”
“Of course not, my sweet.” A smile was in his voice. “But I must say that those breasts that I can’t see are very lovely indeed.”
“Heller!” I scolded, but to be honest, I didn’t mind too much. God knows he wasn’t the first man who’d ever seen my boobs.
“Why don’t you turn the light on so I can see you better?”
I laughed. “Not going to happen.”
“You’ve seen me.”
“Yes, but I didn’t know you were going to be naked. That was an accident.”
“Was it?”
I paused pulling on the boxers, shooting him a sharp glance in the darkness that I wasn’t sure he would notice. “Wasn’t it?”
He merely laughed softly again in response.
Finished dressing, I threw myself back on the bed and happily snuggled against him. He kissed my forehead and stroked my hair, throwing his leg over mine.
“Are you thinking about the scary movie any more?”
“No,” I realised, reluctantly amused. “I’m not.”
“A job well done then.”
“Heller, don’t pretend all this happened to take my mind off a scary movie!”
He laughed again and we held each other silently for a while.
“I hear you were given an Employee of the Day award today,” he teased. I groaned – it was impossible to keep anything secret in this place. Especially with Niq around – the kid was commendably, but sometimes inconveniently, truthful. “At a business where you’re not even employed. Very impressive, my sweet.”
“It was all just a misunderstanding,” I sighed. “But I’m kind of proud of that award in any case. It’s not like I’ll ever get one working here.”
“Probably not.”
“Heller! You could at least lie a little!”
“But didn’t you just say that women like men to be honest with them?” He sounded confused.
“Matilda, sometimes your logic makes my head hurt.”
“Oh, you men! You never understand anything.”
He didn’t respond and soon I was drowsing, almost asleep when he spoke again. I guess he’d been mulling over our earlier conversation.
“Matilda?”
“Mmm?” I replied sleepily.
“Can you do me a favour?”
“Sure.”
“Can you at least write down all your rules for me?
I laughed and moved nearer to him. He kissed me and closed his eyes, falling asleep promptly, a talent that always made me jealous. I stayed awake for a while, despite my wonderful release at his fingers, watching him while he slept and thinking about our ‘relationship’.
Most people would say that it was wrong for me to be fooling around with him and sleeping next to him when I had a boyfriend, but it didn’t feel wrong to me. In fact, being in his bed felt very right, and I wasn’t prepared to stop doing it, not even for Will. I figured that as long as I didn’t actually sleep with Heller, then I wasn’t being unfaithful to Will, no matter what else we did with each other.
And what did Will think about Heller and me? I solved that very tricky problem by not telling him anything about us at all.
Chapter 5
The next morning he was gone as usual even though I woke up early to hit the gym. I was hard on myself to work out some of my leftover lust. I staggered up the stairs to my flat afterwards, dripping with sweat, to jump in the shower and make a quick breakfast. I wasn’t expected anywhere for work today, so dressed casually in jeans, t-shirt and runners, pulling my long hair into a ponytail, before heading down to the office on the second floor.
I checked my emails, deleting all the spam, including most of the emails from my family. Dixie had sent me a very naughty email with a photo of the aftermath of another lewd nerd orgy she’d had with Jon and Don, the two engineering PhD students with whom she shared a dingy flat. The men both lay sprawled inelegantly on Dixie’s bed, fast asleep, their flaccid dicks nestled like baby birds in their pubic hair nests. It turned my stomach. Dixie insisted they were secretly gay and just used her as an excuse to screw each other. But I think she was becoming addicted to having two men at once, no matter how uncommitted they were to her. I would have to catch up with her soon and sort her out in person.
Daniel and Niq arrived together, closely followed by Heller, who threw me a sly wink as he walked past into his office. I quickly deleted the offending photo from my hard drive and industriously applied myself to tidying up the reports on some little jobs I’d had in the last few weeks, so that Daniel could finalise the accounts. I did a lot of one-off assignments for Heller, mostly escorting the wives of rich men in town for business. I usually kept them busy sightseeing, shopping and lunching. Heller only dealt with top-end clients, so money was no object for these women and it was usually a luxurious experience for me.
Strangely enough though, I never felt any envy at their lifestyle, having witnessed enough misery, cheating, possible abuse and mutual disdain between the women and their husbands to put me off marriage for life. I’d found that it was true that money didn’t buy happiness, but I certainly aimed to bring a bit of laughter and fun into those women’s lives for the brief time they were here in the city, even if it was wickedly sexy fun they craved. The only thing I refused to supply was anything illegal – Heller’s rules. Otherwise I found and gave them what they wanted. I was no prude, and I’d seen plenty since I’d started working for Heller, but some of their requests even surprised me. There were always unexpected expenses (mostly male sex workers, sometimes female, sometimes both) that had to be disguised and added to the final bill. My discreetness and willingness to procure legal buzzes made Heller’s a popular choice for visiting rich wives. Happy clients not only tipped me well, but recommended me to other women, so there was a constant trickle of work in that arena.
I had just finished when it was time for our weekly staff meeting. Daniel, Sid, Clive and I gathered in Heller’s office to discuss business. Daniel ran through any new enquiries and confirmed new contracts since the last meeting. When he’d finished, he left an excited Sid to further sketch out the background of a major new ongoing surveillance contract with a leading construction company to oversee their many building sites. Business picked up each month, which must have been gratifying for Heller, having risked everything and worked so relentlessly to break into what was a tight dog-eat-dog market. His efforts hadn’t been without repercussions though, some of which had impacted on me personally.
I glanced at him to gauge his reaction to the new contracts. A hint of a smile was the only indication he showed that he was pleased on hearing the good news. My Heller had a wonderful poker face.
“And then there is the new assignment. Heller, do you want to talk about that?” deferred Daniel. Heller turned immediately to look at me.
“Matilda, a job for you.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“A socially prominent married couple is currently going through a divorce. They’ve decided to try negotiation before taking it to court as they can’t come to an agreement about the split of assets. But she’s alleged abuse in the past and wants a security presence during the negotiations.”
I was familiar with the terminology. ‘Security presence’ meant the client was slightly afraid for their safety, but not enough to want others to know they were afraid. Usually I was asked to dress in civvies in those situations so that nobody knew a security firm had been employed. In those jobs, I was often more companion than bodyguard.
“She wants you to be present in uniform at her hotel at ten tomorrow. You’ll escort her to the initial meeting between the parties.”
“Full uniform. Noted,” I said with surprise.
“It’ll be all right,” he assured. “She’s only being cautious. I spoke to her this morning. She’s not expecting any trouble from her soon-to-be ex-husband.”
“Okay.” I trusted him not to intentionally send me into any dangerous situations.
The meeting broke up, but before everyone dispersed I quickly asked if anyone had time for some hand-to-hand training with me. I desperately wanted to improve my combat skills, concentrating on self-defence. I’d started with Daniel, as we were of a similar tall and lean build, but was now confident in being able to subdue someone his size by myself. I needed to practice on bigger men. Problem was that there were few medium-sized men employed at Heller’s. Most of the security men were built like tanks, so there was no gradual progression available for me.
I’d taken on Heller a few times, but our sessions either turned into gratuitous grope-fests or he was afraid to hurt me and wouldn’t take me on seriously. Sid flatly refused, apologetically explaining that he wasn’t relaxed about the thought of possibly injuring me. Clive had taken me seriously, but had nearly killed me the one time we’d tangled, flinging me across the gym where I’d landed hard on my back. I’d been completely winded and unable to properly breathe or move for a long while, afraid I’d broken my spine. I hadn’t stood a chance against him. Unfortunately Heller had walked into the gym at that point and Clive had received a right royal reaming from him afterwards, even though I told him it had been my fault because I’d taunted Clive to “bring it on”. Wouldn’t be doing that again.
I had no takers. Nobody wanted to be responsible for teaching me by potentially hurting me.
“Heller, I need this training,” I complained to him. “If nobody here is willing to train me, then I need to go outside to find someone. What about the gym where Niq and Daniel do their martial arts training? Could you set someone up for me there?”
I could tell immediately that he was uncomfortable with the thought of me finding any expertise outside his small, contained world.
He looked at Clive. “Isn’t there anyone in security who won’t kill Matilda? What about that ex-SAS man? He’s fairly wiry.”
He nodded to Clive, then turned to me. “I’ll let you know, Matilda. Okay?”
I nodded reluctantly. I had really hoped to fit some training in that afternoon, before my new assignment tomorrow. But I knew better than to argue with Heller, especially when he was trying to help me. So I spent the rest of the day trifling at my desk, then pottering in my flat, doing more tidying, cleaning and washing. Even though I’d lived in it for a while now, I still appreciated the peace and brightness of my little living space, not forgetting the damp and scungy flat that I’d previously shared with Dixie and the PhD students.
That night, Niq and Daniel invited themselves over for dinner again. I sent them on various chores to the pantry and herb garden, instructing them to chop and slice ingredients, until I was sitting at my kitchen bench, a cold glass of wine nearby, directing the entire dinner. I didn’t think they realised that I’d turned the tables so neatly on them, even making them wash up the dirty dishes afterwards without complaining.
I went to bed early and woke early to hit the gym before work. Heller dropped me at my client’s hotel himself, before heading off to meet with some prospective new clients. I made my way to her room and confidently rapped on the door.
An anxious blonde woman opened the door, looked around her cautiously before inviting me in. She was in her mid-forties, disturbingly thin with a pretty but drawn face. She wore a sombre charcoal dress, low black heels, skin-coloured stockings and discreet pearls. Her baby blue eyes widened in apprehension as she took me in. My height, well-toned body, hair firmly up in a bun, and my all-black Heller’s uniform seemed to intimidate her. I smiled at her in a friendly way to dispel the grim image I projected and she visibly relaxed.
“Hello, I’m Tilly Chalmers. I’ll be with you until your negotiations are finished.”
“Hello, Tilly,” she said softly. “I’m Patricia Warburton. Thanks for agreeing to accompany me. I feel better already.” I thought it was a strange way of expressing our relationship. She was paying Heller a lot of money for me to accompany her – so of course I agreed to do it. I didn’t really have much say in the matter.