“When I first saw you, you had such bright eyes,” he said. “They stripped you naked and shaved your little pussy for me. Before that, I thought, ‘How antiquated. I should never want to treat my wife that way, but those are the rules and it can’t be helped.’” Now he slipped two fingers inside me and pumped them in and out, slow and deep. “But when I saw you all I could think was, ‘My gods, I have to wait until the wedding night.’ I was consumed with raw, animal need for you. You are my only true joy, my only true escape.”
“Mmm…” I remembered that day well, of course, and how frightened I had been—but also, how I was consumed with attraction for the man who watched me with such an intense gaze. Deep down, I was pleased and proud to be made ready for him, to belong to him.
Wetness gushed out of me onto his hand now as it had that day when he watched me.
He settled himself next to me while his hand kept fucking me, brushing fine hairs away from my ear. “You would think all the pleasure was in that first wanting. That I would grow accustomed to you with time. But it never happens. Every day with you is like the first day. Every time I lay eyes on you, I want you anew. Believe me when I tell you that I don’t care if you ever give me an heir. I would love to raise a child together, but there will be no sorrow or regret in the lack of it. I will know I have spared him our fate. Now, let me see you come for me. Don’t suffer, my dear one. There is no need for that. The world will wring enough suffering out of you already.”
And suddenly I found that it was no hardship to obey him.
Augustus made sure I was taken care of. The next day, when he was too busy managing governmental affairs, Axel sought me out within the palace.
“His Majesty asked me to check on you. He said you were in some despair last night,” Axel said.
“Oh, well…I don’t know.”
“Will you walk with me in the garden? That always seems to cheer you up. Tell me what’s blooming.”
I giggled softly at this attempt to get my mind off things. “You don’t care what’s blooming.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Well, the king ordered me to distract you. So I had better care now.”
“The two of you have conspired against me, have you?”
“Perhaps.” He offered an arm and we strolled out the doors, past the fountains.
We shouldn’t be flaunting our relationship, I thought. But if it was what Augustus wanted, who was I to complain? He knew exactly what I wanted, and if he was willing to give it to me in defiance of the court, privately it just made me love them both all the more. Axel cut a very dashing figure as we strolled the grounds. His hat was tucked under one arm, a ceremonial sword at the waist of a freshly cleaned uniform. He had a more restless, energetic air that reminded me that he could always leave the palace if he wished. He wasn’t trapped here the way we were.
“Axel, the next time you go to town, even if Augustus forbids it, I wonder if you should at least talk to the witch. I need to know why I can’t have a child!”
“Rose, I’m sorry, but I will not talk to that woman again. We know she’s trying to ruin you and the king. Any child she gives you would come with too steep a price.”
“I know.” I clenched my hands. “I know, I just…feel so…helpless. I’ve seen so many midwives and healers.”
“I know what your biggest problem is,” Axel said. “Your position prevents you from having a driving purpose. So all that’s left is needing a child. I can’t say I approve of that. In another life, your quick mind and endearing charms might have been put to use, but instead you’re just a toy for kings. Both you and Augustus are fumbling through a real relationship as best you can around the margins while you conduct this elaborate ritual center stage. But even if you enjoy having a master, you’ll enjoy it much more if you appoint him to the position.”
“Well, I don’t enjoy all of it,” I said.
He laughed a little louder. “I can tell! Anyway, all around, perhaps it’s not so bad when things are going well, but now you’re in pain and there is nowhere to direct your pain toward. When you’re in pain, the best thing you can do is to plunge yourself into a good fight. You need a fight right now, my lady. Not a master. And they won’t even allow you to hunt anymore…just imagine how much better you’d feel with a bow in your hand right now.”
Axel seemed like such a light hearted person in comparison to Augustus, willing to go along with anything, but he seemed to know that of which he spoke. “Do you miss having a fight, Count Farren? With the trolls?”
“Oh, I have something to fight for right here,” he said, draping a hand over my head. “That’s what matters to me.”
I straightened the flowers in my hair that he had put out of order. “But nothing to fight—at least, I hope not!”
“I hope not,” he said. “But…if the time came, I would die for you and Augustus, and I would die with a smile on my face.”
“That’s an awful thing to say.”
“Not at all,” he said more softly. “Not to me.” And then, in his normal tone again, “Your role here is simply to wait for things to be done to you. I’m sure this was never the destiny you expected to have when you were a girl.”
I frowned, drawing my arm away from his so I could cross my arms, feeling defensive all of a sudden. “Is this how you mean to comfort me? Laying out in such explicit terms all the things I try to forget? Nothing can be done about it. I had my chance to escape.”
“You mean, by succumbing to your curse? Going along with the witch’s plans for you? Well, that’s hardly an escape anyone would favor.”
“Are you suggesting I escape by other means? Is this the conversation the king asked you to have with me?”
“No. I can’t say he suggested any conversation. He told me I could do anything I like with you except the one thing he forbids. Well…this is just a conversation. I don’t think it will lead to you having my bastard.” He chuckled.
“It’s not funny. I don’t want to think about—home. Or childhood.” I suddenly burst into honesty. “I’m afraid that it is my fault we have no children! Because—I don’t want to have a child here. I don’t want to raise my children to be the royalty of Ellurine…”
He took my hand. “I wouldn’t either.”
I swallowed.
I wondered what it would be like if we could run away, to some foreign land where no one knew our names or faces, as Augustus had once suggested. Of course, it was just a dream. It scared me that I was even thinking of it now. The role of a queen lasted until death. What became of the Queen Who Bowed in old age, I wondered, when I was no longer beautiful? Was the king still expected to make a spectacle of me?
No. I thought I already knew the answer. That was where the Favorite entered the picture.
And if Augustus never took a mistress, what then? Especially if his queen remained childless?
I couldn’t imagine it would go well for me to be an old, barren queen. As queens grew older, they found their purpose in advising their children and seeing them marry well, as my mother had done. Here, I was not even permitted to manage the government as she did. I imagined myself shut up in some forgotten room.
“My lady,” Axel said. “I can never give you the life you deserve. But let me at least give you the honor of acknowledging your true self. Please don’t forget that all this is artifice. Augustus and I both love you. We yearn to possess you. But we never can. You are a creature with a soul; you will answer to your gods someday, and shall never really belong to any mortal.”
I snorted. “Such an elven thing to say!”
He kissed my hand, and did not otherwise lay a hand on me, even if Augustus had given him permission.
The gossip died down, as it always did, and once things seemed safe enough, Augustus broke with precedent and appointed Count Farren the high elf to the position of Sword of the King. Axel was blessed with ancient magic that made him the strongest of warriors, with a sword that had been handed down through the generations. Perhaps i
t was unwise to appoint him, but it was also unwise to appoint no one, and how could Augustus give the job to anyone else but our beloved?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Rose
Soon we were back in our private retreat again, every time we had the chance. I was remaking the gardens into something more wild and natural than the perfectly groomed gardens of the Palace, and learning the names of every flower. The roses were, as always, my absolute favorite and I gave a particular name to every bush, whispering to them that they were such good girls and such lovelies, the same way I talked to the dogs. I was starting to truly ache to be a mother but instead I had plants and animals.
Augustus was soon studying magic out of his own interest, reading every tome he could get his hands on. “I won’t practice it, of course, since the rules forbid sorcerer kings these days. But no one said I couldn’t take it up as a subject of scholarship.”
My friends and I were soon learning to milk the sheep and make cheese, to arrange flowers, to weave baskets. In court, they joked about it, of course. They said I was just “playing peasant”.
“I wonder if she’d like it so much if she had to do it for a living,” they said. “If her pretty hands were dirty and calloused like a peasant.”
It was probably true. I didn’t want to be a peasant. But did that mean I couldn’t make cheese now and then? Why did everything I actually enjoyed have to become a joke?
Another year trickled by, and still I had not gotten pregnant, and still the harvests were not enough to compensate for the past two years. The people were hungry and poor, but I barely saw their suffering, even when I came to Luminé. Sometimes I saw a beggar, and I always gave them what I could. I also donated all the milk and cheese from my dairies to help feed the hungry.
By that next spring, I had grown weary of trying to snip roses, milk sheep, carry buckets and other tasks while trussed up in a corset and panniers. In the elven lands and even the western edge of the human territory, ladies were wearing loose, flowing gowns that were the very height of fashion there.
I asked Madame Bertin to make me one of these gowns. When it arrived and I opened the box, I took it into my arms and snuggled it against my cheek because it looked so soft.
It was made of a white lawn fabric that was so thin, all the curves of my body were visible beneath it in the right lighting. About the only fuss to it was the ruffled collar and sleeves that were gathered into three poufs with a bit of lace at the arms. Otherwise it was tied with a simple sash. Paired with my wide-brimmed straw hat, I could work all day in the garden if I liked without getting too hot or pinched. And my men were certainly in approval. Without any stiff fabric or boning or structure underneath the dress, Augustus and Axel could freely run their hands down my curves and slink up the skirts to stroke me.
Known as chemise gowns, soon my friends had all adopted the same fashion, and then other ladies of court followed suit, until they began to be part of the summer wardrobe for the Court of the Sun Palace.
Before long I needed to have another official portrait done. After the last one was so terrible, I hired a young woman named Miss Brun with a soft, informal style. As she showed me some of her previous works of roses with soft petals and rosy-cheeked girls in simple children’s clothing, I said,
“I think it would be especially lovely if you painted me in my chemise gown.”
Sitting for a portrait had never been so comfortable and the result was a painting so beautiful that I immediately wished to have a copy done for my mother. Miss Brun had captured my smile, Augustus thought—“that moment of mystery just before it finishes its slow spread and suddenly catches your whole face.” My hair and gown looked soft enough to touch, and I held a few of my beloved roses. The portrait was taken to the gallery in Luminé for the public to admire, and for a few days I thought nothing of it.
Axel had gone to Luminé at the same time, and he came riding back late in the evening, still wearing his hat as he stalked into our chambers the moment he was announced.
“Your Majesty…the reception to the portrait has not gone well,” he said. “I strongly recommend you reinstate the old one.”
“What is it now?” The sinking feeling of having made a terrible mistake was familiar to me by now.
“The people are furious that you will put all the workers out of business. The lawn fabric is made by humans and they feel you’re making a dress made of imported fabrics fashionable, not to mention the lack of trims. The people also feel that…well, they feel it looks as if you’re wearing your underthings. They are making such a mockery of it; someone has already defaced it a bit along the bottom…” He grimaced.
Faeries are a bunch of wild animals! I wanted to cry. Defacing a portrait would never happen in Osteria. But I had to handle this calmly. I was already in enough trouble by the sound of it.
Again and again, I had to tell myself to keep calm. You are no longer your own woman. You don’t even belong to Augustus at all. You belong to this country, and this country doesn’t want Rose, it wants the Queen Who Bowed. Whatever strong warrior Marianna might have been, all that remained of the queen now was a shell.
“They want me to be the Queen Who Bowed and expose myself in the most intimate of ways,” I said. “But the idea of a chemise gown is scandalous to them?”
“They were calling Rose ‘Madame Deficit’ because she spent too much on clothes,” Augustus said. “But now they’re upset because she is choosing a simple garment? What do they want from her?”
“Don’t look to me for answers,” Axel said. “I thought it was a wonderful portrait myself, but then, I may be biased.”
“It must be a very small contingent,” Augustus said.
One of Augustus’ advisors piped up, “I’m not so sure. I’m afraid the mood is spreading. I’m not sure why. I think the frustration stems mainly from these poor harvests, and Your Majesties can hardly control the weather. It will all pass with a good year.”
The new round of slanderous pamphlets was even worse than before, and so baseless that I simply didn’t understand why anyone would hate me so much.
It all boiled down to this: I was a human and a foreigner, I had too much control over the king, and I had not achieved the one duty demanded of me in producing an heir.
As I ate my supper, I heard the whispers continuing. As I walked down the Hall of Mirrors afterward, an old peasant woman rushed forward to block my way and said, “When will you give us an heir, eh? Do your duty, and stop making a fool of your master!”
I heard soft laughter coming from some of Countess Noria’s contingent.
I wanted to run. But I was the queen. I had to walk like I had been taught, like I was gliding on my delicate slippers, even as silent sobs shuddered through me.
Once I made it past the crowd and to my own chamber, I slumped against the wall and burst into tears that I couldn’t control. I knew the servants must hear them but the fear of that wasn’t enough for me to stop.
When I finally dredged myself up off the floor and went to the mirror to pat away my tears and attempt to freshen myself up, one of my most trusted servants came to see me. She had been cleaning my rooms since the day I arrived, and her children were some of my favorites.
“Your Majesty…” She spoke in a whisper. “I have heard you wish to get the remedy for your barrenness from the witch. I have relatives in town who have friends who have spoken to the witch, and I just wanted to make you aware that I would be willing to pass a message to her for you. I know how painful it must be, and how helpless you must feel, not to have borne any of your own children. I’ve seen how tender you are with my own. I beg your pardon if I have overstepped my bounds.”
“Oh…you are too sweet, Lily, I…” I looked at my face in the mirror, eyes still puffy. I had cried over this so many times by now. Every time a new round of gossip stirred up, the pain came back a little more fiercely than the last time. The problem was not going away. “What do you think of the witch?”
“My loyalty is to you, Your Majesty.”
“Hm. So you do have some thoughts about the witch that you don’t think I’ll like,” I said. “I know too well by now when faeries are evading the question…”
Lily blanched. “Your grace, I—I spend all my time in the palace.”
“The witch said to me, when she tried to trick me away from this palace, that she wanted to bring about a world of equality and liberty,” I murmured. “It doesn’t sound all bad. I suppose that’s what she says on the streets.”
“They call her the Cobblestone Witch because she prefers to be common,” Lily said. “She has enough power to be a court mage, they say. But she prefers to be a woman of the street. That is not to say I approve. But…she likes children best of all. Everyone agrees on that and that’s why so many of the people protect her. She gives charms to help their children and she promises revenge after they die. I don’t think she would harm your child.”
“But who might she harm…” I wrung my hands. “Oh, Lily, I just don’t know. It would go against the orders of the king.”
“It is a king’s duty to give the queen a child,” Lily said. “It is not a simple matter of passing the throne to the next of kin. The people know you. They don’t want any heir but yours and His Majesty’s.”
“Would you…speak to her?” I asked. “Just…to see what she says. I trust you.”
“I would die a happy woman if I could have any small part in bringing you a child,” Lily said. “Thank you, your grace. I will speak to my relatives and see if I can help.”
A rush of relief and terror came over at me at once. I had never gone against Augustus on such an important matter, but I thought of how pleased he had been early in our relationship when we could still go hunting together. He wanted to see me as more than a pawn. What would Queen Marianna have done? Surely she would have tried to secure an heir at all costs. And these curses the witch had brought me, well, surely they were my responsibility to manage.
The Surrender of Sleeping Beauty Page 26