He left finally when he heard her parents get up and move around. They had no regrets. They needed each other's strength to go back to their lives, with all the terrors and challenges they would be facing.
“I'll see you before I go,” she promised him in a whisper, and then she pulled him close to her again, and kissed him on the lips with agonizing softness. He wondered how he would ever leave her again, or watch her go, especially knowing that she was going back to her husband.
“I can't let you go, Cass.”
“I know,” she said unhappily, “but we have to.” They had no choice now, and they knew it.
He left her then and she walked slowly into the room she'd lived in as a child, thinking of him, and wishing things were different.
She showered, and dressed, thinking of Nick, and then she had breakfast with her parents. And as Nick had seen earlier, she noticed that her father was having trouble breathing. But he insisted it was nothing. And as soon as they were finished eating, her father drove her and Billy to the airport. She promised to call her mother frequently before the tour, and maybe even to fly back once more if she could. But she wondered if Desmond would let her. Seeing her father look so pale made her think she ought to.
Nick was in the office when they arrived, and he looked at her long and hard as they said good-bye, and then he walked out to their plane with them, chatting idly with Billy. But every moment, Cassie could sense him close by, she could feel the satin of his flesh on hers, and their exquisite pleasure. The real bond they shared was time and love and caring, but with passion added to it, Cassie knew now that the flame of her love for him would burn forever.
‘Take it away, you two,” Nick admonished them, thinking of the tour again. “Watch out that she doesn't fly into a tree somewhere,” he warned Billy, and then shook his hand, while Cassie did their ground checks, and he watched her. Nick couldn't keep his eyes from her, and she loved feeling him near her.
She kissed her father then, while Billy settled in, and then there was no escaping it. It was time to say goodbye to Nick. Their eyes met and held, their hands touched, and then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently in front of the others. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted to be sure she knew he loved her.
‘Take care, Cass,” he whispered into her hair after he kissed her. “Don't do anything crazy on that tour of yours.” He still wished she wouldn't go but he knew he couldn't stop her.
“I love you,” she said softly, with eyes full of tears that told him everything she felt for him and mirrored everything he felt. “Let me know how you are sometime.” He nodded, and she stepped up into the cockpit as he squeezed her hand for the last time. It was almost impossible this time to leave each other. Pat was watching them, sorry for both of them. But he said nothing to reproach them.
Her father and Nick were still standing there as they taxied down the runway in the huge Williams Aircraft plane she'd borrowed from Desmond. Once off the ground, she dipped her wings at them, and then they were gone. Nick stood staring at the sky for a long time, long after Pat had walked back into the airport, long after her plane had left the sky. All he could think of now was lying beside her in the moonlight. And in a way, he was relieved that the next morning, he'd be going back to the war. He couldn't stand being here now without her.
She and Billy didn't talk much on the flight back to L.A. Her mother had given them a thermos of coffee, and some fried chicken. But neither of them was hungry. Her eyes told a thousand tales, but he didn't ask her any questions for the first two hours. And then, finally, he couldn't stand the silence any longer.
“How do you feel?” She knew what he was asking her, and she sighed before she answered.
“I don't know. I'm glad I saw him. At least he knows now.” She was filled with hope and despair all at once. It was hard to explain it to Billy. At least Nick knew about Desmond now, but in some ways their time together had only made it harder for her to go back to California.
“How did he take it?”
“As well as he could have. He was furious at first. He said a lot of things.” She hesitated and then looked at her friend grimly. “He thinks Desmond married me as a publicity stunt to make the tour more appealing to the public.”
“Is that what you think?” he asked pointedly, and she thought about it and hesitated. She didn't want to think that. “Sounds like sour grapes to me. Maybe it's hard for Nick to admit to himself that the guy really loves you.” But did he? He was so cool to her now, so involved in the tour, and nothing else about her. What if Nick was right, she wondered. It was hard to know, hard to see clearly, especially after the night she'd spent with Nick at the old airstrip. But she knew for certain that she had to put that out of her mind now. She wanted to be fair to Desmond. And she had to think of the tour. She could work the rest out later.
But thinking of the tour reminded her again of everything she owed Desmond. Nick wasn't being fair, and she didn't believe that Desmond had other women. He was completely driven by his work, he was obsessed with it. In a way, that was their biggest problem. That, and Nick Galvin. But she was returning to LA determined to play fairly. She wouldn't allow Nick to cast a shadow of doubt on their marriage.
But from the moment she returned, Desmond did everything Nick had predicted. All he did was talk about the press, and the Pacific tour. He didn't even ask about her weekend with her parents. And in spite of herself, she found herself suddenly suspicious of Desmond's coolness, and his constant love affair with photographers and newsreels. She questioned him about some interviews he had scheduled for her, balking at the necessity of it, and the tensions between them were instantly apparent.
“What exactly is it you're complaining about?” he snapped at her nastily at midnight on the day after she got back from her parents. She was exhausted from flying a twelve-hour day, followed by five hours of meetings. And he had ended her day with a bevy of reporters and photographers to take her picture.
“I'm just tired of falling over photographers every time I get out of bed, or climb out of the bathtub. They're everywhere, and I'm tired of it. Get rid of them,” she said pointedly, with a look of irritation.
“What is it that you're objecting to?” he said angrily. ‘the fact that you're the biggest name in the news, or that you've been on the cover of Life magazine twice this year? What exactly is your problem?”
“My problem is that I'm exhausted, and I'm tired of being treated like a show dog.” Nick's warnings were affecting her. And she realized that she was suspicious of Desmond. But she really was tired of reporters.
And Desmond very clearly didn't like being challenged. He was furious with her. After another hour of arguing pointlessly, he moved into the small guest room off his study. He spent the rest of the week sleeping and working there, claiming he had too much work to do to move back into their bedroom. But she knew he was punishing her for complaining. But in a way it was a relief, and it gave her time to sort out her own confusion. Being with Nick hadn't made things any easier, but she knew that part of that was her own fault.
Eventually, things calmed down again with Desmond. Tensions were high, and their nerves were raw because of the pressures of the tour, but he apologized to her for being “testy.” He tried to explain the value of the press to her again, and she decided that Nick was wrong about him. There was a certain truth to what Desmond was saying. Publicity was an important part of the Pacific tour, and he was right, there was no point accomplishing it in silence.
Desmond was a decent man, she knew. He just had very definite opinions. And he obviously knew what he was doing.
But in spite of their peace treaty over the press, some things didn't improve. For months now, they had had no love life whatsoever. More than once, she had wondered if there was something wrong with him, or with her, but she would never have dared to ask him. All he thought about was the tour. The budding passion of their honeymoon was long since forgotten. She knew that some of that had made her mor
e vulnerable to Nick. But she also knew that her love for Nick was something Desmond had no part in. But her lack of physical relationship with Desmond made it hard for Cassie to feel close to him, and sometimes she wished she had someone to talk to. She thought of saying something to Nancy Firestone, but ever since her marriage to Desmond, Nancy had put a very definite distance between them. It was as though she felt uncomfortable being friendly with Cassie since she was the boss's wife now. But with no friends except Billy, and Desmond so cool, it made Cassie feel lonelier than ever.
In spite of whatever tensions existed, everything moved ahead on schedule. They were within a week of the tour, and they were ready.
Photographers followed her everywhere chronicling her last week before the trip, every action, every meeting, every movement. She felt as though she was spending her entire life smiling and waving. There was no privacy, no quiet time with Desmond. Everything was the Pacific tour, and the endless preparations for it. This was her only life now.
It was also getting very exciting for all of them. Cassie could hardly sleep anymore. And they were down to five days when Glynnis called her late one afternoon, and reached her at the airfield. Cassie was surprised to hear from her, and wondered if anything was wrong.
“Hi, Glynn… what's up?”
“It's Dad,” she answered quickly. She started to cry before she could say another word, and a vise of steel clutched Cassie's heart as she listened. “He had a heart attack this morning. He's in Mercy Hospital. Mom's with him.” Oh God… no… not her father.
“Is he going to be okay?” Cassie asked her oldest sister quickly.
“They don't know yet,” Glynnis said, in tears again.
“I'll come home as soon as I can. Tonight. I'll tell Desmond and start in a little while,” Without a moment's hesitation, Cassie knew she had to be there.
“Can you do that?” Glynnis sounded worried, but she knew she had to call her. They had told her at first that her father wasn't going to make it. But in the last hour he had stabilized, and they were cautiously hopeful. “When do you leave on the tour?”
“Not for five more days. I've got time, Glynn. I'm coming… I love you… tell Dad I love him… tell him to wait… not to go… please…” She was sobbing.
“I love you too, baby,” Glynnis said, in the strong voice of her older sister, “I'll see you later. Fly safely.”
‘Tell Mom I love her too.” They were both crying as she hung up the phone, and then she went to tell Billy what had happened, and that she was going home to see her father. Without hesitating for an instant, he said he'd go with her. They were inseparable these days, like Siamese twins. They had become like each other's shadows in the six months of training. Sometimes they even seemed to know what the other was thinking.
“I'll meet you back here in half an hour. Do me a favor. Gas up the Phaeton. I'm going to go tell Desmond.” But she knew he'd understand, Cassie thought. He knew how much her father meant to her.
But when she got to his office, she was in for a surprise.
“Of course you're not going,” he said coldly. “You've got five days of training and briefings left, two press conferences, and we have to plot the final course according to the weather.”
“I'll be back in two days,” she said quietly. She couldn't believe he was arguing with her about something this important.
“You will not,” he said firmly, as Miss Fitzpatrick slipped out of the room discreetly.
“Desmond, my father had a heart attack. He may not survive it.” Obviously, he didn't understand, Cassie thought. But he did. Perfectly.
“Let me make myself clear, Cass. You're not going. I am ordering you to stay here,” He sounded like an air marshal in a war. It was ridiculous. He was her husband. What was he talking about? She looked at him in confusion.
“You're what?” He repeated himself for her benefit and she stared at him. “My father may die, Desmond. I'm going home to him, whether you like it or not.” Something hardened in her eyes as she said it.
“Against my wishes, and not in one of my planes,” he said coldly.
“I'll steal one if I have to,” she said furiously. “I can't believe you're saying these things. You must be tired, or sick… what's wrong with you?” There were tears in her eyes, but he was immovable. The tour meant everything to him. More than her father. Who was this man she had married?
“Do you have any idea how much money is riding on this tour? Do you care?” he spat at her.
“Of course I care, and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it, but this is my father we're talking about. Look, I'll be back in two days. I promise.” She tried to calm down again, and remind herself that they were both under a lot of pressure.
“You're not going,” he repeated coldly. This was ridiculous. What was he trying to do to her? As she looked at him, she started to tremble.
“You have no choice!” she shouted at him, losing control finally. “I'm going! And Billy's coming with me.”
“I won't allow it.”
“What are you going to do?” She stared at him with new eyes suddenly. She had never seen him so heartless. He had never been cruel to her before. This was a new insight into Desmond. “Fire us both? Isn't it a little close to the trip, or do you think you can replace us?” She was not amused by his behavior.
“Anyone can be replaced. Eventually. And let me explain something to you, Cass, while we're on the subject. If you don't come back, I'll divorce you, and sue you for breach of contract. Is that clear? You have a contract with me for this tour, and I intend to hold you to it.” She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Who was he? If he meant what he was saying, the man was a monster.
Her mouth opened as she listened to him, but no sound came out. Nick had been right. All that mattered to him was the tour. He didn't care about her or her feelings, or the fact that her father was dying. He would have divorced her for canceling the tour. It was incredible. But so was everything he had just said to her.
She walked slowly to his desk, and looked at him, wondering if she even knew him. “I'll fly the tour for you. Because I want to. But after that, you and I are going to have a serious conversation.” He didn't answer her, and she turned around and walked out of his office. She was threatening the only thing in his life he cared about, his precious Pacific tour. But the real shock was that it meant more to him than their marriage.
She said not a word to Billy as she climbed into the plane, and she signed the plane out properly. She suddenly felt like an employee and nothing else. Her face was taut and angry as they took off, and Billy watched her. She had wanted to fly, so he didn't offer to take the controls. It kept her mind occupied while she tried not to worry about her father, but he could see that she did anyway. But she looked angry more than worried, and he wondered what had happened.
“What did he say?… about our going, I mean…”
“You mean Desmond?” she said icily and he nodded. “He said he'd divorce me if I didn't do the tour. And he'd sue me for breach of contract.” It had to sink in for a minute before Billy reacted.
“He said what? He was kidding obviously.”
“He was not kidding. He was deadly serious. If we cancel, he's going to sue the pants off us. Me, anyway. Apparently, the tour means a little more to him than I thought. This is the big time, Billy. Big investments, big money, big stakes, big penalties if we blow it. Maybe hell sue our families if we crack up his plane for him,” she said sarcastically, as Billy listened in amazement. She sounded angry and bitterly disappointed.
“But you're his wife, Cass.” He was confused by what she was saying.
“Apparently not,” she said miserably, “just an employee.” He had disappointed her terribly. But then again, families were not his forte. “I told him we'd be back in two days. We're in deep shit, kid, if we aren't.” She grinned at him. They were in it now, up to their ears, but at least they were together. She was grateful he had come with her. He was truly her only friend
now.
“We'll be hack in time. Your dad'll) be fine.” He tried to reassure her.
But when they got to Mercy Hospital, Pat was any thing but fine. Three nuns and a nurse were standing at his bedside, and a priest had just given him the last rites. All of his children and grandchildren were there, and Oona was crying softly.
Cassie cleared the kids out first, she sent them outside with Billy. She knew he could manage them, he was like the pied piper with kids, and one of her brothers-in-law volunteered to go with him. And then she hugged her mother, and talked quietly to her sisters. Pat wasn't rallying, and he hadn't regained consciousness since Glynnis called her. The doctor came to talk to her a few minutes after that, and he said that he was doubtful now that Pat would make it.
Cassie couldn't believe what she was hearing, or what had happened to him. She had seen him only four weeks before, and he hadn't looked great, but she'd had no idea that he was this sick. Apparently, his heart had been giving him trouble for a while, but he ignored it, despite Oona's pleadings.
Cassie and her mother and all three of her sisters sat with him all night, and by morning there was still no improvement. And it was only late the following day that he regained consciousness, and smiled briefly at Oona. It was the first sign of hope they'd had, and two hours later, he opened his eyes again and squeezed Cassie's hand and told her he loved her. All she could think of then was how much she had loved him as a little girl, how good he had always been to her, and how much she had loved flying with him… she thought of a thousand things… a hundred special moments.
“Is he going to be okay?” she asked the doctor when he came by that afternoon, and he said it was still too soon to tell. But after another sleepless night for all of them, miraculously, the next morning, as the nuns kept silent vigil with them, saying their rosaries, he stabilized, and the doctor said he was going to make it. It was going to be a long haul, and he predicted two months of solid rest, most of it at home in bed, and after that, with any luck at all, he'd be a new man. But he'd have to take care of himself, not smoke so much, and cut out the whiskey and Oona's homemade ice cream. It was the greatest relief in Cassie's life as she stood crying in the hallway with her sisters. Her mother was still in the room with him, breaking the news to him about the ice cream.
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