by Willa Okati
"Pass the juice back over," Seth grumbled. The cool bottle pressed into his hands. He took a long swig, savoring the tart burst of flavor over his tongue. It woke up the brain, kept it from falling into daydreams that would only end in tears. So to speak. He was a guy and he didn't cry all that often. A hammer to the thumb might produce a drop or two, but not something like this.
Right?
"Did you make the grocery list?" Clay asked idly, taking his juice back. "We're out of most of the basics. Eggs, bread, milk, cereal…"
"What? Oh. Nah, I forgot." Seth tipped Clay a rueful smile. "Been a lot of things going on the past few days."
"Understood, and forgiven." Clay stretched out his long legs. "Okay, compose it in your head for later. Bananas, sugar, chicken, tea bags, and fresh vegetables. Carrots, peppers, onions. A cut of stew beef. I'll make us something in the Crock-Pot. Good and juicy, something for both of us to come home to."
"Pasta," Seth chipped in. "Rigatoni and ziti. Maybe some of those little shells."
"Red sauce? Marinara?"
"Nah. I like the alfredo."
"You would."
The conversation ebbed back into silence again, each thinking about things they weren't sharing with one another. At least Seth wasn’t.
"So, how did it go at the speed dating agency?" he asked to fill the silence. Seth knew he never had been good at the awkward pause thing. All the same, he wanted to bite his lip the moment the words escaped his mouth.
Clay shrugged. "Not too bad. Met a scary Goth kid and a couple of nice guys."
Seth felt a twinge of jealousy that he tried, briefly, to analyze, before giving a snort. "Nice as in you wanted to go out with them?"
"I got one invitation to go play pool, and one to run on the beach. Man, you should have seen this fellow. I don't think I've ever seen anyone that tall or built. He dwarfed me."
Seth cast an incredulous eye at Clay. At six feet tall and well-muscled, it was hard to imagine anyone who could make him feel little. "You're joking."
"My hand to God. This guy could have stepped on me." Clay shifted, then lay back on the blanket to stare at the sky himself. "Pretty," he commented idly. "I think sunset is my favorite time of day."
"You don't like sunrises?"
"Hard to, when I usually prefer to sleep through them." Clay elbowed Seth, who had to laugh.
"Okay, fair enough." Seth shifted. "So, are you going to take either one of these Romeos up on their offer?"
Clay shuffled, then gave an abbreviated shrug. "Maybe. I have one more session at the agency tomorrow. If I don't find Mr. Perfect then, could be I'll go off with Adam or Jefferson." He paused, considering. "Probably Adam. I liked his attitude. Totally upfront about everything, and he understood what it was like not to be a perfect ten."
"Not to be a -- what are you talking about?" Seth twisted his head to stare at Clay. "You're saying you're not?"
Clay laughed. "Me? Not hardly. For one thing, I'm too old."
"Barely thirty."
"That's nine years too old. I have dark hair, I don't surf, and when I try to dance I look like I'm having a seizure. Doesn't make for popularity among the young and hung." Clay sighed. "The older you get, the harder it is."
Seth frowned, mulling that over. "So you had a lot of dates when you were younger?"
"I had my share." Clay stretched his legs, arching his toes. "About average, I guess. Sometimes I had to sneak around. You know. First I wasn't out, and then there were guys who weren't out themselves. Took a while before I found someone who didn't mind admitting who he was."
Ah. Seth squirmed guiltily. Unconsciously, he edged an inch or so closer to Clay. Nervousness threatened to overwhelm him, but honestly, who else could he ask? "So… when did you know you were gay?" he blurted in a rush.
He saw Clay turn his head to stare at him. "Why do you want to know?"
The voice held no hostility, just honest curiosity. Seth took courage from Clay's openness and went on. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want. I'm just trying to understand this whole thing. Maybe it'd help if you told me when you'd figured it out."
Clay looked thoughtful. "If you want to go back to the basics, around when I hit puberty," he said absently. "Other guys were noticing girls, and I was noticing guys. Breasts did nothing for me, no matter how much the boys talked about them. Then, when they started going on about kissing and scoring, it just left me cold."
"What then?" Seth pressed. "Did you meet someone, or…?"
"Or," Clay chuckled. "I found a magazine some kids had been passing around. Blue as a sailor's shirt. They'd been treating it like a joke, but after the teacher confiscated the thing, I broke into her desk drawer and smuggled it home with me.
"I can still remember it now," he said, long fingers drifting over his chest. "Glossy photos of guys kissing guys, sucking cock, even a shot of one man doing another. They were everywhere -- in the sun, underneath a waterfall, even, surprisingly enough, in a bed." He paused. "I looked at those men for hours before I realized that was what I wanted to do. To be. After that, it was a matter of figuring out what to call myself."
"Gay," Seth supplied. His stomach felt tight.
"You know it. Want more juice?"
Seth shifted. "No, thanks. Have you ever… you know, with a girl…" Seth paused.
"God, no!" Clay burst into laughter. "I might wonder from time to time, but I've never had sex with a woman. I don't think I'd know where to start. Not like you." He nudged Seth. The touch felt playful. "How many women have you slept with?"
Seth squirmed. "I don't know, so much…"
"Lost track?"
"Somewhere along the line," Seth lied. It had actually been fifteen, but the last thing he wanted was for Clay to think he just put it out there for anyone to take. But then again, why didn't he want that? "Sophie being the last, and of the longest duration."
"Stamina, huh?"
"What? Oh, no. I meant, she hung around for months. Most women, they figured out I was just a beach bum with delusions of grandeur and took off for greener pastures. Didn't take them very long. Sophie, though, she had plans." Seth grimaced. "I can't believe she tracked me down today."
"Tracked you -- you're kidding me. You, too?"
"She came after you?" Seth rolled over onto his stomach, staring at Clay. "Jesus, man. Did she do anything to you?"
"Just shot off her mouth." Clay shrugged. "I got worried about you, but when I got home and you were playing games on the computer, I didn't figure I needed to say anything. But she accosted you? When? How?"
"I went out to breakfast with Anthony. Sophie found me in the Seaside Diner." Seth waved it aside as unimportant, then paused. He elbowed Clay. "You know, she had a preacher with her?"
Clay had just taken a sip of juice. He choked. "A preacher? What the hell for?"
"Apparently, he was with one of those gay de-programming units," Seth admitted. "She was going to reconvert me. All I had to do was go along like a good little boy."
"Oh, that's low. What did you do?"
Seth shifted again. He couldn't exactly see himself confessing to Clay: I told her that I loved you, and I didn't have any plans to retrain myself like a good little puppy, so the preacher could go get impaled on a pitchfork and she should go back home to her spider web.
"Nothing much," he fibbed. "I just told them I wasn't interested."
"Pretty emphatically, I bet."
"You could say that. Juice?"
Clay passed the bottle over, but instead of giving it hand to hand, he slowly rolled the bottle down Seth's forearm, nestling it into his palm. Seth shivered, and not just from the cold. "I'm proud of you," Clay said softly. "I know what kind of guts it took to tell her off."
Seth clutched the bottle. "It wasn't a big deal," he protested, voice low. "I -- she's -- I'm not interested in her anymore."
"So what are you interested in?" Clay sounded unbearably patient. "All these questions about being gay, Seth. Are you maybe thinking about
going after someone?"
"No!" Seth blurted. Then, he sighed. "Maybe? I don't know."
"Who?"
As if I'd tell Clay! Hey, I have a crush on you. Here's hoping it doesn't ruin our friendship, but would you mind showing me a few things about how guys get down and dirty together? Yeah. That would go over really well.
"Just someone I met the other day." The lies were stacking higher and higher. And did he imagine it, or did Clay look disappointed at the words? Seth's heart beat faster. What if… what if he did come clean? Tell Clay everything?
Slowly, shyly, not quite believing he was doing it, Seth reached out. His fingers inched across the blanket until they touched Clay's. He took the big hand in his own and squeezed hard. "I'm confused, Clay," he admitted. "This all started off as a big game, and now I don't know which way to turn."
Clay hadn't drawn back. Carefully, he stroked Seth's hand with his thumb. A long moment of silence passed between them, Seth's heart pounding in his throat. Finally, Clay spoke.
"You asked me to show you how all of this worked," he said quietly. "If you really want to know what it's all about, I'll take it a step further."
Seth swallowed hard. "You'd…?"
"Why not? It'd be the same as when Anthony and I get together." Clay's thumb made smooth sweeps over Seth's hand. "Just friends, indulging a little curiosity. If it's what you want, I can help you out. It's not like you're hard to look at."
Seth felt himself turning pink, something he hadn't done in ages. "You -- you think I'm good-looking?"
Clay chuckled. "I do have eyes, man. You're a pretty fine specimen of manhood. Not that I've ever been perving on you or anything. Just noticing in passing, so to speak."
Seth felt an extra twinge of guilt. "And you'd show me? I mean, I guess I need to know. Whether or not I like things, I mean."
"Would it help?"
"Might give me a hand on making up my mind." Seth ran his tongue across his lips, which felt dry, as if he'd been eating the pomegranates instead of drinking their juice. "How do we start?"
"For one thing, you relax." Clay squeezed Seth's hand back. "Just lie back and relax, okay? If I do anything you don't like, just say so. No means no, right?"
"Right." Seth wiggled with nervousness. He couldn't believe he was about to -- but he'd asked for it, hadn't he? "Go ahead."
"I already am." Clay applied a gentle pressure to Seth's fingers. "We're holding hands. Touching digits is as good a place to start as any."
"Oh?" Seth struggled for calmness and some degree of cool. "That's okay, then. I mean, this is cool."
"Good. Now just lie still, okay? Let me do all the work."
Seth shifted uncomfortably. Words like those were supposed to be his line, coaxing a date into letting him go a little further. All the same, he trusted Clay. The man wouldn't go too far. Slowly, he nodded.
"Okay," Clay breathed. "Don't say anything unless you want me to stop. Just enjoy this. Just feel."
Ever so slowly, Clay freed his hand from Seth's. He ghosted it up the length of Seth's arm, barely touching the skin. Seth felt the small hairs on his arm tingling, as if he were being caressed by a ghost. The sensation sent shivers down his spine, but he liked them.
Clay's hand moved again, this time over Seth's chest. Using one forefinger, he drew a line down Seth's chest to his stomach. He ran that finger along the edge of Seth's T-shirt. "Can I?" he whispered.
Don't say a word, Seth reminded himself. He took a deep breath and nodded.
"Thank you," Clay murmured. Ever so gently, he raised Seth's T-shirt up, the material drifting away from him. Seth shuddered as the cooling night air touched his skin, all the way up to his nipples. "Will you take this off?"
Seth nodded. Sitting up a little, he let Clay peel the shirt off him. Then, as if he weighed no more than a feather, Clay laid him back down on the blanket. "Just lie there," Clay's voice soothed. "Close your eyes."
Obediently, Seth shut them. He wanted to see, but at the same time, he didn't want anything to interfere with the pure sensations washing over him. Salt air and Clay's hands. Hands stroking up and down his chest, and then fingers on his nipples. Not pinching or pulling, just rubbing slow circles around them. Seth was startled by how good the sensation felt, and tried to express his appreciation by arching up into Clay's touch.
Clay chuckled. "Now, remember you can say no at any time," he reminded Seth. Then, suddenly, Seth's left nipple was surrounded by wet warmth. He felt a tongue lashing at his skin, and gentle suction being applied.
He couldn't help letting a moan escape. The feel of Clay's hands on him and that warm suckling felt better than almost anything. His cock began to get hard, rising and filling in his shorts. He didn't freak out, though, although for a second it was a near thing.
Just feel, he reminded himself. It's okay. This is just Clay. My friend.
When the mouth left his nipple, he almost whimpered. Clay stroked his skin, murmuring nonsense that soothed him down. "Lie still," he said clearly. "Let me do this."
Seth held absolutely firm in place. Or at least he did until he felt the lips on his cheek. Light as Clay's earlier touch, sweeter than anything he'd ever felt. They ghosted from one side to the other, then kissed the tip of his nose, then his chin, then his forehead. Seth's dick surged upward harder as his heartbeat sped up, anticipating…
Yes. Gentle as a breeze, Clay's lips fastened over his own. Seth lay frozen. His second real kiss with a man. Time seemed to stand still.
Slowly, Clay traced Seth's lips with the tip of his tongue. Automatically, Seth's mouth opened before he realized what he was doing. Clay made a small, nonverbal growl, and slid his tongue inside. Noises regardless, he was still gentle, stroking Seth's tongue with his own, as if he were gently making love to Seth's mouth. It seemed like Clay was putting all his effort into making this feel good.
And it did, or at least it wasn't freaking Seth out. Cautiously, he stretched out with his own tongue and twined it around Clay's. He tasted like pomegranates, sweet and sour. Wasn't there some old legend about tasting those fruits and then falling? Persephone, he thought hazily, before he was lost in the kiss.
Seth had no idea how long it went on, a simple touch of mouth to mouth, and tongue to tongue, but when Clay's hand began to move again he jumped. Clay drew back instantly. "Too much?" he asked. "All you have to do is say stop."
Opening his eyes to the darkening sky, Seth discovered that everything looked hazy. He shook his head. The whole of his body was trembling, his cock was hard enough that it hurt, and the last thing he wanted was for Clay to stop, even if this was all for pretend.
"Okay," Clay murmured, kissing Seth's lips again ever so briefly. "This is one of the things that men do together."
He trailed a row of kisses down Seth's chest, stopping at the waistband of his shorts. "Too much?" he asked, fingers already slipping underneath the elastic.
Seth didn't answer in words. Instead, hands shaking, he laid them over Clay's hands and squeezed. Go ahead. I want you to.
"All right," Clay whispered. Ever so slowly, inch by inch, he peeled down Seth's shorts. When Seth's cock popped out into the cool night air, Seth couldn't help a small groan of relief.
"Easy, easy," Clay soothed.
Is he going to? Is he going to? Seth babbled in his own mind as Clay nuzzled the small trail of hair on his chest. Come on, please, let him do it. I'm not freaking out, which should freak me all the more, but I'm not. I actually want him to do this. I'm aching for the feel of his lips on my cock, where no one but women have been before.
Is it too soon for this? Is it too much to ask Clay? What if he doesn't want to? What if I'm pushing him?
Seth opened his eyes again and glanced down the length of his body. What he saw took his breath away. Clay's head, dark and shaggy, poised over his dick. His own cock, standing thick and tall, ridged with veins, dark with blood, and pulsing slightly. The sight sent a jolt of pleasure through him, and a bead of pre-come bubbled out
of his slit.
"It's okay," Clay soothed, rubbing small circles on Seth's stomach. "I'll stop if you say so."
Seth took a deep breath and shook his head no. He didn't know why, but he wanted this more than anything ever before in his life. The thought of Clay's mouth surrounding him filled his veins with fire. Another shock of delight rippled through him, releasing another bead of clear fluid.
Clay lowered his mouth to Seth's cock. His tongue came out and curled around the tip, dabbing up the drips of pre-come. Seth couldn't help giving a loud moan, arching his back. The heat, the slickness, the knowledge that this was Clay about to give him head…