Patient_Crew

by Hannah Kaplan

  “You’re a runner I can see it in your eyes,” she said. She was right I was ready to run. He was one of them, and now he had me where he had wanted me the whole time. Kevin was not to be trusted.

  “Just wait a second,” Kevin said and lifted his hands in the air symbolically calling a timeout. He let his right arm down slowly, took the gun out of its holster and put it in the dresser drawer. He took off his jacket and handed it to Jade. “Calm down Momma you’re fixing to rock yourself right off the chair.” He smiled at her. She calmed in an instant and her rocking slowed.

  “You’re one of them,” I said with disgust. “You must be having a good laugh over all this. You got me didn’t you? Yes you got me.”

  “Don’t let your imagination run amuck,” he said. “If you mean one of them like Tim and Marla or, the CIA no I’m not one of them. I’m a detective with the Abilene Police Department that’s what I am.”

  “You’re government doesn’t matter how you label it,” I said.

  “You found me I didn’t find you, there’s a difference.”

  “Huge difference,” Jade said.

  “So what now?” I asked. “What do you want me to do? But first in honor of our…what did you call it? Full disclosure? I got to tell ya, the crews gone on vacation and if I’m lucky it will be a permanent one. So what do you got now Fat Boy? Nothing.”

  “I was never out to get you,” he said. “I didn’t know who you were until I saw you write.”

  “What does that prove? You never told me the truth about anything.”

  “You’ve got it all wrong,” he said.

  “Explain it to her Kevin. You’re not explaining so she can understand,” Jade said.

  “Momma stay out of this,” Kevin spat back.

  “I am merely trying to help. I don’t understand what you’re saying so I’m sure she doesn’t either.”

  “Not now Momma,” he said. “Shanna, there is nothing I can say to make you believe or trust me. I’m not even going to try.”

  “Am I free to go?”

  “You have always been free to go.”

  “The windows are closed and door’s blocked, but I’m free to go?”

  “Momma move away from the door, and open it.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Jade said. “She’s a runner.”

  “Momma, please move away from the door and open it,” Kevin repeated. Jade got up, obediently moved her chair back into its place and opened the door. Kevin handed me the car keys.

  “The titles still in it,” he said.

  “Where are my shoes?” I asked.

  “In the closet,” Jade said.

  “I’ll get them,” Kevin said. “Momma, turn on the TV news. Shanna might be interested in the headlines.” Jade turned on CNN, and the screen was lit up with reporters. It was a live shot from the helicopter flying over a building in Albuquerque New Mexico. Kevin sat on the bed beside me with my shoes in his hand. I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV.

  “This is day two of the search and rescue operation here at the Children’s History Museum of Albuquerque, in New Mexico. Our fears and the fears of the nation are the same. We fear that no one will be found alive,” said Pam Healy, on-location reporter. “The death toll has yet to be reported but officials have said it will likely be in the hundreds. The similarities between this bombing and the bombing just a week ago in Forman, Oklahoma has not escaped any of us here at CNN. There were four major explosions causing the building to implode or fall in on itself. The bombs were also fueled with gasoline that created fireballs and an oven-like affect on the building’s interior.”

  “Did this happen yesterday?” I asked.

  “Yes. There’s going to be a lot of deaths, at least three-hundred,” Kevin said.

  “So now you’re pushing guilt.” I said, and put on my shoes. “It won’t work.”

  “I’m not pushing guilt. If it were up to me you’d already be on the road far away from here, but it’s not up to me. It’s your choice. You need to choose where you go, and what you do next.” He motioned for Jade to turn off the TV. “What I have decided to push is awareness. You can’t fight an enemy you don’t know.” I stood up and looked around to see that nothing I owned was in the room. “Where’s my stuff, my bag?” I asked.

  “Your bag is in my room,” Kevin said. “It’s safe there, I know how possessive women are with that sort of thing.”

  Jade laughed, “Lord I raised a good boy. Thank you Jesus.”

  Kevin tried not to smile (this was the business Kevin) but he couldn’t control the half-cocked grin that was on his face. “Everything else, the journals, your suitcase it’s all in the car. I put my GPS on the dash, you can keep that and the tank is full.” Kevin turned for the door. “Wait here one second let me get the files.” He was out, and back in the room within seconds handing me four folders.

  “What’s all this?” I asked. I opened the folder on top labeled Timothy Todd. The first thing I saw was an 8X10 full glossy photo. It was a front view; no smiles mug shot. The second page was a side view of the same photo. The rest of the folder contained notes, and handwritten details of his employment with the CIA and dismissal. The next folder was labeled Marla Todd, and the one after that was Finneaus Albert. The last folder was labeled Shanna Green.

  “That is everything I could find on Tim, Marla, Finneaus and you. It’s a lot of detective work. It includes government records, and what the crew has said about each,” Kevin said. “I transcribed as much as I could understand of your verbal sessions over the last few days, and uploaded it to the Crewbies. There’s a copy in your folder.” He looked down at the floor and moved his lips around as if he wanted to say more. “If you don’t mind can I ask where you might go?”

  “I don’t fucking know,” I said. “Is there a place where I’d be safe?”

  “You don’t have to leave,” he said and locked on my eyes. “You can stay here free to come and go as you please.”

  “I’m better off on my own. If I’m lucky I’ll find someone I can trust if there is such a person.” And if there’s not I’ll remain alone on my own. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more right now than to just forget it all existed. I wanted to run as far as I could and then run a little further. I would go where no one would or could ever know the crew or me.

  “I never gave you any reason to distrust me,” Kevin said. “I never lied to you not once.”

  “You didn’t tell me you were a detective,” I said. “You said you were still in school. You said you worked at the store.”

  “All true. I am in school, and I do work for that store. All true,” he said.

  “That’s right all true,” Jade chimed in.

  “I should have told you I was a detective, but honestly there was never a proper time,” he said. “I knew the minute I told you I would be tossed out the door.”

  “You can bet your ass you would have,” I said.

  “See, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew I could help you. I’m the dark warrior. I am the one foretold by the crew, and if I wanted you in custody girl I’d have done it when I first saw you writing. Whether you believe me or not, that’s up to you. I know who I am. I am the only person you can trust right now, and the only one who can help you.”

  “What are you going to do when I leave?” I asked. My resolve was weakening the longer I thought about all those children dying. A month of a thousand deaths would mean hundreds more would be murdered.

  “I’m going after that fuck-wad Finneaus,” Kevin said. “He’s only half-way to a thousand and I’ll be damned if I’m giving him the time to complete his sick fantasy. I’m going after his fucked-up ass and when I get him he faces the wrath of Fat Boy.”

  Jade walked out the door unnerved by her son’s language. “That’s enough for me. I’m starting supper and I’m setting three places at the table. It’ll be ready in an hour.” Kevin and I shared a laugh as she left the room a little lighter than it was before.

  “Your
mother is a good woman. I like her.”

  “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I’m trying to save your ass,” he said.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, put his head down and closed his eyes. He had the face of a man fighting a deep inner conflict. “I want you to gather your stuff and get the hell out of here. In your folder there’s an envelope with a new name, passport, drivers license, birth certificate and everything you need to start a new life. Take it and go.” He looked up at me, “that’s what I want, but this has to be your choice because it’s your life. I will accede to your decision.”

  “I want to stop him,” I said.

  “Not a chance, that’s not an option. I can find this guy before he does it again. It would be easier with the crew’s help, but I won’t put you in danger.”

  “They’re silent. They’re not talking, not even a mumble. Can we do it without them?”

  “I can do it without them,” Kevin said. “There is no we just me. I got this. It’s too dangerous for you to be involved.”

  “There’s more danger in my being alone,” I argued. “What if the crew comes back? How will I let you know what they’ve said? You need me to be wherever you are.”

  “I need you to be safe. The whole damned world needs you to be safe. Without you there is no crew.”

  “There is no crew now. What if they’ve gone to someone else?”

  “They haven’t,” he said. “They’re letting you rest.”

  “You don’t know that. They could be gone forever.”

  “They’ll be back. Patient: Crew book one, page forty-two The Hippy says: When the flower child arrives at the point of no return man we have to switch it off. We have to honor the sweet child in her time of weakness and need. It’s groovy to go away and let the seedling heal so the flower can once again bloom; it’s a heavy sacrifice for the whole. They’ll be back.”

  “When was that written?”

  “Two thousand three. You could stay here. Momma can make sure you’re safe.”

  “That’s a year after I left Sunny. I need to be with you, to keep you safe.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince him or me. I could smell Jade’s cooking and hear her singing while pots and pans clanked in the kitchen. I could feel my mind waking up—transmitters humming. I was compelled to stop the killing and chaos that had been created. I was comforted by my enthusiasm to fight the enemy. “If I stay for supper will you tell me everything you know?” I asked.

  “Full disclosure,” he said.

  A small dining room where Jade had set the table and lit the candles separated the living room from the kitchen. The living room walls were littered with family pictures. One wall documented every year of Kevin’s life from birth to Police Detective. Every picture was that of a smiling family, none of the pain that Jade had described was evident. Above the sofa was a family portrait taken when Kevin was a toddler. His father was in his Police uniform, and Jade wore a light pink dress. She was holding Kevin who was wearing a little dark blue suit. I couldn’t help notice how much Kevin looked like Jade. His father was a tall slender man with a long thin face. Kevin and Jade had the same chipmunk cheeks, and their eyes squinted to almost closing when they smiled. Their smiles were warm and genuine and overflowing with love.

  “That’s my favorite,” Kevin said. “Are you ready to eat?”

  “How old were you when this was taken?” I asked.

  “Almost three. Six months later, he was dead.”

  She keeps it hung here in plain sight so that she can always live in that moment, I thought. I wondered what it felt like to have a little person come from your body and look like you. Was it like looking in the mirror of your own past?

  “Supper time,” Jade yelled from the kitchen.

  “We better go sit, Momma don’t tolerate tardiness when it comes to supper time,” Kevin said and led me to the table. He pulled out my chair and made sure I was seated before walking around the table and doing the same for Jade. The meal with Kevin and Jade was the best I had eaten in years. Even food tasted better when the crew was silent. We had chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes with white gravy, peas, carrots and dinner rolls. There was no conversation at first just a lot of chewing, drinking and mmm, mmm-ing. After every third bite or so Kevin would blurt out. “Momma you out done yourself tonight.”

  “Kevin tells me you are a social worker, and that you work with children,” I said after I had eaten more than I usually do in a week’s time.

  “I am, I do and that’s all I can say about that,” she stated and then giggled.

  “Momma can’t talk about work and neither can I because most of what we encounter comes with a gag order,” Kevin interjected.

  “It must be quiet around here with only the weather to discuss,” I said.

  “Not as quiet as you’d think,” Jade said and threw Kevin a knowing smile. They both laughed at their private joke.

  “Rules are made to broken,” Jade said. “Which reminds me, I was in that liquor store down on Fourteenth Street buying a bottle of cooking wine. Lord knows I don’t drink the hard stuff, but you know I like to cook my pasta sauce with some burgundy. Well, they have a back room that takes up half the store and I was wondering why it was closed up with a locked door. I’ve heard rumors of kiddy porn being sold in that room, but you can’t trust rumors. So I was talking to a man, one of the twelve I saw coming and going through the door to that back room, and I asked him what was back there. I said maybe there’s an old bottle of burgundy in there I’d like to buy. I put my hand on the door knob before he had a chance to lock it, and six men jumped out of the woodwork to block my way. Maybe some rumors should be trusted.”

  “It would probably behoove the police department to get involved and make sure that place was shut down,” Kevin said. “The owner of the store has a three-year old daughter. That can’t be a wholesome atmosphere for a child.” Kevin pulled a small note pad and pencil from his pants pocket and jotted down some notes. “You see Shanna we’re on the same team, and if we can’t share the knowledge we gain what good is being on a team. Sometimes the law get’s in the way of us doing our jobs.”

  Kevin and Jade complimented each other—I envied their connection. I enjoyed being with them. It didn’t mean I could trust them. It didn’t mean they knew what was best for me. My thoughts continually drifted back to Tim and Marla. I trusted them. They were happy together too. I thought they wanted what was best for me. They had it all at least it seemed that way to me.

  “Shanna, what’s your wish right now?” Jade asked.

  “My wish?” I had no idea what she was talking about. “I’m sorry I must’ve drifted.”

  “Momma has this game she likes to play around the supper table,” Kevin said. “She especially likes to do this when one of my friends are around no doubt to embarrass the hell out of them.”

  “I do no such a thing, and I wouldn’t call it a game,” Jade said. “I simply like to see people’s reaction to the question and then I like to hear the response. One can learn a lot about a person through their wishes.”

  “So what’s the game?” I asked.

  “If you had one wish this very second and you were assured it would come true what would it be?” I didn’t have to think about that question. I knew my wish instantly. The room was silent. The heavy breathing and sounds of eating had ceased. I think even the crickets outside stopped their chirping while waiting for my answer.

  “I don’t want to be a victim—I wish I had this,” I said. “I want this feeling of warmth, family and home. I want to be home, that is if I ever figure out where home is.” The silence remained, and then Jade began to cry. Kevin looked at me with eyes that understood. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t looking for your pity.”

  “No child,” Jade said. “You don’t need to be sorry.” She cried out loud. It oddly reminded me of Marla’s laugh. “As long as I am alive you have a home right here with me. That’s a
promise. I don’t say that out of pity but out of love and only love.”

  “Thank you.”

  “She can’t have my room,” Kevin said, and let out a laugh that shook his body and the entire table with it. “It’s time to get to work, are you ready?”

  “I’m ready,” I said. We left Jade at the table wiping her tears, and mumbling a prayer neither one of us wanted to hear.

  16.

  Momma’s journal--May 11, 1985: You could do most anything with the light inside blessed to be with you. We can be everything along with one who’ll be the guide. Listen with your eyes and know it by the smell. He’ll be waiting just inside. When you least expect it, you’ve arrived. Run as though you know where you’re going. Listen as if you’ve heard it before. Think louder and your voice will be heard. He’s waiting. Needing his faith to become truth.

  ****

  Kevin’s bedroom was dark and masculine, unlike the rest of the house. Take away the bed and it looked more like a war room. The walls were covered with papers pinned around copied book pages. Every page was surrounded by newspaper clippings and official documents describing the event that was foretold by the crew. It was impressive. It felt right.

  “That’s just some long term stuff I’ve been working on,” he said. “The left side is you.” He had pictures of both Patient: Crew books and quotations from each of the crew. Beside the quotes were notes on who the crew might be, or where they came from. There were maps of Iran and Washington, DC with notes surrounding each. Nothing he had written was remotely close to the truth. “I was in shock when I first learned that you housed the crew,” he said. “I’ve been looking for them since the first book debuted, and not once did I think it was some pretty little blonde from Sunny, Texas. I was sure whomever or whatever it was would be from Egypt, Iraq or Israel, you know—heavy beard, Monk type mystic. Every trail led in that direction. It was Tim, he wanted it to lead in those directions to cover his own tracks.” He took the file folder marked Timothy Todd and opened it.

  “Tim was never interested in the sessions. He never questioned me about them.”