Caycee had made the same promise, and it was clear, she wanted a daughter as well. Jaynee wondered if she was being selfish. Should she allow Caycee to experience what she had given up for a few days? Would it help? Would Caycee then see the love she’d shunned all these years and attempt to make a new life for herself?
Or, a scarier thought … would she try to move in on Jordan and the kids? She chastised herself for the thought … Caycee knew she couldn’t get away with that; she certainly wouldn’t try anything. If Jaynee wasn’t capable of hurting anyone, then certainly Caycee wasn’t able.
Would it be better to introduce her as a sister, let her become an aunt instead? It would certainly be more honest. She decided not to worry about it. They would have fun today, and by the end of the evening, she would know what to do.
After finishing her social page hopping, she researched Trip Advisor and a few other websites, deciding she would like to see the Statue of Liberty, go to a Broadway play of Phantom of the Opera, and ride to the top of the Empire State Building. Without prior reservations, she wasn’t sure they could do any of those things, but she hoped Caycee knew someone who could arrange it.
Excited as she was by the prospect, she wanted to wake up Caycee to make her request, but figured she’d be better with a little more sleep. Instead, Jaynee decided to make a coffee and muffin run. She’d wake her when she returned.
On her way to the coffee shop, she called Jordan; he would have just finished dropping off the kids at school.
Just when she was ready to hang up and text him, he answered, breathless. “Did I tell you how much I miss you when you’re gone?”
Jaynee chuckled. “Yes, several times. But it’s good you’re reminded every once in a while.”
He released a deep sigh. “Are the kids always this frazzled in the morning? Johanna refused to get out of the shower according to Justin, which was his excuse for making everyone late. Jacob couldn’t find his homework, which turned up in Jeremy’s backpack. Hmm … ’magine that? Then I had to return to the school to drop off Jeremy’s lunch, and now I’m running late for a meeting.”
She stifled a laugh. “No … because I don’t allow it. I make certain Johanna’s out of the shower and Justin is up … which is more likely than Johanna making him late. And Jeremy’s bag would have been the first place I would have searched for anything belonging to Jacob. And Jeremy knows if he forgets lunch, he starves, which is usually not an issue because he ends up conning some kid into sharing his food.”
“Well, see then how much you’re needed, if only to keep this family running smoothly.”
“Is that all then?” she teased.
“No, I need you too, but you already knew that. So much so, I can’t even seem to think straight after only a few days, but you’ll be back tomorrow, right? I’m picking you up at eleven, and then we have four hours until we have to pick up the kids,” he hinted.
“That’s right. You took off the afternoon?”
“Of course … don’t I always?” She could imagine him crinkling the area between his eyebrows.
“Yes, you always do. Thank you for that.” The line clicked; he was getting another call.
“Hey, babe, that’s my appointment on the other line, can you hold a sec?”
“No, Jordan … go ahead. I love you, and I’ll talk to you tonight.”
“Okay, love you too, bye.”
Jordan would be inside the airport waiting for her as usual. He refused to wait in the cell-phone lot; though, she’d told him repeatedly it was no trouble. He would clear his afternoon schedule, and they’d go out to lunch … somewhere nice in Charlotte. Return to the house for a little afternoon delight, pick up the kids together, order pizza for dinner — so she didn’t have to cook — and then they’d feign exhaustion in front of the kids and sneak off to the bedroom to make love again. It was the same every trip, one of the reasons she chose for her arrival time to be around eleven.
She ordered two vanilla lattes and blueberry muffins for breakfast and hurried back to the hotel. They would need to get started if they were going to be able to get anything done today. Caycee would just have to wake up … she could sleep in the taxi.
Caycee was in the shower when Jaynee walked in. Good, at least she wouldn’t have to drag her out of bed. She lightly tapped on the door. “I brought coffee.”
“It’s not the stuff downstairs, is it?” Caycee yelled from behind the door.
Jaynee laughed. “I didn’t change that much, Cay. I still have superb taste in coffee.” The shower turned off, but there was no reply. “You okay?”
Caycee opened the door. She was anything but okay. Her face was pale, as if all the blood had dropped to her feet, and she hadn’t even bothered to dry off … she just stood there, clutching the white towel around her chest.
For the first time in weeks, angst swept through her being at the sight of Caycee’s distressed expression. She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to enjoy her company, and the thought that she’d done something to upset her had her stomach in knots. “What happened … did I say something wrong?”
Caycee shook her head, but her eyes were red, as if holding back tears. “No one has called me Cay in eighteen years, Jaynee. The last person was Gram when she made breakfast for Jordan and me. I never called her … I never went back. How could I have done that?” She collapsed against the wall, her chin dropping to her chest. “I’d said to myself that I was leaving everything behind, but I’d always planned to call. But then I got so busy.” She lifted her head. “Do you know how long I waited? Fourteen years. When I called, a young girl picked up, said she was cleaning the house because Gram had passed away the week before.” Caycee gritted her teeth together and lifted her clenched fists to her face, as though holding back a scream. “A week after she’d died, Jaynee! I called a week after her death!” she screeched out, her head dropping again.
Jaynee took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Caycee, feeling as if she were comforting her sister. “Gram never knew. I was there … she wasn’t alone.”
Caycee raised her body upright out of the embrace, refusing to be consoled. “But what if this freak accident hadn’t happened? I left her — after everything she did for me, I left her.” Caycee’s voice cracked with the pain she was needlessly inflicting on herself. The what ifs that had never happened.
There was a reason for all of this; Jaynee knew it with all her heart. There had to be some ultimate truth, whether Caycee believed or not. God existed, and that God would not alter the scientific laws He put into place unless it was for a reason.
Jaynee ran her hands through her damp hair, as she did for Johanna when she was upset. “You can’t punish yourself for things that could have happened. The only person who has been hurt is you. You’ve only brought pain to yourself.”
Caycee stepped backward as if she’d slapped her. She shook her head lightly, wanting to deny the truth of Jaynee’s words. But the facts were undeniable. No one had missed Caycee. She was the only one suffering for her choices. Jaynee wished she could help her; the pain was so evident in her eyes. She could only offer one thing, but it was the one part of herself she wasn’t willing to sacrifice: her life, even if for only a week.
“Please, Jaynee.” Caycee’s tone and demeanor were different, her hard outer shell crumbling.
She didn’t have to ask what Caycee wanted; she felt the pit in her stomach she hadn’t felt in weeks. Meeting Caycee had somehow filled that empty void in her life … that part of her that was missing. The thought of allowing Caycee to step into her life, though, propelled all those feelings of despair and hopelessness to the surface. She toddled backward, collapsing on the edge of the bed.
Caycee closed the space, kneeling in front of her. “It feels right. It feels like what we’re supposed to do, as if we’ll be able to forge two parts of a soul back together. I have to know. I have to believe in happiness.”
Jaynee’s shoulders sagged at the reminder of Jordan�
�s words so many years ago. He’d made her believe, had shown her true happiness. She knew she was going to surrender, even as she whipped her head back and forth, tears now forming in her eyes.
“Please … not even a week, just enough time for me to understand what I gave up, to be able to feel something other than myself for once. To know what it’s like to be a mother.” Her eyes were still glassy, and a tear at the edge of her eye threatened to spill over onto her cheek.
Jaynee released a long breath, a sigh of consent. “O … kay …” she sputtered. “You can fly back tomorrow. But you’re leaving Saturday morning, returning to the airport early to pick me up, and then you can fly back home. That gives you five nights.”
Caycee jumped up, grabbing her up off the bed and wrapping her arms around her. “Thank you, Jaynee. Thank you. I’ll repay you. I don’t know how, but someday I’ll do something as completely unselfish for you.”
Jaynee attempted a smile, huffing through her nose. She dropped her head against Caycee’s shoulder as she hugged her. She seriously doubted that Caycee could ever do something as selfless as this. Jordan would be confused. She would have to preempt her arrival … warn him somehow she wasn’t feeling well and that it was a bad week. He’d live.
“Well, to start with, you’re buying my ticket back to Charlotte,” Jaynee said.
“I’ll even spring for first-class,” Caycee chirped.
“I guess we won’t be seeing the town today or Phantom of the Opera tonight.” Caycee cocked her head in question, so Jaynee elaborated. “We have to give you a crash course on Jaynee Monroe. Luckily, I can just stay hidden for a few days … take the time to work on my novel.”
Caycee grinned, the happiest Jaynee had seen her. She wished she could share her sentiment.
***
They spent the remainder of the day going over the intimate details of Jaynee’s life. They pored over photographs chronologically, which basically told the story of Jordan and Jaynee’s marriage. Jaynee spent the majority of the time going over the children’s likes and dislikes. How to tell the difference between Jacob and Jeremy. They spoke of her duties as a mother and wife … all but one duty, of course, which Jaynee was super clear on … there was no gray area.
Jaynee didn’t see how Caycee would avoid kissing Jordan, but she was darn sure going to pull off the sickness. Only problem, if she were too sick, she wouldn’t be able to act like a mother. It was a quandary, and repeatedly, Jaynee wondered if this was a really bad idea. But if she didn’t agree to Caycee’s request, no telling what she would say or do. She just couldn’t deal with her dredging up old secrets that she’d spent so long trying to bury.
The time had come to call Jordan. She did her best to sound sick, which really wasn’t that far of a stretch. She felt nauseated for what she was about to do, not only to herself, but also to her husband and children. Jordan was thoughtful, as always. Told her to get some rest and he’d see her in the morning. Jaynee hung up sullen, knowing that other than a few minutes tomorrow, she wouldn’t speak to him again until Saturday. They’d been apart many times, but they’d never even gone a day without speaking to each other. Never … no matter where they were, they were always a phone call away.
She really was taking Caycee’s life. She was cutting herself off from everyone she loved for five days; it would feel like forever.
Chapter Fourteen
(Caycee)
It was time to go. Caycee listened as Jaynee placed her final call to Jordan before she was to board the plane.
Now they stood staring at each other, two identical twins. More identical than two sisters ever were in history, Caycee imagined. The only difference, the small scar that managed to stay hidden well behind Jaynee’s hairline.
Jaynee hugged her tightly as she accepted the keys to Caycee’s Mercedes Convertible, the only perk that seemed to excite her. She hadn’t wanted to go to her apartment; she was certain she could figure out everything. It wasn’t as though she’d be going anywhere; she was a homebody. Though, she’d mentioned going to the opera.
Stepping back from their embrace first, Jaynee crossed her arms. “Keep your hands to yourself, Caycee, or I’ll hogtie you and drag you behind my truck.”
Caycee laughed, but there wasn’t any humor in Jaynee’s eyes. She was serious. “I’ll be good … I promise.”
With that, she turned to leave, eager to get on with her week. She hadn’t really thought Jaynee would go along with the switch. She thought she’d have to plead for hours. But Jaynee had felt sorry for her and had agreed out of pure guilt. Caycee could live with that. She would be proper and upright, the good girl she’d once been.
She wouldn’t try to encourage Jordan’s affections as she would another man; she would honor Jaynee’s marriage. She only wanted to know what it would be like to be a mother and wife. Not that this would be a clear indication … all the children were older; there were no diapers to change, no midnight feedings. But she really wanted to see the life she’d given up.
Her excitement continued to build throughout the flight. She studied her notes she’d jotted on her iPhone. Information Jaynee had provided her about Jordan, the kids, friends, and family. It was a lot to learn in a couple of days. Hopefully, since she was supposedly ill, Jordan wouldn’t expect her to go anywhere or invite anyone over to the house.
Jaynee had shown her their home and area on Google Earth. She’d been able to see the house and barn, the gravel driveway. Jaynee had inundated her with instructions for waking the kids, getting them ready for school, taking them to school, directions to the local stores … Wal-Mart seemed to be the have-all-of-everything-you-need store.
She’d been accustomed to eating out most evenings. For the few food items she did purchase, she procured most of them at Dean and DeLuca. Other necessities she picked up at the local pharmacy. She hadn’t actually ever been inside a superstore. Jaynee recommended that she put on her iPhone’s iPod and keep her head down, as Wal-Mart was an adventure of sharing aisles with motorized carts, screaming children, and aggravated mothers. Jaynee assured her she’d be fine as long as she stuck to her lists.
As the captain announced the details of the weather while readying the plane for landing, Caycee started to grow nervous. She actually jumped when she felt the wheels lower. Would she even recognize Jordan when she saw him again, or would she walk right by him? Would he suspect anything? Could she really pull off being a mother?
While other passengers started gathering their personal belongings, Caycee’s heart raced. Nothing she had was hers. Everything was Jaynee’s, right down to the rings she now wore on her left hand. Her phone, her purse, her clothes … they were all lies. This wasn’t who she was, and she wasn’t sure she could pull off this charade. The blood in her head pumped so loudly she couldn’t hear the flight attendant’s instruction. It sounded like she was in a tunnel filled with nothing but rushing air closing in on her — suffocating her.
“Ma’am, are you all right?” a worried voice inquired. “She’s pale white. I don’t know what happened.” The petite blonde was speaking to a tall brunette, but Caycee couldn’t make her mouth or limbs obey simple instruction. It felt as if everything had detached from her brain.
The brunette bent down in front of her. “Do you need help, Ma’am? Are you diabetic?”
Caycee closed her eyes, and for a second, the world stopped spinning. “I’m okay,” she whispered, but she wasn’t certain any words actually escaped her lips. She was having a panic attack. “I just need a second.” She mindlessly reached for her bottle of Xanax, but then remembered that the monstrosity masquerading as a purse beside her was Jaynee’s, not her Valentino handbag.
The woman pressed something cool against her lips. “Here, sip this; the sugar will help.”
The too-sweet flavor of a high-fructose riddled cola passed over her lips. She hated regular soda as it tasted like pure corn syrup, but she knew the sugar would definitely help, so she obeyed.
She opened h
er eyes and the larger woman was sitting beside her. The plane had already emptied. Had she actually passed out this time? Now she felt awkward. She wasn’t accustomed to anyone taking care of her. She sat upright, attempting to get to her feet.
“No rush. Get your bearings. Is there someone here to pick you up?” the brunette asked.
“My husband,” she said automatically, and the thought surprised her. Suddenly she wanted to get off the plane. Jordan was waiting. “I have to go,” she said, panic evident in her voice.
The woman wrapped her arm around her waist. “We have a wheelchair right outside the door.”
“No,” Caycee interjected. “I’m fine. I don’t want him to see me like this. It’s been a long time.”
“Just until we get into the main area so you can catch your breath. We have a cart waiting to take you, but he won’t see you.”
She reluctantly did as instructed. The brunette pushed her while the blonde gathered her carry-on luggage, following closely beside them like a faithful German shepherd. The Amazon was overdoing it, but Caycee realized she was instructing the petite one what to do in a situation. Great...now she was a training exercise on what to do when a passenger experienced a panic attack.
When they reached the main corridor, the woman locked the wheels and strode in front of Caycee to reposition the footrests. “Do you feel better, Mrs. Monroe?”
Caycee smiled at the title. “Yes, I do. Thank you.” Standing up, she staggered cautiously to the waiting golf cart. The blond woman was smiling now, content that she’d handled her first panic-stricken passenger. She set her luggage on the floor beside Caycee then sat beside her. Caycee stared at the woman confused.
“I won’t say anything,” the blonde promised. “I’ll just sit beside you to make sure you’re okay until your husband arrives.”
Caycee offered her a half-smile. The young woman had a strong southern accent, and it was evident she took her job seriously. Caycee had to remember she was in the South, where southern hospitality was job one. “Okay, thank you.”
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