“Where are you going with this?” she asked, still unmoving on the sheet.
“Don’t you get it? Without the chain of events that starts with the robots, I probably never see you again.”
Now I had her attention. She sat up on her forearms, and her eyes teared in uncharacteristic vulnerability. Along with the dirty smudges of sand and ash on her cheeks and the ratty texture of her unwashed hair, she looked more like a lost child than a trailblazing ruler.
“Can’t you just stay?” she asked.
“I don’t even know if that’s an option. When—or rather if—we return to Draman, who knows when in time we’ll be placed or what things will be like when we get there? And even if we do get the chance to relive that horrible Naming Ceremony, I probably wouldn’t do anything differently, even knowing there might not be anything out there in space besides lifeless planets and dying stars.”
“But why? Is getting rid of the edict about picking a robe really worth that sacrifice, Sara Lee?”
“That sacrifice and more. When I think of our people’s future, I see a Draman where we are free to be whomever we want—whether that means red robe, black robe, or neither one. What’s so important about picking a robe anyway? I don’t want kids like Skelly to have to go through what I have.”
“And what have you gone through?” Nimue asked, her voice almost angry. “You’re the Maid of the Princess of Draman, one of the most important serving positions on the planet. You have a guaranteed supply of food and water, of shelter, of medical assistance and anything else you could want for. Compared to others on Draman, you’re lucky.”
“Lucky?” I shook my head. “At least other people on Draman can be who they want to be, and can therefore choose who they love. Better to hunger together than to feast alone.”
“And who would you want to starve with?” Nimue demanded. “Who would split their last piece of bread with you in this fantasy of yours?”
The silence that followed was physically painful, felt in my stomach and my cringe and the hunch of my back. Maybe I did spout hyperboles, but beneath those statements was truth. I loved Nimue—had loved her since I was old enough to understand the term, and maybe even before—and if I couldn’t be with her, nothing else mattered.
“Oh,” she whispered. “Right.”
One by one, we took our turns in the bathroom, never speaking a word when we crossed paths at the door. For a while I just stood with my hands on the cold porcelain sink staring myself in the eyes and wondering how everything had gotten so messy. Nimue was my best friend, and if I kept hinting at how I felt, she would stop talking to me forever. But if I didn’t tell her now, then I would probably never have the chance. Deep down, I wanted to believe she felt the same way—that her love for me burned inside of her tough exterior like a dragon in its egg. Merlin had said as much on Balu… but since that moment, Nimue had been more distant than ever.
By the time I returned from the beautiful wonderland of the bathroom, so unlike the outdoor toilets or chamber pots of Draman, with its cucumber scented soap and seashell-stamped hand towels, Nimue had already turned off the light and fallen asleep on her side of the bed. Even though it was dark, I could make out a pillow placed purposely between our two sides, like the walls of the castle behind which she hid.
The strangest thing about this fight was that it was our first. Because Nimue and I had been childhood friends, and because we seemed to have a certain connection, there was no reason to argue. Even if we disagreed, we could always understand where the other person was coming from. That’s how I knew Nimue was shutting me out intentionally, ignoring the sixth sense that usually told her my feelings before I had even figured them out, so that she could stop herself from accepting how I felt about her.
Two can play this game, I thought as my anger flared. Loudly, I pulled my pillow from my side of the bed and placed it on the rocking chair’s back, then whipped open one of the extra blankets. Pretending to be comfortable on the chair, which felt like sleeping on the ground but without the comfort of being horizontal, I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing to a believable pace.
Eventually, after my angry fire calmed to the glow of coals, I fell asleep for real.
Chapter NINETEEN
NIMUE
AFTER SARA Lee fell asleep, the anger she radiated toward me dwindled and then ceased to assail me. I allowed myself to turn on my back and stare at where I knew the ceiling to be while I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I had been cruel to my best friend, not just now but the entire trip, yet I could not seem to purge the sarcasm from my voice. The more she opened up to me, the more aloof I became.
Could I trust Sara Lee, I wondered as I followed the cracks in the ceiling along their shadowy web, even as a friend? Though I had been happy to see her on Balu, I had also felt the shift in my affections. I no longer trusted her to stick around, believing by that point that I would be leading the Dramanians alone, without family or friend to guide me. Her saying that she would do the same thing again at the Naming Ceremony that may or may not have awaited us in our next future did not ease that insecurity, and I could not imagine making myself vulnerable when I already knew the result.
Did that mean I loved Sara Lee? Merlin seemed to think so, but I was not sure.
Eventually I followed her into sleep, but my dreams were just memories replaying over and over again. Or, more specifically, one suppressed memory: the day that Sara Lee arrived at the castle.
I had been in the royal garden reading about King Arthur when the sound of someone rustling their way through the hedge startled me. I should have had at least one guard accompanying me outside the royal walls, but like usual, I had lost them in the maze of hallways. As the noise grew louder and closer, however, I regretted my carelessness.
“Show yourself,” I demanded as I closed the book and clutched it like a weapon. If needed, I supposed I could swing at the intruder’s head with it.
But the person who pushed aside the last few bush limbs and pressed through the gap was a child about my age. With their robe covered in ashes and dirt and their head lacking long hair, the little Dramanian did not have any distinguishing characteristics to indicate if they were a boy or girl, though they looked old enough to have gone through the Naming Ceremony.
“Who are you, and why are you here?” I asked, still holding the book up in case I needed to attack.
“I’m no one,” the child said seriously. “At least not anymore.”
“You can’t be no one. That’s impossible. I suppose you could take on a new identity, like Merlin or Morgana.”
“Who?”
“Haven’t you heard the tales of King Arthur’s Court? Or the wizard Merlin?”
The child shrugged.
“Well, they’re quite interesting. Sit down right here, and I’ll tell you all about them.”
The child did as they were told. For years I’d had no one to talk to, no friends my age or even servants, and I was desperate for interaction with someone my age. On and on I recalled every Merlin tale I could remember, and for hours, the child listened to my stories.
Finally, the rumbling of the child’s stomach reminded me of my duties as hostess.
“Would you like something to eat?” I asked. “Some fruit, perhaps?”
I led the child to one of the royal orchards, the land tended to by the royal farmers in my father’s employ. On the grounds were hundreds of apple trees, and I searched the grass for a fallen apple for my new friend. When I turned around to make sure the child had followed me, they were nowhere to be found.
“Up here.”
When I looked up, the child was shimmying up a tree limb to the far end, where delicious red apples hung.
“Be careful!” I called up. “Climbing trees is dangerous.”
“It is?” the child asked as they dropped an apple into my waiting palms. “Why?”
“Because you could fall, silly.”
“No I couldn’t. I’ve done th
is a million times. Why don’t you come up here and try it?”
“Oh no. I wouldn’t dare.”
“Don’t be scared. I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt.”
I was scared, but I didn’t want this stranger to know it. Hesitantly, I found a foothold on the trunk of the tree, and then another, and then a perch between the trunk and one of the limbs. My stomach clutched in anxiety, and I tried not to look down.
“You’re a natural climber,” the child assured me, though I knew it wasn’t true. I was ungraceful, uncomfortable in my own body, unlike the nimble intruder.
“No one ever asked me to climb a tree with them before,” I confessed.
“Why not?”
I shrugged. “The other kids don’t seem to like me very much.”
“That’s ridiculous.” The child took a big crunch out of their apple and chewed slowly, seeming to want to savor each bite. “I like you.”
“You do?”
“Sure. You know a lot of stories, and you shared this secret apple orchard with me.”
My heart felt like it might soar right out of my chest. On impulse, not understanding much about the act except that it was a display of affection, I pecked the child on the cheek.
The child rubbed the place where I had kissed, and then they smiled.
“Princess Nimue?” someone asked from below us. A farmer, returning to the field for some reason after typical farming hours, had spotted us. “What are you doing up in that tree?”
“Princess Nimue?” The child looked at me and gaped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just wanted to be a normal kid for a day,” I whispered so that the man below wouldn’t hear.
“Who’s that up there with you?” the farmer yelled.
“It’s my new servant,” I called down to him as I started to descend. Because I read so much, I could spin a tale like no one else. “We thought we saw an intruder, so we came up here to get a better look.”
“Very well, but don’t let your father find out.” The farmer helped us out of the tree, lifting us as though we were made of feathers instead of bones.
WHEN I woke up in the morning, Sara Lee was gone. The blanket and pillow she had used to make the rocking chair more comfortable had slid to the floor, and the extra clothes Dena had given her the night before had disappeared.
For a minute, I struggled with what to wear. I had my own set of clothes, donated by Allanah, but I also had my Dramanian robe. Out of loyalty, I should have worn the robe, but it was dirty and had traveled across time and space with me. Allanah’s clothes were cleaner, but consisted of baggy pants and a tight shirt with a magic wand on it.
No one will know, I thought as I slid into Allanah’s clothes and relished the feeling of new material on my skin.
Downstairs, Allanah was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. I did not recognize anything except the bread and eggs, but the strips of red meat and small white cubes frying in the pan smelled heavenly.
“Looking good,” she said with a wink when she saw me. She wore an almost identical outfit, except her shirt had the words “Wizards Do It Best” stamped across the front, a message that I did not understand but tried not to read into. Her hair was tied back with a twist-tie, and around her neck she wore a bunch of charms on silver chains.
“Thanks for the clothes. Where’s Sara Lee?”
“Outside with Dena.” Allanah’s hands were full, but she motioned toward the backyard, where Sara Lee and Dena huddled over a plant in the garden. “My wife must have sensed a sympathetic soul.”
Another sympathetic soul was out there with them: a light dragon, larger than a bone dragon but smaller than Merlin. He must have arrived during the night, and now sunned himself on a rock while the women huddled. Tired from a bad night’s sleep, I sank into one of the kitchen chairs, from which I could see Sara Lee and Dena as the older woman lifted her hands and with them the head of a sunflower, which, by the end of her display, was over fifteen feet tall.
“Are you okay, Nimue?” Allanah asked, her eyes on breakfast but apparently still taking in my mood. “You seem unhappy.”
Typically a private person, I surprised myself by saying, “Actually, Sara Lee and I are in a fight.”
“So that was what all that noise last night was.” She half smiled. “A lovers’ quarrel?”
“Oh. No. We’re not… together.”
“Really?” Allanah frowned. “I thought I sensed… well, never mind.”
Outside the window, I spotted Sara Lee and Dena climbing up into one of the trees in the yard. Though I knew better, I was instantly jealous.
“She likes me, but I’m not… I’ve never… uh….” I couldn’t believe how awkward I sounded, and to the great Allanah no less. After the memory the night before, I was shaken. “On our planet, things like that don’t happen.”
Allanah laughed and put down her spatula. “They ‘didn’t happen’ here for a long time, either. At least you’re in a position to do something about it, being the princess and all.”
“I guess. But I don’t even know if I want to do something about it. How did you figure out that Dena was the one?”
Allanah brought our plates to the table. Unlike the strawberry drink, the red meat and what turned out to be potatoes were delicious.
“I don’t believe there’s just one person for each of us; in fact, I know there’s not. When I met Dena, I was already in love with someone else. But I liked the way she saw the world. Being with her made me a better person, more accountable with my powers and kinder to those around me. Do you feel that way about Sara Lee?”
“Of course. She’s my best friend… my only friend, really.”
“And do you feel attracted to her?”
I shrugged awkwardly. Talking about my feelings was bad enough without getting into the physical realm, but I forced the words out.
“I don’t know. Princesses don’t normally choose their own mates on our planet, and even if they could, girls are certainly out of the question. Needless to say, I’ve never really explored the options before, if you know what I mean.”
“I do, yes.” Allanah sat back in her chair. “Maybe it’s one of those things you won’t know until you try it?”
“I guess. I mean, it’s not like there’s really a difference between doing… you know… with a guy or a girl, especially on our planet.”
“What do you mean?” Allanah asked.
Right. We hadn’t told her the night before—sexual organs were not exactly the right topic for a first surprise meeting—and now it felt too late to mention it. I did anyway. Once I finished explaining about how Dramanians had both traditionally male and female parts, as well as the Naming Ceremony, Allanah burst into laughter. Not just a giggle, but full on hysterics.
“Oh, Nimue, I’m so sorry I’m laughing.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “It’s just that you’ve been struggling so much with what to do about Sara Lee when the answer is so obvious. These naming ceremonies sound like a bunch of hogwash. Just because something’s been around for a long time doesn’t make it the right thing to do. As princess, your job is not to enforce the old rules, but to question them as much as possible to make sure that they are still the right decision for your people. And to me, it sounds like there might be a lot of your people who, if given the chance, would get rid of these colored robes in a heartbeat.”
Maybe it was because Allanah wanted nothing from me, no political action or ceremony disbandment or love, that I finally listened. What did it matter to her if we changed our robe colors across the universe? She had no agenda, and that made me trust her in a way that I had not trusted my best friend.
I could have talked with her all morning about royal matters, but at that moment, three dragons landed out on the yard. Startled, I stood and overturned my kitchen chair. Outside, Sara Lee had begun to transform, and I followed suit until Allanah said, “Oh good, they’re here.”
“Who?” I asked, eyeing the dragons warily.
The dragons began their transformations, much less gory than ours because they already had skin and organs. The youngest one wore a knee-length purple dress and matching purple headband in her black hair while the older man and woman wore lab coats, as though they had been working well into the night when they got the call to fly over.
I followed Allanah outside to greet them.
“Victoria, how’s Jason?” Allanah asked the younger woman.
“He’s a rising star in the Mansion,” Victoria said proudly. “Do you know that they’re planning to raze the old building and put up skyscrapers? Can you imagine it? Naturally, he’ll have so much work to do on the renovations.”
“Naturally.” Dena and Allanah shared a knowing smile that Victoria did not seem to catch. “And Roger, Benita, how goes your… scientific discoveries?”
“Excellent,” Roger said, though he seemed distracted by Sara Lee for some reason. He scratched his half-bald head and adjusted his glasses several times as he peered at her. “Benita,” he said to his wife as though Sara Lee wouldn’t notice, “do you see this bone structure? Unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”
“Dad,” Victoria said in a sharp tone.
“It’s okay,” Sara Lee said. She put out her hand. “Roger and Benita, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Sara Lee, and I’m from another planet. In the future.”
The two scientists looked at Allanah and Dena questioningly.
“It’s true,” Allanah said. “She’s a Dramanian.”
I thought the two scientists would faint from happiness. Unabashedly, Benita removed an unlined notebook from her lab jacket pocket and began to sketch Sara Lee’s chin line and then up to her cheeks. Roger circled her, pointing out observations for Benita to add to her sketch.
“For years, we’ve dreamed of such an encounter,” Roger muttered to no one in particular. “And what did I tell you, Benita? Do you see the mixing of the sexes? Are you getting all of this down?”
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