You Loved Me At My Darkest

by Evie Harper

  Tears sting the back of my eyes.

  “Lily, right?” Mr Smith arches an eyebrow with his question.

  “Yes,” my strangled voice says while my throat muscles tighten with incredible force. I don’t want to appear weak; however, fear now has a tight hold over my vocal cords.

  “You are the most stunning woman I have ever laid eyes on. Do you know that?” His eyes pass over my body from head to foot. His eyes show me his shameless want.

  I remain quiet and still, watching his every move.

  He takes two more steps toward me and I’m forced to tilt my head back to meet his eyes. He presses his body against mine and his hands grip my waist roughly. Bile rises to my throat as I feel his erection dig into my stomach. I raise a shaky hand to push him off me, but he grabs my wrist painfully tight, and slams it against the door above my head. A whimper escapes, and every muscle in my body screams at me to fight. But I stay frozen.

  Thoughts race through my mind of how I can get out of this situation. But I can’t. I need to do this, to survive and to get back to Sasha. I already did something stupid today that may have gotten Sasha hurt, and I can’t let that happen again. The fight leaves my body as I realise I have no choices. This is going to happen.

  Feeling my body lose it’s fight, Mr Smith calms, and he encircles me in his arms. My body tenses.

  “God, you smell amazing. I can’t wait to fuck you.” Whimpers fall from my lips as tears fall from his words.

  Mr Smith pulls back and grabs my face, angrily wiping at my tears. “No crying,” he orders sternly. “Walk to the bed.”

  On unsteady legs, I walk over to one side of the bed. I peer down at the covers and try to get lost in the patterns.

  His cold hand runs along my collarbone. He clamps his hand down hard on the back of my neck so I can’t move and starts unzipping the back of my dress. My spirit splinters as he drags my sleeves down my arms, and my dress falls to the floor.

  Cries fall from my mouth as I feel his hands touch the inside of my thighs. Slowly, his fingers drag my underwear to my ankles. I’m standing bare, stripped of my self-worth. My chest constricts, and my mind begins to build walls, protecting itself.

  He turns me around, and I hear him draw in a deep breath. I keep my eyes on his neck. He roughly grabs my breasts and starts squeezing, and I hiss at the pain.

  “You know you love it,” he whispers in my ear. I turn my head away from him and his ignorant words. He grabs my chin and forces me to face him. “Don’t turn away from me,” he shouts, his voice laced with anger.

  I steady my feet and raise my chin to look him in the eyes. All I find is an evil, disgusting excuse of a man, who’s eyes are gleaming with excitement.

  “Lay down on the bed,” he instructs.

  I do as I’m told and crawl up onto the bed and lay down on my back, my head to the pillow. I cross my legs and place my hands over my chest to cover my breasts.

  Mr Smith starts removing his clothes, and even though I know what’s about to happen next, my heart hammers hard inside my chest. Mr Smith holds up his belt to me, and then he places it at the end of the bed.

  “I will leave that there, just in case I have to tie you down,” he says.

  My body is now shaking violently. My fear is spiralling out of control. My breathing is coming quick and heavy.

  I watch Mr Smith take off his pants. He begins to stroke himself and my stomach rolls. I put my hand to my mouth, fearful I’m about to vomit all over the bed.

  I hear foil rip and watch him put a condom on. Tears fall quickly. One small mercy today, he’s going to wear a condom.

  He kneels on the bed and climbs on top of me. I can’t control my tears now. Even if he threatened me with my life, I don’t think I could stop them.

  “Why are you crying? I haven’t hurt you.” He tries to wipe them away. His gentle touch catches me by surprise.

  “I don’t want this,” I whisper on a sob.

  “It’s okay. I will make you feel good,” he says as he starts kissing my neck. I arch away and groan angrily at how powerless I feel.

  My instincts are to push up and try to escape, and that’s what I do. But his arms shoot out and grab hold of my wrists, holding them down above my head.

  I twist and turn to free myself from under him, but the weight of his body is too much for me. I’m not strong enough. Breathless, I look up and glare at him with glassy eyes.

  He huffs out a laugh. “Marco was right. You are definitely worth every cent.”

  He uses his other hand and starts prying my legs apart. I tense my legs and hold my feet together by my ankles with all my strength.

  He digs his fingers into my thighs and manages to part them. He falls between my legs, and I feel his repulsive hardness at my entrance.

  “Please, please don’t do this.” I taste the salt of my tears with every plea that falls from my mouth.

  His body rumbles with laughter.

  I arch my head as far away from him as I possibly can. Sobs rip from my throat as I know what’s about to happen.

  Choose a happy place now. You will need it for later. I start searching my memories for something I can use.

  Abruptly, he forces himself into me, hard. I scream at the burn and the roughness behind his push. He pushes in and out and I can’t get myself out of this moment. I’m feeling too much pain. He grunts above me. His grip on my wrists gets tighter and tighter with every forced push inside of me.

  He slows and kisses my neck and jaw. A sensation of bugs crawling all over my body takes hold. He moves his lips up toward my mouth, and as soon as I feel him there, I scream and wildly fling my head around, trying anything to get him away from my lips. While preparing myself to bite him if he tries again, I hear him laugh. He then returns to my neck.

  He grunts loudly, and then his pushes become ferocious. The room echoes with the slapping of our bodies and his heavy breathing. My chest thumps painfully with the unfairness of what’s happening to me.

  He groans low and deep before his body falls limp on mine. Tears burn their way down my face, searing my skin as I feel his heavy unwanted body on mine, and the burn between my legs. At that moment, I beg God to end this, to end my life.

  Breathing heavily, he rolls off me. My mind shuts down, and my body goes numb. I turn to my side and put my back to him, staring at a wall. I sense him move off the bed. There is silence for a few moments before he walks around to me.

  Fully dressed, he bends to my height and pulls my chin down to see his face. He’s smiling.

  “Perfection, Lily. I can’t wait for the next party.” He stands and walks away.

  I continue to stare at the wall. I crawl into the dark corners of my mind, darkness where I can be untouchable. Numbness is my best friend, and I hope it never leaves me.

  ***

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been laying here staring at the wall. When I hear two knocks, the door unlocks and opens.

  There is silence for a moment, and then a man’s gruff voice speaks. “You have ten minutes to get dressed and then you will be taken to the car and back to the house. If you aren’t ready in ten minutes, I will walk you to the car naked.” The door slams.

  Still staring at the wall, I wonder how all the evil men in the world found each other. Not wanting to be further humiliated tonight, I sit up and lift off the bed, wincing from the pain between my legs. I look down and see blood. Rough, bastard.

  I stand and reach for my dress and undies. I dress slowly and struggle with the zipper at the back of my dress. My wrists are too sore to push the zipper up, and I end up having to leave it half-undone. Better than naked.

  The door opens again, and Hulk walks in with the same callous expression. He stands at the door and waits for me to exit. As I do, he grabs the top of my arm and leads me down the hallway and out of the villa.

  It’s pitch black and all I can hear are the waves crashing on the beach nearby. We get to the car and Hulk opens the door. I sit down and buckle u
p. My door shuts and the car takes off. I don’t look back. I never want to see that house again.

  I lean my head on the window, close my eyes and return back to the dark corner in my mind and hope that I can stay there forever.

  CHAPTER TEN

  There’s No Place Like Home

  I feel the car stop, and as soon as I hear the locks, I step out quickly, not wanting any more hands touching me. A guard I haven’t seen before is waiting as I exit the car. I walk to the front door. The guard says nothing, only follows closely behind.

  As I reach the stairs, I stop with one hand on the railing and look toward where Sasha is being kept. It feels like days ago I saw my sister being dragged down that hallway, screaming for me to help her.

  “Up the stairs,” the guard orders.

  Exhausted and sore, I decide right now is not the time to attempt anything. I take the stairs slowly and head to the room I was in earlier. The door sits slightly ajar. I push it open further and step inside. I peer around the dark room and find Jake sitting on a chair in the corner. His head bowed and cupped in his hands, he is silent and unmoving.

  The door shuts behind me and the deadbolt locks into place.

  Jake’s head whips up. His eyes find me straight away.

  “I hope you have a key to get out because I do not want to be stuck in here with you,” I state honestly, walking past him and into the bathroom. I feel his gaze follow me until I close the door.

  Standing in the bathroom, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. It’s me, but it’s a look I’ve never seen before, one of great sadness. And for the first time in my life, I’m wondering when I will die, when this life of mine that has gone so tragically wrong, will end. My heart is lifeless. It beats slowly. Would it just stop if I willed it to?

  How could Emily do this for five years? I would rather die than keep reliving this horrible night. Sasha. That’s what would keep me going for five years or until I can get her out of here and on her way home.

  I start undoing my braid. I want to go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. I drop the dress from my body and enter the large shower. I pull the white curtain all the way along to block out the rest of the enormous bathroom. A luxury I have now earned, according to Marco. I make sure the water is scolding when I step under, and I hiss as it hits my skin. I find a washcloth hanging on the side of the shower. I take it, rub soap into the cloth and scrub my skin. I clean the blood off from between my legs scrubbing hard and fast, again and again, harder and faster, not wanting to leave a trace of that man anywhere on my body.

  After a while, the bathroom door opens. “Lily,” Jake shouts. “You’ve been in here for over an hour. Are you okay?” At his words, I notice the water is now cold.

  “Get out, Jake,” I growl back at him. I don’t hear the door close, and my blood starts to boil. Can I have nothing anymore? No time to myself, no time to recover and lick my wounds?

  Angry and not thinking straight, I step out of the shower. Jake’s standing in the middle of the bathroom staring at the shower with indecision in his eyes. My guess is he’s deciding whether he should go or stay.

  As soon as he notices me, his eyes grow wide.

  “Is this what you want? You want a look too, to have a go of me as well?” My voice is thick with emotion but controlled by my anger.

  With wide eyes, Jake quickly swings his head to the side; however, he ends up facing the mirror and my reflection is still there, naked for him to see.

  All of a sudden, his jaw hardens and starts ticking. He swings his head back to me and his eyes bore holes into the washcloth in my hands.

  I look down to see what he’s staring at, and I notice the blood from between my legs has turned the cloth pink. A heavy weight lands on my chest. It’s as if at that moment, everything, comes crashing down. Being taken, having my sister ripped away from me, locked away and having someone forced on me. It’s too much. And now, standing here before another man, naked... What am I doing? I drop the cloth to the ground, and openly sob.

  Suddenly, something soft hits my body and I look up to find Jake wrapping me in a white cotton robe. He picks me up and takes me in his arms. They are warm and comforting. Why? Why does he feel warm and safe to me? Am I so far gone, so far fucked-up that I will take comfort from anyone right now? I answer my own question by burying my face in his neck and grabbing a tight hold of his shirt and crying into his chest.

  He carries me out of the bathroom and gently places me in the bed. He pulls the covers over me, and tucks me in. My sobs slow from feeling warm and safe. I hiccup as he gently removes my wet hair from my face and lightly kisses my head. The action is way out of line, but I can’t help but treasure the gesture in my moment of vulnerability. He leaves me and goes back into the bathroom. Instantly, I feel deprived of his attention.

  I hear the shower turn off. Minutes pass, then all of a sudden I hear a thundering man’s roar and glass breaking. Silence again.

  My eyes start closing and I wrap myself further into the blankets. Repeating in my mind until I fall asleep... There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

  ***

  I wake with a start, my mind forcefully reminding me of things I wished I could forget. I glance around the room and find Jake asleep on the other side of the bed. On top of the covers, his feet to my head, facing toward me. No shirt on just a pair of jeans. He’s lying on his arm as it rests stretched out under his head. I can see cuts on his knuckles, so I assume he must have punched the mirror. Why? Is this his first time kidnapping someone, and he can’t handle it?

  There’s bad men and there’s good men, but Jake keeps swinging like a pendulum between the two, and I can’t fit him into a category where I feel he belongs.

  My eyes find his chest; it’s masculine, defined, and tanned with a small amount of hair. He has tattoos over his arms and chest, a cemetery tattoo covers his entire right arm and up over his right pectoral. I see tombstones with men’s names on them; Phillip, James, Alex.

  I creep out of the blankets and lean down closer to his chest. I move on to another tattoo and freeze. The tattoo on his left pectoral has a world globe with a ship’s anchor and an eagle sitting on top of the globe. My eyes go wide when I read, U.S. Marines, at the bottom of the tattoo. Jake’s in or been in the US Marines? My mind is reeling from all the possibilities. Can he help me? Why is he working in human trafficking?

  Suddenly, my wrist is pulled back roughly. I didn’t even realise I was touching him.

  Jake rolls off the bed and pulls his shirt on quickly without even looking at me once. “You’re a marine,” I whisper, looking at the back of his head, begging him to turn around and talk to me. After a moment, he turns. I can see him thinking over what answer to give me.

  “I was. I’m not now,” he clips out.

  “The names on the tombstones, were they soldiers?” I say softly. Jake closes his eyes tightly, and I see pain cross his features. He shakes his head and looks at me. My eyes soften, and I feel sympathy for him, but at that moment, his face darkens and shuts down.

  “And what makes you think they aren’t men I’ve killed.” His tone is icy. “I put them on my skin to remind other assholes if they get in my way, they will pay with their lives,” he growls.

  “Lie,” I think and say at the same time. The lie is written all over his pained expression.

  Jake looks at me shocked as if he’s surprised I just called him out on it. Damn my big mouth. Jake makes an angry laugh. I can see his veins in his neck straining from his anger. “You think you know me, from one tattoo?” He smacks his chest angrily where the tattoo sits.

  “No,” I answer softly, treading carefully, realising he’s right. I don’t know him at all. But of course, my mouth is ahead of my thoughts, and I say, “But I do know all of this.” I swing my arms around. “This life you lead is hard for you. You try not to let it show, but you care. You care about the horrible things these men are doing,” I end with a
raised voice.

  Jake’s stare is firm and unwavering. I feel like I need to get out of the way of a fireball he’s about to launch at me. His chest is rising heavily, and he starts pacing angrily, shoving his hands through his hair. Then he turns to me, red in the face like he is about to explode, and he does.

  “Because I don’t fucking care!” He roars at me. “Fuck,” he yells to the ceiling.

  He swings his head back at me with wild eyes and heavy breathing. He looks like a cornered animal ready to strike. He pinches his nose and closes his eyes trying to calm himself, his chest is still rising and falling rapidly.

  “I didn’t fucking care about any of it,” he mutters so softly; I can barely hear him. He points a finger at me. “Until you.”

  My eyes grow wide and my mouth drops open from his revelation.

  “There’s something about you, Lily, and for the life of me, I can’t get you out of my head. You’re not the first woman I’ve seen go through this place and be destroyed. No, there have been many, and it’s fucking hard to watch.”

  I tense as he takes purposeful strides toward me. He sweeps me up into his arms, and he whispers into my neck, “But fuck, watching you in pain, watching this ugly world destroy you, it’s not just hard, it’s crippling.”

  My hands gently rest on his biceps not knowing what to do. My emotions are begging me to hold him, but my mind is telling me he is the enemy.

  “I don’t know you at all, but shit, I care what is happening to you, and I hate that.” He sounds so lost. We stay for a moment in this position, frozen in time.

  And then all of a sudden, Jake drops me from his arms and steps back. “But I have my own plans and my own goals. I’m not going to let you or my feelings get in the way of them.”

  He storms across the room and pauses, breathing deeply. He turns and looks back at me with a hard stare. “I may care, but it will never be enough to take my eyes off the prize. And that is getting to Marco’s house, getting to the top of the ladder, and to the top of this empire.”

  My heart squeezes at his words. Still, I dare to ask the question I need to know. “So you could save me and my sister?”