She almost laughed, though it came out more of a wheeze. ‘Sometimes, but it’s rare. Your fault.’
‘My fault?’ He looked at her dubiously. ‘I’m poisoning you?’
Her smile wobbled. ‘Try again.’
His eyes questioned her, until, with dawning shock, he stared at her in confusion, then deep denial. His face was going through so many different emotions she would have laughed if there had been anything funny about it. There was NOTHING funny about this.
He sat back and her hand slid from his as his fingers loosened in shock. She felt bereft, but Douglas had paled and she heard him suck in a breath. Good grief, was he going to faint on her? The bigger they were the harder they fell.
She still couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. ‘My midwife sister guessed when I didn’t. I thought I had radiation poisoning. I don’t want to be pregnant. I’m not maternal.’
He puffed out his breath, squinting slightly at her. ‘I get that. I don’t agree, but I get it. Give me a minute.’
This wasn’t panning out the way she’d thought it would. She’d thought Douglas would commiserate. Agree that it was a dilemma and be her sounding board about how she couldn’t possibly have a child. She hadn’t been sure where the conversation would go from there, but the outcome should never have been in any doubt. Had it?
He straightened slowly. Moistened his lips and she offered the water bottle she held. He took it and drank until a dusting of colour began to appear in his pale cheeks. ‘How far?’
Succinct is us. ‘‘Just over twelve weeks. I’ve been here for almost a week now.’
From the look in his eyes, she could tell that he was seeing what they had been doing twelve weeks ago. Comprehension dawned.
‘Because you were sick your contraception didn’t work?’
She sighed. ‘Or my brain.’
‘Or mine?’ he suggested quietly and took her hand back in his. Incredible how much better that made her feel, her hand in his. She sighed again and leaned against him. ‘What are we going to do?’
He tilted his head towards her, raising his brows. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t have a baby!’
He winced and she played the words back. What?
‘I’m not maternal,’ she reminded him.
He sighed heavily. ‘You?’ He looked incredulous. ‘I think you’ve told yourself you couldn’t be a mother for far too long and now you believe it.’
She frowned at him. ‘I won’t cope.’
His eyes widened comically. ‘In what way won’t you cope?’
‘In every way.’ She could feel the frustration and anger with being trapped in this situation, with Douglas for not saying she couldn’t be a mother, with herself for not being decisive when the answer wasn’t rocket science. Or nuclear-powered. Sienna stood up and stamped her foot.
Douglas stood too. ‘What? What won’t you cope with? Being pregnant? You seem to be doing okay – now that I know what’s wrong.’ He went on. Ticking her doubts off on his fingers. ‘Cope with a baby? You were brilliant with Bridget. You have so much more experience than a lot of new mothers with babies.’
She winced at the words ‘new mother’. She’d be one of those nearly forty, ‘elderly primiparas’ her colleagues talked about, who seemed to get every risk factor, from gestational diabetes to pregnancy hypertension.
But Douglas hadn’t finished. Not a man to leave a job half done. ‘And of course you will cope with your career while being a mother. I can help.’ His eyes had softened. Kept straying to her belly. ‘I could do most of it if you let me.’
He stepped closer until she looked at him. ‘If you include me. Because my biggest concern is that you think you won’t cope with being tied to me by a child we made together?’ He stared down at her. ‘That particular concern of yours I don’t have a way to help with if it’s not what you want.’
Her wild eyes met his. ‘All of those except the last one.’
She saw the brief flash of intense relief in his eyes. Then his gaze softened and he stroked her cheek. ‘You know this whole thing between us could actually end well in that case. Together we would manage everything beautifully. What can I help you with?’
She brushed away those stupid tears. She was seriously going to scream if they didn’t stop. ‘By not blaming me if I can’t do this.’
He looked at her, his eyes still soft. They both knew she’d already decided she would. ‘You can do this, Sienna.’
She stamped her foot again and his mouth tilted up. ‘No, I can’t, Douglas. You’re just like Eve.’ She narrowed her gaze. ‘Don’t you go all gooey-eyed on me. This child will be a terror.’
‘Of course it will. Can’t wait. I never thought we’d get to this point. Never dreamed I would ever think of having a child. But your child? I can’t think of anything I’d cherish more. I want to be a part of your life. Our child’s life. Have a family with you.’ Then he straightened his shoulders. ‘But I want to marry you, Sienna. I’m not living as your partner.’ His mouth thinned at the word. ‘That’s not how I roll.’
She’d known that was part of the deal. At least she understood that much of Douglas – not that she’d tell him that yet. She just avoided the question. ‘It’s not possible for me to survive out here. You know that.’
He threw a hand out. ‘Of course I do. And I know that city hospitals need people like you to save patients. Find cures. Teach new clinicians. You’re too valuable.’
She calmed a little. Looked at him. Her man in uniform. The one who made her knees weak. He’d come to the city for her? Maybe he could move to an outer city police station. They could meet halfway. They could both commute.
‘You’d do that for me?’
He stared into her eyes and the love that shone back at her made everything seem possible. And not just possible but wonderful. ‘I’d do a lot for you. As much as you’d let me.’
A car slowed out on the road and turned into the picnic area. Sienna glanced towards it, and wished they could have had longer to talk before they were interrupted. The car drove towards them, a dirty old four-wheel drive, and just as it began to steer away from them she looked up and saw the driver.
Douglas saw him, too. Lifted his big hand and shoved her down onto her knees, pushed himself in front of her and pulled out his gun, just as a rifle appeared from the window. As if in slow motion Douglas rocked back. The return fire from Douglas exploded at the same time.
Time slowed even more as Sienna struggled to comprehend. She saw Jacob slump over the steering wheel as the car sped, the engine high pitched as it picked up speed, then it veered out of control and headed straight for one of the two huge rocks at the exit, where it impacted with a loud sickly thump in a grinding concertina of metal. Shock filled her throat. There was no surviving that.
Douglas swayed, kept his eyes on the wreckage for a few seconds longer, until like a huge felled tree, he crumpled to his knees onto the ground beside her. Sienna gasped in horror as the reality sank in. Douglas had been shot.
Chapter Forty-six
Sienna’s mouth opened and closed. One minute they were talking, almost to the stage of making plans, almost to coming to some idea of where to go, the next the world had exploded into noise, shock, horror and blood. Douglas’s blood.
The hole high in his chest circled with a bright-red rosebud and then the stain began to grow, like a horrific crimson cauliflower, expanding in fast motion until his whole shirtfront was soaked with cherry-red blood. So much blood. Sienna gasped and leaned towards him.
She shook herself fiercely. She’d frozen once before and she wasn’t doing it this time. Douglas’s hands rose to the source of the confusion, where the bullet had left a gaping wound as it continued through his body. She touched his back and found the exit.
Then Sienna’s hand came back over his, pushing it hard against the wound. Then she pushed him flat to the ground onto his back. Her brain clicked into gear. An exit wound was a good sign
if the bullet hadn’t hit any bones and broken up. The blood seeped faster between both their fingers. However, it didn’t spurt. It was a vein not artery, then. She fumbled with her other hand, tipped out her satellite phone from her handbag onto the ground and dialled triple zero.
While she waited for the connection, she leaned against him and whispered, ‘It’s not your heart. It’s your shoulder. Maybe one of the big veins has been nicked. Hopefully no lung. Hang in there, Douglas.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he said, sounding clearer than she’d expected.
‘See that you don’t. Someone needs to look after the baby.’
He laughed, winced, coughed and the blood seeped more heavily. Sienna’s level of adrenaline skyrocketed. ‘Don’t do that!’
The phone squarked at her. ‘Emergency services. Which service do you want?’
‘All three. Ambulance first. Policeman shot. Spinifex Lookout, Winton Road, Queensland. Caller Dr Sienna Wilson.’ Douglas’s eyes closed. ‘I need to put the phone on loudspeaker and render first aid.’ Which she did for what seemed like forever after she’d finished the call.
For fifteen minutes she watched Douglas’s condition deteriorate. Watched the crimson flower take over his whole chest despite the pressure she applied, despite the cramps in her aching, redsoaked fingers, despite her muttered commands to stop.
It was the longest fifteen minutes of her life. She sat there as the sun cast deep, bronze shadows over the desolate plains and stratus clouds fragmented into strips of colour in the distance and it felt as though fragments of Sienna’s heart broke off as well to float away and never return.
Douglas’s heart rate climbed, became thready with the effort as his body tried to compensate for the loss of blood, his breathing grew more laboured, and beads of sweat appeared on his face and neck.
Oh, Douglas. To think I’m going lose you twice in two days, it’s too much. Tears rolled down her face as she gently rocked his unconscious body against her breasts. She’d wasted it. Wasted the chance to wake beside Douglas for the rest of her life. Wasted the chance of sharing her world, her baby’s world, with the one man who understood her.
The next hour passed in a blur of milestones. Help arrived when Douglas was only just gasping for breath. It was the firetruck, and Blue rushed out with oxygen and medical supplies. The men he’d brought lifted Douglas and finally Sienna had something to work with.
At one point, she registered Blue telling her there was nothing they could do for Jacob in the other vehicle. He’d gone through the windscreen and had probably died on impact. Then at last, there was the sound of the flying doctor aircraft overhead, along with the police helicopter landing across the carpark. Ordered mayhem followed. Paralysing fear overtook Sienna as she watched the aircraft take off with Douglas, a metallic cylinder disappearing into the evening sky. She glanced around at the milling people. The most important one had left. Spinifex and Sienna Wilson would never be the same again.
Chapter Forty-seven
For the next twenty-four hours, Sienna was glued to her satellite phone as she made her way to Brisbane, where Douglas was flown. It was the cruellest of waits, one she wasn’t sure she would survive. Douglas was taken into surgery on arrival, the flying doctor having managed to keep him alive on the way. Eve rang her as soon as he was out of theatre, still in the same hospital being monitored after her snake bite. He was okay. He was going to make it. She kept telling herself this as she drove through the night, but none of it was any good until she could see him with her own two eyes.
When she finally arrived, she rushed across the hospital room . . . and Douglas appeared almost chirpy and she lowered herself carefully so that her forehead touched his. ‘I thought I’d lost you.’
He pulled her to him, hugging her with his good arm. ‘Again? You really have to give me more credit for survival.’ Taking her fingers in his, he squeezed them gently. ‘Thank you for driving all the way from Spinifex.’
‘There is that.’ So close to losing him. ‘Oh, Douglas.’
He stroked her cheek. ‘Everything will be fine. And, all the time I’ve had lying here waiting for you to arrive . . .’ was that a small glare? ‘. . . has given me time to think. I have an idea.’ Staring deeply into her eyes he said, ‘Say yes, Douglas.’
‘Yes, Douglas.’ She’d say anything he wanted her to. So close.
‘See how easy that was!’ Then he kissed her and she allowed the feel of his mouth against hers to heal the edges of the fear in her heart. To allow her brain to comprehend that he was here with her, alive, and healing. And that everything will be okay when he was out of here.
A while later Douglas said, ‘Look at the clouds outside.’ He raised his free hand to indicate the thinning white puffs of cumulus cloud through the window to the world outside the tiny room.
‘They’re elongating as they pass – changing shape like everything has to in life. Like we will. To accommodate our lives together. I love a simple cumulus. A new shape every minute. Did I ever tell you why I love clouds?’
Sienna blinked, lifted her head from his unbandaged side and glanced up. ‘No.’ She hadn’t asked. It had been one of those things she’d beaten herself with while she’d waited for news. How stupid she’d been telling herself all the reasons she couldn’t have a permanent relationship with Douglas that she’d barely asked anything about him at all. Had been afraid to be drawn closer when she’d thought it wouldn’t work between them. Good grief. He could have died and they shared genetic material and were creating a child. Yet she knew nothing about him. She needed to know more, she needed to know everything about him. ‘Tell me,’ she begged.
‘I collect them, you know.’
Sienna blinked. He collected children?
‘Clouds,’ he said and shook his head. ‘I admit I have never seen you scatterbrained before. It’s quite amusing.’
‘I’m not scatterbrained. Just multitasking. Doing everything I normally do while growing a baby.’ She frowned at him. ‘Anyway, you can’t collect clouds.’
He laughed and winced at the discomfort. ‘Sure I can. They don’t require shelf space. My collection comes with me when I move.’ He shrugged just one of those glorious shoulders, the other tightly bandaged, and Sienna thought of something she could collect. If he could collect clouds maybe she could collect mental images of him. She smiled to herself.
He went on. ‘I have a book I record unusual clouds in and log them on the cloudcollectors.com website.’
She laughed. ‘You’re pulling my leg. And there’s no such site.’ He raised his brows, daring her to bet on it.
She faltered. ‘Just in case you’re not, tell me why you love clouds.’
This conversation was so far from near-fatal gunshot wounds, unexpected pregnancies, nuclear contamination, burning hotels, domestic violence and everything else they would eventually have to talk about. All things she could be very happy to be diverted from. Thank the stars for small mercies.
His voice lowered and she had to lean closer to hear. ‘When we first met I told you my sister died. I didn’t tell you it was on an island. The island I was born on.’
That made her eyes widen. She could feel her face stretching with astonishment. ‘You, outback Jack, were born on an island?’
He nodded, amused by her disbelief. ‘Lord Howe. Though they haven’t had a baby born there for a few years.’
Her mind skittered around as she tried to remember where he was talking about. First she thought it somewhere in the Queensland tropics, but that was Thursday Island, it would be far too hot, and then she remembered. ‘Lord Howe Island as in between Sydney and Norfolk Island? Left of New Zealand?’
He smiled. ‘A lot closer to Sydney than New Zealand. A two-hour flight. It’s part of the Sydney area. I grew up there.’
‘On an island.’ Douglas the beachcomber? She couldn’t picture it. He raised his brows at her. ‘As a teen I went to boarding school in Tamworth, in the bush. I didn’t fit into the s
chool in the city. It was an agricultural school and I loved the farming community. The boys were from the stations all over New South Wales. Their parents were so down to earth and welcoming – I’m pretty sure that’s why I love being out west.’
That she could believe. But how weird it was to think that Douglas wasn’t born in the outback. It made her smile at the ridiculousness of it. Though two hours from Sydney sounded very promising.
‘Then my sister died. Killed by a stupidly rich and careless businessman tourist in one of the few cars on the island. She died before an air ambulance could retrieve her. She and her unborn child.’
Her good mood plummeted. Of course. Lack of advanced medical facilities. She could imagine that. Pregnant women could hide how much internal blood loss they’d sustained until they tragically crashed and died. This was something she knew too well.
‘You know how that can happen.’ He winced in apology. ‘Anyway, I’ve never been back since my sister . . .’ Here he paused. ‘Both our parents were gone, just my grandmother on the island. My sister’s husband left and I went straight into the army and came away with even more desire to escape people.’
He studied the thin shreds of white cloud in the distance as if seeing a place he’d avoided for a very long time. One that suddenly looked like home. ‘It’s time to go back. My grandmother runs a guest house. I’m the fourth generation. Even though I don’t visit I help with the expenses. There’s loads of room in the main house. Despite the tourists she always says it feels empty.’ He met her eyes. ‘I could see a child there,’ he said very quietly, ‘our child. Maybe even our children.’
Two hours’ flight from Sydney and no drive at the end. She could too. ‘Maybe. With you.’ But she couldn’t see herself isolated on an island like some busty woman out of a Gaugin painting. ‘I couldn’t live there full time, though,’ Sienna added carefully.
The Baby Doctor Page 26