by Nako
Juice was starting to speak to her as if she was a client. It was killing her, slowly.
She didn’t bother to respond and didn’t want his momma in her house. Faaizah missed her family, they’d been incredibly distant since they told her mother farewell.
Every other day, they were rescheduling their visits. At this point, she couldn’t help but to begin to think that she was being blamed for her mother’s death. Faaizah knew that it wasn’t her fault. She screamed out loud as her vision became blurry from the tears that rushed past her eyelids. Her voice echoed in her big ass empty home, “I DIDN’T DESERVE ANY OF THIS.”
It was becoming difficult for her to keep a smile on her face when there was nothing to be happy about.
η
“I don’t like that we keep meeting like this…” she said as she walked into their old home. Tia had been wanting to ask him why he still had this place, it wasn’t like they had the best memories in this crib.
“You don’t think I’ll slap you? I’ll knock your lil’ ass out, stop fucking with me!” He was sick of her bleaching his shit. Juice worked hard for his things.
Tia rolled her eyes as she continued breaking down the bud, so she could roll a blunt and watch her shows.
“Yeah, yeah, get out my face.”
Tia wasn’t stunting him at all and she prayed that she found the strength to leave him one day. Juice was toxic, hella unhealthy and their relationship wasn’t going anywhere.
“Tia, stop talking to me like I’m some regular ass nigga, straight up.”
He was on ten right now.
“Juice, you are a regular nigga,” she said each word really slow as she shook her head and continued with what she was doing.
He didn’t love her. It was so obvious that the nigga didn’t give two fucks about her and it showed.
Before she knew it, the entire table in which she was sitting at was knocked over.
“JAMARI!”
It looked as spit was foaming at his mouth as his chest heaved up and down. “You not about to keep talking to me like I’m nobody. I am somebody, Tia. I’m a grown ass man. This is my shit. Act like you know!” he told her before going into their room and slamming the door.
That was his first time ever speaking to her like that. She didn’t know what triggered him, well…she kinda did, but still. Tia was a lil’ scared now. She vowed on that day to never talk to him like that again. Verbal abuse was a real thing and clearly, she had set him off.
“Remember that day we got into it and you knocked my weed over?” she questioned, not giving him a chance to even give her a proper greeting.
He walked further into the small dining area. “Yeah, you mean the day you bleached my Bally sneakers?”
She giggled to herself. It was the first time she’d laughed in weeks.
“Why you used to be so crazy?” he asked her a serious question, really wanting to know the answer.
She lazily shrugged her shoulders, “You made me that way.”
“You be tripping out on your new dude?”
Tia didn’t know who he was talking about or where the question came from.
“I’m single, I told you that.”
Juice stared into her eyes since they were standing right in front of each other, “I don’t believe you.”
She stepped back. “Is that why you texted me saying we needed to talk?” she was now feeling some type of way.
“You’re in my city and didn’t let me know.”
Juice was the only nigga that could push her buttons. She took a deep breath, telling herself to keep her composure.
“Juice, yes the hell I did and as always, you read my text and didn’t respond. For you to be this businessman, you need to turn your read receipt off. It’s unprofessional.”
“Do you know how many phones I got?” He shook his head.
“I don’t give a damn! When I text, you text back!” She wasn’t about to keep being ignored and then summoned.
Tia was tired of doing this with him.
“I needed you…” she finally told him.
He reached for her and she flinched.
“Nah, baby…. tell me it’s not like that.”
When Juice was fourteen, his mother was a victim of rape. She was leaving work and catching the train way past when the streetlights went off. She was tired as hell, feet throbbing from too little shoes. She was barely looking out and checking her surroundings. She’d been taking the same route for years. Before she knew it, someone had grabbed her from the behind and had his way with her. His mom didn’t make it home until the next morning, bruised and battered. He swore that after that day, he never left her side. Juice caught the train with her to work, saw her walk in the building and then he was there when she got off.
He hated how hard his mom struggled to put food on the table for him. She told him once that she had big dreams and goals for her life. She was a college graduate but was barely making ends meet. Shit was rough for them for so many years, it was one of the main reasons why he worked as hard as he did. His Queen would never have to lift a finger or toe again if she didn’t want to.
“I’m going to get through this. I will be okay,” she said, more so to herself than him.
Juice instructed her of his next move, “Tia, it’s me baby. I’m about to wrap my arms around you. Let me hold you for a few seconds.”
He needed to feel her. After Munch delivered the news to him, he reached out to a few people that he knew in higher places and once learning all the facts of her story, he texted her and asked her to pull up at their old spot.
“Okay?” he wanted to be sure she understood so that she didn’t spaz out and hit him.
She nodded her head, slowly and they both came closer to each other.
Tia inhaled and then exhaled seconds later, once his arms met her waist. He kissed her forehead and then breathed in her sweet-smelling hair. “I wish I was there to protect you,” he whispered.
Tia closed her eyes and wept silently. They remained stuck like glue for what seemed like an eternity. When they pulled away, Tia tried to joke around but the look on Juice’s face was still and expressionless.
“Stop. I’m still me,” she pouted.
Juice didn’t want to hear that. Tia was bat-shit crazy, but no one should’ve ever felt comfortable enough to ever put their hands on her. No meant NO, his mom always preached that to him when he was growing up and she began to drill it in his head once he went to college.
“Nigga violated though, shits fucking with me,” he admitted.
Tia tugged on the grey cotton t-shirt that he had on and kissed his nose and then his lips.
“One day at a time,” she was more than ready to put this behind her.
He kissed her back, this time sliding his tongue inside of her mouth. She tasted like gum and ginger beer.
“You okay?” he wanted to be certain before taking her too far.
She ignored his question and kissed him again. Tia wondered if they had sex would it replace the last encounter she had. The rape.
“Aye, I do need to know if you fucking that nigga though, straight up.”
Juice wasn’t into sharing his pussy.
“STRAIGHT UP,” using his exact words, sarcastically.
“I don’t question what you and your FIANCÈE do.”
She didn’t give him a chance to respond before she got mad and continued, “I wasn’t about to fuck you anyway. Secondly, I’m single. I can do what I want to do. This is MY body.”
Now, she was on the verge of tears. It was time for her to go.
“This was a mistake,” she said as she headed for the door.
Juice knew that he was being stupid and jealous, but he didn’t care. Tia was his.
“He’s a drug dealer. I don’t want you getting caught up in his shit,” he assumed she already knew.
“Juice, what and who are you talking about?”
“YO NIGGA!”
She was trying to play him, a
nd he wasn’t having it.
“The only person who I could guess that you’re referring to is Coop and that’s my best friend,” she only clarified the fact because there was no way in hell he was in the streets.
Coop had a regular ass job, or so she assumed.
“Oh, we going with the best friend thing? Cute, Tia,” he snorted.
She didn’t have time for this shit. She came to New York to clear her head not go back and forth with her ex-nigga that was ENGAGED.
“I don’t have to lie to you. Lie to you for what? Who are you?”
No one could get to him quite like she could with that nonchalant shit.
“Fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Just saying honey. Coop is my friend. He’s not in the streets and furthermore, if I was fucking him, it’s none of your business. He’s always there when I needed him.”
Juice was bothered by all these damn confessions. “So that gives him the right to fuck you cus he shows up for you?”
Tia nodded her head, although she was purposely rattling his emotions.
He pursed his lips together. “Yo, get out.”
Conversation over.
Tia told him, “My pleasure.”
She didn’t get to the front door good enough before he was calling out for her, “Tia…wait.”
She rolled her eyes as she turned around. “What?”
“I know I don’t have the right to-”
She cut him off and filled the sentence in for him, “Monitor what I do with my body?”
“Let me talk, alright.” He was irritated.
“Tia, I love you. You know how I feel about you. When I heard the news, I stopped everything I was doing. Baby, I haven’t slept since…shit broke my heart. Let me be there for you.”
It sounded so beautiful, if only it came from a single man’s lips.
“You are engaged,” she hated to be the one to keep reminding him of that.
“SHE’S IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR,” he yelled.
Juice felt a migraine coming along.
“Huh?” she knew she hadn’t heard him correctly.
He plopped down on the bar stool. “I was at the bar with P and Big Mo telling them how I still loved you, how I was about to try to get you back, and then the news came on…”
That was such a horrible day for him.
Juice blew up his mother’s phone. He needed his momma. Grown ass man or not. She said that she would be there as soon as he could and then asked him to pass the phone to Porter.
Juice’s head was spinning. His hands were shaking. His eyes were low and red.
He couldn’t even hold a blunt long enough to light it. His nerves were shot.
Karma…was this his karma?
Was this because he was laid up with another female.
He mentally searched the Quran.
Searched the Holy Bible too.
Was there a passage on cheating?
He couldn’t help but to blame himself for this shit happening.
Faaizah was the sweetest girl he knew.
How in the fuck did this go down?
He paced the floor so much, Moses told him, “You gon drill a hole in that bitch. Sit down lil bro.”
He’d been here before.
Moses lost his first wife and swore that he died right along with her.
Not saying that Juice’s lady was going to die but pacing the floor wouldn’t fix anything.
Prayer.
Prayer.
Prayer.
Juice shook his head and took off for the nearest exit.
Her father was on the phone, notifying their family and Juice didn’t see how he could keep repeating that shit over and over again.
Families were talkative, he would’ve told one person and naturally let the news spread on its own.
Maybe it kept him busy…he didn’t know.
Porter followed him out and Juice said over the shoulder, “I’m sending a plane to get your mom. She’ll be here soon.”
He didn’t respond or acknowledge him.
He took a seat on the sidewalk and began to cry again.
This shit was all kinds of fucked up.
“You’re blaming yourself isn’t going to make her come out of surgery any faster, okay?”
He knew that, but maybe something magical could happen because the doctors had already let him know that it wasn’t looking good.
“It’s all my fault.”
Not less than two hours ago, he was bragging on his old vibe.
Juice was preparing to go home and let Faaizah go, all because he wanted Tia again.
What kind of nigga was he?
Juice was now disgusted with him damn self.
How could he ever look at himself in the mirror again.
“I’m greedy. I always fuck up a good thing,” he admitted. Pussy was his downfall. He loved that shit more than the next man. However, he knew he was talking out of the side of his neck right now…because what he felt when he was with Tia was way more than a nut.
Porter took the seat next to him…
“Listen to me…I know you Muslim now, but hear me out.”
Juice studied the religion yet grew up Christian. His mother was still devoted to Jehovah Jireh. He wasn’t oblivious or ignorant to what the Blood of Jesus could do.
“God makes no mistakes and that’s coming from a man who buried not only his wife but three of his children. You hear me?” Porter said that shit with a lump in his throat.
He’d been where Juice was.
Literally.
When he got the news that the plane had crashed, he was in a meeting handling business knowing his family was counting down to see him.
Porter was the most selfish and, careless nigga there was. Losing his family was a wake-up call. If no one knew about beating yourself up and placing all the blame on you…he knew.
Juice would only fuck himself up if he didn’t leave this with His higher power.
“She ain’t deserve this,” he cried.
Porter knew that too.
“Trust me man, my family didn’t either.”
His girls were the most precious things God ever created. They were handmade porcelain dolls, with smiles and laughs that could brighten the darkest day.
“She’s going to be okay, Juice,” Porter promised him.
Faai’s father came outside. “The doctor wants to speak to us. She’s out of surgery.”
Juice damn near broke his ankle trying to get up.
They ran back to the main lobby.
“Is she okay?” he asked, out of breath.
The doctor removed the mask from his mouth. “Yes, she’s alive. That’s good, very good actually. She’s definitely a trooper.”
“Good and bad news…” Juice clenched his heart as he prepared himself for the worst.
“We had some tough choices to make. At this time, I’m not sure if the feeling in her legs will return, but we will do some tests once she wakes up.”
He couldn’t have heard him correctly.
“You’re saying, she won’t walk again?”
The surgeon slowly nodded his head, “Yes, it’s a possibility.”
He felt himself slipping, Ashton and Casey held him up.
“Come on man.”
Juice bent over and screamed.
Faaizah was a busy body. She was going to hate this shit. Although, she still had her life.
“What about my wife? Her mother?” Faaizah’s father wanted to know.
Juice had forgot all about her.
He pulled his emotions together to hear the update on her mother’s report.
The doctor seemed kind of confused, “Her mom? Wait, one second.”
He walked off and they all stood around nervously until he returned.
His father knew from the look on the surgeon’s face that the news wasn’t good.
“NO, NO, NO!”
Tears began to fall from his eyes, profusely.
Porter hugg
ed him, although never meeting the man until today. He knew how that pain felt.
Juice squeezed his eyes shut, hoping and praying that this was all one big bad dream, but it wasn’t.
“She was in an accident in PA, her and her mother.”
Tia whispered, “My God.”
She didn’t hear about this in the blogs nor did her nosey ass friends let her know either.
“Her ma didn’t make it…and Faai is bound to a chair. It’s nothing I can do. I had so many doctors fly in to give us their opinion. It’s a wrap,” Juice released a lot in that moment. It was his first time admitting that Faai was in a wheelchair. If you weren’t in his immediate circle, then you wouldn’t know. His baby mamas didn’t even know, and he knew he needed to tell them because they’d been blowing him up saying the kids missed him and Faai.
“I am so sorry,” Tia’s heart went out to Juice and her. She didn’t hold any grudges against the woman and would never wish any ill intentions on anyone.
That’s how you blocked blessings….and Tia wasn’t in the business of doing that.
Juice didn’t need the pity, he needed her to understand that his heart was with her, but…he was stuck in a real fucked-up situation.
“I don’t know what to do,” he confided in his sweetheart.
Her eyes fell onto his. “What do you mean?”
He dropped his head before admitting, “I don’t want to be with her…”
Tia’s soul yearned for him, only God knew how much. But it wasn’t possible. At least not now.
They couldn’t be together. They had to disconnect. For real, this time.
“We can’t. Juice, she lost her mother…she needs you.”
He knew that, Juice was completely aware.
“What about what I need, Tia?”
Without him saying it, she already knew what he wanted and what he needed.
C H A P T E R 14
Stay down. Stay trill. Stay loyal – Jim Jones
“Chin up, beautiful. It won’t break you.”
Chanda sent her that via text message and little did her soror know, it was truly needed on today. Tia’s stomach was in knots as she showered, dressed and prepared for what was to take place in less than ninety minutes.