by Nako
“How are you since our last session?”
Therapy required a lot of transparency. You had to come in with an open mind and prepared to do the work. Whatever it took to uncover those dirty piles of laundry that you stuck under the bed as a child, teenager and sometimes even an adult. Juice remained dedicated to learning himself. Every Thursday at eleven o’clock in the morning, he was at Dr. Mighty-Moore’s office. If he had to work, they Facetimed and sometimes depending on their schedules, he would fly her and her family out for a session, then the weekend was on them. Juice would fit the bill. He credited a lot to his therapy sessions. Finally realizing that it starts with the mind…you couldn’t grow or become the person you really were aiming to be if you didn’t declutter your mind. A junky house was a junky mind, so Juice kept everything around him clean and in tip-top shape. Mentally, emotionally, physically he was in the best space he’d ever been in his whole life. For the first time, he was actually happy. No flex. He was genuinely happy and filled with joy. Those days of stressing and over thinking every single thing about the path of life that he was on, was now behind him. What was for him, was his. Juice was great.
“I’m doing good. Moms and I talked about what you told us to discuss,” he cleared his throat at the thought of his mother being violated all those years ago.
She removed her glasses. “How did it go?”
He exhaled, “Good, considering you know she was shaking the whole time. It’s crazy that all these years have passed, and she’s still affected by what happened.”
“What makes it crazy?”
Juice sat back and pondered over the question before saying, “We didn’t talk about it until I got older. Doc, think about it. I’m in my 30s…we’re just now discussing her rape and how she’s been battling depression.”
He didn’t expect to feel a wave of emotion come over him out of nowhere, but his eyes started burning and he wiped his face to cool himself of whatever he was feeling.
“Did you tell her?”
He nodded his head, slowly.
“What did she say?”
Juice was doing better…getting better at explaining and expressing his feelings.
“She blamed herself.”
Dr. Mighty-Moore was always scrambling something in her notepad.
“When I met your mother, instantly I knew where you got your strength from although you credit your father for a lot of your personality and character traits.”
He didn’t know that he did that. “I do? Are you sure?”
She smiled. “Very. How often can you say that you and your father talk?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “We’re men. It’s understood. When I want to see him, I fly him out.”
“Does he ever invite you to his home?”
Juice knew what she was probably trying to get at and he had to tell her, “Me and my Pops are good.”
“I didn’t say that you guys weren’t, but there is a point I want to make and we can move on to the next subject because I know you have a flight to catch.”
She reached over and sipped from a yellow mug and then said, “Sometimes, we tend to overlook the people closest to us. We give credit to those that are undeserving.”
“As in how you think I did Tia?”
She nodded her head, affirming, “Exactly.”
“You love your mother, you love Tia, but you never really acknowledged the role they played in your life. To me, I interpret it as safe. It’s safe for you to assume that you loved Faaizah and… it’s safe for you to think that your father played a more pivotal role in your upbringing then your mother, who has never left your side.”
She winked her eye and then said, nonchalantly, “But what do I know?”
Juice processed it all. “You may be right.”
He looked at the time on the clock. “I think this all I really have time for today.” He needed to skate out early, so he could catch the jet to L.A.
Tonight, was a big deal for him.
“Understood, safe travels and I’ll be watching from home.”
He smiled at her before standing up to leave her office.
“One more thing before you go. I forgot to ask if you ever told Tia about the incident after the break up?”
Dinner was divine. They dined at Ruth Chris Steakhouse and then took a walk in Centennial Park. Juice had something to do in Atlanta and Tia claiming she was going to be a city girl all summer, agreed to tag along.
While he worked, she rode through ATL looking for all the cool murals that had recently gained a lot of attention via social media. On top of her pouring her all into the non-profit organization that she’d started for incoming freshmen girls, Tia also picked back up her camera. She was infatuated with her lens and often, snapped pictures of everything.
“Did you like your food?”
He only asked because he felt as if Ruth Chris was overrated. He honestly preferred Chops or even Cuts over the latter.
“Yeah, I did.”
She was on yet another diet, so she opted out of her normal ribeye or lamb and instead ordered crab cakes with a fresh lettuce wedge.
Tia picked up the calories in the two Sidecar martinis she ordered with a rock candy sugar rim.
“Let’s sit right here,” he directed her to a bench right in front of SkyView, the Ferris Wheel in downtown Atlanta.
Tia sat beside him and instantly took his hand in hers, kissed his lips and told him that she loved him.
He loved her too and was happy that they were talking again, yet taking things extremely slow, per her request.
“I have something to tell you.”
Tia nodded her head, “I know.”
She felt the shifting of his energy towards the end of dinner.
He could only smirk and shake his head, because she knew him too well.
“I’m listening.” She encouraged him to share whatever was on his mind and heart.
There wasn’t anything standing in their way these days. Tia was appreciating being wined and dined by him, along with traveling the world. Honestly, there was no place else she’d rather be.
“A month or two after you moved out, I had kind of lost it one night and I…uh, I had tried to kill myself.”
Tia removed her hand from his. She wasn’t expecting him to say that.
Honestly, she thought that he was about to propose.
He didn’t have a long drawled out conversation about something that he didn’t do yet, contemplated and attempted.
She looked up at him with teary eyes, “Why?”
Things had gotten bad for her too. Tia was devastated and incredibly hurt after their break up as well. It was surprising and shocking to hear that Juice was so affected by the ending of their relationship.
“I felt like I was dying without you.”
Tia wanted to know as she let her tears fall, “Why are you just now telling me this?”
He took a deep breath, grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it.
“You were teasing me one day and had asked me if I cried over you, when I lied and told you no.”
He didn’t want to tell her another fib in his life.
“Juice, are you sure you’re okay?”
In Tia’s eyes his mental health and sanity had always been in question.
He reassured her, “Yeah, I’m good. I promise.”
He told her, “She was calmer than my moms.”
Dr. Mighty-Moore believed that Tia was a strong woman.
“But how do you feel letting her know the truth?”
He said with a hopeful smile, “I shared my reality with her, it felt really good. Catch you next week, Doc.”
She was proud of Juice, truly.
When Juice had his assistant call Dr. Mighty-Moore to possibly get back on her schedule for what the young lady described as an emergency, she couldn’t do nothing but pump a fist in the air. Although, him being in dire need of therapy wasn’t something to celebrate it was more so about her being correct o
n which spouse would return to therapy.
Her first question when he returned to her for a session was, “Where is your wife?”
In which, he told her, “We are divorced and she’s back home with her family.”
His tone didn’t hold anything other than peace.
He was content with where he was and almost two years later, Juice was in a magnificent place and with the woman of his dreams.
η
Getting ready for what may be the biggest night of his career had his stomach doing somersaults and there was nothing the Tums his mom handed him or the blunt he smoked before getting into the limousine to head to the red carpet could do about it.
“Should I call Tia?” his mom questioned.
“Nah, she said as soon as she leaves some fellowship group she just joined, she’s going to the hotel to lay down.”
“How do you feel about you guys not being of the same religion?” his mom never thought to ask before.
Juice told her, “We’ve talked about it, of course now more than ever and plan on working something out soon. But you know I’m not anti-Christ, Ma.”
He was raised as a Christian boy and once he got older he did his own research and became a Muslim. His mom believed that his father who was a devout Muslim, heavily influenced his decision.
“Hhmm-hmmm, okay. When will the house be ready?” She was Chatty Patty tonight.
“You nervous?” he asked, with a big ole’ smile on his face.
She smiled at him, “My only child’s artist is being nominated for Rap Album of The Year. Heck yes, I’m nervous.” She pinched his cheek.
He frowned his face. “Maaaaaaa!” Juice exclaimed loudly.
“Hush it up, you’re still my baby boy. Now, when will the house be ready?”
The basement of the home that Juice bought many years ago flooded, requiring him to have to redo the entire finished basement. From that project, he figured the house could use a few upgrades and a fresh coat of paint. They were scheduled to move in soon.
“Next few weeks or so. Tia loves it out here,” he shared with his mom. Tia claimed that the West Coast had her heart.
“Mr. Shahid, we’re here,” the driver announced.
He pulled the car to the curb and Juice hopped out first and then helped his mom to her feet.
Tonight, he was quite dapper in a custom black Tom Ford suit with shades and tie.
He had his girl, Carmen, hook his mom up for tonight.
“Ma, you look divine,” he praised her as he held his arm out for her to hook hers into.
“Thanks son.”
Juice did about three interviews and then they made their way to their seats.
Tonight, was the 76th Annual Grammy Awards and his artist was nominated for Best Rap Album, which was a huge deal considering Juice’s label was still independent. He’d had several offers on the deal and declined each one. There was even a 360-deal proposed from YQ Recordings. Juice loved and had a lot of respect for YQ but preferred to get it out the mud.
Tonight, whether win or lose, his hard work got him to this point. For Juice, this was a sign that he could accomplish anything and everything that he put his mind to. He was looking forward to another successful year in music. He loved what he did, it was truly his passion.
The awards started off with a wild performance from Mahogany. He was proud of her, always and forever.
An hour later, he was hoping he didn’t shit on himself once the host announced that after the break, the winner for Best Rap Album would be announced.
Those damn seven minutes went by incredibly fast. Once, the announcers took the stage and did a corny joke, he closed his eyes and squeezed his mom’s hand.
Juice wanted to win so bad.
“And the winner is…”
His momma leaped from her chair, instantly crying tears of joy.
His artist was nominated for Best Rap Album and fuckin’ won too.
He finally stood up and thanked Allah, in which was caught on camera.
Juice kissed his mother’s cheek and then stepped out of the aisle. He was being stopped by tons of celebs who had seen him come up in the game as a humble nigga.
He finally made it to the podium and took a deep breath into the microphone.
Girls and women all across the world watching from home were saying, “Oooh shit, he’s so fine.”
Juice knew he was sweating bullets.
He reached down to speak into the microphone, since he was so tall.
“First and foremost, I want to thank my Creator, who is the head of my life. On behalf of my artist who’s on his first global tour right now, we want to thank everyone who made this possible. It’s a blessing what hard work, dedication and sacrifice can get you in this industry.”
The crowd clapped.
“My artist is one of none. His talent, his drive, his voice…everything about him is unusual and organic. I’m proud of him. I have just a few names and then I’ma get out of here,” he refused to be the nigga talking forever until the piano started playing.
Juice made sure to shout out everyone on his team and his label that worked behind the scenes.
“Last but not least, my two feet wouldn’t be planted if Porter Bavay didn’t lay the seed. Big homie, I thank you for everything you ever done for me. You gave me room to grow.”
The camera spotted P who had a big smile on his face and two fingers across his heart. Mahogany was beside him, looking genuinely happy as well.
Juice wrapped up with, “I want to let every music exec, A & R, assistant, intern all of that know…you have a voice. Use it. Bless up!” He held the Grammy in the air and then walked off the stage.
Juice was ready to go lay-up with his wife after he won, but his mom really wanted to see the tribute to one of her favorite groups growing up, so he chilled. His phone was going ham from tweets, text messages and social media notifications. What an accomplishment. He was well-pleased and finally, proud of himself. The awards came to an end and it was jam-packed traffic. The driver dropped his mother off first and then they headed to the hotel that he and Tia normally stayed at while they visited L.A.
Their house would be done soon, so she didn’t bother with getting comfortable at a condo or rental property. Juice ended up selling the house he once shared with Faai, after Tia refused to even step foot in it. Claiming, that she wanted them to have new memories.
He kept the condo for old-time’s sake and it now served as a landing pad for when he had guests in town for business.
Tia’s non-profit was doing so well that she was going to keep the office in New York while opening another one in California. The work that she was doing in the community was receiving a lot of attention and she was becoming an activist by being mentored by the very best, Dr. Freedom Anderson.
He used his hotel key card to enter the room and he could hear Tia snoring loudly from the living room in the suite.
The awards were being recapped on the flat screen in the bedroom. She tried her hardest to stay up and see if her baby won but was tired as a dog.
Juice showered quietly and then slid into bed, naked.
Tia stirred in her sleep, before taking a deep breath and opening one eye.
“You’re back,” she croaked.
He nodded his head, coming closer to kiss her once on her forehead and twice on her lips.
“Did you win?” She was so freakin’ nervous for him.
He nodded once more and then corrected her, “We won baby.”
Juice rubbed her exposed stomach, “All of us, did,” he said, thinking of his other three children that he loved so much.
“So proud of you, my love,” she told him as she brought her hand to his face to caress it. Even in the dark, her wedding ring shined so bright.
Juice wanted her in the worst way right now. “Let me slide in it…” he asked, before doing so.
She was a few weeks away from giving birth and hadn’t been in the mood for sex at all.
&n
bsp; Tia was horny herself tonight. “Come on.”
Juice would have to do all the work because she was as big as a house. Tia’s little petite frame was all belly during her pregnancy. With them moving to California where his mother already resided and her mom and her family was, she had plenty of help. Tia and her mother’s relationship was going strong and thriving and that’s all she could really ask for.
Two of Juice’s children and their moms would be moving to Cali as well, which would help Juice out a lot. Whenever he had business to handle in New York is when he planned on seeing his daughter and she would be spending holidays and the summer with them as well.
He had a great plan and an even better life.
Everything worked out as it was supposed to, and he couldn’t be happier.
He got the girl of his dreams back and sometimes, on some low-key sucker shit, he would roll over in bed and stare at her. Thankful, that she’d given him another chance. Grateful, that she’d trusted him once more. He promised to never have her love in a drought again.
The End.
D I S C U S S I O N Q U E S T I O N S
We discuss all my books in Nako’s Reading Group on Facebook, we’re an active community. You can also follow us on Instagram at @nakosreadingroup, but for those readers that still got their own thing going on… here are a few questions that I came up with. Enjoy with wine.
Tia, Tia, Tia…What are three words you would use to describe Tia and were you able to relate to her?
Did Juice suffer from identity crisis? Did he really know who he was?
What do you think the real issue was with Mahogany and Juice? Was she jealous of him? Did she have an idea that he’d wanted to start his own label? Was she trying to hold him back?
Do you think Porter’s changed since LD1, and if so, for the good or bad?
How did you feel about Tia calling Juice having multiple children by different women, “ghetto”?
Would you have taken Juice back?
Did Faaizah ever love Juice? Did he ever love her?
Was Juice considered a family-oriented person?
Did Juice or Tia really know the definition of love?