Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  Starting to run uphill, she felt her heart speed up and skip a beat when she reached the rocky edge of the precipice at the end of the track. She’d entirely forgotten about her three friends behind her. When she saw the plateau at the top of the hill, she was out of breath and stared at the scene completely dumbfounded.

  This was the place from her dreams.

  She squatted down, blinking her eyes in disbelief. Her eyes roamed the valley below, the shape of the rocks, the hill sloping down behind her. It was beyond doubt – this was where she’d seen the skinwalkers cornering her, their faces morphing into something demonic. This was the wind-swept place where she had almost plunged to her death in order to escape them. It was here she’d broken up with Josh in her dream.

  Emily, Amber and Ivy had caught up with her in the meantime, and took in the stunning view in awe. “Are you out of breath?” Emily asked, looking at Hannah still squatting down. “No surprise there. You were practically trying to set an Olympic record running up this hill.”

  Hannah nodded absently, still panting. What a discovery. So her dreams really weren’t just dreams after all. Amber’s theory was correct.

  “Are you all there?” Amber said, sitting down next to her.

  Hannah bit her lip. “Amber ... I know this place.”

  Amber frowned at her, non-plussed, then caught on. “Wait a minute. You mean from your dreams?”

  Hannah nodded silently. A sudden tear ran down her cheek. She didn’t understand. If this place was real – if she somehow had visions of the past where Josh and she had shared a life together, why was it all over between them? It wasn’t fair. He belonged with her. She could feel it in every fiber of her being.

  “That is so bizarre,” Amber whispered. “So you’ve really been here before?”

  Hannah nodded. “You know what, leave me be for a while,” she said quietly.

  Looking around, she tried to search for more clues. Close to the edge of the precipice, there was an old, gnarly tree. In a flash, Hannah saw a smaller, younger tree at the same spot in her dreams. She had seen that tree before, but many, many years before. It was all too remarkable to be a coincidence. She had to talk to Josh about it. Finally tell him about the dreams she’d had.

  But it was too late. What was she supposed to say to him? That she had this hinky dream thing going on in which they were lovers in a past life? If all was correct, she had broken up with him last time. Maybe he was subconsciously scared to get hurt again. Heck, for all she knew it was a conscious thing. Perhaps he was having the same weird dreams about her.

  And what if? Josh wouldn’t want to talk about it, because he’d clearly said it was all going too fast for him. Suggesting they had a century-old history together would crank up the pace to lightning speed in no time. It was no good.

  When the girls finally made their way back to the hoghan, Hannah was still mulling things over in her head. She passed Ben frying potato slices in a pan on a gas stove, but he dropped his spatula and followed her into the hoghan.

  It was light inside, thanks to the fire that had been lit in the middle of the building. Hannah saw someone had put her bag on top of one of the mattresses on the left side. Her sleeping bag had been unpacked and unrolled.

  “I unpacked some of your stuff.” Ben put an arm around her. “I couldn’t find your dreamcatcher, though.”

  “I didn’t take it,” Hannah replied softly. “I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore.”

  Ben flopped down on his own mattress with a solemn face, and patted the space next to him. Hannah obliged, looking at him with a question in her eyes. “If you want to get out of St. Mary’s Port, just holler,” he said seriously. “You can go visit mom. Take a cheap flight to Alaska. Stay with Aunt Beth.”

  Hannah swallowed her tears back. Damn, Ben was just way too sweet. “No... no, of course not,” she stuttered. “I’m doing much better. Really. I’m not going to abandon you.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Ben didn’t look convinced. “Well, okay. If you say so.”

  That night, Hannah sat with the others until the sun set. Paul lit a few lanterns to light up the dark, illuminating Em and Amber’s happy, smiling faces across the table. Hannah quietly observed the happy couple, and just for a minute, she wished the ground would swallow her up and spit her out again in a place where she could let her tears run freely.

  The following morning, Hannah woke up with a nagging headache. Moaning ruefully, she opened her eyes and sat up. As she stretched her arms, she stared at the fire still burning in the middle of the hoghan. The other mattresses were empty, and one glance at her cell phone told her why – it was almost eleven o’clock. She’d had a long sleep.

  Her somber mood hadn’t lifted yet. She stuffed the medicine pouch into the pocket of her PJs and dragged herself to the campsite shower facilities. While the hot water hit her face and warmed her body, Hannah suddenly remembered the strange occurence at the beach. The three creepy girls, and the way they’d laughed at her. Something had been profoundly wrong about the whole encounter, she could sense it. Clearly, the curse hadn’t left her yet and the medicine bundle wasn’t powerful enough. She should ask for more help from Emily. Provided her friend was capable of offering more help. Most likely, Sani would have to step in. Trying to lift the curse would help to distract her a bit from the other drama in her life.

  At twelve o’clock sharp, a Navajo guide showed up at their hoghan, driving an enormous Jeep. As they drove off down the bumpy road toward the valley, Hannah leaned into Emily and whispered, “I had this panic attack the other day, Em. I think I should ask Sani for more advice.”

  Emily immediately understood what Hannah was talking about. She gave her a look of concern. “You get all the bad luck at once, don’t you? Well, you should come down to Naabi’aani tomorrow then. Nick asked me if we could take a good, critical look at his dissertation. Afterwards, you can go see Sani. I’ll ask him if he has time when I get home tonight.”

  Hannah swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “But ... he might be there tomorrow,” she objected in a small voice.

  Emily looked at her with pity in her eyes. “Honey, I know. But you’ll have to face Josh at some point.” Grabbing Hannah’s hand, she continued, “And I’ll support you. I’ll be there all the way.”

  “Okay, I guess you’re right. Delaying the confrontation is only going to make it more painful.”

  Hannah leaned back in her seat and stared out the window. The drive in the Jeep took them past scraggly trees and bushes, tall grass and red rocks. The mountain road meandered down to the valley, and it didn’t take them very long to get to the bottom of Canyon de Chelly. Their guide parked the Jeep close to a natural hole in the rocks called ‘The Window’ by the locals. Ivy and Sarah took out their cameras to snap pictures, while the guide gave them some background information about life in the canyon in past and present times.

  “When the soldiers of the United States invaded this canyon in 1864, it was a refuge for Diné people fleeing from Mexican oppression in the south. The people believed this canyon would protect them because it had always been a sacred place,” he told them.

  Hannah’s heart skipped a beat. So this canyon had been a safe haven for Navajo people running away from the Mexicans. Images from her dreams flashed before her eyes. Maybe she’d come to this canyon in a past life to keep safe?

  “The Americans ended the peaceful existence of the canyon dwellers when they used the scorched-earth policy to drive them out,” the guide continued. “They killed all the livestock, burned the fields and cut down the peach trees growing throughout the valley. There was nothing left for the people but to surrender before winter came and struck them with famine. They were sent to Fort Defiance, and from there, they were forced to march to Fort Sumner, where the Americans had created a reservation for them.”

  “But... that’s more than three hundred miles,” Ivy said, flabbergasted.

  “It is. Th
at’s why our history calls it The Long Walk.”

  “White people have been so cruel in the past,” Amber said quietly. She shivered, looking around the valley with sad eyes.

  Emily put an arm around her shoulders. “Good thing there are really sweet ones, nowadays,” she mumbled, giving Amber a quick kiss on the cheek.

  When the Jeep dropped them off at the hoghan, it was already half past two.

  “Shall I drive back?” Hannah offered, when Ben got the car keys from his pocket.

  “You want to?”

  Hannah nodded silently. If she drove, she would stay focused on the road and her mind wouldn’t wander. She’d texted Nick an hour ago to tell him she’d meet up with him in Naabi’aani tomorrow. She’d also told him she and Josh had broken up. His astounded reaction to the news had made her rack her brain once more – if everyone around them thought she and Josh were so good together, then why didn’t Josh think so himself?

  Ben cleared his throat. “So, if you want to drive, you’re going to have to get behind the wheel.”

  She woke up again. “Yeah. Sure. Sorry.” She opened the car door and sat down, avoiding Ben’s inquiring gaze.

  “Do you still want to come to the funfair with us on Saturday?” he asked cautiously, as they left the campsite, following the station wagon. Saturday evening would be the opening night for the funfair in Page, and they’d agreed to meet up there with a bunch of people.

  “Sure, why not? I haven’t done anything wrong, have I?” Hannah kept her eyes on the road in front of them, her jaw tense.

  “No ... you haven’t,” Ben said, his voice taut.

  “Well, Josh hasn’t, either,” Hannah mumbled.

  “Hmm.”

  “He’s just been honest about his feelings,” she rushed on, making the words tumble out of her mouth before her tears could catch up with her again. “If he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me. He can’t help that.”

  Ben nodded slowly. “But, Han ... ” he tried again.

  “No, Ben. No buts.” Her eyes flashed when she looked back at him. She sighed when she saw the hurt look on his face. “Just ... don’t. Don’t interfere. Don’t ask him to explain himself. If he doesn’t want me anymore, then ... ” She straightened her shoulders. “Then it’s his loss,” she declared, with all the dignity she could manage.

  They didn’t talk about Josh anymore during the rest of the trip home.

  The next day, Hannah drove to the reservation in her Datsun, Ben sitting next to her. The sky was overcast, and she’d put up the roof of the car just in case. The weather report had said it would rain in the afternoon. Hannah clenched her jaw and slowed down a little bit after they passed LeChee. They were getting closer. Her stomach churned like she was on her way to the dentist for a horrible root canal treatment. She felt like she’d agreed to participate in her own public execution.

  “You’ll have to face him at some point,” she remembered Emily’s words. Of course, it was all very well for her to talk. She was on cloud nine with Amber. Hannah stifled a curse when she put the car in the wrong gear and the engine roared in protest.

  “Calm down. I’m with you.” Ben rubbed her tense shoulders. Of course he knew she was suffering. Hopefully, he wouldn’t do anything stupid, like pick a fight with Josh over her.

  Emily’s hoghan came into view. Hannah honked her horn to announce their arrival and got out of the car with leaden steps. Emily and Nick came outside a few moments later.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Nick said warmly, and bear-hugged her. “How are you holding up?”

  Oh shoot. Nick’s obvious concern had an adverse effect on her. The tears she had so desperately tried to push away for the past two days welled up. Quickly, Hannah took a step back. “I’m okay.”

  “Hey, Han,” Emily said, pulling her a bit away from the rest. “We have to talk about Sani later,” she added under her breath.

  Hannah nodded. They all sat down outside around a simple cooking grill where Emily was roasting some yucca. Nick handed Hannah a rough draft of his dissertation.

  “Have a look whenever you feel like it,” he said.

  Hannah smiled. “I’ll try my best.”

  While she was reading the first couple of pages, Emily passed her a plastic cup filled with strong coffee. “He’s not here,” she announced. “I don’t know if that’s a relief or not, but I thought I’d better tell you straight away.”

  Hannah gaped at Emily. Mostly, she was surprised. “But ... where is he then?” she asked, confused.

  “Sani says he’ll be back on Saturday,” Emily mumbled. “He said Josh was doing something for him that couldn’t wait.”

  Damn. Again, it was Sani coming between her and Josh. Of course, Josh hadn’t declined when the old hataalii needed his help. Apparently, he didn’t have any qualms about disappearing for days on end after breaking up with her in the most painful way imaginable. Seriously, what was his problem? He hadn’t even told his parents where he was going. It was probably not Tuba City, then. No, he was running errands for Sani again like a proper lackey.

  “Sani has time to see you this afternoon, by the way,” Emily went on, a bit taken aback by the look in Hannah’s eyes.

  “Magnificent,” Hannah grumbled. Why had the heavens conspired to make him the only person she could talk to about the skinwalker curse? It wasn’t fair.

  “Around three o’clock?” Emily continued.

  “Fine.” Hannah hunched over Nick’s draft and didn’t look back up until she’d read the whole thing. By that time, her anger had simmered out.

  Just as she was sipping her second cup of coffee, Amber and Ivy were dropped off at the hoghan by their dad.

  “So, where is he?” Ivy cut to the chase, sitting down next to Hannah.

  “Gone,” Hannah replied curtly. “All day.”

  Ivy pulled a face. “Crap.”

  “Yeah, that about sums it up. I could think of more words to describe it, but let’s just stop there.”

  Hannah abruptly got up and made her way to the toilet building next to the hoghan. Inside, she ran cold water over her wrists and tried to cool down. And calm down, moreover. What was she supposed to tell Sani when she saw him? She wanted him to help her, but she didn’t want him to blab about her problems to Josh. Which was inevitable. They were, like, best hataalii-buddies.

  Hannah turned off the faucet and walked back outside, lost in thought. Nick looked up from the notes she’d scribbled on his draft when she sat down next to him. He put a hand on her shoulder. “So, seriously. How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

  “What do you think?”

  “Sad. Confused. Angry.”

  Hannah winced when he rattled off his analysis. “You’re coming awfully close. Oh, well. Josh is busy with lots of things – he probably already forgot about me.” Her voice cracked.

  Nick’s eyebrows traveled north. “Oh, cut it out. The chances of Josh forgetting about you just like that are about as big as the chances of fluorescent hip-hop pants ever coming back into fashion.”

  Hannah stifled a nervous chuckle. “Geez, Nick. Don’t try to cheer me up, please.” She stared at her hands. “There’s no reason to.”

  “See what tomorrow brings. I heard Ben say you guys are going to go to the funfair?”

  She nodded. “I bet I’m going to have such a good time,” she replied sourly.

  Nick shrugged. “I think he will talk to you about his decision at some point. It’s not like him at all to be this nasty.”

  Wasn’t it? Well, Nick was clearly mistaken there. No matter how nice Josh might seem, he still kept people at an arm’s length, plus he was unpredictable. And yet, she hoped Nick was right. At least it would give her some closure if Josh would explain to her why he’d decided to shut her out for good.

  At three o’clock, Hannah made her way to Sani’s hoghan. Emily walked her to the hataalii’s house, built on a little hill just outside the village.

  “Good luck,” Emily said, squeezing Hann
ah’s hand for a second. They were standing a little ways away from the entrance.

  “Wait.” Hannah suddenly got nervous. “Shouldn’t I, uh ... pay him, or something?”

  “No worries. See you later.”

  Hannah stared at her friend walking down the hill. Grudgingly, she turned toward the hoghan. The exterior was covered in clay, and the entrance was covered by a hand-woven blanket in bright colors. She walked a few steps, whistling a tune to alert Sani to her arrival.

  The blanket was pushed aside, and Sani’s face appeared around the corner. “Come in,” he said warmly, beckoning her. “Wóshdéé’.”

  “Ahe’hee.” She stepped inside.

  The middle of the building held a fire. A white handprint made with corn pollen showed on the walls of the hoghan in each of the four cardinal directions. A buckskin was on the floor. Sani sat down on it, legs crossed, gesturing at Hannah to do the same.

  She inhaled the scent of the incense he was burning. “Juniper berries,” he said with a smile, when he saw her trying to place the scent.

  Hannah met his gaze and suddenly felt shy. The way Sani looked at her didn’t make her uncomfortable, but it was clear he was seeing right through her. She wouldn’t be able to lie to this medicine man. Quite frankly, she didn’t want to. Against all odds, she liked him. He came across as sympathetic, warm and caring.

  “How can I help you, shitsói, my grandchild?” Sani asked softly.

  “I am ... ” Hannah choked on the words. She didn’t know where to start. No doubt this man had heard skinwalker stories before, but not likely coming from the mouth of a biligaana.

  Then again, she hadn’t gone to all the trouble of consulting Sani only to back out now. “I’m cursed,” she stammered. “There are monsters after me.”