by Jen Minkman
He pulled her closer, caressing her back. She pressed her body against his chest. Her heart sped up when his mouth sought out hers again. So slowly, so intensely, and all of a sudden, so clearly wanting more. For the first time since they were together, there was no reason to pull apart or break off their kiss. The fire in his kiss was the same fire running through her veins. It didn’t really feel like he needed solitude tonight.
“So... your parents will stay in Chinle all night?” she stammered, out of breath, when Josh had to come up for air and stared into her eyes with a fire in his own.
“Yes.” The husky edge to his voice made her blush.
She laughed nervously. “Okay. So, shouldn’t we do something special before we go to sleep?” The second the words were out of her mouth, she gulped. Okay, this couldn’t get more embarrassing. She’d meant to ask about preparations for the ritual, but it came out as a leading question. Hussy-seductress kind of leading.
Josh chuckled. “No pressure,” he mumbled, suddenly sounding very nervous himself.
Hey. She had the upper hand here. Josh had never done this kind of thing before. Not in this life, anyhow. It somehow made her feel more confident about... well, that.
She smiled up at him, touching his cheek. “I don’t feel pressured,” she said softly, holding his gaze and trying not to blush too much.
He cast down his eyes. “That’s good,” he still mumbled. “Neither do I.”
“So isn’t it... dangerous? Us being, uhm, too close maybe? Easy to single out by vindictive witches?”
Josh shook his head. “Sani said we wouldn’t be at risk as long as we protect the hoghan really well. And I did just that. We can’t be too careful.”
“Hold on. You talked to Sani about that?” Hannah stared at Josh all bug-eyed. Oh, this could get more embarrassing.
“Well, not exactly.” He shrugged, grinning a mischievous grin. “Look, he’s not stupid. He hardly expects me to stick to just telling you old legends when you spend the night with me for the first time.”
Not saying anything, she felt a silly grin spread across her face. Josh smiled back. His hand landed on her calf, sliding up to her knee in a gentle caress that sent shivers through her entire body. She giggled nervously. His hand went up a bit more, and she suddenly fell silent.
“I clearly remember you enjoying this kind of thing in silence,” he muttered against her lips.
What upper hand? Hannah blushed like a tomato.
“That’s not fair,” she protested. “You know... things about me, but I don’t remember those things about you.” She shot him a nearly accusatory look.
He smiled a playful smile. “Which calls for extensive research on your part, I’d say.”
“So, you’re sure it’s... safe?” She bit her lip. This was crazy. She sounded like she wanted to know if he’d had himself tested or bought condoms.
Josh nodded. He rummaged around in her bag, pulling out the gun she’d packed at his request. “Even if those witches pull it off, bypassing the corn pollen circle, handprints and incense in this hoghan, ignoring your medicine pouch and my dreamcatcher, I’d still pump them full of lead,” he bit out. “I have bullets dipped in white ash that I will load into your weapon. Plus I’ll stay awake anyway.” He put the gun next to the mattress.
“What? You’re not going to sleep at all? Don’t you need to be rested for tomorrow?”
He shook his head. “I have to protect you. Whether you’re asleep here or in my parents’ hoghan, you’re in danger anyway until the ceremony starts. I’d rather have you close by, in a protected place.”
She scooted against him. “How close by?” she whispered.
Josh looked at her as if mesmerized. “Close enough to keep me awake,” he then softly replied.
She didn’t know exactly what had woken her up so early in the morning, but Hannah suddenly opened her eyes wide. A hint of a shiver crawled down her spine. Had she had another nightmare?
She glanced aside to Josh, who’d put his arms around her and had fallen asleep, despite his words. She smiled down at his relaxed face, listening to his slow breathing, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Even when he was asleep, she felt protected in the circle of his arms. It made her forget her fears about the curse that had affected them both. The uneasy feeling she’d had when she woke up dissipated in the light of day playing over his sharp features.
She stretched, carefully wriggling out of Josh’s embrace as to not wake him up yet. She got up to pour herself a drink from the jug on the table, two tumblers next to it. Then, she padded to the doorway and pushed the hand-woven blanket aside to stare at the first rays of sunlight creeping over the horizon, completely mesmerized. This was the beauty she wanted to walk in.
Behind her, she heard Josh waking up. He got out of bed, walked toward her and covered her bare shoulders with the blanket they had slept under.
“Ya’at’eeh abíní. Good morning.” He kissed her shoulder.
“Good morning.” She turned around. “I was just saying hello to the sun.”
“It’s splendid, isn’t it?” Josh agreed, lifting the blanket in the doorway a bit higher to gaze at the sunrise.
Her fingers touched the naked skin of his back. “Aren’t you cold?” she whispered. “You’ve given me the blanket.”
Josh pressed his body against her. “I’ll survive.” He kissed her on the mouth. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“Oh well, you deserved a good rest after last night.” Hannah blushed when she thought back to him and her. It had been so much more than she’d ever felt before. Sometimes, it had felt like time stood still, making her wish she really could freeze time and stay in that moment with Josh forever.
He smiled, a sudden cheeky gleam in his eyes. “Yeah, you think? So you were satisfied?”
“You know that,” she mumbled, casting her eyes shyly down to the floor.
She heard him chuckle. “Well, I can never be completely sure. Maybe I’m a little bit out of practice.”
Hannah looked back up, her face a shade of pink. “Uhm, no. Don’t worry.”
She gave him a kiss on the mouth that lasted longer than she had planned. She wouldn’t mind spending the next two days staying in this hoghan and having some more private time with Josh, but she knew they had to meet up with Sani just after sunrise. With a frustrated moan, she pulled away and grabbed her clothes from her bag. “I’m going to get dressed. Are we having breakfast?”
He shook his head. “Not the best idea. We’ll stop by the sweatlodge first in order to sweat out bad influences from our body. You have to do that on an empty stomach.”
Quickly, she slipped into a flimsy summer dress, still wearing the medicine bundle around her neck. Josh put on a sleeveless shirt and loose-fitting pants. He also put on the big turquoise pendant he’d worn at the rodeo as well as during his birthday party last night.
“That is a really remarkable piece of jewelry, you know that?” Hannah took a step toward him, running her finger over the intricately inlaid stones.
“Yes, I know that.” He paused a few seconds before he continued. “It’s ... a sort of heirloom.”
“Clan heirloom?”
“No. Mine. I’ve had it since 1839.” He stared at her. “You gave it to me,” he softly said.
“Me?” Hannah asked. “You mean, when I was still Ho’oneno?”
Josh nodded. “It belonged to your mother once. She’d been killed by Mexicans during one of their rampages. You shot two of her killers and grabbed this pendant before the soldiers could get to you, wearing it ever since. And you gave it to me when you promised to stay with me. It was a wedding gift, actually.”
Dazedly, she eyed the pendant. “How did you manage to hold on to it through the years?”
“Every time I awake after my vision quest, there comes a time I visit the places I lived in during my previous life, as a kind of pilgrimage. I remember the people I buried there, saying goodbye to them for good. I told you about my trip
to the four holy mountains to connect with the spirit of my forefathers. That was part of it. The other part was a journey into my own past.” He stared at the medicine wheel hanging on the wall. “This pendant – I buried it somewhere safe by the time I felt my nineteenth-century life was nearing its end. The life in which I knew you. When I was born again in 1910, I visited the place I buried it and dug it up so I could wear it again. And during that life, I buried it once more, so I could find it in this lifetime.”
“You never forgot about me,” Hannah stammered, taken by emotion.
“No,” he simply said. “Never.”
“I wish I could say the same. I have no long life line like you, but I wish I hadn’t forgotten you.”
He smiled. “You haven’t. Because you came back.”
When the sun had quietly left the horizon behind and had risen further in the sky, they left the village, walking hand in hand, following a path into the mountains. They entered a secluded spot in the wilderness with no one in sight. There, Sani had built a temporary hoghan out of tree trunks that somehow reminded Hannah of a large, pyramid-shaped tent.
Next to it, he’d dug a shallow hole in the ground to construct a sweatlodge, covered by blankets and quilts in order to keep the steam inside.
“Ya’at’eeh,” he welcomed them. “Are you both ready?”
They nodded. Hannah took in Sani’s tired but serene appearance. “Thank you for helping us, shicheii.” She addressed him respectfully as a grandfather.
“Lá’aa,” Sani replied with a smile. “You’re welcome.”
Hannah saw Josh stripping off his clothes to enter the sweatlodge. Her eyes darted sideways. Was Sani really planning on standing there and observing her as she had to strip naked? She let out a sigh of relief when he turned around and walked toward the entrance of the ceremonial hoghan.
Inside the sweatlodge, the high temperature rapidly made Hannah nauseous and dizzy. Josh supported her when she scooted closer to put her head on his shoulder.
“I can’t stand this heat,” she puffed.
“Try lasting for a little while longer.” Josh handed Hannah the mug of water standing next to the hot pile of coals in the middle, which was actually there to pour onto the coals and create more steam. She took a long drink, still slumped against Josh’s shoulder.
After what seemed like an eternity, they heard Sani call from outside. “Everything is ready.”
Hannah waited until she heard the hataalii walk away, and then staggered out of the sweatlodge. The warm morning air actually made her shiver after the extreme temperatures she’d been exposed to in her first ritual of the day.
Josh followed her, taking two blankets from the top of the lodge. He wrapped one around Hannah’s shoulders and used the other to dry off his torso and wrap around his hips. Hannah wiped the sweat off her body, and then decided to use the blanket as a make-shift dress. She glanced sideways. “Are we supposed to get dressed again?”
He shook his head. “It will work better when we sit down on the iikaah, the sandpainting, completely naked.” He shot her an apologetic look, and Hannah nodded curtly. She shouldn’t be a prude about it. A medicine man was as much a doctor as any other physician she’d ever visited, and she didn’t fret about taking off her clothes around them either when she went for check-ups.
Still, it felt strange walking into the hoghan and putting her blanket to the side while Sani was in the same room. He was sitting on a buckskin next to the sandpainting they were supposed to sit on in a moment, and he was busy arranging objects from his jish to use during the ceremony. She could make out a rattle, different kinds of colorful natural clay, feathers and dried plants.
In the middle of the hoghan, he had made a breathtakingly beautiful iikaah. Three figures were drawn in the middle, holding prayer sticks, one of which was clearly a bear. She couldn’t identify the other two figures, but she could feel the energy coming off the sandpainting settle into her bones. Sani must have been working on this piece of art all night long, she was sure of it.
“Why do we have to sit down on it?” she whispered to Josh. “That’s such a shame. We’ll ruin his art.”
He smiled. “The iikaah attracts magic. When we sit down on it, the magic will flow into our bodies.”
In silence, they sat down on the floor on the other side of the sandpainting. When Sani finally rose, he started singing and sprinkling corn pollen on Hannah and Josh, walking in circles around them. He used the rattle to emphasize his song and crumbled a few dried plants into a bowl to burn them and fill the room with pungent-smelling smoke.
The hypnotic singing made Hannah dizzy again. She held on to Josh’s hand, feeling him squeeze hers in reassurance.
Blinking her eyes, she took a closer look at the wall behind Sani. The air seemed to shiver and whirl around, suddenly forming a looming shadow shaped like a bear.
“Don’t be afraid,” she heard Josh say. “It’s Shash, my direction protector from the west. He’s here to help us.”
Despite his words, Hannah’s heart beat in her throat. Lately, she’d seen one too many looming shadows for her own good. She stared at the apparition across from the sandpainting, trying to let go of her apprehension. Just then, she felt a powerful, deep and balanced force coming from the totem animal that had appeared to them. It was benevolent. He was on their side.
“It is time,” Sani said.
As if in a trance, Hannah got up. She was still holding Josh’s hand when they sat down on the painting cross-legged, their knees touching.
She looked into his brown eyes, and suddenly, without any clear transition, they were somewhere else. The hoghan had disappeared. All around them was woodland. They were sitting at the border of a small lake, smooth like a mirror. Moonlight was pouring over the strange landscape. It looked warm and welcoming, despite the cold light.
“Have we entered the veil?” she asked Josh in her mind. Somehow, she knew he would hear her.
He put a hand on her knee. “It’s a waiting room.” His voice sounded in her head. “We’ll be picked up soon.”
Silence enveloped them. Hannah took several deep breaths, still feeling the medicine pouch hanging from her neck. Apparently, she still needed its protection in this place.
“My children,” a deep, dark voice then spoke to them. It could only come from an ancient, animal being. She looked over her shoulder and saw a huge brown bear standing there, looking at her and Josh.
“My protector,” Josh needlessly explained. “It’s time.”
A black haze clouded her eyes, and everything around her retreated into the background. Everything except Josh’s hand in hers.
1839
It is dark in Tseyi. I am lying on my back, watching the stars above. Somewhere in the distance, I can hear an owl hoot. It makes me smile. Some of my clan members believe the call of an owl is a bad omen, but the sound somehow always makes me feel at ease.
Alas, there is not much reason to feel at ease nowadays. The Spaniards are no longer a part of the motherland across the ocean. Instead, they have proclaimed independence and are calling their country the Republic of Mexico now.
It happened in the year I was born. The lands that used to belong to my people were mercilessly claimed and added to Mexican soil, but my family managed to escape the Mexicans and settled down in the valley we still inhabit today – Tseyi, the canyon which in Spanish they call De Chelly. It is relatively safe here.
Now that the Mexicans are no longer a part of the Spanish empire in Europe, their attacks have only increased. More and more Diné people are abducted to be used as slaves. I never considered the possibility that our people would have to leave the southern part of our sacred land altogether. I wish I could talk sense into the Mexicans, but even my knowledge of their language – learned in previous lives – will not bridge the gap between our two cultures. The only thing they want is to rule us, subdue us or else annihilate us, in order to shape the world around them into their idea of perfection.
“Hello, late bird,” Tsosi replies with a grin. “Back already?” He knows my habits, including the one where I disappear all night so I can stop my thoughts from spinning and find peace in silence.
“I’ve got a lot to do still. The headman says we have to perform a Beauty Way ceremony. Yesterday, some new refugees reached the village, and they have seen more than their share of blood and violence. We will restore their balance. Give them hózhó.”
I am happy I have the chance once more to spread peace among my people, by delivering speeches and by performing rituals. I’ve learned my lesson during the revolt of 1680 – fighting is not my way of doing things. Now that I am the youngest hataalii of the village, I have the fortune of being able to help people restore their balance despite all the hardship they have experienced and the terrible things they have witnessed.
Once I am done preparing the different sorts of colored sand we need for the ceremony, I walk to the village center for the afternoon meeting with the recently arrived refugees. Yas, our headman, has asked them to come out today.
“How are the preparations going?” he inquires when I join him in the village square.
“They are going well. I have fasted since this morning, so the ritual can take place tomorrow night.”
“That is wonderful. These people have seen too much war.” He nods toward the group of Diné fugitives from the south.
My eyes take in the crowd in front of the village chapter house. Most people look scared and sad. A few of them stare despondently ahead in the distance, their gazes devoid of any hope.
One girl among them draws my attention. She proudly holds her head up high, her eyes filled with determination and courage. There is no fear in her face.