Gritting her teeth, Christine stared up at him, annoyed by his pretence to care only about her reputation when she knew it to be a lie. Determined, she raised her chin. “My reputation is in no danger, my lord,” she whispered. “After all, you’re my brother-in-law.”
Instantly, his eyes narrowed, and she could see the muscles in his jaw tense up. “I’m not your brother-in-law,” he growled as his hands closed more tightly around her arms, and with one quick yank, he pulled her against him.
Christine gasped in surprise before a delighted smile curled up her lips. “Why does it upset you so that I consider you my brother-in-law?”
“Do you?” he demanded, his eyes drilling into hers, as he forced her arms back, wrapping her in a tight embrace.
Standing pressed against him, Christine felt the confinement of his hold on her with each shaking breath she took. “If you answer my question,” she teased, “I promise I’ll answer yours.”
Again, the muscles in his jaw tensed as he took a slow breath. Then, to Christine’s utter disappointment, he released her arms and stepped back. “Considering the position you’re in at the moment,” he growled out, his eyes shifting around the empty room, “it is ill-advised to…to tempt…” Shaking his head, he broke off and walked over to the window.
Following him, Christine felt her heart thudding in her chest. “To tempt you?”
He didn’t reply.
Determined to have her answer, Christine stepped around him, squeezing in-between him and the window. “Are you tempted?”
Drawing in a sharp breath, he swept his eyes over her face and down her body. “Do you even have to ask?”
Christine smiled. “Despite my outspokenness, I am not well-versed in…these matters.”
“Then why did you…?” He swallowed and shifted on his feet, leaning closer. “What do you want?”
“Did I not make that clear?”
“Abundantly so,” he admitted, and his hands rose to settle on her waist. “Only I cannot believe what I’m hearing.”
As she felt the heat of his hands burn through the fabric of her dress, Christine’s breath quickened. “Why not? Is it not enjoyable for women? Or are women not meant to enjoy it?”
His hands slid farther up her back. “Do you even know what you’re saying?”
“Well, as far as I’ve heard−”
“You’ve heard what?” His hands pressed her closer to him as his eyes searched hers.
Feeling her heart hammer against her rib cage, Christine forced herself to remain calm. She was so close. So close. If only… “If you truly doubt the source of my information−”
“How could I for I know nothing of it?”
“−then why don’t you advise me yourself?”
His eyes narrowed before they dropped to her lips. “Advise you?”
A slow smile came to her mouth as Christine placed her hands on the arms that held her. “Show me,” she whispered, seeing the temptation she was offering in his eyes. “Show me, Wes.” Glancing at his lips so close to her own, she pushed herself up on her toes. “I dare you.”
Although his hands tightened on her, she could see the struggle between desire and duty in his eyes. Swallowing, he lowered his head, his warm breath caressing her skin.
Christine closed her eyes. However, the moment she expected to feel his lips on hers, he tensed.
Instantly, her eyes flew open.
With his jaw clenched, he stepped back, shaking his head. “This is not right.”
Exasperated, Christine cursed his name. Then, before he could turn around and walk away, she stepped forward and quickly closed the distance between them. “But it feels right, doesn’t it?” Reaching up, she pulled him down to her, claiming the kiss she’d dreamed of since the moment their paths had crossed again so unexpectedly.
A part of her had been afraid that he would withdraw, that he would stop her, but he didn’t. Instead, after a brief moment of hesitation, he responded to her tentative kiss with a hunger she had only glimpsed underneath his controlled exterior.
* * *
Unable to help himself, Wesley kissed her back. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it wasn’t wise. Far, far from wise actually, and yet, here he was, almost crushing her in his arms as he devoured her lips like a starving man. What on earth was the matter with him? He could not recall ever having lost control like this.
Nonetheless, a part of him wondered why he even cared. After all, had it not been her who had dictated the terms of their relationship? Was he not giving her exactly what she desired? Why should he have scruples of taking advantage of an innocent woman when she was all but begging him to do so?
Mistress.
That one word echoed in his mind, and he almost cringed at the disrespectful and slandering connotation associated with it.
In his eyes, if anything, Christine was the personification of loyalty. Without a second thought, she had come to her sister’s aid, doing her utmost to cheer her up and raise her spirits. Granted, she had a quite unique way of doing so. However, as unconventional as her methods were as true was her desire to guide Catherine and William back to their happily-ever-after. In order to achieve that, she was willing to risk her own reputation−for although she pretended not to care, Wesley doubted that she was being completely truthful on the matter.
For two days, she had sat in her bedchamber, and for all her threats and complaints, she had never once made good on them. The moment she had barged into his room, he had seen the strain on her face, annoyance so pure edged in her eyes that it had felt like a slap in the face to him, and he had instantly felt guilty for subjecting her to it. She had been right to lash out at him. After all, he had made her a promise.
Holding her in his arms, Wesley realised with a sudden shock as though a bucket of cold water had been poured over his head that her well-being mattered to him more than his own enjoyment. Being the younger, slightly irresponsible brother−the brother people generally didn’t expect much of because he was not the one to inherit the title−Wesley had never quite experienced the tender feelings of protectiveness that suddenly began to bloom in his heart.
How ironic that it was to happen now when she was the last woman in the world who would ask it of him. She didn’t want his protection, his name, his devotion…and love. She merely wanted his body.
And for the first time in his life, Wesley wanted more, needed more. Was he not worthy of love? Of being loved as the only man in a woman’s life? The only man in Christine’s life?
Breaking the kiss, Wesley stepped back, his eyes searching hers as he caught his breath. Determination hammered in his heart like never before, and from one second to the next, he knew exactly what he wanted. “Marry me.”
At his words, the delicious smile that had curled up her lips vanished, and she stared at him as though he had just made an improper proposal−quite on the contrary.
Swallowing, Wesley tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach and held her gaze, willing her to see the sincerity of his words.
However, when her hands fell from his arms and she stepped back, his heart sank and he knew that a long battle lay ahead of him.
“I don’t understand,” Christine said, her smoky green eyes searching his as though he had spoken in riddles. “I thought I’d made myself perfectly clear. I thought you, too, wanted nothing more but…”
Gritting his teeth, Wesley shook his head. “You cannot even say it, can you?” he challenged, seeing her answer in the slight blush that came to her cheeks. “You want me in your bed, and yet, you cannot even say the words.”
Clearing her throat, Christine raised her chin. “It is not easy fighting the manners that were drilled into you since birth,” she snapped, defensiveness glowing in her eyes. “Women are not supposed to…” She swallowed, unable to finish the sentence.
“And yet, you want to be someone’s mistress.” Taking a step forward, Wesley held her gaze. “My mistress.”
“I never said mistress
,” Christine defended herself. “I only suggested it as a way of explaining my presence in this house. However, apart from this charade, I have no intention of being anyone’s mistress, just as I have no intention of being someone’s wife. I am my own person, and I will not lower myself to being someone’s anything. I will not be an accessory that a man can pride himself on acquiring.” Huffing, she stomped her foot. “I wanted to be…,” she took a deep breath, “lovers. I want to be to you what you are to me. Equals.” Taking a deep breath, she swallowed, then took a step closer, a soft curl to her lips. “What is wrong with enjoying one another for as long as possible and parting ways when passion wanes?” Running her hands up his chest, Christine pulled him closer, once more moulding her body to his.
Drawing in a sharp breath, Wesley felt his own resolve waver as her lips closed in on his. She was correct. This did feel right. At least, his body argued that it did. His heart, however, thought it deserved better.
“I cannot do this,” Wesley spoke against her lips, cursing himself for this sudden and rather unexpected onslaught of conscience. Gritting his teeth, he looked down at her, a part of him unable to believe that she would truly reject him.
With disappointment shining in her dark green eyes, Christine stepped back. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Fearing the gap that would inevitably open between them, Wesley slung his arms around her, pulling her back against him. Holding her gaze, he said, “I care about you, Chris. Over the past two years, you’ve often been on my mind. Often quite unexpectedly. I’ve compared many a woman to you and found them lacking.”
A slight blush came to her cheeks as she averted her eyes, uncharacteristically shy for an outspoken woman like her.
“I admit I do want to possess you,” he said, and her gaze snapped up, narrowing. “I want you to be my wife, mine alone. I want to know that no one else will ever have a claim on you.”
Shaking her head, Christine chuckled. “I never thought you to be such a fool, Wes.”
“What?”
“Certainly there are exceptions,” she admitted, “but in its essence, marriage breeds liars. Because of a spur of the moment, you tie yourself to another, and from that day on, you’re trapped. People might not always realise it right away, however, the day comes when all passion is gone and the rest of your life looks as bleak as a rainy day.” A hint of pity rested in her eyes as she looked at him. “And then you have to make a choice: accept the prison of your own making and live by its rules or break free and deceive those around you in order to feel…something…anything.”
Frowning, Wesley stared at her. “I never knew you saw marriage that way. I never would have thought…After the way you supported Catherine and William, I−”
“She’s my sister,” Christine interjected. “I want her to be happy, and he was what she wanted. But do not believe that I did not counsel her to do otherwise.” A gentle smile came to her lips. “But she is not me. We all have to do what we feel compelled to.”
“What was it that gave you such an awful idea of marriage?” Wesley asked, remembering the cold cordiality that had always existed between his own parents. “Your father and mother always seemed…”
“Content?” Shaking her head, Christine sighed. “To this day, they care about each other. They always have. There is no dislike or animosity or even hate between them. They are…content. But that’s it. They’ve both lost their chance for love and passion a long time ago.”
Feeling utterly defeated, Wesley asked, “But what about marriage that begins with love?”
Her eyes narrowed as she regarded him with open curiosity.
Wesley swallowed, yet unwilling to explore how deep his feelings for her went. “What about Catherine and William’s marriage?”
“As I told you,” Christine replied, “I sincerely hope that they are the exception. I wish them all the best, but I fear that the odds are against them.” She sighed. “I thought you thought of marriage as I do, as a hindrance, a limitation, something to be avoided at all cost.” Searching his eyes, she smiled. “I thought you were my perfect match.”
Touched by her words, and yet, knowing how she meant them, Wesley shook his head. “Whether the word is mistress or lover, I’m afraid it is not enough for me. For even pretending that you are my mistress makes me feel ill. It is demeaning, and so is lover as far as society is concerned…although I do agree that it centres on a more enjoyable aspect of the relationship.” A soft grin came to his face as his eyes held hers, and for a moment, he thought to see deep sadness in them.
Then she blinked and forced the corners of her mouth back up. “What a pity,” she said, feigned cheerfulness in her tone. “And here I thought my search had finally come to an end.”
Wesley frowned. “Your search?”
“Well, if you’re unwilling to…,” she bit her lower lip and an embarrassed grin came to her mouth, “…share my bed, then I’m obligated to continue my search for a more willing gentleman.”
Involuntarily, Wesley’s arms tightened around her. “Any willing gentleman does not deserve the word.”
Christine chuckled, a hint of amusement back in her eyes. “Well, as I have already found an unwilling gentleman, I can tell you that he won’t do.”
As the muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched, Wesley held her even tighter, fearing that she would slip away if he released her. “What are you saying?” he growled out, knowing exactly what her answer would be.
“I thought I’d made my intentions perfectly clear,” Christine repeated as her hands slid up his arms. Despite the playful tone in her voice, her eyes remained serious as they gazed up into his. “I will not be made a liar,” she whispered, “and so I will not promise something I cannot guarantee. How am I to know what will live in my heart in ten years or in twenty? Truly and honestly, I can only speak for right now, and that is all I have to give and all I expect in return.”
Drawing one calming breath after another into his lungs, Wesley found himself close to losing his mind. Wrapped in his arms, the woman he…Christine stood before him, boldly telling him that she would invite another gentleman into her bed should he refuse her.
Never in his life had Wesley felt so utterly at a loss.
“The thought of you with another man turns my stomach upside down,” he confessed.
A satisfied smile curled up her lips. “Then there’s a simple solution.”
“There’s not.” Shaking his head, he took a step back, loosening his hold on but not releasing her. “I do not want to live in fear for the rest of my days, dreading that one day when you find yourself bored by my presence.”
“Don’t we all?” Christine asked. “After all, although many people tend to believe so, marriage is not a guarantee for happiness. Maybe being aware of the possibility to lose someone will motivate us not to take those we care for for granted. Maybe there should be no guarantees. Maybe idleness is love’s slow death.”
Wesley swallowed. Although he had to admit that there was some merit to what she said, he could not fight that deep desire to make her his and declared it to the world once and for all. If only there were a way to change her mind. “You never truly had any objections to coming to Sanford Manor, did you?”
Biting her lower lip, she met his eyes. “Do you believe I lured you here to seduce you?”
“That thought has crossed my mind, yes.” A tentative smile came to his lips as he regarded her. She was a beautiful woman, and her quick wit was incredibly stimulating. Around her, he felt more alive than ever, and the thought of spending a single day without her sent cold shivers down his back. “I will not just step aside and let you walk out of my life,” he said, finally releasing his hold on her. “I want you.” Watching her, he saw the sparkle of mischief and humour leave her eyes, replaced by an awareness that almost brought him to his knees. “Know that I will not walk away.”
Breathing heavily, she held his gaze for a long time, the intensity in her eyes building until it became t
oo much and she finally turned away. “Nevertheless,” she said, stepping toward the door, her eyes anywhere but on his, “I would ask you to respect my decision.”
Stepping up to her, he whispered in her ear, “I respect that it is your decision. However, I will do my utmost to change your mind.” As his breath caressed her neck, a slow shiver swept over her before her shoulders snapped back and she forced herself back under control.
Then she turned to face him, a forced smile drawing up the corners of her mouth. “Do what you must,” she dared him and then strode from the room.
Staring at the closed door, Wesley felt as though he had spent the better part of the day hiking through the country side. Physically and emotionally exhausted, he sank into the large armchair by the fireplace, his eyes distant as he replayed the last few moments.
Ultimately, it all came down to one simple problem: the woman he…Christine was dead set against marriage.
But was that truly the problem? Wesley wondered. Would a woman in love ever under any circumstances reject the man she loved? Did that ever happen? Was the problem not that she did not want to marry, but that she did not want to marry him?
Considering that he had not yet declared his own feelings to her−which he hadn’t even admitted to himself−her apprehension might not be quite as unexpected as he had thought. Maybe all he had to do was declare his feelings. But would that be enough? Maybe it would only be the first step on a long journey to win her heart.
Raking his hands through his hair, Wesley frowned.
He had never set out to win a woman’s heart. How did one go about it?
Chapter Six
Chapter Six − Stanhope Grove
With trembling hands, Christine closed the door to her bedchamber, then rested her back against it and closed her eyes.
It didn’t help.
Still, she saw Wesley’s smouldering gaze in her mind’s eye, felt his breath on her skin and heard his words of affection ringing in her ears.
A Lady’s Christmas Rake Page 34