by Mark A Labbe
I went into the fort, retrieved the journal and then went back outside the fort and sat on a nearby rock. In that moment, I remembered the last time I had come here, how Chit had been waiting for me. I knew Clive knew about this place and knew about the journal, and thought it might be a good idea to go somewhere safe to read it.
I had a memory of a cottage, a cottage I had back in 1918 in Brimfield, Massachusetts, a cottage on a small lake, the only cottage on that lake at that time. I knew I had built it in this life as well as others. I believed Clive did not know about it.
I teleported to the porch of the cottage and took a seat on a rocking chair facing out to the lake, the lake completely still. I had built this place for the girl, our secret place, a place where we could escape and regroup, at times when I was more aware of things, fleeting moments in a life full of confusion. I wondered if she would look for me here but thought she wouldn’t.
I opened my journal to the first page and looked at my first entry, which read, “The voice wants me to remember to never touch the blue cube. What is the blue cube? Why am I hearing this voice? It is such a pest.”
I turned the page and found, “The voice believes Clive is Satan and thinks he wants to end all creation. Who is Clive?”
The next page read, “The voice keeps asking me how he can defeat the deevil without killing himself. How should I know?” On the same page I saw, “I tripped and fell and smashed my head against a rock but it healed right away. I guess I’m pretty lucky. The voice says this is normal.”
I turned the page, finding, “The voice told me I am God and then told me to forget he said that. I wish he would leave me alone.”
Following this came, “The voice, the ever present voice, the voice I am so sick of, told me Clive is Satan. Has he told me that before? Who is this Clive?”
I flipped through a dozen or so pages, seeing much the same. The voice repeated itself quite often, clearly in an attempt to get me to remember things.
I found a different sort of entry that read, “I know how to win the game.” Just that. When had I written that?
The next page read, “Uncle Joe gave me the most amazing airplane for my birthday. I can’t wait to take it apart.” I had drawn a picture of an airplane below that.
Many of the pages were just lists of names with short descriptions, people I clearly wanted to remember, friends and family, people and characters on TV and in movies, books I had read. I found Clive, the girl and Jesus many times in those lists, always with the same descriptions. I couldn’t remember ever meeting Jesus when I was young, but must have if I had him in my lists.
On one page I found written, “I have lived an infinite number of lives. I am stuck in a loop. I am in a loop. What does this mean?”
Following that, written many times, on a page with many hearts drawn on it, I found, “I love the girl. She loves me. I hope I don’t forget her.”
I turned through more pages, finding a wide variety of things.
“The voice told me I will create a show and that I will be the contestant on this show. Clive will too, but I am the real contestant.”
“The voice claims to be me. Is that possible? If so, what does that mean?”
“Watch out for Aputi. He is evil.”
“Clive has brainwashed the Canadians. He will use them against me.”
When had I written these things? Was I a child at the time? I had no memories of coming to this place and writing in this journal as an adult.
“The voice told me something bad is going to happen on my ninth birthday but doesn’t know what it is. I wish he hadn’t told me that.”
“I pressed the button on the black cube five times today and now I realize I need to press it six times or Clive will find me and end all creation.”
“I made a wish today and it came true. I wished that I was at the park near Uncle Joe’s farm and met a girl and we fell in love. We did amazing things, traveling to other worlds and even flying. After she left I wished I was home and there I appeared, just in time for dinner. I am going to wish to be with the girl forever.”
“The clear cube vibrates every time I ask, ‘Who am I?’ It also vibrates when I say, ‘I am Kev.’ Who gave me this cube? Was it Aunt Helen?”
“I pressed the button on the black cube five times today. I have almost infinite knowledge, but know this is quite dangerous. Clive will get me if I don’t press it six times. When am I going to meet Clive? Have I met Clive? My memories tell me I have, but I don’t know if I trust them.”
“I pressed the button on the black cube three times today and ended up in Peoria. After an hour roaming around, I found a piece of paper that read, ‘Think 37 and home at the same time.’ I did that and was back home. After that I thought 37 and the park near Uncle Joe’s farm and appeared there. I met a girl there. I am in love. I am going to go back tomorrow to play with her.”
In the pages that followed, I found many entries about the girl. Apparently, I had kept hold of the memory of how to teleport for some time, and I had managed to keep my memories of the girl. In these pages I detailed a relationship so profoundly beautiful that it brought me to tears.
“The voice told me I once got sucked into a black hole. You would think I would remember being sucked into a black hole. I know he is lying.”
“The voice wants me to write, ‘Beware of Clive.’ Who is Clive? Why should I beware of him?”
“I just got back from Uncle Joe’s farm. I met a girl at a park near his place. I am in love. I hope she loves me too. I can’t remember her name. Does she have a name?”
“The voice told me that Aputi is going to kill everyone on Earth in the future. I have heard the name Aputi before.”
“The voice told me the trick to getting through the Excretorian ant challenge is to teleport right at the moment I see a flash of light. He says I probably won’t remember and I will die many times before I figure it out. I thought you only died once.”
“Aunt Helen told me it’s okay to forget things as long as you remember them later on. She told me I will remember everything eventually. I hope she’s right. I’m pretty sick of forgetting things.”
“I feel like I have written this before.”
“I dreamed that I asked a girl to marry me last night and that she said ‘I accept.’ I think I’ve seen her before, maybe in another dream.”
“The voice told me not to fire my gun if I get stuck in the reenactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit. He says it will kill me. He also says I will just come right back to life, so it’s not that big a deal, just a pain in the ass.”
“The voice told me Ceti Margaux is a stinky place. I have never heard of this place before. Is it in France?”
“I feel like I have written this before.”
“The voice told me Ruby is actually pretty wonderful and not to do anything to hurt her feelings. Who is Ruby?”
“I pressed the button on the black cube three times today and ended up in Peoria. I walked around for a while before a found a piece of paper on the ground that read, ‘Think 37 and home at the same time.’ I did that and appeared back in my bedroom. I tried thinking 37 and the park near Uncle Joe’s farm and I appeared there. I met a girl who told me she is my wife. She took me to strange worlds and then to a place she called Uthio Minor. She told me that is my home, but would tell me no more. I am going to go to Uthio Minor tomorrow to see if she is there.”
“I met a boy named Clive today. I like him a lot. I think he is from Hawaii. Not sure what he was doing in my front yard. He told me next time he visits we are going to play a game called The Show. I can’t wait.”
There were a few more pages about Clive. I could tell that Clive had visited me several times before my ninth birthday, presumably in this life.
“The voice told me I will create a device that will allow me to talk to aliens. I can’t wait to do that.”
“Tomorrow, I am going to Uncle Joe’s farm with my parents. My mom reminded me there is a park with a fort near his
farm. She told me that I might find a friend if I go there. I hope that happens. I hope I can remember whomever I meet there. I’m pretty sick of forgetting people.”
I noticed the timeline didn’t seem right, at least not based on the memories I had. Had I gone back and forth through the pages when I wrote this? Was I remembering this life correctly?
The next three pages were filled with the same sentence many times over. “Don’t forget the girl. You love the girl. She loves you. Don’t forget her.”
Following that was, “I have forgotten someone. Who have I forgotten? I think it is a girl.”
“The voice tells me the yellow cube can manipulate matter. He says the girl has it. Which girl? Do I know her?”
“The voice told me to never give the yellow cube to Aputi. Isn’t Aputi the one who is going to wipe out humanity? No clue.”
“I found a piece of paper in my bedroom with ’Make a wish to go to Galthinon’ written on it. Right after reading it I made the wish and appeared on another planet. At least I think it was another planet. I don’t know how to describe what I experienced there. There were places where I could fly, and other places where I felt like I had eaten the most amazing food ever. One place was full of statues, statues of people that looked vaguely familiar. One of the statues was a beautiful girl. I would love to meet that girl. I also found a shrine or temple. In the center of it I found a pedestal and on the pedestal I found a piece of paper that read, ‘You are. You are the one. You are the everything.’ After I read it, I appeared in my bedroom. I took out a piece of paper, a strange thought entering into me, and wrote ’37 the park near Uncle Joe’s farm,’ and, what do you know, I appeared there. I met a girl there who looked like the statue of the girl I saw, the most amazing girl ever, although she seemed kind of sad. When I told her I had to go home for dinner she told me to think of 37 and home. I did that and appeared back home. I think I understand now. Anyway, I am in love. I am going to go back tomorrow to play with her. Maybe I can cheer her up.”
“I forgot how to get to the park. I hope the girl won’t be mad at me. I wish I could remember. Why can’t I remember? I am so sick of this.”
“I wished I could remember everything today. I know absolutely everything. I am God. I don’t want to end this right now. I’m going to wipe away my memories again. Having so much fun.”
“The voice told me I will have six children, five sons and one daughter. My sons are the five Kev’s and my daughter is Soph. Soph is a funny name. Is it a real name?”
“The voice told me not to be afraid of Ruby and not to feel bad about getting her pregnant. I don’t know what to think about that. I hope that isn’t a bad thing. What will mom and dad think if I get Ruby pregnant? How do you get someone pregnant? Who is Ruby?”
The entries went back and forth between repeats of the voice’s previous statements and entries about going to Uncle Joe’s farm and meeting the girl at the park. Sometimes she would try to make me remember her and our life together. Sometimes she was sad. One time she told me to wish that I remembered everything and begged me not to be mad at her for saying that. I made the wish, but nothing happened. There had been other entries about wishes I had made in the past, usually little things. Sometimes they came true, sometimes not. I knew this was important, but couldn’t make the connection. In that instant, I vaguely remembered B24ME asking me for the red cube once and remembered his reaction when I hinted that I might know what it did. What did it do? Why did I remember that? Did the red cube grant wishes? I reached into my pocket and pulled out the red cube and made a wish. I wished that I knew how to stop Clive. Enlightenment did not find me.
“The voice told me that the red cube only holds five charges. What does that mean?”
I now believed that the red cube did, in fact, grant wishes, but suspected it had run out of charges. I cursed silently to myself. What had I wished for? Probably stupid things, things you would wish for when you didn’t realize you had a little red cube that could grant wishes. Wishes like, “I wish my parents would send me to Camp Calistoga,” a wish I remembered making on my ninth birthday as I blew out the candles on my cake, a wish that came true, although I did not realize my wish as led to that at the time, and “I wish I could find the girl,” another wish I knew I had made that also came true, although I didn’t think much of it. Then there was “I wish I could figure out how to build a communications device that will allow me to communicate with anyone anywhere in the universe immediately.” I realized that wish came true. There had to have been other wishes or else I would have had a charge left. I couldn’t remember.
“The voice told me the red cube recharges only if you make the special wish.”
What was the special wish? I flipped through the pages looking for this piece of information, but didn’t find it. As I flipped through the pages I noticed a page written in a different hand. I turned back to that page and found a note from Clive.
“Kev, Do you remember Galthinon? I think you should go there before I make you end all creation. Love, Clive.”
When had Clive written this? It was buried about three quarters of the way through the journal. However, I believed that I had not necessarily written things sequentially. He could have written it at any time, even recently.
Was Galthinon a trap? I remembered my journal entry about traveling there, but it did not give me much to go on. Why hadn’t I been more descriptive in my entries? Even my entries about the girl lacked detail.
I still didn’t have all of the knowledge the black cube had given me back and wondered if buried within that knowledge was anything about Galthinon. The memories I did have offered nothing about this place. Where was it? I believed, wrongly, I could teleport there, but worried that going there could lead to the end of all creation. However, something about that didn’t fit.
Something else struck me as odd. Clive signed his note, “Love, Clive.” Why would he write that? Did he really love me? Was this just some sick joke? I sensed a playful tone in this note and wondered if Clive really wanted to end all creation or if this was all just part of the game.
I heard footsteps and looked up, seeing two men in black with maple leafs printed on their chests, one carrying a strange device that looked like a taser. That was no taser. It was a containment field generator. I tried to teleport, to no avail.
“Look at the hoser we have here, Bob,” said the one with the containment field generator in his hand.
“You know, Doug, he looks an awful lot like Kev Pryce, ey?”
I believed the end was near. That or I would discover that this was all, in fact, just a game. I had to escape. I couldn’t take the chance that this wasn’t a game.
Captured
“Don’t bother trying to run away, Kev. You’re in a class Y containment field. There is no way out, at least no way you know of, I bet,” laughed Doug.
“Yeah, you hoser, ey?” said Bob, the least articulate of the two, I thought. Perhaps I had a chance of getting away. However, before I had a chance to probe my memories for information that would allow me to manipulate Doug and Bob, two remarkably stupid men hand selected by Clive to retrieve me, I appeared in a small cement walled room with no windows or doors. The only thing in the room was a yellow, floating sphere, a sphere I remembered. Bob and Doug were nowhere to be seen.
“Hey, Kev,” said the sphere.
“Hi,” I said. “So, you are in on this too?”
“Me? No way. Clive has gone insane. I want nothing to do with this, but he has some sort of control over me.”
“Lovely,” I said. I knew there was a way I could connect to the sphere and recreate the universes without giving it all of my dreams and nightmares, a controlled creation process, but I had not yet recovered that memory fully.
I tried to teleport, failing, and then continuing to search through my memories, looking for memories of how to escape a class Y containment field, the second most powerful containment field in existence. Unfortunately, I could not remember anyth
ing helpful. I prayed I would remember something that would help me before Clive came and ended all creation, if, in fact, that was what he intended to do.
I didn’t have to wait long before Clive appeared in the room, looking like he had something on his mind. I waited for him to speak.
“Forever, Kev. That’s how long I have existed, as have you, and in all this time, you have subjected the others and me, the whole universe, in fact, to your rules, your stupid rules, and I know that you will never stop.” He started pacing around the room and I could see he was shaking, a wild look in his eyes.
“I’m sick of the rules. I’m sick of living, of existing. I am sick of existence itself, and the reason I am sick of it is because of you, because of the rules, the stupid rules you make, rules you know none of us are going to be able to follow.”
He looked me in the eyes, waiting for something, but what, I did not know. I said nothing, searching my memories for a way out of this situation.
“Of course, you don’t remember the rules. You never remember the rules, and so, we are stuck in this thing you have created for eternity after eternity, waiting for you to figure things out, watching you bumble around, doing stupid shit. Yes, I said it. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Rule twenty-one is stupid, Kev. Do you know that? It is a stupid rule. All of the rules are stupid! You know that, don’t you? Of course, you do, but at the same time you don’t, so we are forced to live countless lives waiting, praying for the end, praying that when it ends you will give us a break, but you never do. You have never given us a break. This is all we do. Do you have any idea how boring this is for us? Do you have any idea how abusive you are? What about doing something we want to do for once?”
If this was an act, it was a really convincing act. I said, “Clive. I am sorry. I didn’t know. Help me figure out a way to stop this and I promise you I will never subject you to this again.”
“You did know! You do know! You know everything, but you remember nothing for countless ages, and when you do remember you just do it again. When you do remember, I know you know we are all miserable, but you keep doing it. Why? I know why. You are a sadist, the ultimate torturer. This will never change unless I change it. I know you don’t see that right now, but it is the only way, and as much as it pains me to do what I am about to do, I feel, I believe, I know it is the only way to make this end.”