“Not yet.”
“They said they’d have a look as a favor to me,” Robyn pressed.
Tyler brought the warmed ziti to the table and shoveled in a bite, puffing past it in an attempt to keep from burning his tongue. He swallowed and gulped his milk. “I’d rather finish up some of the smaller shelves and chairs in time for the fair if you’ll still give me a corner of your booth.”
Grace smiled at Robyn. “That’s generous of you and what good news for me!”
“Why’s that?” Robyn asked, frustrated that she hadn’t been able to make her point about Tyler needing to follow through with his large-scale project.
“If he’s taking up space in your booth, you don’t need as much inventory at the fair, so you could have some to put in the Art Exhibition.”
The way Tyler nodded encouragingly, Robyn sensed that neither sibling had heard anything she’d said. She remembered Hans Christian Andersen’s story again, how the hen and the cat demanded that the ugly duckling purr or lay eggs, refusing to hear that the duckling wants only to swim and dive. She couldn’t understand Grace’s inability to accept that she was content on her own scale and uncomfortable being pushed beyond it. She didn’t want to disappoint Grace, but she certainly didn’t want to go to the city either.
Chapter Forty
Robyn and Grace walked arm in arm through the Arcata Plaza, pleasantly full of sushi and conversation and now content in their shared silence and the rhythm of their steps. After climbing the hill, Grace moved her arm around Robyn’s waist, pressing her entire side to her lover as they walked, communicating just how much she enjoyed the feel of Robyn’s body next to hers. Robyn swung her arm around Grace’s shoulder, pulling her snug in agreement.
“Thanks for coming to the reception today.”
“You’re sure I didn’t distract you?”
“No. My mistakes were my own. And you were kind to try to get my mind off them with such a nice dinner.”
“It all sounded good to me,” Robyn said.
“Not that you’re biased,” Grace coaxed, stumbling a bit to catch up with Robyn as she stepped into the grass for a few strides to let another pedestrian who was heading into town pass. He glanced at them and offered a friendly smile. Sighing blissfully, Grace followed his progress as he walked away from them. “I love this town.”
“Me too. It’s always been home. We moved a lot when I was a kid, so the summers here with my grandparents were my consistency.”
Sensing Robyn had more to say, Grace remained quiet.
“I’m sure you can imagine the effect couples like us had on the teenaged version of me, and I spent more than one afternoon reading on the second floor of the Tin Can Mailman in the lesbian section.”
“Good thing for you that section wasn’t right across from the register?”
Robyn laughed and ducked her face down into the high collar of her jacket. She peeked at Grace adding, “Especially since they had a copy of The Joy of Lesbian Sex.”
“They did not,” Grace exclaimed, extracting herself from Robyn’s arms and stopping to study her.
“A very used copy,” Robyn admitted, her mouth making the briefest appearance above the zipped up collar before she hid again.
“You know what I don’t get?”
Robyn shook her head.
Grace reached out and unzipped the collar to expose Robyn’s face. She slid her hands along Robyn’s strong jaw. Like she had at Wedding Rock, she buried her hands in Robyn’s thick hair and pulled her into a kiss. Unlike that first embrace, Robyn’s stiffness immediately melted when their lips met. Aware that they were still on the street, Grace didn’t take the kiss as far as she intended to once they were inside the house. “How is it that someone as good at all things physical can be so uncomfortable talking about sex?”
“I want too much,” Robyn said.
Grace took Robyn’s hand, stroking her palm with her thumb. She loved how frank Robyn always was. Remembering her earnest statement about how she’d already dated the likes of Grace broke her heart. Grace recognized now how Robyn retreated into her shell to escape being hurt. “Whoever told you that was very wrong. I happen to love how much you want me. Let me show you just how much I love it.” She started walking again, backward a few steps, so she could keep her eyes on Robyn’s, giving her nowhere to hide.
They found the front door locked, and while Robyn was busy with the key, Grace took the opportunity to nibble her earlobe and whisper questions about what she remembered from thumbing through The Joy of Lesbian Sex.
She felt eyes on her and pulled away to find Isaac watching them, his arm around a young woman. While she waited for him to speak, his gaze traveled from her to Robyn and then back to Grace, lingering for longer than she felt comfortable. When the hand on his girlfriend’s waist slipped down suggestively, Grace elbowed Robyn. Startled, Robyn looked to Grace for an explanation of the jab. Grace redirected Robyn’s questioning look with a frosty glare in Isaac’s direction.
“My hot water’s out.” He smirked.
“Sorry about that,” Robyn answered. “Probably the pilot. I’ll relight it.”
“I don’t want to interrupt.” The look on his face said the opposite. He very much enjoyed interrupting them.
“No problem. It’ll just take a minute.”
Inside, Robyn apologized and promised to be no more than five minutes before she joined Grace upstairs.
Vowing to let go of the creepy feeling that had encroached on her romantic mood, Grace climbed the stairs replaying the evening before they had been interrupted. She did, indeed, love the town. She loved the local restaurants. She loved spending time with Robyn and wanted to hear more stories about her summers with her grandparents.
Approaching the steps to Robyn’s loft, she smiled, wishing she could climb up seductively in front of Robyn. She crawled across the bed and looked at Robyn’s stone for the day. Worrier. Replacing it, she wondered how often Robyn’s stone did in some way match or set the tone for her day. She hadn’t seemed worried at dinner. In fact, she deflected Grace’s latest invitation to join the good company heading south with humor, and their walk home had not held any of the discomfort Grace felt the first few times she tried to encourage Robyn to explore a bigger market for her work.
She ran her fingers through the cool stones left in the bowl, compelled to take one.
Believe.
The small stone had surprising weight in the middle of her palm. She lay down on the bed and stared at the night sky, believing that there was no other place she would rather be. She heard the back door, and her skin tingled in anticipation of Robyn joining her.
Minutes passed, and Robyn did not appear. Perplexed, she shifted around and dropped her head through the hole in the ceiling that led to the loft, listening for the sound of Robyn on the stair. Hearing nothing, she scooted to the edge, resting her feet on the top step trying to decide whether to track her down.
Just as she started down the ladder, Robyn bounded up the stairs from the ground floor. They met at the doorway. “Sorry about that. I’m all yours, now. I promise.” She guided Grace back toward the loft as she kissed her.
Grace tried to return to the kiss they’d begun on the sidewalk, remembering how she had thought of where it could have gone had they been inside, yet she couldn’t get Isaac out of her head. “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling away.
“What is it?”
“I just feel uncomfortable.”
“Scoot back. I’ll come up.”
Grace shook her head and moved to descend the ladder.
Robyn stepped back to accommodate Grace but took hold of her arms, a concerned look on her face. “Grace?”
“Not physically uncomfortable.” Grace closed her eyes. “I feel like we have an audience, like Isaac is out there picturing us. He creeps me out.”
“Would you rather go to your place? We don’t have to stay here.”
“Tyler’s there. I can’t…”
Robyn�
��s expression shifted at the mention of his name, and she stepped away running her hand through her dark hair. She was distracted by something, like her mind was not on the two of them anymore. “What?” Grace asked.
“Nothing.”
“Did something happen with Tyler?”
“No. I just…Sergio stopped me on my way up to tell me that a bunch of guys from the theater crew got fired from the set.”
“The ones you asked Tyler about when you had dinner at my house?”
“Yes.”
Grace propped her hands on her hips. “Why did they get fired?”
“A few weeks ago, Sergio told me that Barbara was having problems with stuff missing from backpacks—books, laptops, stuff she hoped her student workers might have just misplaced rather than it being stolen. Though she suspected some of the building crew, she had no proof. Today, she busted them for being stoned and used that to fire them.”
“You knew this and you didn’t say anything?”
“I didn’t want to betray Tyler’s trust!”
“But you agreed that it was important that he have someone watching out for him. I thought you were doing that in letting him use your shop.”
“I am watching out for him. What do you think I was doing at dinner? If you hadn’t been so busy trying to coerce me into your trip down to the city, you might have noticed.”
“How was I supposed to know you suspected anything of those young men? Had you shared your concern, we would have been on the same page.”
“He’s trying to build something new here, not just for himself but with you. I didn’t want to get in the middle of that.”
“Well, he certainly won’t be building anything if he’s stealing again,” Grace said tightly. “You know what? I’m going to go. I’ve got to talk to him.”
“I’m sorry, Grace. I should have said something before. This isn’t how I wanted this evening to end.” Robyn stepped forward to hug her.
Awkwardly, Grace returned the hug before slipping away, the sparks she’d felt earlier completely doused.
Chapter Forty-One
“Well, what do you think?” Grace asked Kristine during a lunchtime lull at the San Francisco Art Exhibition.
“Are you kidding? This is fantastic. I had to hold a tight rein on myself to keep from barreling over people I’ve admired for a long while.”
“Ruth is in heaven with the attention she’s getting. What a crazy coincidence that we approached her for a project and landed this.”
“She’d been invited before?”
“They’ve been trying to get her for years, but she didn’t want the work of organizing a trip down here. I was more than happy to involve the campus in the planning and get our students this great exposure. What a success!”
“An amazing success. This is the first free moment we’ve had. Our students have had such good reception from buyers, and quite a few have made post-graduation contacts that they’re really excited about. How are the community artists doing?”
“You mean has your stuff been moving while you’ve been watching over your students? I still wish you could have brought the rodeo series with you.”
“But that’s not the Northcoast.”
“I know. You made the right call bringing the Woodley Island harbor photos.”
“People like boats. Pretty sunsets, reflections. It makes them feel introspective.”
“I thought trees sold.”
Kristine shrugged. “I thought you had trees covered, but I didn’t see any of Robyn’s bowls.”
“I gave up on that argument. I know her creations would have flown off the table here, but she worried that she wouldn’t have enough stock for the North Country Fair if she let any come with me.”
“She’s not interested in throwing a larger net?”
“Not in the least.”
“Seems like she does okay on the smaller scale.”
“She does,” Grace said, annoyed that Kristine seemed to be supporting Robyn’s argument that she didn’t need the exposure the trip to the city offered.
“How are things going between you two? I haven’t had any time to ride, so I haven’t been able to pump her for information.”
Grace swatted her without conviction. “I have a sandwich run to make before the next rush. Come along?”
“Sure.”
Grace knew Kristine wasn’t going to let the subject drop and didn’t feel comfortable discussing her dating life in front of the students. As she figured, once they were in the Mini Kristine broached the topic again. “For how great everything seems to be going, you don’t seem happy. Are you upset that she’s not here?”
“Yes. She should be here. I knew it in Arcata, and seeing the woodworking here…” She maneuvered through the city streets. “Her work is far superior to anything I’ve seen at this exhibition. I could almost understand when she said she wanted to keep her stock for the North Country Fair, but then she decided to share her space there with Tyler, so it makes no sense for her not to be here.”
“You sure you don’t need someone with more ambition? Someone who loves the city and the limelight as much as you do?”
“I used to miss the big city.” She remembered how Gloria had teased her about her penchant for spending the weekend in San Francisco, taking in the latest shows and galleries, but then she thought about walking through the quiet town next to Robyn and how much like home it felt to her.
“But not anymore?”
“Arcata feels like home. I love the university, and there is so very much about Robyn that feels perfect. But it’s tough too. We’re not spring chickens like you and Gloria were, ready to strike out on your own and create a life together.”
“At least you’re both set money-wise, and in the same town. That seems like it would make things a lot easier. For me, moving there felt like a huge risk. I had to worry about whether I’d be able to pull my own weight. I needed to know I’d be able to contribute and not just be a freeloader.”
“But like you said, Robyn and I are both financially solvent.”
“Having tenants is part of Robyn’s livelihood, though.”
“Exactly! Part of. As in if I were living there, the money I could contribute would more than compensate what she needs in rental income to maintain a separate household. As it is, I feel like a renter when I’m at her place, like we never have complete privacy.” Once it had become clear to her that she was perfectly content being an aunt, she had only ever pictured finding a woman to share her life and home.
“Is it just an issue of money?”
Grace thought of how Jen regarded Robyn as a mother and couldn’t imagine asking Robyn to end her lease. “I know it wouldn’t go over well if I suggested that we could live the way I want to on my income. She needs to feel self-sufficient, and I know she could be financially independent if she rethought her marketing strategy, but on that we clearly bump heads. I feel stuck. I could see a future with us, but only if we had the house to ourselves. But I don’t see her being able to make that shift. I know better than to try to force her to change.”
“And you don’t know if you could be comfortable there with the current setup?”
“No. The problem is that I’m not.”
“I’m sorry, Grace.”
“Sorry to dump all of that on you. I know you’ve got plenty on your plate and don’t need to hear about my problems. How is Gloria’s mom doing?”
“She’s at home, weak but putting up a good front. We’re going over as often as we can. I worry about how rambunctious Caemon is, but she says it’s more important for him to have real memories of her.” Kristine closed her eyes overcome with emotion. “She asked me to take as many pictures as I can, so we won’t forget. I keep looking at my images, especially of Gloria’s parents together, and I see exactly what I want. That kind of adoration to the very end. It’s really something.”
“I see that in you and Gloria. And I want it too,” Grace whispered.
They fo
und the sandwich shop where she had preordered food for the exhibitors. Grace was relieved to have a diversion from her conversation with Kristine. She’d never have the opportunity to see whether her own parents might have continued to adore each other once their children had left the nest. Grace tended to the bill, convincing the young man behind the counter that he wanted to help carry the order to the car.
Settled into the drive back to the hotel, Kristine noted, “You’re as good as Tom Sawyer at getting people to do a job for you. I wish it was as easy to get what you want from the relationship with Robyn. Gloria and I like the two of you so much and were so excited to hear that you’d gotten together. I wish it was all as simple as two people finding each other.” Kristine reached out and squeezed Grace’s arm.
“When is it ever simple?” Grace tried to make her voice light but couldn’t shake the question of her compatibility with Robyn. She knew that they adored each other, but looking into the future, she could not see them coexisting calmly. She couldn’t imagine a way past their conflicts. It could be a good thing to discover a deal breaker early on, stop things before she got too attached, she mused. Honestly she feared she was already past that point.
Chapter Forty-Two
In the dark of Robyn’s loft with the night sky above her and Robyn’s hands on her in a wonderfully possessive way, Grace could forget that Jen was in her studio. Since she’d returned from the city, Grace had wanted to talk to Robyn about the conversation she’d had with Kristine, but Jen’s lingering in the kitchen during dinner had kept her mute on the subject of shared space.
She also thought it inappropriate to mention it as they shed their clothes in Robyn’s room, and from there the feel of Robyn’s skin next to hers wiped out any coherent thought. Her slow kiss asked if Grace had missed her, and she had. She missed Robyn’s undivided attention, the feeling that when she lay under her hand, she was Robyn’s whole world.
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