“No, we had broken up before this.” Sterling states.
“I always knew.” Candace shakes her head finishing off her taco.
“What?” Sterling and I say at the same time.
“I knew you liked her and I knew, even though she wouldn’t openly admit it that she liked you. There was always some weird chemistry vibe I got off of you guys.” She says waving her hand.
“Well, it took us long enough, but here we are.”
“Where are you? You are there. There you are!” Max laughs. The table erupts in laughter and then we all fall silent.
“Max, I’m sorry.” Candace whispers.
Everyone stills, and without a word, Max leaves the room.
“Did I say something?” Candace asks meekly.
“Betsy is the elephant in the room. We don’t talk about her. He won’t talk about her. He did the first few months, but he never talks about her anymore.” Sterling supplies.
“We just kinda, tip-toe around it.” I offer. “Don’t worry about it. Max has his moments where he’s totally cool one minute and then the next he’s someone totally different. He’s like Jekyll and Hyde in a sense.”
“That’s so unfair to you guys!” Candace retorts.
“We all grieve differently. As Dane said, he has his moments. We all do.” Sterling smiles as she shrugs.
“I feel so bad that I didn’t find out until last week. Then it took forever to close up my project, find a replacement and then get a flight out here. I’ve spent the past 6 months in a third world country, my legs were hairy and I could probably dread my armpits. I had no connection to home and now I just wish I would have chosen a different part of the world that was more civilized to work in.” She stammered.
“Don’t beat yourself up, you’re here now. And that’s what counts. Give Max some time. He’ll chill out.” I say standing to get a second helping. Man, I love tacos!
***
Since Candace has returned, she and Sterling have been hanging out more, which makes me feel good. She lost her best friend, and while she isn’t replacing Betsy – Candace is here to fill in the void where I cannot clearly fill in being a male and all.
Max continued to tune in and out of reality. He would be home some nights, but lately and more often he was staying out doing god knows what. He would arrive back home sometime in the middle of the night, so I knew he was at least being somewhat smart.
He avoided Candace when she was around then house, which sucked but we didn’t want to cause any more friction in the house. Sterling assumed that it was just a connection to Betsy, which was somehow affecting him.
It was at the office that Max asked me to come into his office to speak. I did so, with caution.
“Sup buddy?” I ask taking a seat, prepared for anything.
“So, I was planning to move back to my house this weekend.” He simply stated.
“You sure? You don’t have to man, if you need to stay until your cast is off?” I’m definitely not prepared for this.
“No man, I’ve freeloaded off of you guys and your hospitality enough. You guys need to get your place back to yours, and I need to start to be back on my own.” He explains.
“Is this because of Candace being around a lot?” I ask, genuinely concerned.
“No. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I don’t want you guys to worry about me all the time and, I just need to get back to me and resume doing my own thing. Maybe feel some sense of normalcy.”
“Alright. You know though, if you need you can still stay with us whenever.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Well, now I guess you can have all the sex in your place everywhere!” I joke hoping to lessen the tension in the room. Max smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
***
While the circumstances of Max staying at our house were very unfortunate, a part of me, still hanging onto my youth is bummed that Max is moving out. Even though the majority of the time he stayed with us he was withdrawn, drunk or fucking someone on our couch – there were periods of time, where we all laughed and had a good time, it was almost like it was before the accident.
I drop the last box on his bedroom floor. He’s staring at his dresser as if he wants to throw it.
“What’s going on?” I ask stepping beside him.
“I need this dresser removed.” He states with a blank face.
“Sure, do you want to empty out the drawers; I’ll take it out of here for you.” I say, assuming that the dresser reminds him of Betsy.
“No, all contents can go.” He says. He turns towards the bathroom, and doubles back.
I rush to his side and grab his arm in case he loses his footing with the cast. I peer inside the bathroom and see female toiletries.
“I’ll take care of it, go chill dude.” I say to Max as I turn him the direction of his living room. His face is pale and he nods while he wobbles out of his bedroom.
I pull out my phone and text Lukas.
Me: Can you bring your truck over to Max’s house? He needs to get rid of a dresser. ASAP!
Not even a minute passes and a ping chimes in my hand.
Lukas: You got it. I’m throwing on shoes right now. Be there in 10.
I open the dresser drawers and inside is Betsy’s clothing. A pang hits me, but I continue. I pull out one of the drawers and bring it into the bathroom with me. I start pulling girly items off the counters, the medicine cabinet, the shower and in the cabinets. I’m hoping that I have everything, as it would suck that something is left behind and Max finds it, when he’s home – alone.
Betsy and Max didn’t live together, but there was so many of her items strewn around that it was almost like she did. I looked in the closet and thankfully, there were none of her belongings in there. I replaced the dresser drawer and walked out into the living room. Max sat in his leather recliner in the darkened corner of the space with a beer bottle in his hand.
“Lukas is on his way over with his truck so we can get the dresser out. Anything else that you want us to take?” I ask, slowly walking closer to him.
His eyes are glassy, and his jaw is clenched tightly. “There are some candles and placemats on the table. And a frilly-looking apron in the kitchen.”
I grabbed the items he mentioned, as well as a few other items that were obvious as Betsy’s. I heard Lukas pull up and a door slam to the side of the house. Moments later, Lukas walks in. He’s dressed the most relaxed that I’ve ever seen him. He notices my shocked look as I take note of board shorts, and a tank top.
“I just got home from surfing when you texted.” He offers.
“You have chicken legs.” Max laughs from the corner.
I laugh as well; thankfully, Max hasn’t completely shut down.
“Where’s the dresser?” Lukas asks shaking his head. I showed him the way.
“I managed to get as much stuff that looked like it belonged to her that I could. He’ll find something that I missed I’m sure.” I say as we empty the drawers and stack them atop another. We head out towards the truck and place them in the bed.
“You sure that this whole moving back home thing, is a good idea?” Lukas asks genuinely concerned.
“No, but I’m not going to stop him.” I shrug as we go in for the frame of the dresser.
Once we are finished, we hang out with Max for a bit. He’s still silent, but he’s not kicking us out yet.
It’s 5pm, when Lukas and I decide to head home. I linger back as Lukas takes off.
“Call me, for anything. I don’t care what time it is. I don’t want you racking up the bills with a shit-ton of cab fares either.”
“Luckily, there’s a bar in walking distance.” He jokes, a smile forming on his face.
“Not funny. If it gets to be too much, you can come back to our place anytime. No questions asked.” I offer.
“Dude, I love you guys madly, but I need to do this eventually, right? I’m 29, I’m a big boy. Besides, I’m thinking of gett
ing my brother to move down here. Plus, Sterling and you don’t need me hanging around all the time. You guys need your privacy and to not have to worry about me all the time. Or kick out one of my dates.”
“That’s what you’re calling them?”
“Well, sure. While I may not know all their names, I’m still treating them like a lady, I think.” He scratches his head.
“Call me.” I request with a clap on his shoulder.
“You got it. And seriously, thanks man.” He manages a smile.
I tentatively start towards my car, as I get to the driver’s side, Max is still on the porch and he waves before he turns to slowly go inside. I can feel the pain radiating off him from the curb, but he’s right, he’s a big boy.
STERLING
Candace and I are sitting on the back patio basking in the sun in silence, but the comfort of each other’s company. Since Candace has been back in the states, we’ve been hanging out a lot and making up for lost time. She feels guilty for not being in contact over the past year and especially that it was almost 4 months after Betsy’s passing that she found out. I felt a little bad that we didn’t attempt to notify her, but with everything we were dealing, I was sure eventually she would know. We don’t really discuss Betsy and that’s okay.
“So, how’s the wedding planning going?” Candace asks breaking the silence.
“It’s slow.” I mumble. “I’m not as into it as I was before. I just wish it was all over, so we can get it out of the way.”
“Why don’t you guys just go to the courthouse, or the Vegas?” She says.
“Doubt that either of our parents would be happy with that. I swear, as soon as we told them that we were engaged, they started planning. Then the accident happened.”
“Remember, your wedding day should be all about you and Dane. Not anyone else.” She turns to look at me and smiles.
“That’s true.” I don’t know what else to say. It’s food for thought. I don’t want to do any more planning, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone either. I’ll stuff this tidbit away for a conversation with Dane later.
“How’s adjusting back to life here?” I ask switching subjects.
“I’m bored. I’ve never just sat for a long period of time without a plan. So I’m itching to make a decision about what my next step is.” She says taking a sip of her water.
“Thinking about abroad again?” I ask.
“Somewhat, I have been looking into programs currently being offered in different locations. Or, I need to find a local job in somewhat the same capacity that would be relevant to my skills.” She explains. “I’ve looked briefly at what is going on within local communities and could possibly pitch ideas to the city, but that wouldn’t be fruitful with helping me pay rent if I moved out of my parents house.”
“That makes sense. I could always get you a job at my office, if you wanted to go into social work?” I know I’m grasping for straws.
“From botany to social work. Plants to people, while it goes hand in hand – I’m not sure I would be able to justify that jump.”
“I know it’s something small, but there’s Balboa and the botanical gardens. That involves plants.” I smile.
“I’m looking at all options. An ecological consulting company is opening in Sorrento Valley that I applied for last week. There is also a high school downtown that has an opening for a biology teacher, but that’s not what I want to do. I’m waiting for the clouds to part and the sun to shine and yell at me. But nothing is grabbing me like that.”
“Have you found anything abroad?”
“There’s an on-going program in Costa Rica studying and assisting the locals with eco-agriculture conservation focusing on coffee production and reforestation. That’s right up my alley in a way, plus it’s in Costa Rica!”
“I think that would be where you would be best at. None of the taking little jobs for something you’re not passionate about. While it would suck to have you leave again, I think you saving the world is quite awesome.”
Candace smiles. “You wouldn’t hate me for leaving? What if something was to happen? Or I’d miss your wedding!”
“Well, I’m sure Costa Rica has better communication avenues than the rainforest of the Amazon!” I laugh.
We fall into a comfortable laughter as I hear noise from inside the house. Moments later, Dane walks onto the back patio.
“’ello ladies. How goes it?” He asks mimicking an English accent and sitting at the end of my lounge chair.
“Very well sir. How was your day?” I ask leaning forward for a hello kiss.
“Busy. Boring stuff, no need to bore you guys. I’m sure you have much better topics.” He smiles.
He’s looking tired, but he’s keeping up appearances for the sake of Candace and to an extent me, to not feel guilty about Max not being at the house anymore. Max has dived head first into work, barely breathing and practically sleeping at the office most days, other days he’s too hung over to be at work on time or he doesn’t show up at all. Dane is worried, but he hasn’t spoken about it much. He keeps saying Max is a big boy. In which I immediately roll my eyes, every time.
“Candace is leaving again!” I announce.
“Hey! I haven’t agreed!” Candace exclaims.
Dane’s head is ping ponging back and forth between us.
“It’s perfect for you, you have to do it! Plus you’ve been home longer than you normally are, you must be going nuts at your parents house.” I spit back at her.
“Do what?” Dane asks eager to join in the conversation.
“Costa Rica.” Candace starts.
“Say no more. Do it, whatever it is. Then we visit, like on our honeymoon and see you in all you’re saving the world glory!” Dane smiles.
“You both are unbearable!” She swats at my shoulder.
***
Not even two weeks later, I’m dropping Candace off at the airport to board her plane for her next project in Costa Rica. After a few more jabs from both Dane and me, we propped the laptop on her lap and forced her to submit her application and set up her vaccination appointments. She will be gone for 2 years, she’s dedicated the maximum of 12 weeks to sea turtle conservation and then the remainder of time to eco-agriculture conservation as she mentioned originally. I’m happy for her, but bummed that I’ll miss her. Man, I need to get some new girlfriends!
DANE
It’s ongoing that I’ve maintained my distance at work from Max’s office. He’s a machine most days, other days his office is dark and he’s obviously had a long night, in more ways than one. Max’s casual and joking demeanor is now missing, and I am slightly selfish in wishing that he would return to his normal cocky and charming self. He’s finding new projects left and right and he’s nailing down most of them, in which is making us extremely busy. He’s making it so he has no free time between the hours of sleep and being awake. I understand why, I just do not think it’s healthy.
Some days, he will reek of booze and some days he will look fresh and awake. He doesn’t keep his face as shaved anymore, but allows a light beard to graze his face most days. He’s moody for the most part, however sometimes, he will be obviously overcompensating his cruelness and retorts. He’s still my best friend, but I don’t like who he’s become lately.
Today is a good day though, Max is on his game right now and I am glad for the timing of this particular mood change. It’s nearing completion of the East Village project that Lukas has headed and it’s time for Max and me to finalize adding Lukas to become a partner. Max has mentioned it a few times within the past few months, but we have kept coming back to the end of the project timeline to fully make the change. Lukas has no idea, hell – I doubt he’s even thinking about that. He knows that he’s one of the big guys on the team as we have included him for every step of the way from expansion to the number of projects he works on.
I’ve already discussed with Talia to prepare the proper tax filing paperwork to add Lukas as a partner, as
well as to prepare an official offer letter showing him his new salary as well as his official responsibilities, areas of expertise and his percentage of the company he would be associated with. I took it upon myself during the past few weeks to amend our operating agreement, which wasn’t too difficult since we revised our business plan earlier this year. Now, my only hope is that he accepts this rather than turning it down. As a 25 year old, his options could go anywhere, but he seems to enjoy what he does and he’s truly earned it on his own.
Today, I wasn’t going to distance myself from Max. We have it on our schedules to present our offer to Lukas, so he, I hope is prepared. I take a deep breath as I knock on the open door to Max’s office and walk in.
“You ready?” He asks me. He’s clear headed today, looking ready to take on the world.
“I feel like I’m asking a girl to prom, but yeah. You?”
“I feel like I’m asking for an allowance, even though I haven’t done jack shit. Why are we resorting back to feeling like a kid?” He laughs as I shake my head. I’m trying to refrain from showing my happiness that he’s joking around and acting like he used to.
I press the intercom on Max’s phone to Talia at the front desk downstairs.
“Talia, Dane here, can you see that there are waters and that fruit tray I put in the kitchen fridge in the Conference room downstairs?”
“Yes sir, I’ll have that placed there and ready for you in 5 minutes.” She promptly says.
“First, call Lukas down and ask him to meet us in there.” Max jumps in.
“Sure thing.” She replies and cuts off the line.
We look at one another and take a deep breath. I smile at him and clasp his shoulder.
“Ready?” I ask.
“Let’s have him sit and sweat for a minute.” Max snorts.
“You cruel bastard.” I smile and sit down. “Anything new?”
“Just living the dream.” He deadpans.
“Exciting dream at least?” I ask, trying to not pry too much.
“It’s like a roller coaster; it has its ups and downs. I know you’re skirting buddy, but it’s okay. I’ve got my ways to cope and it’s getting easier some days.” He says with a hint of a smile.
The Friends Zone Page 17