Then his own brow creased. ‘What was harder was learning to accept that my parents didn’t like me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t please my dad and when he was around my mother was always focussed on him. What worked best was staying out of their way so I got independent fast. By the time I was at high school I had joined the tramping club and the canoeing club and every other outdoor group I could. I made good friends with people that loved doing the same things I did and meeting tough physical challenges gave me the first real taste of any self-esteem. It also helped me spend as much time as possible away from home.’
‘But that’s awful!’ Wendy was horrified. ‘Was it because you were so much younger than the other children? That they hadn’t planned on another baby?’
‘I didn’t find out the reason until I was halfway through medical school. My mother died after a long struggle with cancer and my father had a heart attack and died about a year later. It was Janice who told me the story the last time I saw her. At my father’s funeral, in fact.’
Wendy waited quietly, resisting any urge to check her watch. This was far more important than arriving back from her lunch-break on time.
‘When my father was overseas on one of his business trips, my mother had an affair with his deputy manager. She didn’t realise she was pregnant until long after it was over. She’d confessed, the guy had left town and my parents had somehow patched up their marriage and made a pact not to let anyone know the truth. It would have created a scandal that would have undermined their own and their children’s futures.
‘Anyway…’ Ross’s tone became more businesslike. ‘They made a decision to make the best of things but there I was, the living reminder of that mistake my mother had made and the threat to their hard-won social position. Dad wanted nothing to do with a child that wasn’t his, and I think Mum was desperate enough to hold her marriage together to collude with his rejection whenever push came to shove. My half-siblings discovered the truth at some stage and I’m sure Janice only came to have a look at me today to reassure herself that I’ve got what I deserved for being the blot in an otherwise idyllic family history.’
Wendy’s own lunch was long forgotten now. She broke one of the rules she had set herself in the last two weeks, reaching out to place her hand on Ross’s knee in a gentle touch of sympathy.
‘Your family didn’t know what they missed. What they’re still missing.’ Her smile was tentative. ‘But maybe it was that environment that gave you the strength you have now and the capability for the kind of passion and loyalty you have for the things you love. Like medicine and the outdoors…and…’ And me, Wendy wanted to add.
Perhaps her touch or the look in her eyes conveyed her silent addition. Ross seemed to understand. His hand covered hers and squeezed it gently.
‘I guess that’s true and maybe I should thank them in that case because I’m going to need that strength from now on. I’ve got a battle of my own to win.’
And he was going to have to do it alone, Wendy finished silently. Because that was the way he had always coped. She understood but still didn’t accept. She was different. He could trust her to be there for him. There was no way she was going to reject him—for any reason. She had to bite her tongue to prevent herself saying any of it aloud. For the moment the connection they had made had to be enough. Ross had to believe that Wendy understood and accepted his position.
She nodded almost matter-of-factly instead. ‘You are going to need that strength,’ she agreed. ‘You can do this, though, Ross. I know you can.’
The hand covering her own was withdrawn. ‘I hope you’re right but I’m not sure I share your optimism. Right now I’m feeling totally exhausted. Do you think you could give me a push back inside? I’ve had enough for now.’
Enough of being up and about or enough of her company? Wendy collected the remains of their food and pushed the chair silently back to the main hospital building. Ross ignored the scenery of carefully tended lawns and gardens. He barely registered the trip up the ramp and through the automatic doors. He was feeling exhausted but it was more than physical weariness after his workout with Sally that morning. He’d never told anyone about his childhood before and even telling Wendy had felt like a risk.
Keeping his loveless childhood private had been an integral part of his survival well before he’d recognised the defence mechanism. Because he had learned the truth far too late, the belief that confession would only open other people’s eyes to the reason he was unlovable had never really left him. The risk, as far as Wendy was concerned, shouldn’t have seemed so significant and the realisation that it was had been the persuasion he’d needed to tell her. If he hadn’t accepted that he had let her go already and therefore had little to lose, how could he possibly expect her to accept that and move on?
It seemed to have backfired in some subtle manner, however. Ross had the disturbing impression that Wendy now understood perfectly and it had somehow strengthened any lack of acceptance she harboured. And Ross had wanted so badly to wrap himself in that understanding and seek reassurance that he’d found at least one person in his life who would offer him unconditional love. But he couldn’t. Could he? Ross fought the confusion and allowed himself to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
He was getting accomplished at harnessing frustration to create the distance that was needed between himself and Wendy for both their sakes.
‘Thanks for your help,’ he said brusquely, as Wendy turned into the doorway of Room 2. ‘Bit heavier than pushing a pram, isn’t it?’
Wendy ignored the barbed comment. ‘Do you want to stay up?’
‘No, I’ll go back to bed and have a rest.’
‘Do you need any help?’
‘What do you think?’
Wendy avoided his glare as she parked the chair and moved within view. Her voice was tight. ‘What I meant was, do you want my help?’
‘No.’ Ross was sorry his tone had hurt Wendy but his withdrawal was working. He could handle this if he kept enough distance between them and it might help her if she had something to be angry about. ‘But thanks for lunch.’
‘My pleasure.’ Any feeling of connection was lost now and Wendy was left wondering why Ross had even told her about his childhood. It was unfair to allow her to draw closer only to push her away again. To her deep disappointment, the hope that something deeper than friendship was re-emerging had gone. Wendy now felt that she had been manipulated in some way and she didn’t like it. She walked away from Ross without turning back. ‘I’ll let Debbie know that you want some assistance.’
Wendy kept her distance until the end of her shift. Debbie told her that Ross was sound asleep when she was due to go home at 3.30 p.m. so Wendy simply left, promising herself a long, hard run to burn off the frustration that today’s encounter with Ross had engendered. It was almost dark by the time Wendy arrived back at her townhouse apartment. She was hot and exhausted, looking forward to her shower so much she almost didn’t notice that anything was amiss when she collected a clean tracksuit and moved towards her en suite bathroom.
For a long minute, Wendy had no idea what it was that made her stop in her tracks and lift the hairs on the back of her neck with a horrible prickling sensation. She looked carefully around, her senses heightened as she listened and looked. What was different? The half-opened drawer in the dresser? No. She was often in too much of a hurry to shut drawers properly. The rumpled quilt on her bed? No. Hadn’t she sat there to lace up her trainers? Wendy snapped on the bedside lamp to dispel the rapidly gathering darkness, automatically moving to pull the curtains as her next action.
Then she froze. The window on the left was hanging open and she was absolutely certain she hadn’t left it like that. Aware of her pounding heart, Wendy took a look over her shoulder. Was someone in her apartment? Waiting for her to get into the shower before making his next move? Moving slowly and silently, Wendy picked up the cordless phone beside her bed and stepped tentatively into the bathroom. Having
reassured herself that she was alone in the tiny room, Wendy locked the door behind her and leaned against it as she punched the three-digit emergency services number into the phone and requested transfer to the police department.
Leaving the safety of the locked room was unthinkable before the police arrived and Wendy found she was shaking badly when she finally unlocked the door, having been reassured that she was safe.
‘Did you see anyone?’
‘No. I had no idea there had been a break-in until I saw the open window.’
An officer was looking at the scene. ‘The catch is broken. Looks like it’s been forced with a crowbar or hammer.’
Wendy felt another shudder run down her spine. Her home had been violated by someone in possession of tools that could quite easily double as lethal weapons.
‘What’s missing?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t looked.’
‘Have a look now, while we’re here.’
So Wendy looked. It was hard to think coherently. The thought that someone had been in here while she had been out running was such a shock. Had the intruder come in as soon as she’d left? He’d have to have been watching her to know when it had been safe.
‘This drawer’s a bit of a mess.’ Wendy fought off a wave of nausea as she looked at what she was sure had been neat piles of underwear. ‘I can’t tell if anything’s missing, though.’
What had been on top of the dresser? ‘I had a necklace here. A chain with a silver fern pendant. I think it’s gone.’
‘You think?’
‘I—I’m not really sure,’ Wendy confessed. ‘I haven’t worn it for a while.’
‘Was it valuable?’
‘Not really. Some friends gave it to me when I went overseas.’ She gave a shaky laugh. ‘So I could advertise New Zealand while I was away.’
The female police officer was looking sympathetic but her colleague was looking at his watch. He looked even less impressed when Wendy took them through the rest of the apartment. Her CD player and television were in her small lounge. Her wallet lay untouched on the kitchen bench with her car keys lying beside it.
‘Looks like whoever it was got frightened off. Maybe they didn’t even get inside. If you find anything you can be sure is missing, let us know. Have you got any way of fixing your window?’
‘I can nail it shut.’
The policewoman had finished making notes. ‘Have you got a friend you can call? It might be a good idea to have some company for a while.’
Wendy nodded. She was cold and starting to stiffen up after her run. What she really needed was a hot shower and a glass of something with a high alcohol content.
‘I’ll be fine. Thank you for coming. I feel a bit silly for calling you when there’s really nothing to see.’
‘You felt unsafe,’ the policewoman reminded her. ‘You did the right thing.’
The male officer was moving towards the door. ‘Call again if you’re worried. We’ll have a scout around outside as we’re leaving.’
Wendy nailed the window shut. She went around her whole apartment twice after that, checking every nook and cranny for signs that she had been invaded or, worse, that she was still not alone. It was ridiculous, peering under her bed like a frightened child and testing the locks on her doors. She was safely locked away inside her empty apartment and as the realisation hit home Wendy suddenly felt more alone than she had ever felt in her life.
The cordless phone was still clutched in her hand like a talisman and the telephone number for Coronation Hospital was beating a soft tattoo in her head. If she rang Ross, would he feel any of the terror she had initially been subjected to? Would he comfort her and demand to know everything she had done to ensure her own safety from now on? Or would he see it as an example of a situation in which he would have been helpless to protect her? A reminder of how his physical disability could turn into a liability? Wendy shook her head. She couldn’t call Ross. Instead, she called Kelly Drummond and her friend arrived thirty minutes later. By the time Wendy had had a hot shower and two glasses of cold white wine and had gone over the whole incident in detail with Kelly, she was feeling much happier.
‘It’s probably nothing. Thousands of houses get broken into every day. I’m really lucky I haven’t lost anything.’
‘You’ve lost the feeling of being secure in your own home and that’s not a small loss. Would you like me to stay the night with you?’
‘I haven’t got a spare bed,’ Wendy said sadly.
‘I can sleep on the couch.’
‘No. We’ve both got an early start tomorrow. I’d feel terrible if you didn’t get a decent sleep.’
Sleep proved elusive for Wendy even in the comfort of her own bed. She arrived at work the next day feeling tired and edgy. It wasn’t that she was intentionally avoiding Ross but the day was a busy one and there was no time for anything more than a casual greeting and a few words in passing. Wendy said nothing about the events of the previous evening and by the end of the day she was confident she had dealt with the incident and any repercussions.
She hadn’t bargained on her reluctance to go out for a run that evening, however. She couldn’t shake the nasty suspicion that someone might be watching. And waiting.
‘You’re being stupid,’ she told herself aloud. If someone wanted to break in and steal something they’d had all day to do so. It wasn’t as if she had any real proof that anyone had actually set foot inside the flat. She could have messed up that drawer absent-mindedly, grabbing a pair of knickers in the usual early morning rush. And that necklace could be anywhere. Maybe it had slipped behind the dresser or fallen into one of the drawers. It might have accidentally been sucked up into the vacuum cleaner.
It was so out of character for Wendy to feel intimidated that she pushed herself to deal with it properly. She went for a run, washed every piece of underwear she possessed, made a mental note to shift the furniture next time she vacuumed to look for the necklace and sat down after dinner with the intention of making a timetable to implement the training programme Ross was recommending. The task took longer than anticipated due to the number of phone calls she received.
Roger, one of the fire officers who had been on the USAR training course, rang to tell her about the class reunion that Dave, one of the instructors, was organising in two weeks’ time at a local vineyard. Wendy agreed that it was a great idea.
‘Any chance of Ross being able to come? I heard he’s up and about in a wheelchair now.’
‘It’s possible,’ Wendy said more cautiously.
‘Could you pass on the invitation?’
‘Why don’t you try ringing him yourself?’ Wendy suggested. ‘Or, better yet, pop in and visit. I’m sure he’d like to see you.’ And he might be more likely to respond positively if he was invited in his own right rather than as Wendy’s partner.
Kelly rang to make sure she was OK and Wendy assured her she was fine. And, yes, she would love to have lunch with Kelly and Jessica on Friday.
She was fine. When the phone rang again just as she was putting the finishing touches to her training schedule, she answered swiftly.
‘Hello, Wendy speaking.’
It took only a fraction of a second to recognise another vaguely sinister silence on the other end of the line.
‘Hello?’ Her repetition was irritated. The idea that some crank caller had her home as well as work number did not frighten Wendy. It infuriated her. ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake,’ she snapped. ‘Why don’t you grow up? Or try ringing doorbells and running away for a change. Haven’t you heard that variety is the spice of life?’ She jammed her finger on the disconnect button and then threw the phone into the corner of the couch. Then she took a very deep breath. She was not going to allow herself to be frightened. The fact that the call had come so soon after an attempted break-in was coincidental. She had quite enough to deal with in her emotional life without becoming paranoid.
Roger visited Ross the next afternoon but he look
ed disappointed when he stopped to talk to Wendy on his way out of the ward.
‘He doesn’t seem to think he’s anywhere near ready to get out for an evening.’
‘Give him a week or so to think about it,’ Wendy advised. ‘It’s a big step for any patient but it’s something we all encourage.’
‘Maybe he will have improved a bit more by then.’ Roger sounded hopeful. ‘Sounds like he’s doing quite well. He said he’s getting some movement in his legs and he’s strong enough to get himself in and out of bed now.’
Wendy nodded. ‘They’re talking about moving him to one of the rehabilitation units soon. They’re like motels. When he can cope with that he’ll be able to go home.’
‘At least he won’t be on his own.’ Roger smiled at Wendy. ‘He picked the right kind of nurse for a girlfriend, didn’t he? You know all about this kind of stuff.’
Wendy groaned inwardly as she watched Roger leave. Did his perfectly reasonable assumption that she and Ross were still a couple have something to do with making Ross reject the invitation to go out socially? And why had Ross not said anything to put Roger straight? Their close friends knew things were difficult but right from the start there had been an unspoken agreement between Ross and herself to keep the change in their relationship private. On her part, she had no intention of advertising something she still didn’t accept. Was Ross still trying to convince himself or did he think he was sparing her the negative reaction she would encounter if people assumed she had been the one to end the relationship due to the disability Ross now had?
Kelly’s visit the following day should have been a more positive experience for Ross, so Wendy was surprised to see Ross looking less than happy after the young paramedic’s visit.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d been burgled?’ he demanded.
‘I wasn’t.’ Wendy tried to sound casual as she sat down beside the bed. She had stayed on for several hours overtime after her shift today to cover an absence. It was 8 p.m. and she was tired. The fact that Ross was alone in his room for the moment had prompted her to stop in for a visit before heading home. Sam was playing pool and the other current inhabitants of Room 2 were watching a rugby game on the wide-screen television in the patients’ lounge. ‘Nothing was taken,’ Wendy continued calmly. ‘The window catch was broken, that’s all. Probably some kids thought they’d have a go and then changed their minds.’
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