by Louise Bay
That meant no overnight trips for work, so I was always there if she woke in the night. It meant no women in my bed, since a relationship might confuse or hurt Bethany. And it meant I had to stop burning through nannies like stationery supplies. Whether she knew it or not, Autumn’s place with us was a sure thing for as long as she was in London.
Four
Autumn
I wouldn’t normally take so long to get ready for a Saturday night dinner with my sister. I certainly wouldn’t have bought something new. But I was in London now. It felt like a fresh start even if I was in a kind of limbo until my real career started. Plus, Hollie ran in the kind of circles now where people’s sneakers cost more than my entire closet. It might just be dinner with my sister, her husband, and some of their friends, but it was in Knightsbridge. The only person I knew who was richer than my future brother-in-law was my current boss, which meant dinner at Dex’s warranted a new dress.
Especially because the aforementioned uber-wealthy boss would be in attendance.
It wasn’t like I was trying to impress him exactly. But I suppose I did want Gabriel to think I was pretty—because I thought he was heart-stoppingly gorgeous. Yes, he was cold and standoffish when it was just him and me, but when I saw Gabriel with his daughter, I could see the man he was beyond the gruff exterior. And it made me melt like snow in the Sahara.
The dress I’d picked wasn’t fancy. It was plain red jersey that hit just above the knee with a tie waist. As I turned in the mirror, I couldn’t decide whether I should wear the slash neck off one shoulder or not. I’d decide on footwear first.
I owned four pairs of shoes and had brought them all to London. Flip flops—even if the weather was better, I couldn’t wear those to a Knightsbridge dinner party—sneakers I might have gotten away with had they not been as scuffed, a pair of heels I got on sale for six dollars at Century 21, and finally a pair of black knee-high boots I’d saved for three months to buy and had had for years, though they looked almost as good as new. I settled on the boots. If I wore the heels, my sister would think I was trying to impress someone. And she’d think that someone was Gabriel. And it would become a thing.
“Are you ready?” Gabriel called up the stairs. Even though we were only going together because he was one of Dexter’s best friends and not because he was my date, his question triggered a ripple of excitement deep in my belly. Like my body thought he was my boyfriend, even if the reality was I’d barely seen him since we’d watched the changing of the guard nearly two weeks ago. He had softened that day. Now he was back to being in a perpetually bad mood. Warm, friendly Gabriel was reserved for whenever Bethany was around. Even when he hid that part of him away, I knew it was there. And I wanted to know why it was buried so deep.
“Coming,” I replied, picking up the wrist wallet Hollie had bought me for Christmas.
As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I waited while Gabriel finished giving instructions to the sitter.
“I should be babysitting,” I said as Gabriel closed the front door behind us.
“No,” he said in a way that left no room for argument. “You should be having dinner with your sister. It’s Saturday night.”
“But nannies are supposed to do babysitting and we agreed that—”
Gabriel opened the door to the cab waiting at the curb.
“You do plenty of babysitting,” he said as he took a seat next to me, scanning my dress. I followed his gaze as it rested on the slit up the side of my thigh. God, was it inappropriate? I’d had dinner with Hollie, Dexter, and their friends before, and thought I’d chosen well. Was my choice of outfit totally off-base?
“The dress is new. I thought it would be okay for tonight,” I said, almost embarrassed at his apparent disapproval. What did I know about London dress codes? I grew up in a trailer park. Paper napkins with printed designs were fancy to me.
He kind of growled before he looked away. “You look beautiful,” he mumbled to the window.
I tried to bite back my smile. Rather than disapproving of my outfit, had he been checking me out? Heat pooled between my thighs and I swore I could feel the warmth of his body across the foot of space between us in the cab.
“Thank you,” I whispered, half breathless from joy at being thought beautiful by a man like Gabriel, and half wondering why he looked so pained to give the compliment. Was it difficult for him to be nice to anyone but Bethany?
He sighed and shook his head like the words tortured him.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Fine,” he replied, still fixated on the view outside the window. “I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not offended,” I said. “It’s nice to get a compliment. Especially from you.”
“Especially from me?” He glanced at me and then back to the window, as if he were trying not to look at me.
Especially from someone so impossibly handsome. Someone so worldly, so clever and caring and careful. Someone I had a huge crush on. “Yes,” I replied, simply. He must know that every woman within a mile radius had a crush on him. I was no one special.
“How was Bethany yesterday?” he asked, his tone changed as if he’d been sleep talking and had just woken up.
“She’s adorable. I took her swimming, like I said. She loves the water.” I didn’t mention that I thought there should have been a lifeguard on duty even though there had been two instructors. I knew I could be overcautious about stuff like that because of my lifeguard training, and I didn’t want him to worry.
“I took her to Greece last summer and she just wanted to be in the pool the entire time.”
“Greece?” I asked, imagining whitewashed villas and bright pink flowers contrasting perfectly with the blue of the sea. “I’ve always wanted to go. Is it wonderful?”
“We didn’t see much of it outside the pool. I thought you said you wanted to go to Paris and Rome.”
“I do,” I said. “Greece too. I want to feel the Mediterranean breeze through my hair and white sand between my toes, not just have Mamma Mia as my point of reference. Same goes for Paris.”
“Let me guess . . . An American Werewolf in Paris is your current point of reference?”
Had Gabriel Chase just made a joke? I felt honored.
I grinned in silent victory. “I was thinking more Moulin Rouge.”
“Never seen it.”
“Stop. You’ve never seen Moulin Rouge? It’s non-stop Baz Luhrmann genius. Like, it could be my favorite of all time. And Mamma Mia is a musical as well, if you didn’t know.”
“Yeah, never seen that either.”
I wanted to reach for him, turn his face in my direction so I could see his expression and know he wasn’t joking. Surely he was teasing me. The entire world had seen Mamma Mia. I shuffled forward in my seat to see as much of his face as I could. “Holy shit, Gabriel.”
He turned to me, his broad shoulders taking up half the width of the seat. “Is it a federal offense in America not to like musicals?”
“Absolutely,” I said, incredulous. “I see I’m going to have to broaden your horizons. One night when you’re not back too late, I’ll begin your musicals education. Oh God—”
“What?” he said, glancing ahead of us as if I’d spotted something.
“Are you telling me you’ve deprived Bethany too?”
He rolled his eyes. “I think she watched Mary Poppins with her last nanny. Or it could have been The Wizard of Oz.”
I snorted. “Amateur stuff. She’s four, Gabriel. Four. She should have seen Singin’ in the Rain by now. And An American in Paris and—”
Gabriel’s frown softened, his shoulders seemed to lower, and he looked at me. Really looked at me, as if he were trying to read my instructions or something. Was I so odd to him?
“I have work to do,” I continued, grinning to myself. “Leave it to me and I’ll make sure Bethany isn’t forever deprived.”
“If you say so,” Gabriel said, back to his crotchety self.<
br />
I tapped the side of my nose just as the cab pulled up in front of Hollie and Dexter’s house. Before we were out of the cab, Hollie had opened the door, a grinning Dexter behind her.
“It’s so nice to have you here.” She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed so tight I was concerned she cracked a rib. “Hey,” she said, releasing me and looking me up and down. “I like your dress.” She paused while Gabriel kissed her on the cheek and followed Dexter inside. “Are you trying to impress someone?” She had moved on from Sensible Sister voice and was now firmly in Concerned Older Sibling mode. Previously, I’d confidently been able to tell her that despite my crush on Gabriel, nothing would ever happen. I wasn’t in his league, and he didn’t seem like the type to tumble the hired help. Given his demeanor whenever I was around, I was sure he barely noticed me. Until tonight.
Tonight? He’d definitely noticed my dress. And he definitely told me I looked beautiful. But he also looked like it had been painful to admit. What was going on in that big brain of his?
“It was on sale at Uniqlo, Hollie.” I sighed.
“Sorry. You look beautiful. You’ve always been able to make anything look like it cost a hundred times what it did. I just expected you in jeans. That’s all.”
“Maybe I’m reinventing myself,” I replied. “Can I come in now? I’m cold.”
“Yes. Come and help me get drinks. All the boys are here and they’re on whiskey—well, apart from Beck. What can I get you?”
“What’ve you got?”
She shrugged. “Dexter brought up some champagne,” she said, her eyes twinkling conspiratorially.
“Who from the Sunshine Trailer Park would believe this is our life?” I linked my arm through hers as we headed to the kitchen.
“I know. It’s like I’m engaged to royalty or something.”
“Dexter doesn’t have a stick up his ass like most of the royals do.” I glanced to where Dexter and Gabriel and their friends sat by the fire. Gabriel sat back, his arm resting on the back of the couch as Tristan, the most gregarious of the bunch, made hand gestures that looked like he was describing a bomb going off. Gabriel looked so calm. So in control. As if he was taking everything in and not letting anything of himself out.
“How’s it going?” Hollie asked as she pulled out a bottle of champagne from the ice bucket on the linen-clothed table set up with drinks. “With Bethany.”
“Good.” It was always the answer I gave her when she asked me about college, too. Even when things weren’t exactly going to plan, an all-encompassing “good” accompanied by a smile seemed to stop her worrying. “Bethany’s lovely. And I’ve been getting to see more of London as we go to her different classes and groups. We’re going to the Barbican on Monday. Although, I’m not entirely sure what it is. Someone said a theatre and another person said it’s a library, but people live there? Apparently, kids love it. Sounds weird but—”
“Who gave you that idea? Gabriel?” Hollie pushed the first filled glass toward me.
“No, one of the other nannies from Bethany’s nursery.”
“Do you see much of each other?” She held up her glass and I clinked mine to hers. “You and Gabriel, I mean.” My sister’s subtlety hadn’t improved since the last time she’d warned me about her fiancé’s best friend.
“Not really. He works a lot. But we message each other about Bethany.” That was true, but it was also true that it felt like I saw a lot of him. Everywhere I turned in the house, I was confronted by some little piece of him. The inexplicably passionate literature beside his bed. His pictures from school and university. His cologne that stayed in the air long after he’d left, and smelled as moody and complex as the man himself. Every reminder of him was a morsel of temptation that made me hungry for more. The small snippets of him in person left me famished. I’d make sure I had a great view when he reached up to get something from the kitchen cupboard. Or when he bent down to scoop up his briefcase. And the way his voice was almost a growl still made me shudder. I collected all the pieces of him and put them together in my imagination. In the dark of my bedroom. Under my sheets. It was Gabriel I thought of when I touched myself.
“That’s good,” Hollie said, taking a sip of her drink and pretending she wasn’t fishing for information.
“Is it?” I loved my sister. She’d provided a future for me that I couldn’t have dreamt about without her sacrifices, but sometimes she needed to back off and not worry about me so much. And if I wanted to fantasize about a man like Gabriel, that was my prerogative.
“You know, it’s good that you’re not in each other’s pockets.”
“I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”
“With your job being postponed and you having to be a nanny and everything, I don’t want you to have any more disappointment. I just want everything to work out.”
I grabbed her hand. “It will. It always does. We make lemonade out of lemons. That’s what the Lumen sisters do.” There was no point in focusing on the bad that had been or could be. Whatever was coming would come whether or not I worried about it first. Better to make the most of the good stuff in between, so the not-so-good stuff would be slightly more manageable. I placed a kiss on her cheek and took a sip of my champagne, wanting to change the subject. “Although I’d take this over lemonade every day of the week.”
Hollie might have been taking care of me for her whole life, but I could take care of myself now. And a crush on my boss wasn’t the worst thing that was ever going to happen to me. I didn’t have to tell her that I was pretty sure he’d been checking me out earlier. It had been a momentary chink in his armor that would have healed over by now.
“So, have you assigned seating?” I asked, sure that she would have placed Gabriel and me at opposite ends of the table.
“No.” She glanced at her watch. “We should take a seat. That way Howard won’t get irritated.”
“Howard?”
Hollie winced. “The chef. Dexter insisted we take him full time.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. The idea that my sister now employed a full-time chef, when growing up we worried about having enough food to eat, was so bizarre.
“I know. I’ve told Dexter it’s completely ridiculous.” We wandered toward the dining table, which was beautifully set with endless sparkling flatware and about six glasses per place setting. It looked like there would be a lot of washing dishes after we’d left. Presumably Dexter insisted on someone taking care of that, too.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed. I think it’s amazing that you don’t have to worry about cooking, let alone whether you’re going to be able to make twenty dollars buy a week’s worth of groceries for both of us. Are these flowers real?” I asked, bending to take in the scent of the peonies arranged in mini goldfish bowls dotted about the table. Yup, they were real.
“It’s a different life, that’s for sure,” she said.
It was an easier life. One with less expectation of disaster hiding around every corner. And I couldn’t have wished anything better for my sister.
Hollie took a seat at the head of the table and I sat on a chair right at the other end. This was a close-knit group of friends, and I didn’t want to just crash into the middle of everything.
Gabriel and Dexter were the next to the table. Dexter took a seat next to my sister and to my surprise, Gabriel sat next to me.
“You okay?” he asked in a half whisper, his gaze only meeting mine for less than a second.
Goosebumps scattered across my body like dropped change onto marble. To an outsider, it was such a barren question, but from Gabriel? To me?
It was all intimacy.
All I could do was nod. How could I be anything but okay? He was sitting next to me.
The spell was broken as the rest of Dexter and Hollie’s friends took seats around the table and a waiter came around with wine. At least he knew which glass he was using, because that was at least three levels above my paygrade.
As
the evening went on, the waiter in charge of the wine managed to use each of the six glasses. My glasses—and Gabriel’s—were the only ones that remained mostly untouched.
“You’re not drinking,” he said, without looking at me. It was the first time he’d spoken to me since he’d first sat down.
“You’re not drinking,” I replied. The rest of the table seemed oblivious to our conversation as they continued to banter and laugh.
“I have Bethany to think about,” he said, still staring straight ahead. “You’re off the clock. You should be able to enjoy your evening with friends.”
My evening with friends? Is that what this was? I didn’t really know anyone around this table other than my sister. “Are we friends, Gabriel?”
His chest expanded as he pulled in a breath, and as he exhaled, he pressed his thigh against mine and left it there. This was no casual brush of hands or inadvertent nudge of my knee. He was pressing his body against mine in answer to my question. And it was as erotic as if he was trailing his tongue over my breasts. My breathing grew shallow, my pulse drummed in my wrists, and the heat rose in my cheeks like he’d worked his fingers into my underwear.
I couldn’t control my body’s reaction to him when we were both fully clothed. What would become of me if Gabriel Chase and I were ever naked together?
Five
Gabriel
I rehearsed the conversation I’d have with Mike in my head as I sat in the back of the cab heading home. We were going to have diametrically opposing views on how we wanted to spend this weekend. I wanted to hang out with Bethany. Mike would want to work. I peered out of the raindrop-speckled window, fascinated with the people milling about on the streets. Where were all these people headed at just gone three on a Friday afternoon? Was I one of thousands heading home early? Was it what the rest of the world usually did while I stayed chained to my desk?
Before I left the office, I’d gotten to the end of the draft contract I’d received overnight on one of the Mike Green deals. Other than a couple of drafting issues and a correction on a tax point, I knew this was where we’d end up. I also knew Mike was going to try to make me negotiate it for the next sixty hours straight. If I lost our battle, I wouldn’t get to go home for two nights and kiss my sleeping daughter. I’d miss the entire weekend with her, and I’d risk Autumn being pissed off. So I’d jumped in a cab before Mike had a chance to call me. That way, at least I’d get to see Bethany this afternoon.